I became disabled pretty young. In the beginning, I was more focused on survival than things my peers were focused on. Dating, prom, applying to colleges were all luxuries I couldn't afford both financially or physically. Any time I had, I used it on staying alive and adjusting to my new lifestyle.

Now, that my disabilities are more manageable, I can finally take time to do all the selfish things I wanted to as a teen. One thing I looked most forward to was dating as an adult, and now that I'm in my 20's, it shouldn't be a problem, right?

Well, the thing is, all the years I spent living the sick life, I was convinced it was my end. When I didn't die, I didn't know what to do because I already accepted that it was going to happen. I became very depressed because I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. It was like I was brought back to my last savepoint, but none of my items came with me.

I figured that because I was a disabled woman with some serious physical and mental health issues, I was undesirable. I honestly still feel that way because what young 20 something person would date me, knowing full well I have all these issues. There's, of course, the dating portion, but what if I get sick or something? Would they take care of me or would they see me as a burden? Would they love me enough to nurse me, or would they just avoid trying to date me altogether so they wouldn't have to take up this responsibility? Would they fall out of love after watching myself have a flare for the first time?