#diaversary

🎉 Happy five year diaversary to me 🎉

When I went to the hospital on this day five years ago, I never expected to be admitted to the ICU with ketoacidosis. The picture on the left is from a month later, when I was struggling with anorexia and depression on top of all the ins and outs of type one diabetes. I was trying so hard to make everyone think I was okay because I was living alone in my first apartment, finishing my degree, and goddammit I was going to succeed even if it meant crying for hours because suddenly it felt like I could no longer do anything I previously could without at least five times the effort, if I had the energy and blood sugar to spare.

The picture on the right is me today. There are still many difficult days - today was one of them - but I can take it in stride for the most part. I have learned to ask for help when I need it and express when I am having trouble and need to take care of myself. Diabetes has taught me it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, and to take chances when they come because any day could be my last. While my life is not perfect, I can confidently say that I am happier and healthier than I ever thought I could be when I was lying in that hospital bed five years ago. I have a wonderful support network of family, friends, and coworkers who have been there for me when I needed them. My biggest support has been my husband, who was only 20 when I was diagnosed and chose to stay with me even though I told him I would understand if he left - he has now saved my life more times than I can count.

The medicine is expensive, living is expensive.

On the other hand, I can't see myself without it. It very much is a part of me, something I can't change or wish away. It doesn't control my life, per se, but it does affect a majority of the things I do or don't do.

It also feels weird that I can't exactly remember the date anymore. I get asked a lot "when were you diagnosed?" and it's always a 30 second montage of figuring it out--Was it 2012? 2013??

I remember watching the start of TMNT 2012, and I'm pretty sure I was diagnosed then. So, for the most part, 10 years now. Crazy to think about.

12 years of hospitals, shots, insulin, pumps. 12 years of struggling with highs and lows.

12 years of living longer thanks to hospitals, shots, insulin, pumps, and struggling with highs and lows.

It may not be the easiest and I may not always feel grateful but I will forever be grateful to be able to see my life as it is now. To be able to see my family grow old, to have my fiancé standing by my side, to travel, to succeed and to fail.

I may not be grateful for my diabetes, but I am grateful to be able to live my life with diabetes.

[image description: a selfie of Annie holding her pink CGM while in her yard. Annie is a pale white person with long, straight brown hair, thick black glasses, thick eyebrows, brown eyes, and a horizontal scar across her throat. she is smiling and wearing a striped shirt and denim jacket. end of description.]

sun's out, CGMs out