Starter for @devilsxjustice
It took Natasha months of thinking. Everyone had to believe she was gone for good. The day came, she faked a mission gone wrong and made sure that at least one other Avenger was present to witness the "accident". She had led Hydra to her position and shot them dead after they bombed the building she was supposed to be in. It was believed that she was caught in the building, pinned underneath the falling debris as the flames rose and engulfed her. They were told that her body couldn’t be found, that it was most likely hidden under all of the rubble or turned to ash. They had to bury an empty casket.
She knew how painful it was, but she could never imagine the pain that she felt when she witnessed her own funeral. When she watched the people she loved grieve over her while she was only feet from her family but couldn’t comfort them.
She had watched their tears streak down their faces as they stared ahead at the closed casket, their cheeks glistening under the rays of sun that shone down on them. She watched their hands tremble as they showered roses onto the gleaming lid before returning to their seats with their heads bowed low. There weren't many people, only the ones that mattered were present at the wake. Close colleagues, friends, family, former lovers...
Nat had lived a life of pain, regrets and mistakes. She didn't take the chance to live a normal life when she had the opportunity. Foolishly taking it all for granted, believing she had to do more to clear her name but no matter how hard she tried, nothing would ever be enough. Her hate for herself and her past actions were blinding, making her think she had to give up everything for the greater good.
Life as an Avenger was complicated, dangerous. Her relationship with Matt was becoming more and more difficult. Love was there, but none of them wanted to give up on their "job". The Devil of Hell's Kitchen was busy fighting in the dark and at the stand and the Widow was always out on missions.. Both of them would come home beaten black and blue and it seemed to be harder and harder to witness every time. Nat offered Matt a chance to work with her, to join the Avengers but he refused. She insisted, she really did but the answer was always the same. On the other hand, Matt tried to talk her out of her job, offering her a normal life with him working at his firm. Natasha wanted that life but it was too soon, she wasn't ready. Or at least she thought so. Eventually, what had to happen did, they parted ways, their lives too complicated to mix love and work.
It took her eight years. Eight years to finally realize the mistake she'd made. What she wanted, what she needed had been right in front of her eyes all this time and she'd turned her back on it. There wasn't a day she didn't think of Matt, how things could have turned out if she had accepted to stay. Now here she was, adjusting her coat for the third time in five minutes, looking out the window, wondering if breaking into her ex's apartment had been a good. She needed to talk to him, to apologize..
This was her chance to start over and this time, she was going to take it