#dispatch x m reader

There were days when watching your boyfriend's work wouldn't dig a deep crevice within your heart. You work a couple of desks away from Robert, so it’s easy to spot his tuft of brown hair bopping up and down his cubicle once in a while, which would normally make you chuckle, though some unforeseen force had decided that you wouldn't enjoy today's work. Your job mostly consists of filing paperwork for new members of the SDN team, doing all the background logistics for them before handing it to Blazer for the final check. Most days, especially on slow days, you kept behind your desk with the occasional glance to your boyfriend.

Ever since Waterboy joined the Z-team, you don't get to see him for most of the days, only when he takes his lunch breaks, at which you, Robert and Herm would eat together at the 2nd floor outdoor lounge area. Not that you don't mind the break room, but when lunch rush comes in, you prefer a more secluded area to better focus on your boys. You don't miss your boyfriends, especially since you all work at the same place and all stay at the same apartment—having converted Robert's minimalist apartment into a livable place, finally. —but something deep does yearn for a private moment with them sometime throughout the day.

Especially when dysphoria decided to rear its annoying head.

Robert and Herm do plenty to make you comfortable, to refer to you as your actual gender, to see you as who you are, and yet that deep-rooted problem still likes to make itself seen. It doesn't help that the same problem often gets complemented by your envy of other heroes. When you spot Robert talking to Flambae, a burst of jealousy itches at your throat, wanting to be a real man the way Flambae is comfortable to parade around his sculpted body, and owns it. Or when Punch up and Sonar return from a call, Waterboy in tow, when they walk past your cubicle to head to the changing rooms, their boisterous laugh and natural confidence are something you yearn to display easily, if anything, to help both you and Waterboy with each other's anxiety issues. 

Logically, you still win between them all. You’re dating both Robert and Herm, and you’ve secured their love, attention, and patience. Still, the animalistic urge to claw out of your skin and become a better man for them—a real man—is a carnal desire.

When the day ended, you waited for Robert and Herm to clock out in the SDN lobby, busily distracting your deafening thoughts by scrolling through your phone. 

“Hey,” You raise your head to find Robert's soft smile, a hand on your shoulder as he greets you. “Been waiting long?”

You blink at his easy touch, quickly glancing away as you feel heat rise to your face. “N-not too long, don't worry,”

Robert hums as he turns to see Herm exiting the precinct doors, bag slung around him. “H-hey guys! So so-sorry it took a bit, I had to wash out Sonar's hair from my wetsuit,” 

You grin at Robert's affectionate sigh. He swiftly laces his fingers with Herms' shaky ones and easily slips them between them. “We understand, great work today,” 

Herm mumbles a short ‘thank you’ to Robert as you stand and sling your bag onto your shoulder. You walk beside your boyfriends as they recall the day, Robert remembering to ask you about yours. The voices kept themselves known in your head, which may have made you almost miss Roberts' question, but you quickly recovered with a short answer. While you figured your answer sufficed, Robert and Herm noticed the shift of your tone, the clipped end of your sentence. While you proceeded to your car, the heroes silently acknowledged a plan they’ve orcastarated a million times—though they never get tired of repeating it.

Robert starts the car and reverses out of the parking spot, sliding easily into the road. You’ve resigned yourself to the middle seat, letting Herm and his plastic seat cover enjoy the front seat. The radio plays something familiar with a small volume, accompanying Herm and Roberts' conversation, soothing the clawing ache in you. You’ll take all the comfort you can get; every distraction helps to silence the voices.

As the car pulled to a stop, you felt Herm’s warm hand against your hand before you registered the man helping you exit the vehicle. You’ve been completely preoccupied with the loud thoughts; you almost missed Herm’s lopsided grin. “You... you okay? You’ve been uh- silent… the whole ride,”

You blink shortly, before shrugging and closing the door behind you. “Yeah, I’m okay, baby, just… tired,”

Herm’s visible pout almost warms your heart before that familiar wound twinges again. He keeps holding your hand and walks you up Robert's apartment, said man leading the group and unlocking his door as he lets everyone in. Beef yips excitedly as he sniffs Robert, to Herman, before running to you and pats at your socked feet. You chuckle, picking the little guy up into your arms and scratching his favorite spot behind his ear.

“Hi, little beefy, how was your day?” Your voice heightens while Beef pushes his snout into your palm, preening at the pets. 

Between the three of you, Beef has gradually gravitated more towards you and Chase than towards Robert, which you found amusing. The man in question has seated himself on the couch as he watches you carry the little dog deeper into the apartment. The small room has now turned livable, courtesy of your and Herms' addition to the appliances. Aside from the couch the Z-team got him, he’s got himself a Murphy bed, big enough to fit the three of you. He was hesitant at first, but with how much time his boyfriend stayed with him, Robert relented. 

