#dinner please

I’m learning to be the kind of person who buys a pound of beef for a friends’ food exchange night because my silly college survival recipe is also allowed at the table with their traditional food. I’m learning to be the kind of person who has measurements of string taped up to make friendship bracelets for the people in my unit because I asked their favorite colors and got an idea. I’m learning to pull out my smaller notebook and jot down figure sketches and doodles. I’m learning to pack a full water bottle and a snack when I leave the house, to double check what’s in my wallet, to stop huffing out a laugh over the little double-tap I do on my room key to make sure it’s there. I’m choosing to keep my eyes on my work, to take social media breaks. I got a new pair of pants and confirmed they were worth the three-thousand yen they cost by wearing them two days in a row. I’m learning to leave the room first, to backtrack and say I’m going home early. I’m learning to take it easy on the homework, asking myself “why don’t we?” Instead of demanding it be done all at once. I’m learning to add spices to my food. I’m learning to put on the necklace I used to hang on my window as a decoration. I’m learning to look myself in the mirror and see past the eyebags. I’m learning to breathe through hormonal breakouts and surges of panic, to stay present when I want to hide. I’m learning to message first without counting whether the other person messages me first at another time. I’m learning to sit with myself, to be honest without being cruel. I’m learning to accept compliments and move on. I’m learning to give with the confidence it will come back, even if I don’t want it from a specific area. I’m learning.

Can a lovely lady come take me out for dinner please? I promise to dress up to the nines for you and be extra charming <3 

I just want some butter chicken