#directrixsadvice

Greyhson: *It had been a few weeks since that night with Dhare. I felt nervous about approaching the Directrix but I knew she would be sensitive and provide useful advice. Something so different from the purpose of the Chosen and something I was very excited to experience and push the boundaries. We all have been trained to be a blood source to the Brotherhood as well as for them to … relieve ... themselves if they were so inclined. A few of us were also trained as #Ehros for the purpose to entice the Brothers to breed with us. It has been years since I have copulated with a male. I had butterflies in my stomach as I approached Amalya.*

Amalya: *Fixing myself a mug of tea and a small snack, I take it out to the front porch of my little cabin and sit in the moonlight, soaking up the lovely smells drifting over from the gardens of the main house here at the Camp. Sitting back in my chair, I smile as I see Greyhson walking towards me across the lawn from the big house.* Good evening, Sister! How fare thee?

Greyhson: *As I make my way up the path to Amalya’s cabin, I smile and wave as I approached.* I am doing well? And you?

*I asked as I sat in a chair next to her with a small table between us. I wondered how I would broach the subject as we spoke about inconsequential matters such as the weather and various hobbies and activities the Chosen find themselves occupying their time. Once there was a long pause, I decided to go ahead and mention my issues.*

So, as you know … Dhare and I went out on a … date. Though, unfortunately is was cut short. A civilian had appeared injured by lessers and Dhare had joined the others in battle. He was injured during the struggle and is resting now in the infirmary. *I spit out and watched as Amalya’s eyes widen and comprehended my statements.*

Amalya: *I nod as Greyhson tells her tale, remembering helping her get dressed and prepare for her evening out with her trainee. She looked so lovely … Then I feel my eyes pop wide as I understand what she’s saying next. I sit straight up in my seat, heart racing, thoughts of everything that might have happened to her whirling through my head.* Wait, you’re saying that you … you were present during a lesser attack?! Sister, are you alright? *I reach out and lay a hand on her arm.*

Greyhson: No, no, no. I wasn’t. *I quickly corrected myself as I see the panic in mine sister’s eyes.* I was just there when the civilian came into the restaurant. There was no way Manny would allow me to follow Payne, iAm and Dhare outside. Once they came back and Dhare was injured we came straight to the Compound.

*I contemplated on all the things that could have gone wrong. It was scary to be on the edge … so close to the war like I was. The Chosen were mostly shielded from the fight. Phury saw to that, as well as the Brotherhood which is way we are always escorted and not allowed to leave and venture off very often. The Brotherhood was stretched too thin these days between their daily rotation on the streets of Caldwell, with the King at the Audience House, at the Training Center, with their own families and then the Chosen. It was a wonder if they didn’t feel burden by us.*

Amalya: *I take a couple deep breaths to calm myself down, and sip my tea to ease my mouth that had gone dry in my panic. Then I set the mug down again, and smile again at mine sister. I decide to try to focus on good things right now, and try not to worry about what might have happened, or think of how unprepared we and all the rest of our sisters are to deal with such events.* So, up until things … got a little too interesting, how was your meal?

Greyhson: We didn’t technically get to eat really. We had just ordered when everything happened.

But I have not heard from him in a while. It’s been weeks and he should have healed by now. Perhaps I did something wrong? *I nibbled the bottom of my lip in nervousness. My doubts were slowly seeping into thoughts as days had passed since I last heard from him.* Mayhap, I misunderstood the dynamics of the entire night?

Amalya: *As I look at mine sister’s worried face, I debate what to say. I hate that she might feel abandoned, or that she might have done something wrong, but I think giving her false hope would be mean.*

I do not believe that you did anything wrong, sister. Perhaps the trainee was afraid for you, worried about how close he’d inadvertently brought you to the war. Maybe he decided that it would be best to keep his distance from you for your own sake? But then ... even if that were true, I don’t understand why he would just leave without even a goodbye … *I break off my musings and shake my head.*

I’m sorry sister, I’m just not certain what to think about this situation. But perhaps his silence and distance are an answer in itself. For whatever reason, he has chosen to distance himself from you and whatever may have been starting between you. Perhaps you should give some thought into letting him go as well, and maybe just concentrate on your duties for a little while? I’d love to see us all happily mated eventually, if that’s what you want. Or at least settled and happy in our lives here. But I think that finding a hellren should not be all we are concerned with. Perhaps we should all think about exploring and developing other interests, activities beyond our duties … what do you think, sister?

Greyhson: *Her words made sense and started to clear my worries as fast as they had appeared. It was probably best that he had distanced himself. It was one date and it was disastrous.* You’re probably right. Perhaps I am making too much of a deal on one date. *Mayhaps I just wanted something there wasn’t really there. Seeing all the happy couples inside the manse must have provoked something inside me and that I was trying to project on my own life.* Yes, I should continue to explore to find what I want to do with my time.

Amalya: *I reach out and take my sister’s hand, smiling as I give it a little squeeze.* There you go! I know that I’ve wondered myself what it would be like to be mated, and perhaps even a mahmen someday. But we shouldn’t forget that, for the first time in our lives, we have the chance to explore our own interests, and become true individuals rather than simply interchangeable pieces of a single whole. Don’t give up on the idea of finding a hellren someday if you truly want one, but take the time to find out who you are beyond a Chosen, or a potential shellan. Whatever happens after that, happens. After all, we could all meet our future hellrens tomorrow, or a hundred years from now. It’ll happen when it happens, so try not to worry about it so much, alright?

Greyhson: *I nod and agree as we hug as I left her cabin. I went back to mine own and decided to change into some jeans and blouse that Cormia had us order from the something called the internet. Once dressed, I stepped outside my door into the fresh night air. I concentrated and dematerialized to the back alley of the restaurant Sal’s. I wanted to try the dish I had ordered on my date and never got to try.

I thought this would be a great task to try first by myself without the assistance of my sisters, the Brotherhood or someone else. Something all on my own. I felt nervous but liberated at the same time as I reappeared near a grouping of trees in the corner of the back parking lot. But as I heard voices from most likely the employees, I discreetly moved down the side alley to avoid explaining how I arrived without a vehicle.