#distant meowing

The word “snubbins” just came into my mind and I don’t know why but I thought I’d share

I’ve never been called dyke but there have been multiple times in which I’ve been called f*g or f*ggot. I especially don’t understand that.

I remember specifically I was at a sleepover in middle school and the girls there were talking about how “gay people are cool” and they all looked at me and said “you’re ..not cool, right?” And of course I wasn’t gonna come out to them right there so I said no. Not to mention how many girls who were my “”“friends”“” even “”“”“"BEST FRIENDS”“”“” always lead me the fuck on after I came out to them. I was everyone’s toy. Not only had I been consistently sexually harassed throughout middle school and highschool I had to deal with many of my friends playing with me and my emotions just because they knew I was bisexual and later a lesbian

Focusing entirely on myself is really difficult especially because it still feels like I heavily rely on One Person for like... I don't even know what anymore. But like how I feel has ALWAYS been up to someone else. Though I blame myself for everything as well. Shit hell bpd hell hell hell. I just know I can't drag anyone into a relationship I am Fucked the Up right now. But then I feel like I'm isolating myself?? And also I miss my ex so fucking much every second and it hurts? ?