Looking back, I've grown so much professionally this year. Exactly one year ago I was fresh out of college in my office job, hating every minute and trying to suck it up until december to save enough money, it didn't happen, I did everything I could to stay there until I just had enough, the last drop had been spilled, the shit hit the fan. I'm not proud of the way I handled things, but it was exactly what needed to be done. Now I know where my priorities are, I know I'm very blessed to just quit a job, because I can, and pursue something that truly feels right, I know that it is a very dreamy way of seeing life, not always will I be able to just quit, but sometimes no matter how much you give, it's just not enough, and at that point you have to step out. And never overachieve, because the moment I start overworking it will start to become "regular work" and it is not appreciated. Do what you need, and do it great, but don't do more. Working eight hour days or twelve hour days in the end still wasn't enough, and my former boss still talked shit of me after I left, even though I left my physical and mental health in that office. I lost ten pounds in the last month I was there, I would wake up at three in the morning thinking of all the work I needed to get done, I was doing the work of at least four people, and was still called a bitch after I left.
This year, I moved around a bit, quite slow, knew what I wanted to do, but didn't know how to go about it, so I just waited. And waited. Fortunately, things spiraled out of control: right as I finished my bathing suit classes I got hired to do a wedding, it went from nothing to full speed within minutes, although that wedding turned out to be a mess, the dresses became a nightmare and it went awful, it left me a huge knowledge that I wouldn't have acquired any other way.
Then the runway shows came, three, amazing, at the perfect time, right after the wedding was finished and one after another, it was perfect. Right when the runway was finished I had a graduation, then I was hired to do uniforms, for my brother's company and a publicity agency, the publicity agency has left me a great learning experience, and my brother's company has left me a huge slap in the face, while it all went great i have to know that I'm not perfect, I do not know it all, and most importantly, it is ok not to know, as long as I still try and do my best, and I do have huge abilities, and I can in fact make things work.
This year has been amazing, including all the shite I went (and will continue to go) through. And I can't wait to keep going, and growing. And I wish I could see everything life has in store for me, but that's not how it works, so I'll just keep living one day at a time.
Personally: I was tricked, a boy came into my life and screwed me, told me a bunch of lies and I fell for them, it was nasty realizing that it was all a big pile of crap. Now I'm crushing on an old "friend" I had a thing with, even though I know it is as impossible as Frozen.
I've been through many ups and downs, wanting to go to college, but not knowing if I'm going to stay here, or move abroad, decided to go on cultural exchange and then slapped with the fact that I can't afford it, then decided to go to college and a huge set back made me lose a ton of money so I couldn't afford college either, now I got the money but I don't have the time for college. Things are weird, you never know what will happen.
I've been through a few phases this year: felt lonely and hated it, felt lonely and loved it, been extremely lonely overall, embracing loneliness. It's hard. Not having a social life, but struggling on whether to leave the country or not, and if it is "worth it" to start social interactions here if I will leave, but not wanting to wait for an uncertain future to start "living". Being entirely adamant about moving, but not really meaning it. It's hard, life has gotten complicated, I feel like I'm having a teenage crisis. The social aspect has been a huge weight on me this year, and I feel trapped in it.
