#dilmile

She nods and laughs and is always comfortable. She’s sweet and good-natured and lets him do whatever he wants.

Carrie is complicated. She doesn’t put up with not getting everything she deserves. She craves more from Big. She has opinions and a life and dreams for the two of them together. She sometimes argues with him at inopportune times because she’s passionate and emotional, and she cares.

Not that Natasha doesn’t care. But, she is a basic girl who wants to keep the peace at any cost, even if that means she put her needs aside. Her mind isn’t quite as analytical and imaginative as Carrie’s, so she can put up with more. She’s simple.

I am not simple. I am a challenge for any man, I will admit. As hard as I try to be the simple girl, it is just not in my nature to be one. I demand more from everyone because I see great potential.

I only want the best for myself and for my partner, so I will never just go along with some semblance of a mediocre, passionless relationship.

An unevolved man or a boy will always want the simple girl. He doesn’t want to have to work hard for anything, especially not a relationship. He doesn’t want to be challenged or confronted.

But, a real man knows that by being with a complicated girl, he will be better for it. At times, this girl can be difficult, but he knows her intentions are good. With healthy communication, the relationship will become stronger.

This is the type of girl you should marry. You may think it’s not what you want, but you want her. The easy girl will never satisfy you. She will be sweet but uninspiring. She will always leave you wanting more.

Even stubborn Mr. Big came to realize he didn’t want it easy, and he ended up cheating on Natasha… with Carrie.

Complicated girls are creative and, at times, emotional. She may also have a touch of what some people call “crazy” or “bitchy.” But, no one will love you better. No one will make love to you with as much passion.

No one will encourage you to follow your dreams. You will have many deep conversations with her that make you question your beliefs and ideas. She will outsmart you on many occasions. It won’t always be easy, but it will be more satisfying and always entertaining.

A simple girl has a simple mind. Things won’t be so hard when you are with this girl; it will be calm seas and smooth sailing. This is the type of girl you probably imagine yourself marrying, not the one who is opinionated and smart, who doesn’t always agree.

But, if you want to be the best you can be and expand your mind and capabilities, marry the complicated girl.

Marry the girl who tells you exactly what she expects and follows through.

Marry the girl who demands your respect.

Marry the girl who can talk politics, even if her opinions are different from yours.

Marry the girl whose eyes flicker with passion about a number of different subjects.

Marry the girl who won’t let you get away with slacking on your talents.

Marry the girl who pushes you to be better every day.

Marry the girl with whom you sometimes fight.

Marry the girl who is your equal or greater.

My dad always says the thing that attracted him most to my mom was the fact that she was smarter than him. Only a real man can say that and know it’s good for him.

Don’t get me wrong; a complicated girl who is not yet mature will be a pain in the ass. She will pick fights with you about everything, and you will always feel like a failure in her presence because you won’t know how to make her happy.

But, with a little experience and wisdom, this is the girl who will become wife material. And, once she’s at that point, you better never let her get away, or you’ll risk losing the best thing you ever had.

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This woman thinks that somehow, relationships are all about her. She may even wrongly believe this is a “biblical” approach to relationships. In other words, she expects you to take on the sort of leadership role that leaves her without much of a role to play at all—or even an identity to call her own. The sad part is that sometimes this mentality is wrongly perpetuated in some church circles, as the men are expected to be the “leaders” while the women are the “followers.” That might work for some guys, but for most, this lack of reciprocity in a relationship eventually becomes draining. You need a woman who will pour into you, as much as you pour into her, who will sharpen you, as you sharpen her, who will challenge you to become better, while you do the same for her. The best relationships are made of two people, each giving their best to one another.

The 'You Complete Me' Woman

This is the kind of woman who hasn’t really taken the time to know herself, her beliefs, or what she feels or thinks. She’ll likely default to your preferences, your beliefs, your relationship with God and even your interests and friend groups. While this may seem to make life easy at first, the lack of mystery and depth will wear you down, because a healthy relationship involves two unique identities—not just one trying to mimic the other.

The Cripplingly Insecure Woman

We all struggle with insecurities, but some people are more driven by it than others. This can come out in a variety of ways: the girl who is constantly talking negatively about herself or fishing for compliments; the girl who derives all of her value from how she looks; the girl who is overly flirtatious to every guy she meets; the girl who uses her body to gain affirmation from men.

