Modern day heartbreak is Jennel throwing her phone across her bedroom when she reads rumours about Demi being ‘very close’ with certain L.A DJ’s that were flirting with her when they were together. It’s Demi blocking Jennel on every social media platform she has and then unblocking her a number of days later. It’s messy, very messy but it’s only messy because all of their friends know their business and it’s never going to go away because it’s online for them all to see.

Demi is currently lay in a bed, it might not be her bed but at least it’s a bed, she’s staring up at the ceiling thinking about how her life has been since the break-up. Thinking about how sleeping with a different woman every week really isn’t working for her anymore, it wasn’t working for her in the first place. She doesn’t even know why she thought it would be a good idea but so far it’s one of the worst ideas she has ever had in her 25 years of existence on this planet.

She turns to the side and stares at the woman next to her, she’s got dark brunette hair and tattoos on her shoulders. Demi just lets out a bitter but quiet laugh because this is just ironic now. This woman even wears the same perfume that Jennel wore. Demi deeply inhales, letting the scent invade her nostrils. Letting the thoughts of Jennel that she’s tried so hard to forget, filter into her mind, the way her nose would crinkle up slightly when she’d smile, like really smile. She thinks about the way that Jennel would wrap her arms around her waist in the morning as she woke up, pulling her closer before softly kissing her good morning.

The woman next to her murmurs slightly in her sleep and Demi sighs, throwing the sheets off of her naked body. She sits up and places her feet on the cold, hard wooden floor below her, standing up and grabbing her underwear off the floor. Carefully sliding them back up her legs and trying her hardest not to wake the woman up, she doesn’t want this to be any awkward than it already is. A yawn escapes her mouth as she glances around the room trying to locate her dress. She finds it in the doorway of the bedroom, groaning as she bends down to pick it up. Shimmying it up her body while making her way out of the bedroom knowing that the rest of her belongings will be next to the front door. A little method she has after the first time this happened and she spent 30 minutes trying to find her phone and bag causing her to end up in an awkward conversation with a woman that she had no intention of seeing ever again.

Once she has all of her belongings, including her phone, her bag and her ridiculously high heels which seemed like a good idea when Matthew was dragging her out the night before, she carefully opens the front door. Walking outside and then quietly closing it behind her in an attempt to not wake up the sleeping woman inside. The sun is hurting her eyes, she might be five years sober but having minimal hours of sleep and then having to go into the bright L.A morning sun is what can only be described as a hangover, or at least that’s what Demi calls it, whereas Max and Marissa like to call it a ‘sex hangover’ much to Demi’s disgust.

Demi begins walking away from the woman’s house and onto her driveway, pulling her phone out of her bag, unlocking it and then dialling Max’s number because all she wants right now is to crawl into her own bed and sleep for at least 12 hours.

“What the address Demi?” Is how Max answers the phone causing Demi to rolls her eyes at how well he knows her weekend routine now. So she just gives him the woman’s address and leans against the wall that encases the woman’s house.

“Thank you Max.” Demi mumbles when Max tells her that he’s on his way and will be twenty minutes at the latest. Tears begin to slowly make their way down Demi’s cheeks because if you had told her this time last year that she’d be doing this instead of waking up next to the love of her life she would have told you to fuck off. In her mind Jennel was it for her, Jennel was the one for her, the love of her life. But sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to and sometimes the best things fall apart and can’t be put back together again.

She wipes her face and looks up at the sky, she knows that Max has seen her in worse states than this but she really doesn’t want him to see her crying. He’s like a father figure to her and she knows that seeing her upset hurts him because he knows that he has no way of fixing things that are out of anyone’s control.

The car pulls up in front of her and Max unlocks the doors, Demi pulls the passenger’s door open while giving Max a sad smile. She climbs into the car, slamming the door shut and then buckling her seatbelt. She glances towards Max and he gives her a sympathetic smile and Demi knows that he’s just trying to make her feel less shit that she already feels but right now he can keep his sympathetic  smile to himself.  

The drive back to Demi’s house is quiet, with the only noise coming from the radio which Max has on the lowest volume possible. Demi leans her head against the window and slowly closes her eyes, thoughts of Jennel still swimming around in her head. All she can see is Jennel’s smile and the way her eyes would sparkle slightly when the sun hit them at just the right angle. She can picture the way Jennel would look in the mornings, with her hair a mess on the pillow under her head, her eyes full of sleep and a dopey sleepy smile on her face because as she used to say ‘I don’t need a reason to smile when I wake up next to you Dem.’

Demi wipes her face when tears begin their journey down her cheeks again, opening her eyes and sadly smiling at Max when he hands her a tissue. She whispers a quiet thank you and wipes her face before resting her head on the window again as Max begins the drive down the road that Demi lives on.  When he pulls into the driveway and parks outside Demi’s house she leans over the central console and wraps her arms around him, he hugs her back and presses a caring kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you Max.”

“Any time Demi, I’m always going to be here for you. Now get inside and go to sleep please.” Max replies, removing his arm from around her shoulders and brushing her hair out of her face. She looks up at him and he just looks at her with sympathetic eyes. Demi pulls away from him, grabbing her bag and heels from the footwell; she opens the door and gets out of the car. Slamming the door shut causing Max to glare at her, Demi laughs and waves to Max as she walks up the stairs towards her front door. She rummages in her bag for her keys and pulls them out when she finally finds them, unlocking the door and walking inside. Closing the door behind her and dropping her bag, keys and shoes on the floor at her feet. She keeps her phone in her hand though.

She slowly makes her way towards her bedroom, pushing the door open and walking inside. She slides the dress down her body, letting it pool at her feet before she steps out of it. Leaving it on the ground as she walks towards the bathroom, she walks inside and turns the shower on before staring at her reflection in the mirror. Groaning when she notices the dark purple marks on her chest, she really needs to stop this ridiculous cycle that she seems to have gotten herself into over the past two months.  

Demi turns the shower to the hottest temperature she knows she can handle before stepping under the water and letting it pour over her. She leans against the tiled wall behind her as the water washes over her. Tears rolling down her cheeks because how the fuck did her life end up like this? Demi’s shower takes fifteen minutes longer than usual and those fifteen minutes are spent crying and wanted to repeatedly punch anything. So she just stands there, staring at the wall in front of her and screaming as loud as she can.

Once the showering and the screaming into thin air has ended Demi gets out of the shower, shutting it off and then wrapping herself in a towel. Her wet hair leaves droplets of water on her chest and shoulders as she continues to stare at her reflection in the slightly misted mirror. Her fingers tracing over the marks on her chest, god she hates herself. She soon shakes herself out it though drying her body and hair before dropping the towel on the floor and walking out of the bathroom. She continues her post shower routine, moisturising her face and body as well as pulling on her comfiest clothes because all she wants to do now is get into bed and sleep for the rest of the day.

She’s wearing sweats and one of Jennel’s hoodies that she purposely hid when Jennel was collecting her things because it’s her favourite hoodie. Demi walks towards the lounge and then sits on the sofa, pulling her knees up to her chest, groaning when the realises that Jennel probably coping with this whole situation better than she is.

But Jennel really isn’t doing well; in fact Jennel is doing the exact same thing that Demi is doing. She’s having sex with different woman. The only difference is the fact that Jennel is sleeping with the same three women instead of have one night stands with multiple women like Demi is. Neither of them know what the other is doing though, if they did it would break them both even more.

She makes Max keep her updated on how Demi is doing because they might not be together anymore but she is always going to love her and she’s always going to care about her. You can’t be in a relationship with someone for four years and stop loving them or caring about them when you break up, it just doesn’t work like that. Max does keep her updated on Demi, he just leaves out the part where Demi sleeps with a different woman every week and then cries herself into a deep sleep the day after because she’s still in love with Jennel.

Jennel is lay next to one of the three women that she’s sleeping with, she doesn’t know her name and if she’s honest she really doesn’t care. She just refers to her as ‘the one with the blonde hair and pierced nipple’; and she really didn’t mean to let her spend the night because she hates the awkward conversation when she tries to make her leave her apartment in the morning.  She takes a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling before quickly waking the woman up and brutally telling her that she has to leave, her voice emotionless.

The woman glares at Jennel before getting out of the bed and collecting her belongings from around the room. She quickly redresses herself and makes her way out of Jennel’s room before she leaves the apartment.  Jennel groans, lying back in her bed and staring at the ceiling. How the fuck did her life end up like this? How did she go from being madly in love with Demi to sleeping with women she couldn’t give a single fuck about in such a short amount of time?

Jennel rolls herself off the bed, standing up and grabbing a t-shirt out of her drawers. She pulls it over her head and begins to strip the bedsheets off of her bed, wanting any traces of the woman who just left off of her bed gone. She doesn’t want to get into that bed tonight and be able to smell that woman; she wants to forget that it ever happened, well until next time anyway. Tears roll down her cheeks as she pulls the sheets off the mattress. Her eyes are glued to the spot on the wall behind the headboard where the wallpaper is slightly scuffed because Demi threw a picture frame at it when they were having an argument.

“Demi will you just listen to me?” Jennel screams, ducking as Demi launches a picture frame in her direction. It smashes against the wall and falls to the floor, glass and wood flying in every direction possible.

“Why the fuck should I listen to you?”

“Because I love you, you giant idiot. You misunderstood me Demi, please just let me explain.” Jennel moves across the room, grabbing hold of Demi’s wrists and holding on to them while staring into Demi’s eyes and hoping that Demi will let her explain what is actually happening.

“You have five minutes, who’s apartment is this? Why are you here and who the fuck was that woman leaving as I came in?”

“It’s my apartment; I’m here because I’m moving to L.A Demi. I can’t be a whole country away from you anymore so I put a down payment on an apartment. I was going to tell you tonight but that plan has kind of gone out of the window now.” Jennel says, her hands sliding into Demi’s as she continues to stare into her eyes. “The woman you saw leaving was my real estate agent, she was giving me the keys and making sure that I was settled and that everything was okay.”

“H-how? Why is it already set up for someone to live here though? When did you even have time?”

“I shipped all my stuff over last week, Marissa, Matthew and Max set it all up for me. I wanted to be able to move in straight away.” Jennel explains leaning forwards and pressing her lips against Demi’s before pulling away and wiping the tears off Demi’s face.

“You live in L.A now? You live fifteen minutes away from me now?” Demi asks with a teary smile, pressing her lips against Jennel’s.

Jennel walks towards the wall and drags her fingers over the scuffed wallpaper, tracing the rough edges. She wipes her face with the back of her hand, balling the sheets up and carrying them into the laundry room. She shoves them into the washing machine along with detergent and turns it on. Jennel hates her bedroom because there are no memories in that room that don’t involve Demi, that room has never experienced a time before Demi. Jennel can’t even sleep in her own bedroom, she can’t sleep without the feeling of Demi pressed against her, and so Jennel just cries herself to sleep at night.

She misses the way that Demi would pull her closer while she was sleeping, her arms wrapped around her waist and their legs tangled together. Jennel would just smile and cuddle against Demi, she’d feel warm and loved and she would give up anything right now if it meant that she could feel like that again. The women that she’s sleeping with will never compare to Demi and she knows that.

