#diconnect

I saw a guy of a similar age to myself reading on the bus today. It got me thinking...

I probably spend a reasonable 4 hours using my phone a day. Whether that be scrolling on Facebook, listening to music, playing a game or even just editing a recent selfie. 

Forgetting that fact for a moment I can't remember the last time I went anywhere without my phone. In fact it was just this morning I was searching my bag franticly trying to find my phone worrying about what i’d do all day with out it. 

Just yesterday when it was 25 degrees out I spent more time when I was with my mate worrying about the charge on left in my phone then what we were actually doing. Snapchating this, power saving that, messaging him, her. Almost forgetting the person in front of me for 2 minutes at a time before snapping back into the real world. 

I’m glad I grew up in a time where i played out till the sun went down and computers got boring after an hour because it involved sitting in the same place and phones were for phoning people and sending texts but it took so long to write one that it was easier to go and knock the receivers door because when i was younger it was okay to ring a door bell instead of waiting around the corner ringing my friend on facebook messenger because I'm too socially awkward to ring the door bell incase i end up standing in silence with their mum.

Phones were invented to connect us as a society but i go to parties where everyone “selfies” and “checks in”. Snapchats longer then the time they spent at the place. “look at us. Look at what we are doing.” All i see is a bunch of people looking mindlessly into a phone, ‘catching the moment’ but what are they catching if they are too busy pressing ‘post and send’ 

I use my phone to avoid eye contact. I turn my music up to pretend i can't hear someone trying to catch my attention. But what for?

We are nation of lost people but the real question ‘could you go with your phone for 24 hours?’ without wondering what was going on or who had texted you or liked that selfie you posted yesterday? i know i probably couldn't.

See we could all be like that boy on that bus. God knows we’d be more opened minded and maybe even a little tiny bit educated... I’d love for the person who sits next to me on the bus to take his ear phones out, shut his phone off and start a conversation...

cause damn, i'm actually keeping up with this one. wow. lol

yeah..had one of the moments when I came home from work today and realized..

I'm one ugly fucker -___-..well, at least not as good looking as I wanna be without my "face" on as I call it. And it's weird because back in high school I never wore make and my skin was so much better. And, I know, yes, make up makes you age but I take such good care of my skin that I ruled out that's not the case. I've gotten so use to not seeing myself without a mask if makeup that my "natural" face is so foreign to me. And for the first time since I started wearing makeup, I felt truly sad.

Wearing make up gives me confidence, it's another expression of my artistic self, another extensions of my personal being. My true essence in a way. But, now..I feel as if there is this great big disconnect with in me now, that I am not really myself, or the person that I wish to be. And it's depressing.