#desiraypark

Adam Sackler

You always had pets growing up, but the Brooklyn apartment you and Adam share is roughly the size of a shoebox, so a larger pet is out of the question

One afternoon a few days before Christmas you drag him to the pet store, with the intention of not coming home until you’ve chosen something.  After an hour of wandering around, you’ve almost given up, when you hear one of the employees yell “Ow!  Fucker!” and jerk their hand out of a small cage, with a small, furry creature attached to it.

It’s a hamster, and it looks just like the one you had when you were growing up.  

Adam doesn’t look convinced, but after you whisper in his ear exactly how you plan to show him your gratitude, he buys you the little fluffball, and spends a small fortune on various accessories.

You name her Nibbles.  She lives up to her name by attacking you every time you put your hand in her cage.

Adam calls her Nipples, and pretends to mishear you each time you correct him.

After the third time you both look up mid-fuck to find her holding onto the bars of her cage and staring intently at you, Adam insists that you cover the cage before sex can commence.

You tell him he’s being a prude.

He tells you you chose a hamster who’s a pervert, and she’s a furry little freeloader who contributes nothing to the household.

But he’s also the one who spends an entire day tearing the apartment to pieces when she gets out of her cage, finally finding her cowering behind the refrigerator.

“Fuckin’ asshole,” he growls, depositing her gently back in her home.  “You’re such a pain in the ass,” he tells her, as he makes sure the cage door is tightly fastened.  And then he gives her a couple of treats.

When you get home and ask why the apartment is in such a state, Adam feigns complete ignorance about the matter.

This is between him and Nipples.

Charlie Barber

Henry gets to choose the name, which is how you end up with a black and white female rabbit named Batman.

Although you and Henry had done plenty of research on keeping an indoor rabbit, you weren’t prepared for quite how destructive Batman turns out to be.

Charlie keeps right out of it at first.  He doesn’t not like animals, but he didn’t grow up with pets, so he doesn’t really quite get the point of having an animal in the house.

He does get involved, however, when she chews through his laptop cable.

Henry is at a friend’s house for the night, which is fortunate, because he would have learned a lot of choice new vocabulary.

You can guess what happened from the ranting coming from the other room, so you sit and wait until Charlie appears with his mangled cable in one hand, and an unrepentant baby rabbit kicking and flailing in the other.

“Your furry child is misbehaving again,” says Charlie, handing her to you.  She immediately climbs up your chest, and burrows her face under your chin.

“Poor thing,” you say in a sing-song voice to Batman, stroking her soothingly, and glaring at Charlie.  “Is daddy being mean to you?”

Charlie’s nostrils flare, but he just throws himself down onto the far end of the sofa in a huff, and orders himself a new cable from the Apple website.  He then sends you a series of messages, which all turn out to be links to recipes for rabbit on Pinterest.

“Daddy is a bad, bad man,” you murmur to sweet, innocent Batman, who has never done anything wrong in her life.  And who is now sleeping on your chest like a little baby angel.  “All this fuss over a silly little cable.”

You don’t look at Charlie at all.  But you can feel his gaze on you, and you know from previous experience just how dark his eyes will be right now.  

He hates that you’re ignoring him, and being a bit of a brat.

As soon as you put yours and Henry’s pet away for the night, your man is going to show you just how bad he is.

You smile.  

Paterson

There’s a fish tank in the waiting room at the clinic.  Every time you go for an appointment, Pat notices that you make a point of situating yourself near to it.  And rather than reaching for one of the months-old magazines provided, you sit and stare at the brightly coloured fish inside, your eyes following them as you track their movements with a little smile on your face.

“They’re so pretty,” you tell him, when he asks you about it.  “I like watching them.  It makes me feel calm, before we go in.”

The two of you sit side by side in that waiting room month after month, then year after year, watching the fish swim round and round in the tank.

Until finally, right before Thanksgiving, you hear the news it feels like you’ve been waiting your entire life for.

After only a few days of relief and happiness, the worry starts to set in.  Like a tap dripping slowly into a stoppered sink, it fills you up slowly but gradually.  After so much struggle and heartache, this all feels too easy.  What if something happens?  What if something goes wrong?  What if what if what if -?

A month passes, and Christmas is approaching fast.  You decorate the house over a period of three days, in between bouts of exhaustion and nausea that are, at least, symptoms that everything is proceeding safely and normally.  Well, you hope they are.

At the end of the third day, you put the star on the top of the tree together with Pat, and then stand back to admire your handiwork.  “It looks beautiful, honey,” he says, wrapping his arms around you from behind.  One hand strays to your stomach, where all of your collective hopes and dreams seem to currently reside.

This time next year ... you think.  And then stop yourself.  It’s all just too good to be true.

You burst into tears, and it takes Pat hours to console you.

The next day on his bus route, he doesn’t take his notebook out of his bag at all.  Instead, he thinks about you.  How anxious you are.  It can’t be good for you, or the baby.  He wishes he could be home with you all the time, but there’s plenty of overtime available at the moment, and you need all the money you can get. 

If only there was something he could do to help you calm down, he thinks.

Wait - 

The idea strikes him as he pulls in to the bus depot at the end of his shift.  That night he sits at the kitchen table long after you’ve gone to bed exhausted, figuring out a budget.  And on Saturday morning, while you are still sleeping, he creeps out of the house, and drives to the big pet superstore that just opened up on the other side of town.