Jennel still believes that Demi is her one true love. In Jennel’s eyes you only get one great love in this life, a love that is wonderful and beautiful. A love that makes you feel warm and safe, it’s also a love that’s scary and terrifying, but it’s a pure love, a true love. She believes that Demi was her true, pure and great love. But now, now she believes that she’s never going to find another love like that again because once you have it you’re never going to get it again, it’s almost impossible.

Jennel is stood in the hallway between her bedroom and the bathroom and she slowly slides down the wall so she’s sat on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest. She hates this, all she wants right now is to love Demi again, that doesn’t mean that she’s doesn’t still love her, but she wants to be able to love Demi without feeling like shit about it. She wants Demi to love her back again; she wants things to be the way they used to be because being away from Demi is fucking shit.

II

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet:

Demi is sat in the middle of her couch, her knees pulled up and her hands resting on them as she scrolls through the pictures on her phone. Thinking back on the highlights of her relationship with Jennel, the parts that she wishes she could relive over and over again.

She thinks back on the nights out that she’d have with Jennel and their friends, where Jennel would wear black skinny jeans with rips in them paired with tight t-shirts and either vans or heels and she’d wear tight crop tops with either skinny jeans or equally tight skirts. Her toned stomach would be on show and it’d make Jennel drool every single time.

They were once named the ‘it’ couple of L.A in some ridiculous online poll and Jennel loved bragging about it because it was hilarious in her eyes. Anyone and everyone that ever saw them on a night out either wanted to be them or be on them and they both knew it. They’d smirk when they’d catch people staring at them and it’d make their friends laugh. One of the major tabloids once called them ‘cool and edgy’ Jennel blamed that on Demi’s short black hair paired with a leather jacket and jeans with killer heels because ‘there’s no way it was because of me Demi I was wearing ripped jeans and vans with a goddamn white t-shirt, you’re the edgy one’.

It could also be said that Jennel vlogging their entire relationship was ‘cool’ but sometimes Demi didn’t think so. Jennel only vlogged their relationship because she began to notice that people were far too excited whenever either of them would post a video of the other on instagram, so why not give the people what they wanted.

Demi hated it though, well she didn’t hate it she just hated being filmed all the time, but she knew that Jennel wouldn’t film anything too private. It was mainly days out around L.A or if Demi was getting a new tattoo or sometimes it was Jennel videoing them while she was on tour with Demi.

They’re in Orlando on Demi’s tour; Jennel went with her because well she had nothing better to do than follow her popstar girlfriend around the world for half a year. They’re sat on one of the couches on the tour bus with Max and Marissa who are both playing Jenga very loudly, much to Demi’s disgust.

“Jennel I love you I really do but if you don’t get that goddamn camera out of my face I will kill you.” Demi says into the camera before looking at Jennel and glaring at her. Jennel just quietly laughs and places the camera on the table in front of them, leaning over and pressing her lips against Demi’s.

“You’re awfully moody this morning Dem.”

“Well you woke me up a 4am of course I’m going to be moody Jennel.” Demi says as if she’s stating the obvious, glaring at Jennel again when she picks the camera back up. “Put it down, I want to sleep not be filmed by my girlfriend who thinks she’s the next fucking Steven Spielberg.

“I wanted to watch the sunrise with my girlfriend sorry for trying to be cute, asshole.”

Jennel turns the camera off and places it on the table again, wrapping her arm around Demi’s shoulder and pulling her close to her. She presses her lips to the top of Demi’s head as she lets out a soft yawn. Demi cuddles into Jennel’s body, letting her arm rest across her waist as she moves slightly so her legs are on the sofa.

Due to Jennel’s vlogging efforts the both of them soon became friends with certain LGBT YouTubers that lived in L.A. Jennel loved it, Demi not so much. It’s hard to be friends with people when they’re star struck around you, but they soon realised that she was just a normal person though and they soon became people that Demi didn’t know she needed in her life but was glad that they wormed their way in.

They went to all of the award shows together; they had red carpet pictures together. Holding hands or stood next to each other with arms wrapped around waists and genuine smiles on their faces as the paparazzi screamed their names. They’d be happy and smiley and everyone could tell that they we absolutely in love with each other, especially when they’d look at each other like no one else was around them. Demi would look at Jennel like she was the only person in the world that she’d ever care about, that’s how people knew that they were in love.

Demi couldn’t keep her hands off Jennel, whether they were at home or at an awards show her hands were on Jennel’s body at all times. She needed to have Jennel every second and every day; it was safe to say that she was addicted to her. Jennel knew this, and she used it to her advantage far too much for Demi’s liking.

Jennel would walk around Demi’s house wearing just sweat pants and a lace bra just to tease Demi and get a reaction out of her. Every single time Jennel did this it ended the same way, with Demi pinning Jennel against the nearest wall or worktop while giving her the most devilish smirk as her hand slide down Jennel’s toned stomach and into the front of her sweat pants and past the waistband of her underwear.

Jennel would purposely tease Demi while they were out with their friends, she’d grind against Demi while they were dancing. Loving the way Demi would dig her fingers into her hips and pull her as close to her body as she physically could. Demi would always end up dragging Jennel out of whichever nightclub they were in, quickly waving bye to their smirking friends before telling Jennel to get into to car.

They’re stood on the front step of Demi’s house and Demi is having trouble opening the door but that’s mainly to do with the fact that Jennel is stood behind her with her lips on her neck and her hands slowly unbuckling Demi’s belt. Once Demi finally has the door open they’re falling inside and the second the front door is shut Demi has Jennel pressed against it. They’re kissing, all teeth and tongue and hands in hair, Demi picks Jennel up and walks her towards the nearest flat surface which just so happens to be the glass top dining table that is in the kitchen-diner.

Demi presses their lips together, moving closer to Jennel causing her to release a soft sigh as her arms wrap around Demi’s neck. Jennel traces her tongue over Demi’s bottom lip and moans when she slowly opens her mouth slightly. Their tongues meeting causing both of them to moan, Demi presses her hips against Jennel’s as she wraps her legs around her waist.

“Tell me if you want to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop Dem, why would I want you to stop?” Jennel moans as her fingers thread through Demi’s hair, pulling her closer for another kiss before kissing down her neck and softly biting down. “I want you.”

That is all Demi needs to hear before she’s sliding Jennel’s shirt over her head and throwing it on the floor. Demi drags her nails down Jennel’s sides harder than intended causing her to grind her hips against forwards. At some point Demi’s tight shirt was pulled over her head, Jennel has a smirk on her lips and her eyes glued to Demi’s underwear that’s only slightly visible over the waistband of her jeans. Jennel reaches forwards and traces her fingers over the material, pulling on it slightly and then releasing it so it snaps against Demi’s skin.

Demi unbuttons Jennel’s jeans and pulls them down her thighs, grinning when she sees black lace; there is nothing that Demi loves more than seeing Jennel wearing black lace underwear. The jeans end up on the floor along with Jennel’s shoes, which took Demi far too long to unfasten because Jennel wore vans on a night out. Demi is stood in front Jennel who is propped up against the table, chest flushed and hair out of place. Demi slowly runs her fingertips from Jennel’s knees up to her thighs, smiling to herself when she feels goose-bumps under her fingers.

She glides her fingers over Jennel’s wet folds through her underwear, and Jennel bucks her hips while pulling Demi’s face to hers and crashing their lips together, parting her lips with her tongue and moaning when Demi adds more pressure to her clit. Demi is enjoying the warmth of Jennel against her fingers and the sensation of their tongues moving together. Jennel pulls away and rests her forehead against Demi’s, panting but still grinding her hips.

“Please.” Jennel says, her voice somewhere between a whisper and a groan, on the edge of begging while her hips grind against Demi’s skilled fingers. “Please Demi.”

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me.”

Demi rips Jennel’s underwear down her legs and that motion alone causes Jennel to moan in pleasure before she’s pushed down against the glass top table. She sucks in a sharp breath as her back hits the cold glass beneath her. She arches her back to get away from the cold touch as Demi drops to her knees in front of the table smirking up at Jennel while her head between her legs. Her tongue dancing against Jennel’s drenched centre, moving over her clit in skilled intricate patterns.

Hips grinding against her face, Demi places her palm on Jennel’s stomach; fingers spread open in an attempt to still the woman. Jennel’s hands are on the back of Demi’s head and her legs are draped over her shoulders. She’s grinding her hips against Demi’s face and moaning her name as one of her hands flies off the top of Demi’s head and on to the table. Scratching at the glass while arching her back and cursing her girlfriends name under her breath as her body shudders and she lets herself have one of the fastest yet most fantastic orgasms of her life.

When Demi stands up she’s wiping her mouth and smirking at Jennel who is still lay in the middle of the table, legs open, breathless and unable to form words. She just groans when Demi traces her fingers over her clit, her back arching and a laugh falling out of her mouth.

“Not here, take me to bed.” Jennel manages to get out, wrapping her legs around Demi’s waist and then sitting up to kiss her. “Take me to your bed and fuck me again Demi.”

Sometimes they didn’t even make it home though, sometimes they’d end up in a cubicle in the toilets of the nightclub they were in with Demi’s hand between Jennel’s legs and her other hand covering Jennel’s mouth.

They were hot and they knew it, everything about their relationship was hot from the sex to the looks they gave each other when they couldn’t have sex because of where they were. Demi was a dominant person and Jennel loved that about her, she loved it even more when she was dominant in bed because it drove her wild.

Demi’s favourite part of their relationship was when it would be sweet, when they wouldn’t be all about sex and their public image. That’s when Demi loved their relationship the most. They’d take trips to Disneyland for birthdays or just because they were bored and wanted to be children with no worries for just a day. They’d walk around holding hands and laughing at each other while Max walked behind them. They’d take the most ridiculous selfies with the characters, ones with Jennel on Demi’s back while they stood next to the characters with giant grins on their faces.

“Demi I’m bored.” Jennel whines, walking towards Demi and lying across her on the couch. Demi laughs, brushing Jennel’s hair out of her face and lightly kissing her.

“And what would you like me to do about that?” Demi asks, kissing Jennel again while pushing her up so that she’s now straddling her waist.

“Entertain me, what kind of girlfriend would you be if you dragged me all the way to L.A and didn’t entertain me?”

“What was that?” Demi smirks at Jennel before grabbing her sides and tickling her causing Jennel the squirm against her and laugh while begging Demi to stop.

“I said you’re the best girlfriend ever and that I love you even if I’m bored.” Jennel screams, falling off Demi and on to the floor, she groans as Demi begins laughing at her. Jennel stands up, glaring at Demi as she flops on top of her again.

“Want to go to Disney?” Demi asks as if it’s the most normal question in the world, Jennel on the other hand looks at Demi like she’s just asked her if she wants to go to space.

“Are you serious Dem?”

“Well I mean I’ll have to call Max and I have no doubt that Marissa will want to come but yea I’m serious babe.”

“Fuck yes I want to go to Disney.” Jennel replies, peppering Demi’s face with kisses as Demi slides her phone out of her pocket to call Max. Twenty minutes later they’re all piled in a car on the way to Anaheim and Jennel is far too excited about it whereas Demi couldn’t care less, it’s just another day out for her. The entire drive is spent with Jennel planning where they’re going to go first and who they’re going to meet and in which order because ‘the princesses have to be first Demi.’

