#dialect guide

If you're trying to write a character from the Southern USA, look no further! We're from Alabama, and yes, we all talk like this.

General Phrases

Y'all — you all. The apostrophe goes after the Y, not the A.

Like to've — almost. As in "That car like to've hit me!"

(Damn) near (a)bout — almost. As in "It damn near 'bout killed me when he told my mama that!"

Fixin' to — about to. As in "I'm fixin' to make some tea if anybody wants some."

Over yonder — this could be literally anywhere. It is the least helpful answer to "Where is [thing/person/place]?" you could possibly receive. You will hear it a lot.

Ever lovin' — replacement for "damn" and its variants, usually. As in "Have you lost your ever lovin' mind‽"

Sweatin' like a sinner in church — If it's hot out, you can take this one literally. But if something "has you sweatin' like a sinner in church," it makes you nervous.

Hotter'n Satan's [body part (most often ballsack)] — it's extremely hot outside. Southerners have a pretty high heat tolerance, so this usually doesn't come out until 90°F/32°C or higher.

Colder'n a witch's titty in a brass bra — it's extremely cold outside (this is my favorite phrase ever). Southerners have a pretty low tolerance for cold, so this one comes out around 55°F/13°C or lower.

Talk proper — If you talk like a northerner/use formal English/etc., you're said to "talk proper."

Heavens to Betsy (& all her sisters & brothers) — mostly used by older people, just a general exclamation of dissatisfaction akin to "oh my god." Add the bit in parentheses if whatever your character is upset about is a real clusterfuck.

What in the Sam Hill — another exclamation of dissatisfaction, this one more akin to "what the fuck." Most often used as "What in the Sam Hill is going on here?" Who is Sam Hill? The Devil, probably. It's usually the Devil.

Knockin' on/at the Devil's door(step) — asking for trouble.

Grown folks' business — anything the adults don't want the kids asking them about.

Pitch a fit — throw a tantrum.

Fit to be tied — incredibly angry. As in "He was fit to be tied after his dog tore up the couch."

All tore up — messed up/hurting. As in "My stomach's all tore up after eatin' that fish."

Like a bat outta Hell — really fast. As in "She took off down that highway like a bat outta Hell."

Having a come to Jesus meeting — you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE. If someone says you're about to have a come to Jesus meeting, YOU FUCKED UP.

I reckon — I guess/I believe. As in "I reckon we might go on over to Mamaw & Papaw's house later."

Wore slap out — you're tired. As in "She was wore slap out after dealin' with them young'ns all day."

Knee high to a grasshopper — referring to when someone was a little kid. As in "Last I saw you, you was knee high to a grasshopper!"

Piddlin' around — wasting time/dillydallying.

Hug [someone's] neck — give a big hug. The bane of my existence as an autistic child in the South was being told "You go up there & hug their neck!" at family gatherings.

Makes you wanna slap your mama — it's damn good food. There's actually a Slap Ya Mama seasoning blend now, but the phrase came well before that.

Insults/Being Rude

Bless your heart — It's just a condescending phrase we use. No one ever says it because they like you.

Ain't got the sense [you/he/she/they] was born with — You're stupid or you lack common sense. Works either way. Regardless of the pronoun used, it's always "was," never "were."

Ain't got a lick of sense — another way to say someone's stupid or lacks common sense.

The porch light's on, but no one's home — we got a lotta ways to call you an idiot, okay.

Fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down — you're UGLY ugly.

Too big for [your/his/her/their] britches — you're too self-important/think you're better than everyone else.

I can't see through shit/muddy water — move, you're blocking my view.

Your daddy ain't a glass maker — same as previous.

Misc. Terms

Young'n — a child

Meemaw/Mamaw — your grandmother

Peepaw/Papaw — your grandfather

Your parents are almost always "mama" & "daddy," even after you're a grown adult.

Chitlins — this is a food nobody actually likes. Literally, everyone talks about that one family member who makes them, and nobody can stand the smell, much less actually want to eat them. If you want to know more about the food itself, look up "chitterlings."

Cattywampus — messy/askew. A stack of books at odd angles could be referred to as "all cattywampus."

Extra Notes

Yes, we really do leave off syllables and ending G. That's why I have so many words with apostrophes here lol. We do just talk like that.

"Sir" and "ma'am" are not optional when talking to people old enough to be your parents. They WILL pitch a fit if you don't use it.

We say "ain't" a lot, even where it isn't grammatically correct in standard English.

If you're ever speaking out loud (say for a podfic or audiobook), you don't say "have." It's more of an "uh" sound. Should've = shoulda. Would've = woulda. This is why so many people from the South write "would of" instead of "would have;" it's based on how we actually pronounce things.

Likewise, Southerners rarely say "I have." It's usually "I got."

We're big fans of running words together. "Lemme" (let me), "gimme" (give me), "wanna" (want to), "gonna" (going to), etc.

Related to above, sometimes we just say "I'ma" instead of any variant of "I'm going to." Especially if you're threatening someone, as in "I'ma slap that look right off your face."

We rarely say we're going to drive somewhere. Usually, it's "ride on over."

This is by no means exhaustive; I just tried to go with what's most commonly used! Any other Southerners are welcome to add stuff I missed!