Ok, so let me just say that after my vaguely depressing post that mentioned Chris Kreider’s hair length, I got, no joke four asks about Chris Kreider’s optimal hair length, so you guys have really got my brand down. Also, I’m totally going to answer every one of these asks. But, first of all, optimal length of Chris Kreider’s hair is ^^^^ 

It is crucial to be able to see the elf ears. 

And while I am obviously also here for the full-fledged curls, I do think the start of the curls is a real good length. Because, like, then you’ve still got potential for some actual length, it makes his head look less like a giant egg, and balances out the weird length of his neck, and then you also get whatever’s happening up there with the hair tugging and the fingers in his hair, which is like...ok. But it’s not suuuuuper long and gross under his helmet?? Which, I’m, like 99 percent positive is the reason he cuts it in the first place.  

Also! When his hair is this length, it does that little swoopy thing in the front:

G O O D N E S S

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

No, but I get vouchers from the supermarket that I always forget to use. It’s normally something like £4 off when you spend £40, and it’s a rare supermarket trip that sees me organised enough to spend £40 in one go. Instead I’ll go twice and spend £20 each time, thus wasting my money. 

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

Just the one, and he’s pissing me off a bit because we got a new mattress last week and now that he’s not falling into the divot he made in the old one he’s decided to sprawl out across the whole damn thing and I keep having to kick him back to his side. 

SORRY BUT AT MY AGE SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE IS NO LONGER SEXY. 

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

Reuben. I would kill for a good reuben right now. Can you teleport me one from NYC?

-

Eyyy!!!

Thank you my foxy lil tiger cub!

@distant-rose‘s Ouat OC, Beth Jones. A very, very problematic child, and daughter of Killian and Emma.

I’m finally getting in on fic rec monday and kicking it off with some fic fanart because I was drawing it anyways.

You should read about Beth in A Once and Future Thing and in Ro’s Little Pirates series.

I’m so not shocked you sent this. Setting it in that same “Not All That (But Has Potential)” verse that I wrote for you back in January because why the fuck not, fully commit to a disaster sex verse.

~~~~~

Not to blow her own horn - all puns fully intended - but Emma thinks she’s pretty good at giving blow jobs.

She’s perfected her technique over the years, exactly how hard and fast to suck to bring any man to his knees. It’s a power trip, kind of - the way she can make any macho man completely fall apart, reduced to gasps and all other matter of unintelligible noises. 

Killian Jones is no exception. 

Killian is shameless in his appreciation of her efforts, a soundtrack of moans bouncing off the walls of his apartment that makes Emma grin around his cock, utterly pleased with herself. One of his hands has made it into her hair, tugging at the strands in a way that she’s shocked her hair binder has withstood. She likes it, though; the knowledge of how thoroughly she’s wrecking him was more than enough to start arousal simmering in her veins, and Killian tugging on her hair only heightens is.

The problem is, she gets cocky. Pun less intended.

It’s stupid, because she’s not some college sorority girl just learning how to give a blow job for the first time. She knows to mix it up between hands and mouths to give her jaw a bit of a break. But in the rush of watching Killian fall apart above her, she forgets, too caught up in trying to draw out ever last noise of pleasure.

It strikes suddenly - the tell-tale clenching of her jaw muscles, as if they’re protesting being held open for so long by all contracting all at once. Emma squeaks out a pained noise and immediately retreats from her attempts to take every inch of him within her mouth.

To his credit, that snaps Killian out of his pleasure immediately. His eyes snap open and search out where Emma crouches, cradling her jaw. “Are you alright, love?” 

If it wasn’t such a stupid question, Emma would be touched by the amount of concern coloring his voice. As it is, she just shoots him a baleful look.

“Yeah, I guess that was kind of a stupid thing to ask,” he mutters, before reaching to pull Emma back up his body. “C’mere, love, let me help.”

That’s what gets her - the way he tenderly massages the join of her jaw, trying to coax the muscles back into relaxation. 

Holy shit, she loves him. 

They’ve only been officially dating for a few months, and this is such a ridiculous time to come to the realization - while dealing with lockjaw, seriously, what the fuck - but that’s the truth. He cares for her more than anyone else ever has, and makes sure to show it - not just like this, but every day, with her favorite pastries and silly little texts and everything else. 

Under his gentle, warm pressure, her muscles stop seizing, and Emma takes the moment to try and work out her jaw. Still, Killian peers at her in concern. 

“Are you feeling better, Swan?” It’s almost unbearably gentle, just like the man she’s learned he can be. 

“Fine,” she croaks, before nodding towards his crotch. “The blow job is kind of off the table now, but I can...”

“Don’t worry about it, love,” Killian interrupts. “I think that now, I’d rather just have a cuddle.”

Works for her. Call her weird, but something about lockjaw just kills the mood. Now that she’s had her epiphany, this would probably be the time to tell him, but instead Emma just curls into Killian’s side. “Thank you for being so good to me,” she murmurs into his collarbone. It’s close enough.

“Of course, darling. It’s nothing less than you deserve.”

She’ll tell him tomorrow.

I know I have been MIA for fic rec Monday for awhile now, but it wasn’t by choice. It just seemed like every Monday something came up. It ended up working out, however, because my dear friend @distant-rose was just interviewed by @the-citrus-scale (formerly The Lemon Mag). My fic rec for this week is her story from last year’s Captain Swan Supernatural Summer:

Seal of Fate - Emma Swan is so well written in this selkie fic! I always say that no one “gets” Emma Swan better than Ro, and in this story, she gets her personality spot on. There is a mystery to be solved as well and there were twists I didn’t see coming. The CS romance is wonderfully, realistically done, but it doesn’t take away from Emma’s personal mission. I knew next to nothing about selkies before reading this, and it had me drawn in from the very beginning!

Regardless of what I post, you say? That’s it, I’m making a blog dedicated to hating on New York bagels. LOVE ME NOW, BITCH?