Once they’re inside the first thing Jennel does is drag Demi into the gift shop to buy mickey ears, this is her first time here and she’s going to do it right, even if it makes Demi glare at her and roll her eyes too many times in one day.

They walk around holding hands and laughing with each other, Jennel drags Demi on too many rides causing Demi’s feet to begin hurting. Jennel laces their fingers together as they make their way towards the line to meet Peter Pan. They stand in the queue because Jennel doesn’t want to cut in front of the kids just because she’s with Demi.

“You’re so cute.”

“Demi, its Peter Pan!” Jennel exclaims, turning to face Demi and laughing because Demi is pulling a ridiculous face at her. “This has been one of the best days of my life Dem.”

“Even better than meeting me?”

“Babe the day I met you I was awkward and nervous and you said I had a cute face, very smooth by the way.”

“Shut up, I was trying to be professional.” Demi defends, lightly tapping Jennel’s ass as they move forward in the queue.

“Yet six months later you got me in your bed.” Jennel smirks and Demi glares at her because she knows that that’s not true.

“I believe there were a lot of long late night phone calls and a large amount of texts before beds were involved Garcia.”

“Some of those texts weren’t so innocent, Lovato.”

Demi just winks at Jennel and lightly squeezes her hand as they get to the front of the queue. The guy dressed as Peter Pan looks at them in shock and Demi laughs at him while Jennel just stares at him. He motions for them to move forwards and Jennel drags Demi with her. Demi stands next to Peter Pan and Jennel jumps on her back as they stand next to him. She sticks her tongue out and the camera and Demi grins because her girlfriend is cute. They get their picture taken and Jennel jumps off Demi’s back before lacing their fingers together again as they talk to the guy dressed at Peter Pan.

“This is super unprofessional but can I have your autograph?” He asks, looking at Demi with a shy grin on his face, she accepts the sharpie off him and takes the autograph book off Jennel. She scribbles a small message and signature on a page along with a smiley face before ripping it out and handing it to the guy.

“Here you go, it was nice meeting you.” She says, smiling at him as Jennel looks up at her with a pout on her lips. “It seems like I’ve got to go, my girlfriend is becoming restless.” Demi laughs and Jennel smiles at her, softly kissing her and then walking away from Peter.

Jennel fit into Demi’s life so well that Demi began to believe that she was made for her, no one fits into someone’s family that well without being made for them. In Demi’s eyes Jennel was her soul mate, she was the one she was meant to be with. Out of all of Demi’s family members Jennel was closest with Maddie, they used to go out together when Demi was working or when Demi was away on press tours. Jennel would always know that even if Demi was busy that she could always just hang out with Maddie and she was forever thankful for that.

Demi would sometimes come home from being in the studio all day to find her girlfriend and her little sister asleep on her couch with blankets draped around them and the dogs asleep on the floor. She’d just carefully remove her shoes and then softly move Jennel before lying down with them and wrapping her arms around Jennel’s body as she cuddled against her. Nothing made Demi happier than seeing Jennel getting along with her family so well, it was honestly one of the best things that could have happened in her life with Jennel.

Jennel had a sweet side that no one else apart from Demi knew about and sweet Jennel was one of Demi’s favourites because she’d make sure that Demi always felt good about her body and on days that she didn’t Jennel would ask her why. She’d get to the bottom of why Demi was feeling the way she was and then she’d try to fix it, she’d make Demi feel loved and worth it.

She’d make Demi feel beautiful. Whenever Demi was ill, which was often, Jennel would look after her. She’d cook for her and bring her any medicine that she needed, she’d make sure that Demi was getting enough sleep and eating enough. She wouldn’t let Demi think about work because that would just stress her out and then she’d never get better.

But Demi was caring with Jennel as well, she cared about her so much, sometimes she’d care about her too much but Demi didn’t care. She loved Jennel so she was going to care for her, even if her friends and family teased her for caring a little bit too much. When Jennel realised that maybe a singing career wasn’t going to work out for her and decided that she wants to try and be a music producer Demi was there for her.

Demi set up meetings with some of her producers and they took Jennel under their wings, they taught her the skills and methods that she’d need while producing music. They trained her to be the very best because they knew that she had it in her. If Demi Lovato tells you that someone has it in them to do something then you better believe her.

III

Loving you was dumb, and dark, and cheap:

Jennel loved Demi that much that her family and friends called it dumb love. Each time they did Jennel would just roll her eyes and glare at them, telling them that they were just jealous as she wrapped her arms around Demi, who simply laughed at her. Part of Jennel knew that they were right but she didn’t want to believe them. She didn’t want to believe that her love for Demi was a specific type of love. That was until she actually googled what her friends and family meant, then she realised that there was a possibility that they were right. In Jennel’s eyes they weren’t right and she’d never tell them that they were possibly right.

They were right though, they are one hundred percent without a doubt right. Jennel’s love for Demi was in fact dumb love. Jennel did things out of habit, she did things for Demi out of habit because she had all of her faith in Demi’s love for her and she knew that Demi would do the exact same thing for her. Demi constantly called her out on it though, every single time and Jennel hated it.

Jennel is sat on the couch in Demi’s house; she’s sorting through Demi’s tour schedules, like what she would be doing in each city other than interviews and the shows. Max has tried to do it and every suggestion that he gave, Demi just turned it down. Demi simply suggests that Jennel should do it because no one knows her like Jennel knows her, Jennel would be able to complete the task easier than anyone else because she knows what Demi likes doing during her spare time.

Jennel does more than what is asked of her though, she finds places that she knows Demi will love, and she finds restaurants that she knows Demi will actually want to go into. She writes the numbers down in a book along with addresses and information about each location.

Demi walks into the house, kicking the door shut before letting Batman and Cinderella off their leashes. She walks into the kitchen, pulling the fridge open and then grabbing a bottle of water. She unscrews the cap and drinks a mouthful as she walks out of the kitchen. She leans against the wall in the entrance to the lounge and just watches Jennel with a smile on her face as Batman sits at her feet.

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what again?” Jennel replies, glancing towards Demi from the couch and smiling because Demi looks beautiful with her gym clothes on and no make-up.

“Dumb love.”

“Fuck off Demi.” Jennel laughs, throwing a pillow towards her. She stands up and walks towards her with a smile on her face. Demi pulls Jennel close to her once she’s within reaching distance, their hands attached as Jennel presses her lips against Demi’s.

“It’s okay baby, because I love you the exact same way, I will forever be dumbly in love with you Jennel Garcia.” Demi says, kissing Jennel and then smiling against her lips as arms wrap around her body.

Demi was right though, she was even more in love with Jennel than she let people know. Sometimes Jennel was all she could think about and sometimes it was at very inconvenient times, like in the middle of interviews. When Jennel was stood behind the camera with Max and Marissa, Demi couldn’t seem to pull her eyes away from her, missing questions and giving ridiculous answers to simple questions.

Demi really shouldn’t have let Jennel come to her interviews with her today, she’s too distracting and Demi isn’t listening to any of the questions that she’s being asked. She’s just glancing towards Jennel and smiling because Jennel is sat with Marissa and Max and they’re all goofing around. Jennel is sat on Marissa’s lap while they play heads up with Max, who absolutely sucks at it. Demi watches as Jennel throws her head back in laughter as Max whines about not being good at the game, Marissa catches Demi staring and smirks at her.

Marissa then whispers something into Jennel’s ear and Demi glares at her before getting flipped off by her best friend. Jennel lets out a small laugh and makes eye contact with Demi, winking at her as the interviewer asks her a question. Both Jennel and Marissa laugh when they realise that Demi isn’t listening to a word that the poor reporter is saying to her.

“What, my favourite dish? I like mugs because they’re very comfortable in your hands, and they hold hot things that you don’t have to touch. Like coffee and hot tea.” Demi replies, hoping that not only do her fans get her sense of humour but that they also don’t realise that she was extremely distracted during this whole interview.

Jennel just stares at Demi before breaking out into a laughter fit along with Marissa who is just sat there laughing at Demi and shaking her head because her best friend is a fucking idiot. Demi rolls her eyes at both of them and then wraps the interview up. Thanking the interviewer and production crew before making her way towards Jennel and Marissa, Max has gone to make sure that the car is ready for them.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“What? Demi you weren’t paying attention to any of the questions they were asking you.” Marissa states with a smirk on her face as Demi flips her off, wrapping her arm around Jennel and then kissing the side of her head.

“Shut up.”

“A mug Demi, really?” Jennel laughs causing Demi to pout at her before Jennel softly presses their lips together. “I love you but you really are an idiot Demi.”

“It was a joke!”

“Explain the other answers then Demi.”

“Yea I have no excuse for those, I wasn’t listening. You’re never coming to interviews with me again. You’re too goddamn distracting.”

“How am I distracting?” Jennel asks, holding Demi’s hand and lacing their fingers together as they walk in the direction of the exit. Marissa walks with them on the opposite side of Demi, glancing at them as they bicker.

“Because you’re cute and all I can do when you’re around is pay attention to you because I love you and you’re just very distracting Jennel Garcia.” Demi whines with a pout on her lips as they walk out of the exit.

Jennel doesn’t let the mug answer go though, while Demi is away in England doing press for her new album Jennel replaces all of Demi’s mugs, plates, glasses and bowls with custom made mugs. She’s got mugs with Max’s face on them, she’s got mugs with her face on them, mugs with Demi on them and she’s even got mugs that say I <3 MUGS on them is bold lettering. She even went all out and got mugs with stupid things written on them that she knows will make Demi laugh.

She smiles to herself as Demi walks through the front door, dropping her bags on the floor and flinging herself towards Jennel who catches her and presses their lips together.

“I’ve missed you, I’m never leaving again.” Demi whispers against Jennel’s lips as her hands slide into the back pocket of Jennel’s jeans.

“Do you have to be so dramatic? You’re literally going on tour next year; you’re not going to be here for at least five months Demi.”

“Yea and I’ve decided that you’re coming with me. There is no way I am going to be away from your cute face for five months.” Demi says, kissing Jennel again and smiling against her lips because she just can’t get enough of the woman wrapped in her arms. “I do need a drink though.” Demi groans, pulling away from Jennel and then walking into the kitchen as Jennel follows her with a smirk on her face.

Demi leans against the kitchen worktop as she reaches for a glass; Jennel takes this time to stare at Demi’s ass because well she’s missed it. Demi can’t find a glass though, reaching further into the cupboard only to find that it’s full of mugs. She grabs one and pulls it out before turning to face Jennel who is still checking her ass out.

“Jennel.”

“Hm, what?” Jennel mutters, finally looking at Demi and innocently smiling at her. “Yes my love?”

“What the fuck is this?” Demi laughs, looking down at the mug and reading what it says. “I love mugs almost as much as I love Jennel, very original babe.” Demi fills the mug with water out of the fridge while Jennel stands there with a very smug grin on her face.

“I’m funny and you love me Lovato.”

“You’re not funny at all, but I do love you, idiot.” Demi yawned, placing the mug on the worktop before wrapping her arms around Jennel and softly kissing her. “I’ve miss you, but I have also missed my bed and I’m so fucking tired.”

