#dinomod

My husband and I have not been doing so good. I was planning on filing for divorce in January, but on October 12th, while I was at work, he took our 8 month old daughter from our home, and over to where his parents live. Due to the laws of Arkansas, I cannot remove her from that house and bring her home without his consent. 

As of monday, I will be filing for a divorce and full custody of my daughter Charlotte. Those of you who know me, and know her, are probably aware of how distraught I am. 

Custody battles are never fun, and they are never pretty. My husband is playing this game dirty and not allowing me to see her unless he is there, and he is also trying to get emergency custody over Charlotte so that I cannot see her. At all. 

So, until this matter is resolved, and my life has calmed down, and I have my baby back, activity will be very slow, if not halted, on dinomoms blog. I have to focus on my job so I can pay my bills, and I have to focus on myself so that I will win this court case. I need to remain calm and collected.

I will accept commissions. They will go towards bills, and most likely paying my attorney as well. 

If you stare into a blank space for long enough your mind will create images for you.

and if you are in a place of no noise, your mind will create sound for you.

So I wonder, why with all these moving objects and noises, does my mind create new things for me to see? Is the world around me not enough?

 I could stare for hours at a beautiful night sky but it is filled with fish riddled with eyes in the thousands. Slow and graceful like whales, but always watching everything, every little movement of every little creature. They spy a single hair shifting on my head, and yank it. 

The grass sings and dances in the wind. Odd weather for November 28th, 54 degrees in the night time, but I can’t question it. I won’t. I mean I could. But I won’t. The blades of grass to turn to blades of steel all too quick as a means to defend themselves from Others’ eyes, and Others’ questions.

Questions are bad, I’ve learned. Especially the ones I ask in my head, when it’s dark and quiet, everywhere. 

Silence is bad too, I learned. 

Because when it is quiet, I focus on the quiet. And when I focus on the quiet, I hear the ringing. And when I focus on the ringing, it’s too late. Tinnitus turns to voices that I know are not there, but I hear them still. And I pray that I can distract myself from them, before they notice me eavesdropping.

But they always notice me eavesdropping.