Of course we should be willing to affirm our significant other—especially in areas they feel self-conscious about—but if a woman is relying on you for her self-worth, it can be a dangerous game. Her worth was never meant to come from you.

A healthy relationship involves two unique identities—not just one trying to mimic the other.

The Way Too Critical Woman

I think this is the worst of all the women you could date. According to proverbs, a woman like this is like the sound of a leak dripping: constant, annoying and problematic. And just like a leak, this woman will drain you. She’ll leave you questioning your value, your significance and your worth. You’ll never feel appreciated under the constant cloud of criticism. First, see the good in yourself, and then find a woman who can do the same.

The Wishy-Washy Woman

A woman like this will take your heart on quite a ride, because she doesn’t really know what she wants. One moment she’s into you, and the other moment she’s confused and wants to take a step back. This internal struggle is not going to be resolved any time soon, so do yourself a favor and find someone who’s just as into you as you are into them. Healthy relationships are marked by peace, not by constant doubt and regret.

The Micromanaging Woman

This one will try to control your entire life. She’ll have an opinion about how you should spend your money, chew your food, iron your clothes, and maybe even how you should change your personality. The thing about this woman is that she’s a control-freak. And one thing I know about control freaks is that deep down, they feel like they have no control in some area of their life, and so they take it out on their relationships. This habit takes a lot of time, introspection and work to outgrow. So step away from this relationship, and give her the time she needs to heal, to learn and to grow.

The Unconnected Woman

You need a woman who will pour into you, as much as you pour into her, who will challenge you to become better, while you do the same for her.

This woman doesn't really have a life outside of her romantic relationships. She never wants to spend time apart, which may be fine at first, but is ultimately unhealthy when dating. The mark of a healthy woman is one who has friendships, activities, areas of ministry and interests outside of “love." Find a woman who values the importance of other significant relationships, because there really is life outside of dating.

The Drama Victim

Drama with her momma, drama with her best friend, drama with her boss at work. This woman is characterized by drama everywhere she goes. She always thinks she’s been wronged, and she tells you all about it. But the drama isn’t necessarily the dangerous part in this kind of woman. (Just to be clear: A woman isn’t “dramatic” just because she’s emotional. Emotions are a healthy thing.) The problem is the underlying belief that it’s always everyone else’s fault. This woman is to be avoided because she doesn’t understand the meaning of taking ownership and responsibility of her life and relationships. And trust me, that blame-game will quickly become a part of your relationship, too.

With that in mind, let’s all be mindful of the reality that relationships aren’t about finding perfection—we all know that doesn’t exist. But they are about finding imperfect people who realize their flaws and weaknesses, and are working to become better and better with each and every passing day.

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Posted on: Relevant Magazine

2. Yay, now we can do some crazy shopping together

3. But, what will I wear on her wedding day? *freaks out*

4. I should be her wedding planner

And totally plan out a bachelorette party.

There’s so much preparation to do and so less time

  5. Checking out guys from the baraati side will be my main agenda

6. For my wedding I will…

*mentally plans own wedding*

7. Is it time for me to settle down as well?

  8. We have grown up…so fast. We are adults!!!

  9. Nope, we are still kids. I think she’s marrying too early

Denial mode.

  10. Maybe she’s marrying the wrong guy

Conspiracy mode.

  11. Now I will have to share her with another person

Sad mode.

  12. Now she’s going to give priority to couple’s night over girls’ night out. Sigh!

  13. But the fact is that she feels happy & loved and I’m happy for her

  14. Infact I’m adding another friend (her husband) to my list, like right now

  15. And probably someday when I get married, four of us can go on a double date holiday..

..or we’ll plan our Honeymoons together. What fun!

There are only a few events in life as fun, emotional and exciting as a close friend’s wedding. If your job doesn’t allow you to attend your friend’s wedding, time to look for a new job.

Cheers to friendship!

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Translation: you are actually meeting people. Ya know, going on dates, doing the very thing that most of these services were set up for. Whether that means you’re actually initiating solid, date-like plans or you’re saying yes when someone does, you’re open to the process. And the online dating world needs more people like you. You for president.

2. You’re respectful.

This is tied to that first one. This means that if you’re doing the asking and you don’t like his/her answer, you’re listening and responding graciously, without anger or bitterness. It also means that if you don’t want to go out with a person who asks, you are considerate, honest, and give them a concrete answer. Remember, we’re all kinda in this together and this can be a tough, often demoralizing and discouraging process. It goes a long way to humanize the people you’re interacting with and—here’s a new piece of advice that I just made up—treat them how you wanna be treated.

