Oct 11, 2023
m
i feel like at least when i was in high school i had an excuse for being bad at school and never doing anything etc because i had a severe eating disorder, back when that was still a valid excuse, and then during COVID i had an excuse for being bad at school and never doing anything because it was COVID, and now it's like literally nothing's wrong but i still don't do schoolwork and barely eat and spend all my time wishing i was dead but like there's no real reason so i feel like i have no excuse for why i'm still fucking like this
#and like i'm 'in recovery' ish so i should be able to handle shit#or like idk it's just that after a certain point no one really cares as much as they do when you're like sixteen#like no one cares when it's your 3823049th time in treatment like they do the first time#also they're like 'you're clearly working so hard!' because i don't openly say 'there's no point to eating i never want to recover i want t#die'#even tho i kinda still feel like that#also EYE know COVID is ongoing but i'm living in this surreal world where everyone around me is pretending it's not#talking to strangers on foreign phones