“Nap?”

“God I love you, yes please.”

Some would say that they were care free; they liked to go out without Max much to his dislike. They’d go out shopping, hand in hand while fans freaked out and asked for pictures. They’d just softly smile at them and take pictures with them before saying bye and laughing as the fans had small freak outs as they walk on from them.

They showed their love for each other in different ways, they could go from grand gestures of love to small acts of love. Demi sometimes showed Jennel that she loved her by flying her entire family out to L.A for a week and putting them up in a five star hotel when Jennel was missing them. Which was when Jennel would make comments to Demi such as ‘who’s the one with dumb love now’ before she wraps her arms around her mom. Demi just used to glare at her and slyly flip her off as Josh wraps his arms around her and picks her up.

They would randomly go on vacation when they were both free; Demi would always tell Jennel that she’s going to be paying but Jennel would have none of it. After an article was published that she was freeloading off Demi Jennel had made sure that she always paid her way, which Demi hated because all she wants to do was treat her girlfriend without her feeling guilty about it. So Demi would book them a vacation without telling Jennel until the day before they had to leave.

They may have been in love but sometimes their love got dark and twisted. Sometimes they’d get very twisted, it’d be Demi who started it off and they’d argue for hours before one of them snapped and they’d end up all over each other. They were twisted but they knew how to make it work. They would argue over petty things like who left their shoes in front of the front door when the shoe rack is right next to it, or because Jennel forgot to take the dogs for a walk.

“Babe, why the fuck are the dogs being so needy.” Demi asks as Batman jumps up at her legs while wagging his tail and barking at her. She leans down and ruffles his fur as Jennel walks over to them.

“I kind of didn’t take them for a walk today.” Jennel replies, refusing to make eye contact with Demi because the only thing Demi told Jennel to do today was remember to take the dogs for a walk. Demi groans and glares at her while running her finger through her hair.

“The one thing I ask you to do.”

“Yes Demi I know the one thing you ask me to do and I can’t be bothered.” Jennel says in a mocking tone causing Demi’s anger to increase as she stares at Jennel in shock because she’s never spoken to her like this before.”

“Wow, want to be any more of a bitch to me?”

“Whatever, I forgot to walk to dogs. I’m sorry I’ll do it now.”

“No it doesn’t matter now, I can do it. I wanted to be able to come home from meetings and be able to spend time with you but apparently I can’t do that because you can’t be bothered to walk the fucking dogs.” Demi replies, grabbing the dog leashes and hooking them on to their collars before walking towards the front door, she turns to look at Jennel who is stood there staring at her.

“Dem.”

“What?”

“They’re your dogs anyway.” Jennel says with a smirk on her lips before turning around and walking towards the stairs, Demi rolls her eyes and leaves the house with both dogs following her, slamming the door behind her.

This then resulted in Demi refusing to talk to Jennel for the remainder of the day, and Jennel quickly becoming the pettiest 22 year old that Demi ever had to pleasure of knowing. Demi would also give Jennel the silent treatment far too many times than she’d care to admit just because Jennel was busy with her friends or even worse if Jennel was busy with Demi’s friends.

When they had petty arguments they’d both realise how petty they were being and then eventually apologise to each other, well Demi was always the first one to apologise because it was normally her fault. As time went on though the arguments became less petty and funny when they thought about them later. Their arguments became increasingly darker; they would purposely make each other jealous, knowing what it does to the other person. They would do things they knew upset or pissed the other person off just to get a reaction out of them.

Demi would always take things too far most times though and it would constantly make Jennel questions her relationship with Demi. Demi would talk to girls and flirt with them while her and Jennel were on nights out with their friends, Jennel would just stand there and watch while Marissa stared at her friend in shock.

Jennel just stands there watching Demi as she stands behind the woman, her hands placed on her hips and her eyes staring directly into Jennel’s. Demi has a small smirk on her lips as the woman dances against her. Jennel growls slightly but doesn’t want to give Demi the reaction she’s after, she knows why Demi is doing this and she doesn’t want to give Demi what she wants, she doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

“What the fuck is she doing?” Marissa yells over the music, placing her hand on Jennel’s arm. Jennel just keeps her eyes on Demi, glaring slightly when Demi winks at her.

“She knows exactly what she’s doing.”

“Are you okay with this?”

“Of course I’m not, but I refuse to give her a reaction because that’s what she wants.” Jennel replies, tearing her eyes away from Demi and glancing towards Marissa. Jennel weakly smiles at her before turning to look at Demi again, who is now with a different woman. Jennel rolls her eyes because this is getting stupid now and she really can’t be bothered anymore.

“I know she’s my best friend but she’s being a bit of a dick now.”

“I’m used to it, happens every time we go out. I’m going home though, when she eventually realises that I’ve left I’ll be at mine.” Jennel mutters, wrapping her arms around Marissa and giving her a quick hug, grabbing her jacket off a chair that’s around the table they’re sat at, and then making her way out of the club. She pulls her phone out of her pocket, opening the Uber app and booking one while leaning against the wall outside the club.

Demi walks outside and stands in the doorway looking around for Jennel, who just stares at the ground because Demi is pissing her off and she can’t be bothered with an argument right now. She just wants to go home and get into bed without having a screaming match with her girlfriend. She just wants to sleep and forget that this night even happened.

“Where are you going?” Demi asks, standing in front of Jennel and placing her hands in Jennel’s. Jennel glances up at her and lets out a bitter laugh. Does Demi really care where she’s going?

“Home.”

“Why?”

“You know why Demi, I don’t like playing games with you. I don’t like you being all over other women just to get a fucking reaction out of me. Its bullshit and I hate it but you still continue to do it.” Jennel rants, moving away from Demi, pulling her hands out of Demi’s grip. Demi follows her, grabbing her arms and pulling her back to her. Jennel simply glares at her and Demi realises that maybe Jennel is actually pissed off with her this time, maybe she took it too far this time.

“I’m sorry Jennel; I didn’t mean to go too far.”

“Whatever, I’m going home. I’ll call you in the morning.”

“You’re going to yours? I thought you were staying at mine tonight?” Demi asks, her voice now sounding weak as she stands in front of Jennel. All Jennel wants to do right now is bitterly laugh because does Demi seriously think that she’s still going to stay at hers after the performance she put on in the club, in front of their friends?

“I don’t really want to be around you right now Demi, go back inside. You need to explain yourself to Marissa anyway because she saw everything.” Jennel moves away from Demi as her uber pulls up in front of them. “I love you Demi.” Jennel says as she gets into the car because even though she wants to murder Demi right now she still loves her, she will always love Demi no matter how much she pisses her off.

Jennel did exactly the same thing though, maybe not when they were out together; she wasn’t that much of an asshole, but she let girls hang off her on nights out with her friends because she knew that people would be taking pictures and posting them on social media. The first time her friends posted them on their instagram stories it was an accident, she didn’t know they were doing it, but Jennel loved Demi’s reaction far too much. So sometimes she got her friends to take pictures of them and post them on their instagram accounts so she was sure that Demi was going to see them.

Demi did see them, she saw them every single time Jennel did this and she knew that she shouldn’t be angry because she practically did the same thing to Jennel but she still got pissed off every single time this happens. She’d always ask herself the same questions “why does some woman have her hands all over her girlfriend and why is Jennel grinning towards the camera as the woman buries her face in the crook of her neck?” Demi always knew why Jennel was doing this and every morning after they’d get into an argument about it.

Jennel wakes up and her head is pounding, she’s pretty sure she that can hear her own heartbeat in her head. She slowly opens her eyes and stares up at the ceiling in confusion because she’s not in her bed or in Demi’s bed. She’s lay on the couch with a blanket thrown over her, she’s wearing her underwear and a t-shirt. She kicks the blanket off her body, sitting up and then slowly standing up before making her way towards Demi’s bedroom.

Pushing the door open and then walking inside, Demi is curled up in the middle of her bed, the sheets covering her up to her waist. She’s wearing one of Jennel’s t-shirts and her hair is tied up in a messy bun. Jennel smiles because Demi looks adorable when she’s sleeping and all she wants to do is crawl into the bed and hold the woman she loves but she has a feeling that due to her waking up on the couch and not in bed with Demi that they had some form of argument when Jennel got in the night before.

“Are you just going to stand there staring at me?” Demi mumbles, sleep evident in her voice as she sits up and makes eye contact with Jennel who is still stood in the door way.

“Dem why was I on the couch?” Jennel asks tiredly rubbing her eyes; she really doesn’t want to tiptoe around the issue for the rest of the day so she comes right out with it.

“Because you were a mess when you got in last night and we got into an argument so I really didn’t want you in my bed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re apologising for Jennel?” Demi asks, kicking the sheets off her and then getting out of bed. Jennel looks her up and down and lets a small smirk slip past her lips because Demi is not only wearing one of her t-shirt but she’s also wearing red lacy underwear. “Stop looking at me like that.” Demi snaps, pulling a pair of sweat pants up her legs while glaring at Jennel.

“Demi, what did I do?”

“You stumbled into the house and tried to kiss me, I pushed you away and then things spiralled. We both said things that we didn’t mean.”

“Demi I don’t know what I said but I know that whatever it was I didn’t mean it at all.”

“Whatever, you need to stop going out so much though. I would actually like to spend some time with my girlfriend.” Demi scoffs, pushing past Jennel to get out of her room, once she’s in the hallway she makes her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jennel just follows her, keeping a good distance between them because Demi clearly doesn’t want to be near her right now. Jennel walks into the kitchen and stands in front of Demi who is sat on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine while it heats up.

“Why do I need to stop going out so much? I’m only having fun Demi.”

“You’re having fun? Having fun without me there and a different woman wrapped around you every time you go out.” Demi laughs, pushing Jennel away from her and jumping off the counter while glaring at Jennel.

“It’s not like that Demi.”

“That’s not what it looks like Jennel. Are you cheating on me? Is that why you go out when you know that I’m busy? Is that why you’re always distant the day after?”

“Are you being fucking serious right now Demi? I am not cheating on you; why the fuck would I ever cheat on you. I love you Demi.” Jennel stares at Demi in shock, still trying to get her head around Demi’s accusation. “I’m distant the day after because I’m hungover and tired not because I’ve cheated on you. I could never cheat on you.”

“Sometimes I think you could. I think you could find someone that’s better than me and you’d forget about me for a second and kiss them or even sleep with them.” Demi honestly explains; staring into Jennel’s eyes and watching as a mix of emotions pass over her girlfriends face.

“Do you honestly not trust me that much that you think I’d cheat on you Demi?”

“Of course I fucking trust you Jennel.”

“Yea it really fucking looks like it.”

“Just explain to me why you let women hang off you when you’re out. Why you let them have their hands all over you.” Demi shouts causing Jennel to step back slightly, she’s far too hungover to be dealing with this right now but if it means that her relationship gets back on track then she’ll argue with Demi while her head pounds.

“I do it because you do the exact same thing when we’re out together Demi. You’ll dance with different women, you’ll let them press their bodies against you and you’ll let then have their hands all over you while I’m right fucking there. You’ll stare straight at me while you’re fucking doing it as well not only will you stare at me you’ll be fucking smirking Demi. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I do it because I feel like if I’m getting a reaction out of you then you must still love me. If you get jealous that I have another woman all over me then you still fucking love me.” Demi screams into Jennel’s face and all Jennel does is let out a bitter laugh as tears fall down her cheeks.

