#devils.poem

And as I looked at the fading sunshine

Off in the horizon

I made a vow to myself

That I’d focus on me

On my studies

That this is the year I’d stop looking for love

And as I watched the night blossom

Starlight illuminating my way home

I closed the door behind me

Unbeknownst for me

That you’d be just around the corner

He’s standing at the bottom of the stairway, the guests dancing behind him, and he’s smiling up at me

He’s smiling like we’re old friends, he’s smiling like I just saw him yesterday, he’s smiling like he’s got a right to even look at me

I clench my jaw and I steel my gaze, his apologies won’t sway me, not this time

I have forgiven, I have forgotten, and I have cried for you, no more, no more

I lift my chin to the heavens and as I reach the bottom step, I breeze past him, no acknowledgment in my wake

He reaches out to grab my shoulder and I tense under his touch, my eyes lighting in fire as I whirl around to look at him, my teeth bared in a hiss

What do you want from me, I ask, what else do you need from me, I square my shoulders, looking up at him

He’s tall, his eyes a warm shade of brown, and his smile is still in place, he’s holding me gently, laughter in his voice

There’s tears in my eyes, he can’t see what he’s done to me, what I had to do to build myself back up in his absence

I’m frigid like ice, I’m stormier than the rising sea, my edges are sharp and it’s all because of what he’s done to me

He greets me with love, arms wrapping around me, and I’m surrounded by him and for a split moment I feel safe

I feel loved, I feel the emptiness within me filled for a fraction of a second

And then he pulls back, smiling sheepishly, and I’m cold once more

Tears prickle my eyes and I take a step back to fix myself, always having to fix myself

He unbalances me, leaves me confused, I yearn for your love, for your attention

But I know I’ll never get it, I won’t ever be your priority, and it’s taken me so years to understand that

I welcome you softly, my edges softened from your brief touch, and watch as you blend back into the crowd

The longing stays, the need to follow, to have your attention on me grows

But I stomp it down and turn back to my duties, to my life

I’m not yours anymore, you’ve lost every right to me, but that doesn’t mean that a part of me still loves you

I’ll always love you, you’re my king and I’m your princess

The castle is empty, everyone has gone, and I’m alone for the night

By the balcony I love to sing, my song engulfed by the roaring sea

The sun has set and the moon shines upon me, I’m cold and I’m alone