#difficult times

i'm in a pretty stressful time in my life right now. the best way to describe it is like walking on a land mine, watching your step, overthinking every single movement, one wrong move and you're dead. i have to make the hardest decisions of my life. i've spent all my life protecting others in a war, but in all that time i've left myself unguarded in the middle of the crossfire. ive finally decided to move from the middle, to fight, and not just fight but going straight to the front lines. now that im marching to the frontlines, im scared. i feel the shivers go through my leg to my spine every step i take. i feel the tears ive held in for so long pour out uncontrollably. my wounds are starting to cramp and bleed. in my mind i pray, not to god, i dont really believe in god, but to whoevers listening. maybe im praying to the angels, my ancestors, ghosts, the earth, or im just thinking to myself. still even if its just me, myself, and i, i feel the message of hope go out of my mind. i imagine my thoughts and wishes forming into air and flying out through my ear into the wind, a message sent to whoever needs it. as all that happens while im marching, i have second thoughts. should i really do this. am i making a mistake. will they hate me. will i fail. what happens if i win. even with all my worries and doubts i continue to march. no matter how scared i am, i cannot live my life in fear.

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