“That’s the most twisted thing I have ever fucking heard come out of your mouth Demi. If you wanted to know that I still love you then why the fuck didn’t you ask me. Of course I still love you Demi I will always love you. Even when you get ridiculously fucking twisted in the head.” Jennel screams back at Demi before walking away from her. She walks into the lounge and locates her jeans. Wiping the tears off her face and redressing herself, she pulls on her jeans and slides her shoes back on. She glances up at Demi and shakes her head at her.

“Where are you going?”

“Home, I’m tired and I honestly don’t think I can be near you right now Demi. Then I’m going to Marissa’s because she saw your little act last time we were out with her.” Jennel explains, sliding her phone into her pocket.

“I know she did, she screamed at me for it. She called me stupid and she told me to get my shit together because I could end up losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me, you’ll just come pretty fucking close to it but I could never leave you.” Jennel replies, pulling a hoodie over her head and staring at Demi as she realises how toxic she just made their relationship sound.

“Don’t go, we can sort this out.”

“Demi I’m going home to sleep and then I’m going to Marissa’s because I need someone to talk to and my best friend is the reason I need someone to talk to so I can’t talk to her can I?”

“I’m your best friend?”

“Fucks sake Demi, yes you are. You’re my best friend and I love you and I trust you with everything, I just wish that you trusted me as much.”

Demi’s mom once told her that sometimes she and Jennel had a dark type of love. She didn’t mean it in a bad way she was just trying to explain that even though they’d argue they still loved each other. So that night Demi googled what ‘dark love’ was and what she read she agreed with.

This type of love only exists then someone lets their fear guide the way that they love someone and the more that Demi thinks about it the more her mom is right. She let her fear of losing Jennel and being alone guide her love for Jennel. Demi brought this up with Jennel while they were lay in bed one night and Jennel agreed with Demi’s mom. Because she knew that she let her fear of never being good enough for Demi guide her love for the woman. Demi’s mom was completely and utterly right. Their love was dark.

They both might be adults but it seemed that people knew more about their relationship than they did. Demi told Marissa about what her mom said about them having a dark love and Marissa disagreed. She simply stated that they don’t have dark love, they have cheap love and Demi got far too defensive because in her eyes her love with Jennel was anything but cheap.

“Well I mean I kind of agree with her but she’s wrong Demi. Your love isn’t dark, it’s cheap.” Marissa states as if it’s nothing, leaning back on the couch and stretching as Demi glares at her. “What?”

“Our love is not fucking cheap.”

“Demi calm down, I know what you’re thinking but it’s not what I mean.”

“Explain then because to me it sounds like you’re saying that my love with Jennel is cheap and dirty.” Demi says, still glaring at Marissa as she sits cross legged facing her best friend.

“That’s not what I’m saying at all Demi, I just mean that the both of you can raise each other’s self-esteem by the way that you love each other.” Marissa explains and Demi smiles because she right. “But you can also tear each other’s self-esteem to pieces by only used a few carefully selected words and that makes you both dangerous to each other and you know it Demi. By definition your love with Jennel is cheap.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Marissa, just stay out of my relationship. You don’t see me poking my nose into your relationship.”

“That’s because I never turn up at yours in tears because I’ve had another argument, or you don’t have my boyfriend on your door step angry because I’ve said something ridiculous and twisted. You know I’m right Demi but you’re just going to ignore what I’ve said and deny it every time it’s brought up because you’re scared to admit it. There’s nothing wrong with it though Demi, you just need to learn what type of love you have with Jennel.”

“Whatever.”

The more Demi thought about it the more she realised that Marissa was without a doubt 100% right though, whether she liked it or not. Jennel constantly raised her self-esteem and in return she ensured that Jennel never feet like she’d never make it in L.A. She made sure that Jennel always thought she was good enough. She made sure that Jennel’s self-confidence was always at its highest.

Jennel raised Demi’s self-esteem in a number of different ways, but mostly by simply loving Demi for who she was and not trying to change her or control her. She loved Demi’s bad side and her good side; she loved Demi’s body and her mind.

Demi is stood in front of her full length mirror, she’s wearing her underwear and she’s staring at her reflection. Today is a bad day, she hates her body today and she has no idea why. She knows that she has a good body; she knows that she’s a perfect weight but today she simply hates what her body looks like.

Jennel walks into the bathroom and stares at Demi, walking towards her and standing behind her as her arms wrap around Demi’s waist. She rests her chin on Demi’s shoulder before lightly kissing her neck.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t feel good.”

“Why, what’s going on in your head Demi.” Jennel replies, spinning Demi around so that they’re facing each other. “Talk to me baby.”

“I don’t know I just don’t like my body today. My thighs look too big and my arms look horrible.” Demi sighs, looking down at their feet. Jennel places her index finger under Demi’s chin and makes her look up so that they’re making eye contact.

“Demi I know that you’re not going to believe me right now but your body is perfect and I’m not just saying that because I’m your girlfriend. Your thighs aren’t too big at all, they’re beautiful and I love them.” Jennel runs her hands down Demi’s arms before holding her hands. “Your arms are amazing Demi, your arms are strong and toned and wonderful. Demi Lovato your body is beautiful and amazing and I love every inch of it, I always have and I always will.” Jennel kisses Demi, feeling Demi smile against her lips and holding her against her body.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Dem.”

“You make me beautiful.”

Jennel also crushed Demi’s self-esteem, she didn’t do it on purpose and she definitely didn’t know that she’s doing it. Jennel made Demi’s self-esteem disintegrate by going out with her friends and having pictures with random women on nights out, which eventually made Demi feel like she wasn’t not good enough for Jennel anymore. They had arguments about it all the time and they never resolved any of the issues because Jennel didn’t see any issues in what she’s doing. That was until the one time she came home from a night out to find Demi sat on her couch in tears. That night Jennel promised that she wouldn’t do it anymore, she couldn’t stand to see Demi like that and know that it was her fault. Jennel kept her promise until the very end of their relationship.

Demi raised Jennel’s self-esteem without even trying to. She did it effortlessly and without thinking. Demi raised Jennel’s self-esteem by loving her, constantly, by loving Jennel’s singing and even when her singing career didn’t go the way she wanted it to Demi was there for her. Demi made sure that Jennel was never alone and always had someone to talk to when her work was getting her down.

Jennel walks into Demi’s house, slamming the door shut behind her and throwing her laptop bag on the ground before storming into the kitchen. Demi just sits on the couch and watches as her girlfriend rips the fridge door open. She stands up and walks towards the kitchen, making her way towards Jennel and then wrapping her arms around Jennel’s waist. Jennel jumps slightly and groans as she leans against Demi, tightly shutting her eyes because she forgot that Demi didn’t have any meetings today so she’d be home.

“I don’t know what’s got you so riled up but can you not take it out on my fridge please.” Demi whispers, pressing her lips against Jennel’s neck and holding her close.

“I hate everything and everyone.” Jennel groans, opening her eyes and then pulling away from Demi, leaning against the kitchen worktop as she opens a bottle of water, bringing it to her lips and drinking a mouthful.

“Why babe, come on talk to me.”

“No one wants to sign me and before you even think about it, no I don’t want you to sign me Demi. I don’t want a pity record deal.” Jennel mutters, looking into Demi’s eyes as the places her water on the kitchen counter.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“You were Demi, you can’t lie to me.” Jennel says with a small smile on her lips as Demi rolls her eyes at her because she hates how well Jennel knows her now.

“Shut up.”

“I don’t want to sing anymore.” Jennel admits, no longer wanting to make eye contact with Demi because she knows that she’s just going to think that she’s a quitter without actually saying anything to her. She also knows that Demi is currently giving her a sympathetic look and right now she doesn’t want one of those of her girlfriend.

“Jennel.”

“No listen to me Demi, I’m not going to get signed any time soon and I don’t want to end up hating singing. I want to go into music production; I want to be a producer.” Jennel said doubtfully because what if she couldn’t make it as a producer either and she’ll just end up in a pile of people that moved to L.A but never made it.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes.”

“If you are one hundred percent sure about this then I’m going to be there with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes really, I’m your girlfriend you idiot. If you want to do this then I’m going to support you.” Demi says, quickly pressing her lips against Jennel’s and smiling against them when Jennel’s arms wrap around her waist. She pulls away from Jennel’s lips and continues talking. “I’ll set up meetings with my producers and you can work with them. They’ll teach you everything you’ll need to know.” Demi rambles as she excitedly causing Jennel to laugh as she pulls Demi’s body closer to hers, connecting their lips and smiling against Demi’s lips.

“I love you Dem.”

The way Demi treated Jennel also raised her self-esteem, Demi treated her like she was the only woman on earth, and she treated her like a queen. Demi treated Jennel better than any of her ex’s had ever treated her in the past.

Demi also made Jennel’s self-esteem crumble, of course she didn’t mean to. No one means to make their girlfriend’s self-esteem disappear. One of the ways that Demi did this was by having new producers on her latest album but not asking Jennel.

It’s the third week of recording Demi’s new album and Jennel has to admit that she’s fuming. Demi didn’t even think of asking her to be a producer on her new album, is she that much of a bad producer that her own girlfriend doesn’t even want her on her album? Jennel just sits in Demi’s house with Batman and Cinderella while Demi is recording. She watches T.V and texts Marissa until Demi comes home. She’s been bitter about this since Demi started recording, she should be happy that her girlfriend is so happy with the new music she’s making but she can’t bring herself to be happy because she feels like she’s not good enough.

“Hi baby.” Demi greets, walking into the house and smiling at Batman jumps up at her legs. Demi smiles at Jennel, walking towards her with Batman following her.

“Hi.”

“What’s wrong babe?” Demi asks, sitting next to Jennel and placing her hand on Jennel’s knee as Batman jumps on the couch and sits on Jennel’s lap.

“Nothing.”

“Well we both know that’s bullshit, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing Demi, I’m overreacting.” Jennel mutters, running her fingers through Batman’s black fur as he lies in her lap on his back.

“Jennel just tell me, please.”

“You didn’t even bother to ask me to be a producer on your album Demi, how do you think that makes me feel?” Jennel snaps, turning to face Demi and glaring at her slightly because she knows that Demi hasn’t done this on purpose but it still fucking hurts. “I’m not even good enough to be on my own girlfriend’s album.” Jennel whispers, picking batman up and placing him on the floor as she walks away from Demi. Walking towards Demi’s bedroom and pushing the door open, she makes her way towards the bed and then lies on it, staring up at the ceiling while tears slowly roll down her cheeks, landing on the bedsheets below her.

The bedroom door quietly opens and Demi walks in, stepping towards the bed and sitting on the edge of it. She places her hand on Jennel’s leg before lying next to her and wrapping her arm around Jennel’s waist. Jennel moves away slightly but Demi pulls her closer, kissing her shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like this Jennel. I thought that you’d think I was having you on my album out of pity. You’re an amazing producer and I’d love to have you on my team of producers but I didn’t think you’d want to do it.” Demi explains, her thumb grazing over Jennel’s right hips as she holds her close.