You handed Beef to Robert before setting your bag aside, grabbing your spare clothes from the closet. You exchanged a smile with Herm as he left the bathroom, and you took your turn, taking your clothes off and sliding into the warm water, trying to wash away the day’s discomfort. There was muttering outside the door when you cut the water, drying your hair in front of the mirror, much to your curiosity. 

Robert and Herm were sitting on the couch when you left the bathroom, a towel around your neck, while one hand kept drying your hair. The two were in a conversation, a dangerous look in Robert's eye while there was visible determination within Herms when they turned towards you. You raise a brow as you set aside the towel, a small smile on your lips. 

“Okay uhm… What's that look in you guys’ eyes?” You chuckle as you turn to fill a cup with water, hand over the sink. You almost jumped when you felt damp arms snake around your middle, Herms' chin resting on top of your head. 

“H-You want to… go on t-the bed? It’s uh, been a long day,” You grin, though the dysphoria today is still simmering deep within you. Herms' gentle voice is enough to coax you from your spiral. You leave the glass inside the sink and allow yourself to be steered by your boyfriend, a shaky smile on his lips while you spot Robert lying languidly on the bed. You hadn't noticed them pulling the plush mattress out amidst your effort of trying to cover up your discomfort; how they managed to form a plan so quietly is beyond you.

Robert welcomes you into his embrace, his calloused hands soothing at your shoulder blades while you nuzzle into his chest, his warm scent lulling you into comfort. He presses a kiss into your crown, brushing away your hair as he meets your eyes with a smile.

“You’d think we didn't notice that frown on your face?” He smirked, which had you breaking eye contact, finding interest in the pillow beside him. 

“I… What frown?” You managed, though the mask is slipping. You feel the bed dip and Herms' arms slide around your stomach, his chin perches on your shoulder. Herm nudges at the side of your head, reminding you of something Beef likes to do to gain attention.

“That frown. Just because I got a chaotic team doesn't mean I’ll take my eyes off of you,” Robert continues, brows furrowed. “Seriously, don't feel like you’re alone,”

“Y-you have.. Us!” Herm supplies, pressing his lips into the area just below your ear. “We… really want– like to help, especially… when it gets bad,” 

Warmth spreads within you as both Robert and Herm’s attention is directed towards you. You can feel said warmth running up your spine and into your face, which you immediately try to hide between Robert's pecs. Said man laughs, pulling both you and Herm closer into him.

“If you must know, we both love you, okay? All of you,” His voice firm.

“Every part of you, whatever part of you. If Herm and I had a chance to change something about you, we’d probably choose to change that crippling anxiety of yours.” 

Robert’s joke earns him a jab at the chest from you, though you couldn't help but follow his sharp laughter. You feel Herm’s shaky laugh behind you, the brunette also finding humour in Robert’s joke.

“No but really,” He smiles, bringing a hand to cup your chin, to observe your expression, to ensure his words are being heard. “You’re just as much of a man as any of us. Never think of yourself as anything less.” 

“Y-yeah, Robert is… Right.” Herm buries himself into your shoulder. “We love y-you.. And your… Voice a-and your laugh,”

“T-the way you dress, your uh- your hair and your smile!” He tightens his embrace; his warmth bleeds through your shirt. 

“You-h-your cheek… and your hands… and your c-chest–” Herm suddenly grazes his palms over your scars and chest, sending a shock coursing through your body. You shout and laugh, pushing back at Herms' body.

“Herm! Babe- Ah oh god- Stop!” Your laughter is contagious as your boyfriends follow suit, though Herm stops his slippery fingers and finds their place on your hips again. 

“N-no but really, ha…” He sighs as he presses a kiss to your cheek. “We love you, so much. You have to believe us, Honey.”

While you’re currently facing Robert, you’re sure Herm has his sad, longing eyes on display behind you. You sigh, reaching back to scratch at Herms' damp curls. Robert rests himself on top of your head, letting you dig deeper, breathing in his warmth. 

“I… I believe you, both of you.” 

You raise your head to press a kiss to Robert's lips, and the man replies with a hum, letting you control the pace as he doesn't push any further. You lean back with a smile, before turning your head slightly to better angle at Herm’s lips. The man presses his soft lips against the edge of yours before he pushes himself to press deeper into the kiss. You savour the whine you always manage to pull from kissing Herm, the man immediately burying himself deep into your shoulder. You chuckle while Robert presses a warm palm into your cheek. You easily lean into it, letting the day’s discomfort and mask shatter, bleeding out of your skin. 

“I love you, I love you both so much it actually hurts.” Robert chuckles at your remark, pressing his lips to your cheek.

You settle yourself into Robert’s chest, his arms around your shoulder and Herm’s warmth around your middle, soft snores beside your ear as he finds his place behind you. The three of you would normally watch a couple of episodes of a show before going to bed, but the bone-deep exhaustion has let itself be known, and your body couldn't care less how early the night is. All your tired mind needs to know is that you're between your boyfriend's embrace, and their love is enough to reassure your dysphoria to not returning for a while.