I miss Eternity and Kendall

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Not well at all. Not since that night. It fucked up my sleep schedule and here I am again, at 4 o'clock in the fucking morning thinking of nothing but you. I could replay those memories in my head to last me two life times. I don't want to ever let go of them. No matter how hard I try to stay busy, at the end of the day my mind will always go back to you. Always you. I can't help but think that if I would've handled that night differently, things would be different between us. If I would've just listened to you the first time instead of pushing my luck. I guess I gotta stop doing that; pushing my luck. I think at this point, I just want you back as a friend. I miss being able to talk to someone 24/7. I miss being able to hang with someone that doesn't give a shit about what I look like but will still treat me the same way. I miss our nights together. I miss going to the store together. I miss Sunday afternoons and Sunday naps together. They're not the same without someone. I feel like this is what suppressing feelings are supposed to feel like. Because I tell myself, I tell myself I'll be fine, I'll get over it, I'll be able to look past it, and I do; for the time being, but when I allow my mind to wander and be free, it seems to always come back to you. I guess I'm so used to thinking about you constantly, that I gotta get used to thinking about other things, but I think I just miss you. A lot. And I wish you could and would look past everything and it just go back to us being friends and normal. And that could take a while. I hope I'm willing to wait and I hope I'll be patient enough. But if not, please please PLEASE forgive me. I do not mean to be impatient.