“I know you didn’t mean to do this Demi, it just hurts and I understand why you did it but why didn’t you just ask me? Asking me would have stopped all of this. I wouldn’t feel like shit, I wouldn’t feel like I’m not good enough to be on my own girlfriend’s album and I wouldn’t hate it when you go to record new songs.”

“I’m sorry Jennel, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Jennel replies, turning over so she’s facing Demi. Jennel presses their lips together, holding Demi close to her. “I’ve been asked to work with Dua Lipa.” Jennel mumbles, pulling her lips away from Demi’s and smiling at her.

“Are you serious? Jennel that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you, who needs my album? You landed Dua Lipa.” Demi grins, kissing Jennel before pulling away. “Think she’d want to do a song with me? Oh will you ask her for me.”

“Demi shut up.”

Demi realised that were breaking each other’s self-esteem first; she didn’t bring it up to Jennel though because she knew that they’d just end up in another argument and she didn’t think that their relationship would be able to take it. She just hoped that they’d be able to stop breaking each other before they broke their relationship, she obviously didn’t hope enough.

IV

Hesitation, awkward conversation:

If there’s one thing that Demi hates more than not being with Jennel anymore it’s the fact that they haven’t told you public yet because she still thinks that they can fix it, that they could make it work again. So now they’re both in London and they have to go to the EMA’s together, which isn’t something Jennel wants to do because she knows that if she sees Demi then she’s going to love her even more than she already does and it’s going to make this whole situation a whole lot harder than it has to be. They’re not arriving together though, which isn’t unusual because they never used to arrive at awards shows together when they were in a relationship. Demi arrives first, standing on the red carpet and smiling at the cameras with her hand on her hip and her hair perfectly falling around her face.

When Jennel arrives Demi is still on the red carpet, she climbs out of the car taking a deep breath and slapping a fake smile on her face as she finds Demi. She slowly walks over to her, spotting Max and nodding at him when he gives her a sympathetic smile as she stands next to Demi. It’s awkward and Demi is hesitant, her arm instinctively going to wrap around Jennel’s waist, but she catches herself before she does it. Her hand awkwardly hovering near Jennel’s hip and Jennel notices. She rolls her eyes, letting a small laugh pass her lips because Demi has never been like this in her life, at least not with her.

“Demi its fine, you can do it.” Jennel whispers leaning against Demi as she relaxes, her arm draping around her waist, her hand softly gripping Jennel’s hip as they both smile at the photographers. Jennel has missed the feeling of being this close to Demi; she’s missed the feeling of Demi’s body being against hers. Once they’ve both had enough of screaming photographers and fake smiles they leave the red carpet, Demi’s arm still wrapped around Jennel.

“I’ve missed you.” Demi mumbles, removing her arm from around Jennel and attempting to walk in the opposite direction as Jennel, but Jennel grabs her hand and pulls her back towards her.

“Can we talk, like actually talk and not just yell at each other until we’re both crying?” Jennel asks Demi, staring into her eyes and wanting nothing more than to be able to kiss her right now. Demi just nods at Jennel, removing her hand from Jennel’s grip and giving her a sad smile.

“Text me after this, we’ll go somewhere.”

Demi walks away from Jennel and spends fifteen minutes mingling with the other celebrities that are attending the awards show; she ends up in conversation with Ed Sheeran before she’s ushered to her seat. She rolls her eyes and walks towards the table that she’s going to be sat at for the night. She lets out a deep breath when she realises that she’s going to be sat at the same table the Jennel is sat at. Of course they’re going to be sat together; everyone thinks that they’re still together. Demi smiles at Jennel, taking her seat and then attempting to avoid eye contact as the other people who are sat with them fill in the seats.

Throughout the show Demi steals glances at Jennel because she’s missed her. She’s missed being able to watch her and she’s missed being near her. She glances at Jennel every couple of minutes, taking in every inch of her beauty, and Jennel looks that extra little bit more beautiful tonight. Her smile is perfect and her eyes are mesmerising, Demi has always being obsessed with Jennel’s eyes. Demi decides that Jennel is the most beautiful woman in the room tonight and she doesn’t know if that’s because she’s not seen her in three months or if it’s because Jennel has actually somehow gotten even more beautiful since the last time Demi saw her. She doesn’t want Jennel to feel awkward so she attempts to stop looking at her, but it doesn’t go well. They might not be in a relationship anymore but Demi’s eyes will always be on Jennel if they’re in the same room together.

Demi is presenting one of the awards so she’s not at the table for twenty minutes while she hangs around backstage waiting until she’s guided onto the stage. While she’s not at the table Jennel begins to think about how beautiful Demi actually looks tonight, how her skin is practically glowing and her hair is styled perfectly. How her make-up is light enough that Jennel can notice the freckles that grace Demi’s face due to the L.A sun. Jennel realises that Demi is always going to be beautiful and that she’s always going to look perfect to her no matter what she’s wearing. Jennel realises how much she still actually loves Demi, then she realises that she’s well and truly screwed when it comes to getting over Demi. When Demi walks onto the stage Jennel has her eyes on her the entire time, watching her mouth as she talks into the microphone, watching the way she pronounces certain words. Automatically smiling when Demi smiles at the crowd, even if Jennel wanted to take her eyes off Demi she knows that she couldn’t.

It’s in that moment that Jennel realises that she misses Demi, like really misses her. She misses waking up to masses of hair sprawled across the pillow next to hers; she misses the way Demi would smile at her the second they wake up because ‘if I have you I’ll always have a reason to smile Jennel’.

When Demi looks towards the table they’re sat at she notices that Jennel’s eyes are on her and it makes her relax, she’s suddenly not as tense anymore and she hates the fact that just having Jennel’s eyes on her can make her relax. Demi smiles in Jennel’s direction while the winner of the award goes through their acceptance speech. She’s smiling because Jennel makes her feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the room. Jennel blushes slightly when she realises that Demi caught her staring but that only makes Demi laugh and Jennel just wishes that she wasn’t stood on that stage because she wants nothing more than to hear Demi laugh right now.

Once the main show is finally over they all get escorted out of the building, Jennel walking a couple of paces behind Demi with Max behind the both of them. Jennel groans because she knows that they’re going to have to show up to the after party just to get their picture taken and show their faces. Max guides Demi towards the car that brought her here and Jennel walks towards her car.

They arrive at the after party, walking down the small red carpet hand in hand with fake smiles slapped on both of their faces. Demi is beginning to think that maybe they should just tell the public that they’re not together anymore; it’d stop situations like this from happening again. The second Jennel gently squeezes her hand as they walk into the venue any thought of giving up on trying to fix things with Jennel leave her mind. Jennel glances behind her and gives Demi a small smile as she pulls her further into the building.

They’ve mingled, they’ve been pictured together and now Jennel is talking to a group of music producers while Demi sits with Nick Jonas, her eyes never leaving Jennel.

“Stop staring at her Dem.” Nick says, placing the cigar in his mouth again while shaking his head at Demi when she turns to glare at him.

“I’m not staring at her, she said we needed to talk and now she’s over them with them and not talking to me.” Demi replies through gritted teeth, no longer looking at Jennel as her phone vibrates against the table in front of her. She takes her eyes off Nick and picks her phone up, smiling slightly when she realises that it’s a text of Jennel.

[11:01pm] Jennel: Meet me outside?

Demi glances up and realises that Jennel is no longer stood where she was with the group of producers. She stands up; grabbing her bag off the ground and walking out of the venue without even saying bye to Nick, but Nick knows where she’s going. He’s noticed the not so subtle looks they were giving each other all night; he knew that this was going to happen. Demi makes her way outside and Jennel is stood there, leaning against the wall while staring down at her phone.

“Hi.” Demi whispers, walking closer to Jennel and sadly smiling because Jennel looks like she really doesn’t want to be here right now and honestly neither does Demi.

“Hey, we’re going back to my hotel. At least there’s no one there to listen to what we’re saying.”

Demi just nods, following Jennel to her car, they climb inside and Jennel tells the driver that they’re going back to her hotel. He simply nods at her and starts the engine, driving in the direction of the hotel that Jennel is staying in. The drive is silent but Jennel lets her fingers graze against Demi’s every couple of minutes, it’s not much but it settles Demi. It makes her relax and stop panicking, but then she just becomes pissed off because only Jennel would know that she is having an internal panic. As the car stops at a red light Demi slides her phone out of her bag and quickly texts Max to let him know where she is because she knows that he’ll probably be panicking right now because he can’t find her.

Once they’re outside the hotel Jennel opens the door and climbs out of the car, Demi slides across the seat and slips out after her, slamming the door as Jennel waves to the driver. They slowly walk into the hotel, they’re not holding hands but their fingers are grazing with each step. Jennel waves to the woman at the reception desk as the walk towards the elevators. Stepping inside together, Demi leans against the back of the elevator and Jennel selects the correct floor while slipping the key to her room out of her bag.

“Demi stop being so nervous, it’s just me.” Jennel says, standing in front of Demi and grabbing her wrists. Demi glances up at Jennel and gives her a sad smile while softly blinking at her in wonder. “Don’t look at me like that Demi, I know you. When you’re nervous you stare at the ground and trace your stay tattoo with your fingers.” Jennel states, kinking her eyebrow at Demi as the elevator stops. The doors sliding open as Jennel drops Demi’s wrists and backs out onto the hallway. Demi follows her, baffled as to how Jennel knew she was nervous. In the four years she never mentioned it, but the longer Demi thinks about it the more she realises that Jennel would always be there for her to distract her when she was nervous. She never knew how she did it but she just always knew when Demi needed her, she was always there for her.

They walk in silence to Jennel’s room, Demi walking as close to Jennel as humanly possible so their hands graze as they walk. Jennel slowly opens the door and they walk inside, Demi kicks the door shut behind her and leans against it. Watching as Jennel slides her six-inch heels off, groaning when her bare feet touch the floor. Demi lets out a laugh and it makes Jennel smile, Demi copies Jennel and kicks her heels off as she watches Jennel sit on the edge of the double bed. She stares at Demi, watching the way that the dress she’s wearing is now gathered on the floor slightly because she’s taken her heels off, she watches the way that Demi’s hair moves as she bends down to move her shoes out of the middle of the floor and closer to the wall.

“God I’ve missed you.” Jennel blurts out; Demi stands up straight and runs her fingers through her hair and pushing herself away from the door. She walks towards Jennel and sits on the small couch that’s placed in front of the floor to ceiling window opposite the bed.

“I’ve missed you too Jennel.”

“What happened to us Demi? Where did we go wrong? We were good together.” Jennel says, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed and twisting the ring that is placed on her middle finger as she tries to make eye contact with Demi who is staring at the floor in front of her. “Demi look at me.”

Demi slowly lifts her head, her eyes wandering over Jennel’s body before they stare into her eyes. Eyes that three months ago Demi loved staring into because they were the eyes of the woman that she was madly and deeply in love with. Looking into Jennel’s eyes was like looking into her soul, they were pure and beautiful and Demi loved being able to look into Jennel’s eyes when they were alone or when they were making love. Demi loved Jennel’s eyes, she still loves them.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do Demi. You know exactly where it all went wrong. You know why it ended the way it did. You’re just too much of a coward to say it out loud.” Jennel snaps causing Demi to shake her head slightly because yes she knew that Jennel was going to be like this but it still shocks her that the woman she was (and still is) madly in love with could ever be like this with her.

