#desmaterializeime

Yesterday, I saw your with her... And my heart broke a little more.... Because you know, it's different know about something than see it, with your own eyes. Know already hurts; see is able to kill. And I died inside, when I saw your face looking to her, the same way I always dreamed. Knows, you looked so happy... Realize that she's your happiness, made my happiness seems so insignificant. You was my happiness, but now, you're being happy with someone else... And believe me when I say that I'm happy to see you happy. No, I'm not being fake or ironic, I truly appreciate the smile on your face, but I can't be hypocrite with myself... Your happiness, makes my heart ache, because I wanted be her, but I can't. There's no guilt upon you. I swear. The only guilty in this ridiculous cliche drama is me, for deceiving me so immaturely believing that I could be with you... But I can't, I know that I can't. You deserve more than me... You deserve someone more intelligent, more funny, more interesting and charming. You deserve someone beautiful, kind, sweet and sexy. You deserve someone that belongs to your social level, someone that can offer something to you... Someone like her... She's perfect. Perfect for you. She's everything you need, everything I wanted to be, but can't. She's your match. And I'm nothing... I'm just a viewer of your joy. She can gives you the world... And all I have for you, it's my heart. Clearly, isn't enough...

So, I'm sorry... For not be good enough. For not be perfect. For not be smart, interesting or sensual. I'm sorry for be so small. I'm sorry for don't have nothing but my heart, to offer. I'm sorry... For be a waste of time to you.

Singularidade

Singularity, that's what you're. That inexplicable cosmic situation that made of you, a perfect little infinite.

So singular in your complex plurality... Every touch, breath, look, moviment, everything is plural, but singular upon your eyes.

The way you look, the way you place your hands through my waist, the path your fingers draw through my back, the form your lips paint my skin, the way your breath makes my fur get bristle, the power of your igneous eyes, working so hard to uncover and read all my lines, the form you take my body to you, and make it all yours, because you can't control the love running into your veins and want so bad to make me see it, feel it, love it....

You're singular. And made of me, your right point in time-space...

I'm the gravity that made you exist, I'm the time-space where you habit.

Made of my arms, your home. Made of my freckles, your constelations. Made of my curves, paradise. Made of my voice, your favorite midnight-symphony. Made of my wishes, your perdition. Made of me, your heaven & hell.

Singularity... A moment in the eternity, where you and I, are just a sigh.

Last summer - Último verão

I still can feel the fresh summer air, kissing my skin like a order of freedom. White clouds dancing through the clear sky; the sweetness of the alcoholic juice going down my throat; an intense taste of provocation caress my fingertips into curves of a moraine skin. The gold of your melanin satisfy my eyes, so full of a deep passion, made of full emotions and no control...

And I'm still able to remember of last night... The way you touch, the way you breathe, the way you clamor... Your voice, your smell, your relish, your warmth, your eyes, your glow...  Everything on you is so divine and so profane! I feel like a sinner, that commits a sin and have delight in think in the hell's fire...! The fire is your body and my punishment is fall in love for you, again and again, deeper, harder, with no mercy, without escape.

Was our last summer together... Everything was perfect in paradise, until you profess the new life waiting for you, in the exact moment you leave me behind. We went from 'loved and happy' to 'moving on and shattered'. Slowly dying in front of my tears, my dream of happy ending. Of course, since the principle I knew, we weren't a forever, we were just a pastime, a fast pit stop till your next stage. I was ok with this... Well, I thought I was. Listen your words, so practices, so cold, so emotionless made me feel... Like a fool. A fool that fell so deeply in love that couldn't stop and think that, how more I got deeper, more difficult would be to come back to the surface.  I drowned. And hadn't any life buoy to help my broken heart.

Was in our last day summer that I watched you walking away, to never come back. You were mad with me, because I don't accepted your cruel proposal of 'stay as we were, cause we worked good together', while you followed with your new life, like if I don't deserved more than just the role of your lover. I denyied. And would denyied thousand times more, even though my heart got lacerated with every word I spell.

I dreamed about a life for us... Together, loving, happy and with a family, but my dream was just mine. For you, I was a drop, while for me, your were the whole ocean....

And I couldn't swim safely, without gaining unintelligible marks.

“ A luz da está sobre nos, velando os sonhos que são meus e teus. Por maior que seja o espaço, a distância entre nós, não importa para onde você vá, sei que meu coração te seguirá. Mais vez, você poderá abrir meu coração e lá, protegido e seguro, encontrará seu reflexo.  E foi amor quando meus braços encontraram os seus... A vida passou a fazer sentindo quando, perto ou longe, meu coração seguiu com você. Não importa a distância, o tempo ou o espaço, basta abrir meu coração e então, poderá que você permanece aqui. E assim estará até depois do fim... ”