By the time you wake up, he’s moved the furniture in the living room around to accommodate the new arrivals, and they are settling into their new home nicely.

“Morning,” you say, shuffling into the living room, still wiping sleep out of your eyes.  You rise up on your toes to kiss him, and lean into his embrace for a while, before stepping back, and looking around the room.

Your eyes immediately alight on the plant-filled tank he’s installed.  It’s quite compact, but has plenty enough space for the tiny, iridescent fish who now inhabit it.

“What’s this?” you breathe, both delighted and confused.  It isn’t quite the question you meant to ask.  You know what it is.  But you aren’t sure why.

But Pat understands.  He always understands.  “You’ve been feeling so stressed and worried lately, honey.  So I thought this might help you to feel calm, when I’m not here to make you feel better.”  He got it completely right, like he always does.  But he’s still looking at you with a nervous uncertainty that makes your heart melt.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve such a thoughtful man,” you whisper around the lump in your throat, welling up again for the millionth time this week.  But this time you aren’t sad, or worried, or feeling particularly hormonal.  Just incredibly, unbelievably happy.  And so, so lucky.  

Eventually, you sit down on the couch together.  

You can’t stop staring at the pretty fish.  And Pat can’t stop staring at you.

Laughter filled the modest three-bedroom home you shared with Flip. Fingers twirled around a ridiculously long phone cord as you chatted with your long-distance girlfriend, Katie. It was nice to finally be able to relax in the empty house you both had shared for the five years you’d been married. And almost two years since Flip had been sent away to the war. 

You tried to busy yourself with work as a night shift nurse, taking every possible spot you could to stay out of the house. It was too hard to be there when he wasn’t. His scent of cigarettes and pine soap disappeared months ago, and it left you empty inside. 

Sure you both wrote the occasional letter when he was able to send them over. And you gathered care package goods to ship over so he’d still feel like he was home, or so you’d imagined he would when he opened the items. Everything was just… different. You hated to admit it, but it was difficult to function without your handsome man at your side. 

He was your protector, your love, your everything. Your other half of your soul was thousands of miles away, fighting in a war he never asked to be in. The existential dread fell over you whenever you laid down to shut your eyes. You didn’t even speak it out loud, because you believed in karma, and only thought the best you could when it came to those dark moments thinking about his safety. 

You pleaded with whatever entity that he’d come home safe and in one whole piece. That he would make it out of there unscathed and never have to go back. You cried and cried over the time lost between the both of you. Bargaining that if he came back, you’d finally start that family you and he had been talking about for several years. You’d vow to spend way more than just a few hours each night together, cut down on work, and all the other larger than life assurances you would whisper into the darkness. Pleading all of this into the night for his perfect face to hold again, to kiss and taste. 

______________

Today, though, was a different kind of day. You woke up out of your king-sized bed to the streams of gorgeous morning light shining through the window. For the first time in what felt like years, you smiled and stretched your limbs. Crawling out of bed you hurried to put on your furriest robe and comb your hair. Then meandered downstairs to your kitchen to make some fresh coffee. It was your day off from a long 60+ hour week and you needed the rest more than you could fathom. 

Your plans were simple. Shower, start some laundry, make a grocery list, sit and read, and possibly call your mother if you had the time. You sat to enjoy your morning Joe and read the daily paper, making sure to do the crossword puzzle just as you did every morning.

During your fourth sip of sweet caffeine, a phone call came in. You answered and immediately beamed at your long time pal who sang your name over the phone. The laughter ensued and you found yourselves talking for nearly an hour or more if you’d bothered to look at the time. And now here you were giggling like a schoolgirl with her totally oblivious to the taxi that had parked in front of your home. 

__________________

You jumped as you heard the front door creak open. 

“Hold on, Katie,” you placed the phone on the counter, grabbing the sharpest knife from the block next to the stove. Ready to attack this intruder who seemingly broke the lock on your front door. A thud reverberated through the living room followed by what sounded like boots. 

“H-hello?” you asked the lumbering faceless figure in your foyer. “Don’t test me, asshole!” you yelled in what you thought was a warning tone. 

The figure huffed. “You know your tough-girl voice isn’t really that convincing babe.” 

It’s deep familiar tone echoed from the dark corner. The figure shuffled around the large bag it had dropped and came into the bright living room. He looked so exhausted. Dressed in his army green uniform. Dark locks perfectly feathered his dotted face. Glistening eyes upon hearing your shrill threatening voice from the kitchen. 

“Hey honey,” he whispered. You stood there dumbfounded in your PJs. Not really knowing if that was actually him on the other side of the room. 

Just as you registered that fact he, closed the gap between you and wrapped his huge arms around your waist. You dropped the knife to the ground and your empty hands found the back of his head, messing up his perfectly set hair. You inhaled his camel cigarettes and sobbed into his crisp uniform. Hugging him tighter and tighter as you heaved in and out. 

“U-hmm honey…” he spoke into the crook of your neck, no doubt sobbing silently too. 

“You’re kinda chokin’ me out,” he gasped and tickled your sides. 

“God you asshole,” you choked out wiping tears away. “I missed you so much.” 

“I missed you too honey. More than you know,” he sobbed again hiding his face back into your chest. You began to cry too petting his perfect strands again. 

“I can’t believe you’re home Phil,” you whispered, kissing his crown. 

“Yeah baby,” he stammered into your sternum. 

“I’m home.”

__________

god i hope this was halfway decent, Desi. you write so well and i didn’t want to disappoint at all! 

🖤,