I’m having such a hard time being active on tumblr. I know everyone will tell me I’m wrong but I just feel like I don’t belong here anymore. I’m not leaving but my enthusiasm has fizzled. I’m so burnt out. It’s just… I never see anybody talking about how hard it is being a disabled lee and I feel so alone and unrelatable and undesirable. My feed is full of able-bodied fantasies and all I can hear is this voice in my head saying “you will NEVER get to experience this” with each scroll and eventually the tears come up and I just close the app and don’t want to open it again for days. I don’t want to leave because I have nowhere else to go, this is my only safe place to talk about my favorite thing. But I don’t even feel like talking about it anymore. It’s no longer an easy happy subject. I wish I had a community that knows what it feels like to laugh too hard and get an explosion of fiery pain in their chest. To flinch in the wrong direction and get shooting pain in their back. Tensing up for too long and feeling stabbing pain in their pelvic floor muscles. Freely screaming and cackling their heads off being very risky or not even being an option. Never able to lay flat in the classic spread eagle position without shooting pain and subluxed joints, or lay on their stomach, or have their arms pinned above their head, and can’t be tickled while free standing. Knowing what it’s like to have to say no to tickles because it will make you hurt worse even though you’re in a desperate lee mood and it’s the most soul crushing feeling. I want to feel seen and understood by people who truly get it.
-> minors/ageless DNI <-
