#diligentbird

     ‘ I JUST KEEP GOING BACK TO what we did, I can’t help but feel like it was all our fault. they said it was just going to be a prank, that we would all laugh and if anything it was going to bring us closer together. ’ fingers are picking at the rips in her jeans as she hunches forward, as if she was protecting herself from the harsh memories that still wouldn't leave her mind ‘ ITS FUCKED UP, I don’t even know why I did it in the first place Sam. every time I close my eyes I just see how embarrassed and destroyed Hannah was and its starting to became a little too much to handle. ’

  it  really  took  a  lot  to  get  sam   EMOTIONAL   ,  she  was  usually  the  best  one  of  the  group  of  controlling  her  emotions,  keeping  how  she  really  felt  to  avoid  conflict.  fighting  with  anyone  made  her  feel  awful,  reminding  her  too  much  of  the  times  she  would  overhear  her  own  parents  arguing.  fighting  with  josh?  whilst  rare  was  completely  awful  because  she  never  knew  if  he  ever  really  meant  anything  he  said  and  she  tried  her  best  to  just  stay  calm  and  let  him  almost   TIRE   himself  out.

  yet  when  he  said  those  three  words,  those  three  words  that  caused  her  to  look  right  up  at  him  with  wide  tear  filled  eyes  and  she  took  a  small  step  back,  breath  catching  in  her  throat  as  she  couldn’t  look  away  from  him.  his  voice  echoing  throughout  her  mind,  just  repeating   I  HATE  YOU   over  and  over.  she  didn’t  know  how  to  react,  she  felt  like  she  couldn’t  breathe,  felt  like  her  heart  was  pounding  in  her  chest  too  hard  and  too  quickly.  hands  curls  into  fists,  nails  digging  into  the  palms  of  her  hand  as  she  tried  to  use  the  pain  to  gain  some  kind  of  control  before  she  broke  completely.

  closing  her  eyes  finally,  looking  down  for  a  moment  and  taking  a  deep  breath,  trying  her  best  to  calm  herself  before  she  said  anything,  before  she  even  looked  at  him  again.  she  wanted  to  scream,  she  wanted  to  cry  but  she  knew  she  couldn’t  do  any  of  that  because  what  would  that  achieve  right  now?  opening  her  eyes  and  looking  up  at  him,  a  tear  slipping  down  her  cheek  as  her  tongue  darts  across  her  lips.

   “   i  know  .  .  .  i  kinda  hate  myself  too  but  you  know  what?  you  and  i  don’t  really  have  a  lot  of  other  people  looking  out  for  us  so  .  .  .  get  over  it,  ‘cause  i’m  not  giving  up  on  you  and  i’m  here  for  you,  josh,  no  matter  how  much  you  hate  me,   ”

     What part does she not get? He made himself perfectly clear. And unlike her, Josh isn't filtering his emotions; his anger is raw and unhinged, fire in his usually dull green eyes, lip twitching when she tries to reason with him. Of course she would. Sam is the kind one. The MOM FRIEND. She's smart, pretty, perfect, a true friend. Recently he's been plagued by doubt about all those he used to call TRUE friends. God knows he doesn't need another mis-judgment of character. He couldn't handle it.

aaaaaaa you guys I can’t believe I reached 150! thank you all for being so patient with me. i’ll give a short lil life update before tagging you all. ♥♥

so i moved an hour or so away from home with my lovely sister and am now in vet tech school. i have 6 classes a week and spend a total of (about?) 25 hours in class per week. on top of this, i have my hands full with my 3 beautiful children - jasper, onyx, and diego! ( yeah okay they’re 2 cats and a leopard gecko but they totally count. ) I have a new boyfriend as well, we’ve been together for 3 weeks. a lot of my time is spent studying, taking care of my pets, or with my boyfriend. that’s why i haven’t been on as much. i’ve been too busy getting laid 8)

but in all seriousness thank you so much everyone. i’m doing okay health-wise, mentally and physically. my kidneys still want to give me trouble and these allergies are killer, but i’m doing pretty well. so onto the shoutouts!

( these are in no particular order. ) -- please follow one another if you wish, i can assure you these are all WONDERFUL people. I will list their characters :)

@artofbeinginvincible - Nathan Prescott 

@unsided - Carrie Ann Beckett (OC)

@memorydcprived - Anthony Chainey 

@grcwingstrcng - MANY characters. a few fandoms include -- life is strange, until dawn, disney, the hunger games, and grey’s. 

@lilacwintersky - Katelyn Phelps (OC)

@ashestoashs - Ashley J. Williams 

@stcrdcst - Ally Nova (OC)

@virxlxngel - Kate Marsh

@blve-stxr - Chloe Price

@diligentbird - Sam Giddings

@firewalkcd - Chloe Price

@ofsurvivcl - Multimuse! Mostly OCs. The only fandom I’m for sure of is until dawn.

@ofdiligence - Sam Giddings

@firstxfhernxme - Daenerys Targaryen

@thoughtburied - Multimuse! Mostly UD canons and OCs.

@diligentsam - Sam Giddings 

When we went off away from the forest,                              We did travel far to get a taste of so much more. We dug up the roots of all the stories, put 'em in a pot                               And brought them to a fiery road.

We fed on these things without a worry,

                              Never gave a thought to the coming of the winter storm. Gone away, gone away, what was yesterday.

She sat on Sam’s bed, legs crossed and the maths book on her lap long forgotten as the subject of her former friend was touched. Emily had decided to keep quiet about it all, not wanting everyone to know her boyfriend decided to go in a snakier direction. But Samantha was one of the most trustworthy people she knew, and some salty talk was in order.