“Jen, I didn’t mean for it to end the way it did. The more I think back on it the more I can see why it happened and then I just regret not doing anything to fix things sooner because I miss you and I’d do anything to still have you in my life.”

“I know you didn’t mean for it to end that way Demi but it did and it fucking hurt. You just gave up Demi, you gave up on us and that was fucking shit.”

“You fucking gave up too Jennel, I tried. I tried so fucking hard to fix us and you just didn’t care. You had given up months before I did.” Demi spits back at Jennel because there is no way she’s going to let the collapse of their relationship be her fault.

She can’t do it anymore. She can’t be in a relationship where the other person isn’t as committed to the relationship as she is. She can’t be in a relationship where the other person is constantly working and when they do finally have time off they’re ‘too busy’ for her and evidently their relationship.

Jennel can’t be in a relationship where she doesn’t feel loved anymore or doesn’t feel like she’s wanted anymore. It’s tearing her apart and she hates it because she loves Demi and she knows that Demi would never act like this on purpose. And she’s right; Demi doesn’t know what she was doing. Demi doesn’t think there are any problems in their relationship; work is stressing her out so all of her energy is being put into smoothing out issues in her professional life because to her, her personal life is doing fine.

To Demi they’re happy and perfect and there is nothing to fix because there is nothing wrong in their relationship. That is until they have an argument, a big argument and Demi says some things that make Jennel question their relationship even more than she already is. Jennel brings up the fact that she doesn’t feel loved anymore and it triggers something in Demi. It makes her mad and angry, it makes her say things that she doesn’t mean at all, but they hurt Jennel more than if Demi were to just walk up to her and punch her in the middle of the face.

Jennel leaves Demi’s the day after, only uttering the word ‘bye’ to Demi as she walks out of her house. She doesn’t go back to her apartment though, she flies back to Massachusetts because right now she needs her mom, her relationship is crumbling around her and she just really wants her mom.

She’s been gone for four days and in those four days she hasn’t called or text Demi once, but Demi hasn’t called or text her either, which doesn’t help Jennel at all. It isn’t until Jess posts a picture of her and Jennel on instagram that Demi calls her with panic evident in her voice as Jennel answers the phone.

“Jennel, w-why are you at home?”

“I missed my mom, I flew back on Monday.” Jennel mutters into her phone, lying in her bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?”

“Honestly didn’t think that you’d care. You haven’t tried to talk to me once while I’ve been here.”

“I didn’t think you wanted me to talk to you Jennel, I said some pretty shitty things to you.”

“Whatever, I’m coming home tomorrow anyway, we’ll talk then. Bye Demi.”

“Okay.” Demi whispers, pausing slightly. “Um, Jennel.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too Dem.”

That’s the last time Jennel hears from Demi, she doesn’t even text her to see what time her flight gets into L.A, or if she needs picking up from the airport. Jennel knows that she should be used to it by now because this has been her life for the past six months but it still fucking hurts. It doesn’t help that she does in fact need picking up from the airport so she calls Max, you can always count on Max to be there for you when your girlfriend is too oblivious to notice the cracks in your relationship.

Max drives Jennel back to Demi’s house, and the drive is silent and slightly awkward because Max might work for Demi but even he knows when Demi is in the wrong. When they arrive at Demi’s house Jennel gets out, giving Max a sad smile as she pulls her suitcase out of the back of the car. She drags it towards the front door, quietly walking inside and leaving the suitcase next to the door. She just stands there and watches as Marissa and Dallas yell at Demi.

“Demi face it you are being a shit girlfriend. You didn’t even know that she wasn’t in L.A until Jess posted a picture.” Dallas states, glaring at Demi as Marissa nods her head in agreement.

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point Demi? You had an argument about you not being there for her and you constantly working and then she goes M.I.A for four days and you don’t even bother to call or text her. How the fuck do you think that made her feel Demi? Just accept it; you’re being a fucking shit girlfriend.” Marissa practically yells at Demi and Jennel can’t help but feel a little smug because Demi’s best friend and sister are on her side.

“This is none of your business, you two need to stay the fuck out of my relationship because you know nothing and you’re both wrong.”

“They’re not wrong Demi.” Jennel pipes up, causing everyone to turn and face her. She give them all a weak smile, walking into the lounge and then standing in between Dallas and Marissa. She stares into Demi’s eyes and now she doesn’t know what to say because all she wants to do is kiss Demi and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

“Jennel.”

“Oh so you remember who I am then?” Jennel lets out a bitter laugh causing Demi to shrink back slightly because Jennel has never been like this with her before and she doesn’t really know how to respond.

“Can we talk please?”

“I’ve being trying to talk to you for months Demi but you didn’t want to hear it.”

“I want to hear it now, please Jennel. Can we just talk about this and fix things because I love you and I don’t want to lose you.” Demi says, wiping tears off her face and stepping towards Jennel. Marissa and Dallas simply nod at Demi before they walk out of the house. Demi and Jennel sit on the couch facing each other. They talk, they scream and then kiss. They hash things out and Jennel gets all of her points across to Demi and Demi tries to defend herself so Jennel ends up screaming at her again but at least all of their problems are out in the open now, even though Demi doesn’t believe half of them.

In the following weeks and months Demi begins to notice the little cracks in their relationship. She notices that when Jennel leaves she doesn’t kiss her anymore and she doesn’t hug her for as long as she used to. Demi notices that Jennel has no fight left in her, Jennel has been trying to fix them for the past three months and she’s slowly giving up. Demi can’t fix them because Jennel doesn’t have it in her anymore. She can’t fix anything if Jennel has already tried to and has now given up.

They’ve been screaming at each other for two hours and they’re gotten nowhere, they’ve cried and laughed and thrown things around the room and the only conclusion Demi has come up with is the fact that she’ll gladly argue with Jennel like this a million times if it means they can fix things.

“We both gave up Demi so don’t try and make this out to be my fault.” Jennel screams at Demi, they’re now stood in the middle of the room staring at each other. Demi steps closer to Jennel and grabs her wrists because Jennel is waving her hands around and Demi can’t concentrate.

“I’m not making it out to be your fault Jennel, I know we were both to blame for the brake up and I know that we both gave up. We shouldn’t have though, we had a good thing and you deserved better than how I was treating you Jennel.”

“Yes I did, you kind of treated me like shit in the end Demi. I loved you, I still love you but I wasn’t happy Demi. Being with you didn’t make me happy anymore because I felt like you weren’t in it like I was.” Jennel explains and Demi just nods at her. “I just wanted to be happy but I’m even fucking worse without you.”

“I know and I’m sorry for that. I always wanted you to be happy and hearing that you weren’t happy with me anymore honestly breaks my heart.” Demi confesses sliding her hands into Jennel’s, letting their fingers link together as her thumbs graze over the back of Jennel’s hands. “I didn’t mean to treat you like that, if I could go back and do it all differently I would Jennel, I’d do it in a heartbeat because I miss you, I miss you so goddam much and I still fucking love you, you giant idiot.”

That’s all Jennel needs to hear for all of her anger towards Demi to just dissolve. She steps closer to Demi, closing the gap in between them, her hands pulling out of Demi’s grip before she slowly grazes Demi’s jawline with her fingers. They stare into each other’s eyes and Demi’s breath hitches slightly as Jennel’s lips brush against hers. They both have tears rolling down their cheeks, and Jennel lets out a small laugh causing Demi to roll her eyes and laugh back before staring into Jennel’s eyes.

“Jennel, just kiss me.” Demi whispers, her arms wrapping around Jennel’s waist, pulling her closer until their bodies are flush against each other. Jennel glances down at Demi’s lips before making eye contact with her again.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this Demi.”

“Please, just one last time. I just want to kiss you one last time.” Demi whispers seconds before Jennel’s lips press against hers, her hands sliding into Demi’s hair and tugging slightly causing Demi to let out a moan. Her mouth opening slightly, Jennel smirks as her tongue effortlessly glides into Demi’s mouth like no time has passed at all. It’s like they’ve never been away from each other, they fall back into old habits so easily. Demi kisses Jennel with as much passion as she used to when they first started dating and Jennel can’t help but smile against Demi’s lips.

“God I’ve missed doing this.” Demi mumbles into Jennel’s mouth as she gets backed up towards the bed. Jennel pushes her down and she lands on the bed, her dress bunched up at the top of her thighs, Demi is looking up at Jennel with an innocent smile on her face.

“Shut up Demi.” Jennel laughs because the smile that Demi is giving her is making her feel things and the fact that Demi is looking at her with an innocent look on her face when she really isn’t innocent at all is making Jennel feel so goddamn weak. She’ll always be weak when it comes to Demi.

Jennel stands at the edge of the bed looking down at Demi, she’s lay in the middle of the bed with her hair a mess around her head while she lightly bites her bottom lip. Jennel just stares down at her while trying not to smirk. She reaches round to her back and unzips her dress, wriggling out of it because it’s too tight for what she wants to do next and she knows that it’s going to get in the way. Demi props herself up with her elbows and smirks because Jennel is wearing matching lingerie. Jennel just shakes her head because Demi is still the same when it comes to a girl wearing black lace.

“You’re still the same Demi.”

“You’re wearing black lace how can I not be happy about that?”

“Shut up, idiot.” Jennel glares as Demi laughs, she just rolls her eyes as she straddles Demi, pushing her down on the bed and then connecting their lips. Demi’s hands slide onto Jennel’s ass, gently squeezing as she begins to kiss down her neck.

“God I’ve missed you.” Demi whimpers as Jennel bites down on her neck, she places her hands on Jennel’s hips and digs her nails in causing Jennel to moan against her neck.

“I’ve missed you too Dem.” Jennel whispers, leaving open mouth kisses along Demi’s jawline before connecting their lips again, she smiles against Demi’s lips as her hand slides between their bodies and into Demi’s underwear. Demi knows that this shouldn’t be happening but it feels too good to stop and well if this is the last time she gets to have Jennel then she’s going to make it a memory she’ll never forget.

V

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound:

It’s been a month since they last saw each other, a month since they slept together, a month since Demi woke up wrapped in Jennel’s arms in her hotel room while they’re both naked. Demi still doesn’t know where it went wrong, she wants her life with Jennel back, and she misses it. They were happy, for once in Demi’s life she was in love and she was happy. She knew that the woman she was in love with loved her back the same way if not even more, Demi knew that Jennel would never purposely hurt her.

Jennel made Demi feel safe, that not saying that Demi wasn’t safe with any of her ex’s but Jennel just made her feel as though she’d never be hurt again. There was something about Jennel that made Demi feel safe and warm all the time. Demi’s friends noticed it first, they noticed that everything is Demi’s life seemed to get brighter with Jennel in it. Demi’s eyes shone brighter and her smile was more genuine when she has Jennel in her life and a reason to smile all the time. Demi slowly let her defences down, she carefully let them down because she couldn’t get hurt again, and she refused to let herself get hurt by another person she loved.