3. You care about your profile.

If you’re going to spend the time or money or Xanax to try to meet people online, you might as well follow the instructions and fill out that profile. Be mindful (but honest!) about your photos, take time to answer the ‘about me’ and ‘what I’m looking for’ questions. True, many online daters ignore your parameters, or only look at your photos, but hopefully someone in their life is printing out this article and showing them point #2.

4. You’re breezy.

This is for all of those online dating heroes who are somehow treating this with equal parts seriousness and levity. You don’t let letdowns get in your way, but you’re genuinely excited about the potential of meeting people. I have a friend who is always going on dates, even though, according to her, she knows within the first five minutes if she’s attracted to the person or not, and the numbers lean way more heavily towards the latter. I think this is one of those magical things that makes people more datable: they have a lot of dates lined up, so they take each one less seriously (AKA it won’t make or break their week if it doesn’t go as planned). So when it’s a bust, they brush themselves off because they’ve got another date on Tuesday. And if it’s an awesome date? They’re not gonna freak out or read too much into it...because they’ve got another date on Tuesday.

5. You know what you want and how to communicate it.

Good online daters know what they want from the experience and can communicate that clearly to the people they’re meeting. It doesn’t matter what it is or what people think of it, what matters is being upfront about what you’re after. I once got a sort of racy message from a guy promising me nothing more than a casual encounter. I think he said the word ‘casual’ three times just to be sure I got it. While that’s not what I’m looking for, I wrote him back to tell him how much I appreciated him being forthcoming about what he wanted. Because of his honest approach, we were able to do a digital tip of the hat and ‘good luck out there’ and skip all those steps where we were on different pages and then, inevitably, disappointed.

Believe me, depending on the week I often only average about one out of four on this list, but then again, I’ve never pretended to be a good online dater (remember the girl shouting about rules in her underwear whilst drinking red wine out of the bottle and Tindering? Spoiler alert, that’s me). But for all of you who are doing this right, kudos. Now go teach all of your friends and lovers how to be more like you.

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In a nutshell, the way a person looks at your face (and not just other parts of you) may determine just how psyched he or she is about you. The study also gives new meaning to the phrase “wandering eye!"

They genuinely want to know how your day was

When you have job interviews, surgeries or other significant events in your life, and your crush wants to hear all about them it’s a sign they really care about you. It’s not just the way they eye you, but how they treat you when you’re away from each other, even for short periods of time.

They’d always rather have you around

I stayed at my boyfriend’s house for five nights last week, but when I finally got home last night, it felt weird not being around him. The next morning, he text messaged me at 9:30a.m. to say he’d fallen asleep in front of the TV the previous night and wished he’d called me instead. Alone time is important for all couples, but you know someone truly adores you when they’d prefer to have you over ample alone time. There’s a chemical explanation for all of this: Our brains release Oxytocin, a bonding hormone, when we’re falling for someone. “Oxytocin makes us feel good when we’re close to family and other loved ones,” according to the National Institute of Health. So obviously, if someone makes you feel good, you want to spend as much time with them as possible.

They call you their girlfriend

It might seem basic, but I think we’ve all encountered commitment-phobes who refuse to put a title on things, at least when others are around. When someone calls you their girlfriend, they’re telling the world they’re invested in you and you alone.

You hold hands in public

This is similar to the “girlfriend” declaration, but it might actually be sweeter. When someone holds your hand in public, they tell everyone you’re together without even having to say anything. Holding hands is also adorkable, and it might actually be the secret to a long, loving relationship. Earlier this year, a couple of 73 years said it kept them close all these years: “We still hold hands. Holding hands and talking.”

They say your name a lot

A few months ago, I re-watched Titanic and was surprised by how much Leo and Kate say each other’s onscreen names. Every other line, it’s “Jack!” or “Rose!”.  Maybe you have not noticed how often Jack and Rose use each other’s names … one time someone told me that our names are subconsciously our favorite word, so hearing it over and over makes you feel closer to the person using your name.” I believe it! Famed self-help author Dale Carnegie backs this up. “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” he writes. It can be a powerful way to influence someone, but it’s also something you do to make a person feel special and important. And that’s a good sign.

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