#denoucments

ever since the other night i've been thinking 'bout the way you smile golden wanna move inside of your light what have i done? oh no, what have i done? you be brave for me, now i never thought i needed saving, i was right where i should be good god, i know it's dangerous, but it's you that i need i'm in love this time oh, i’m in love this time.

If someone were to describe the anger currently fueling Indigo it felt like a tea kettle coming to a full boil. Screaming, and screeching that it’s reached it’s limit and it was time for the fire to back off. Except the fire didn’t back off, it reached new heights as he watched his youngest sister, despite her status, get shoved again. The rest of his family was busy, and that was fine, there was a lot of them to keep track of and despite have three parents, they couldn’t be everywhere. So Indigo kept his eyes on this situation and once the guy put hands on Poppy… Well he couldn’t remember what happened next. 

What he did remember was his mother’s loud, firm, voice. Distinctly full of a raging fire and a tone he knew well. His mom’s shrill and purposeful. More akin to daggers of ice, one he knew had never been turned on him, and he was suddenly thankful in his haze it never had been. He’d wondered all of a moment where his father’s voice was, his siblings were cutting through his static one by one… He’d found his father not by voice but by his familiar soft hands wrapping around his bicep and yanking with a lot more strength than Indigo ever thought his dad would have off the Dominant currently screaming in pain.

He looked down at his hands and one hand had bright red knuckles staring back him, covered in blood wasn’t his own. He brows furrowed because he didn’t remember all he could remember was the hot, bright red anger that had flooded him. Finally his dad’s voice cut through the static, and everything came back to him all at once. His father’s fingers tight around his upper arm and his words processing. “What were you thinking, Indigo?!” His tone was angry, but it wasn’t loud because it was never loud. Always a level headed middle that only made Indigo angrier for some reason.

He continued to lecture Indigo while tossing him into the car Julian had brought to Raj’s game. God he owed Raj so many fucking apologies. He hadn’t meant to cause all this drama but watching his sister being… Man handled in a way that clearly made her uncomfortable, to polite to say anything that could be remotely considered rude. He zeroed back into his father’s words mid sentence. 

“And what’re you considering the better version?” She didn’t want to ask the specifics. If the version in which she was involved was better. If he was just talking about the money. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer to those questions just yet. If she asked him she’d have to really think and face the fact that her life with him involved was better.

“I was pretty sure you were going to murder me on our first date.” Her eyebrows raised at the question, her legs tangled with Jace’s as they stargazed. “Not too many guys both agree with my theories, but also have them of their own without turning out to be an idea for a subject of Mindhunter.”

Peyton didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve the woman who was standing above her now, washing her hair carefully making her feel that she mattered and so loved. She’d made a lot mistakes, but relapsing to this degree… God it had been such a long time. She was going back to rehab in the morning, 4 week in patient, 4 weeks out… Just like before, but this time she was more receptive to help than she’d been in the past. She wanted to be done with this, done with hurting people who loved her this much, and gave her so many fucking chances that she didn’t even close to deserve. 

“… I love you, Vannah.. And I’m so sorry.” Her voice came out choked, and wet. Tears she didn’t realize had been pooling in her eyes ran in hot streams down her face as Savannah rinsed the last of the conditioner out of her hair. “I can’t promise this will never happen again I… I will promise I’ll try my fucking hardest to be better for you.” She was thankful that in that moment she was looking up at the ceiling because if she’d been looking Savannah directly on she might have fully broken down, and she knew that. Peyton wanted to get better for herself, to the person she knew she could be, but she also wanted to get better for Savannah, to be worthy of the love she gave Peyton so freely.

Baby knew as soon as she said how much trouble she was in. She knew this ship was sinking and all she had was a dinky bucket in her hands to try and scoop out the water even when there was no chance of saving herself or the stupid boat she’d built for herself. But there was no point in backing out now, so she might as well own up to it fully. “Yeah that’s exactly what I said, and I’ll say it again. Fuck you, fuck you and this entire place. I dinna need this my family made a mistake, if I had any sort of power too I’d leave right the fuck now.”  She stood taller now, shoulders as wide as she could make them her accent slipping in further now. “I’m already tired of you, and this place so… Aye, fuck you.”

The nickname pierced through any kind of armor she had left, and tears sprung to her eyes. This wasn’t his intention, and she had none of telling him how she felt but it felt like if she didn’t she might fully combust. There were so many things wrong with this, wrong with every fucking part of it, but it didn’t really matter now because they were in too deep, and she was in too deep. “Yes… Yes I’m saying I miss you.” She swallowed all of the anxiety and fear creeping up her chest down and continued to speak knowing if she didn’t now she would never be able to again. “I’m saying that I go back to my dorm room at night and I wish I could just stay with you instead, I’m saying that I’m not in your class anymore and that means I don’t have an excuse to see you everyday and that hurts me. I miss you far more than I should I have no idea what that might mean other than… Maybe I love you, and I’ve thoroughly fucked myself over by letting myself get this close… I don’t know what to do here, so please give me something to show that I’m not crazy, Julian.”