Jennel knew this, she knew that Demi didn’t love people easily; she knew that Demi didn’t let people into her life easily and she was thankful that Demi let her into her life even if it was slowly and slightly painful at times.

Demi just sits there, on the couch refusing to even acknowledge Jennel as she storms around Demi’s house. She’s collecting her things from Demi’s room and the kitchen, roughly shoving them into her bag as tears rolls down her cheeks. Demi didn’t mean any of the things she screamed at Jennel, she loves her. She’s just scared and she’s taking it out on Jennel.

“Are you even going to look at me Demi?” Jennel sighs, standing in front of Demi and dropping her bag on the ground. Demi wipes her face glancing up at Jennel, her heart breaking when she sees the tear tracks on the girls face. “Dem.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just talk to me Demi, I’m not going to run away just because you scream and yell at me.”

“You’re packing your bag Jennel.” Demi laughs bitterly, kicking Jennel’s bag and then glaring at her.

“Only because you said you needed to be alone Demi, you said that you didn’t want to be near me. I’ll do whatever you want me to do as long as you feel better.”

“Don’t go.” Demi whispers, leaning forwards and grabbing Jennel’s hands pulling her close. Jennel stands in front of Demi, her legs touching Demi’s knees. “Please don’t go.” Demi mutters, her thumbs grazing over the top of Jennel’s hands. Jennel simply closes her eyes before sitting next to Demi on the couch, wrapping her arms around Demi’s body and pulling her close to her. Demi lets out of soft sob while looking into Jennel’s eyes and softly connecting their lips.

“Talk to me, please Dem.”

“I’m scared, I’m scared that I’ll let you in too much and you won’t like what you see. I’m scared that I’ll trust you too much and you’ll hurt me. I love you, I’m in love with you Jennel and I don’t want to end up broken.” Demi sobs against Jennel while staring at the wall in front of her as Jennel traces patterns on Demi’s back. “I want you; I want to be with you I really do Jennel but I’m so scared that it’s going to end badly.”

“I’m never going to purposely hurt you Demi; I love you too much to hurt you. You mean everything to me and if this doesn’t work out the way we want it to it’s going to break me too.” Jennel sniffles before kissing Demi again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, now are you going to let me stay?” Jennel asks with a slight laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. Demi just rolls her eyes and lightly kisses Jennel as she smiles.

“Yes.”

They had a number of arguments in the first few months of their relationship, most of them due to Demi’s insecurities and the fact that Jennel was still living in Massachusetts didn’t help much. Demi couldn’t do distance and sometimes she’d let it get the better of her and she’d flip at Jennel for the slightest thing, she’d even go as far as accusing Jennel of not being in love with her. They’d argue for hours until Jennel would call Demi out on her insecurities and ridiculous bullshit and Demi would end the call before sitting on her couch wallowing in self-pity, before calling Jennel back to apologise.

Demi was the only constant thing in Jennel’s life, when everything else in her life was changing so quickly Demi was the only thing that stayed the same. Demi made her feel steady and grounded in a city that wasn’t built to be neither steady nor grounded. Demi would always ensure that Jennel felt at home in L.A because she knew how she felt when she first moved to L.A and it was terrifying, she didn’t want Jennel to feel the way she did.

It’s been three weeks since Jennel made to move to L.A and so far she really fucking hates it. She misses her mom and her sister, she misses Josh and the way her dad would get grumpy if she slept past 11am on a weekday. She misses everything about her old life and part of her wants to move back, but part of her loves being so close to Demi all the time. She doesn’t have to get on a place to see her girlfriend; all she has to do is get an Uber across the city to Demi’s house.

She’s currently lay across the couch in Demi’s house while Demi walks around attempting to clean, Jennel doesn’t really care that she’s not actually doing anything fun because just being with Demi is fun. She’s singing and laughing when Batman walks to close to her and ends up tripping her up. Jennel just sits up and watches Demi, she watches the way she’s smiling to herself, she watches the way the sun shines through the kitchen window at the right angle and shines on Demi’s face making her look slightly angelic. Jennel lets a small smile slip past her lips as Demi turns around and catches her staring.

“Stop staring at me, weirdo.”

“I love you.”

“I mean I know you do, but stop staring at me.”

“Demi that’s mean say it back.” Jennel demands while climbing off the sofa and then running towards Demi before jumping on her back causing her to let out a laugh then makes Jennel smile even more. “Demi say it back.” Jennel whines, pressing her lips against Demi’s neck as she drops to the floor.

“I love you too idiot.” Demi responds, turning around so she’s facing Jennel, they both smile at each other as Jennel’s hands find their way to Demi’s waist.

“Dem.”

“Hm?” Demi hums, her eyes staring at Jennel’s lips before she finally realises that her girlfriend wants her attention. She peels her eyes away from Jennel’s lips are makes eye contact with her, a sheepish look spread all over her face.

“You make living in L.A so fucking worth it.”

“I’m so happy you live here now, I never have to miss you or work out time differences when I want to hear your voice. I only have to drive fifteen minutes across town to see your pretty face.” Demi rambles, placing her hands against Jennel’s face, leaning forwards and connecting their lips. Jennel smiles against Demi’s lips, she’ll never get bored of Kissing Demi because Kissing Demi makes her feel so alive. She carefully drags her tongue over Demi’s bottom lip, smirking when Demi lets out a small gasp. She still has an effect on Demi after all this time and she loves it far too much. Her tongue slides into Demi’s mouth, moving their tongues together in perfect harmony. Demi softly moaning into Jennel’s mouth as hands slide into her hair before gently tugging on it.

Jennel pulls away from Demi’s mouth and innocently smiles at her, looking up at her with lust in her eyes as her hands slide down Demi’s body, from her neck to her perfectly rounded ass. Her hands rest on Demi’s ass and she smirks when Demi places a leg between her thighs and grinds it up slightly causing her to let out a moan.

“I was being cute and you somehow turned it sexual, I hate you.” Jennel mutters, roughly connecting her lips with Demi’s and moaning into her mouth as hands roughly slide into her hair and Demi moves her thigh against her centre.

“You staying here tonight?” Demi whispers against Jennel’s lips in between small kisses, something in her voice makes Jennel feel week, that coupled with the fact that Demi is now kissing down her neck and leaving open mouthed kisses at the apex of her neck where it meets her shoulder is making Jennel far too turned on.

“Yes.”

“Good because I want to fuck you.” Demi says bluntly before picking Jennel up, she squeals slightly as her legs wrap around Demi’s waist as she’s placed on the kitchen worktop. Demi roughly yet passionately kisses Jennel as her hands slide her t-shirt up her body. They pull apart and Demi pulls the t-shirt over Jennel’s head, throwing it behind her before placing her hand against the back of Jennel’s head and kissing her again, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth.

Demi slides her hands up Jennel’s thighs, her fingers dancing across the waistband of her jeans causing Jennel to buck her hips slightly. Demi simply smirks against Jennel’s lips as her tongue invades her mouth and Jennel lets out a throaty moan. Demi hands begin working on unfastening Jennel’s belt which doesn’t take long; Demi has it down to a fine art now.

“Not in the kitchen Dem.”

“Live a little babe.” Demi laughs as she slides her hand into the front of Jennel’s jeans which she opened far too easily for Jennel’s liking. Jennel tries to think of a comeback but Demi’s hand inside her underwear is very distracting and right now she hates Demi for being able to make her so weak.

They were good together; they challenged each other all the time, whether it was personally or professionally. Jennel would challenge Demi to go that little harder during her workouts; Demi would just roll her eyes at Jennel before going that extra bit further before collapsing on a heap on the ground.

They knew exactly what their relationship needed for it to caring, fulfilling and loving; they knew how to make their relationship everything that they would ever need. They also knew how to keep their relationship strong and how to work their relationship in order for it to fit in with their hectic work schedules, which sometimes had Jennel in New York for weeks at a time or Demi on tour for a ridiculous number of months. But they made it work, they had surprise visits to each other and FaceTime calls that lasted way over two hours sometimes.

Jennel is sprawled across Demi’s bed with Batman lay on her stomach as she runs her fingers through his soft fur. He wriggles against her causing her to laugh when he wriggles a little too much and falls off her stomach before curling into a ball next to her. Jennel picks her phone up from next to her and glances at the screen, a smile spreading across her face as a message from Demi lights up her lock screen.

[6:28pm] Demi: I’m finally fucking done with answering the same set of questions in all five of my interviews…I miss your face.

Jennel just laughs as she reads the messages, already knowing that Demi is probably whining to Kelsey about having to answer the same questions five times in one day. Demi hates boring interviews and everyone knows it, her face has a very hard time of not showing when she’s bored. Jennel begins typing out a message as Batman jumps in and pounces on top of her, clearly upset that she’s paying more attention to her phone than to him. She quickly takes a selfie of him licking her cheek before stroking the top of his head and gently pushing him off her so she can continue her reply to Demi.

[6:30pm] Jennel: Well doesn’t someone’s day sound like it was the best day ever! We miss your face too babe…it’s a really good face.

Jennel then attaches the picture of her and batman before sending the message to Demi and smiling as Batman jumps on her again.

“Dude you’re almost as needy as your goddamn mom, get off me.” She laughs, pushing him off her against and sitting up in the middle of the bed. Batman stares up at her before climbing in between her legs and sitting down, looking up at her and then quietly barking at her. Jennel rolls her eyes jumping slightly when her phone vibrates in her hand. She unlocks it and opens the message off Demi, glancing down at her phone and reading the message.

[6:32pm] Demi: Oh my god that is the cutest picture you have ever sent me! I miss both of you so fucking much…facetime?

Demi ends the message with far too many smirking emojis and Jennel can’t help the laugh that slips past her lips because trust Demi to turn everything sexual. Jennel leans against the headboard of Demi’s bed as she taps the video call icon on Demi’s contact information. It takes Demi all of two seconds to answer the call and she’s grinning like an idiot when she sees Jennel’s face.

“God I miss you.” Demi mumbles, staring at Jennel causing her to blush slightly. The minute Batman hears Demi’s voice he’s trying to climb up Jennel and he’s barking. Demi is laughing and Jennel is rolling her eyes because Batman has been all over her today and yes he’s cute but there’s only so much Jennel can take.

“It seems like he misses you more than I do.” Jennel laughs, picking Batman up and sitting him on her lap so that he’s no longer pawing at her but he can still see the phone screen.

“I miss him so much.”

“Okay bye, I’ll just leave you two alone then.” Jennel says, pouting straight into the camera as Demi laughs at her. Jennel can’t help but smile at the sound of Demi’s laugh. To Jennel it’s the best sound in the world, it’s her favourite sound.

“Idiot, I miss you more. You’re cuter and you look really fucking hot right now.”

“Demi I have no make up on and one of your shirts.”

“That’s why you’re hot, plus it’s not fastened all the way and I can see your bra.” Demi smirks and Jennel flips her off before closing the shirt causing Demi and pout at her. “I liked the view, give it back to me.” Demi whines into the phone and Jennel simply pulls the shirt open again, she now feels hot. She wants Demi with her because the look her girlfriend is currently giving her is far from innocent.

“I want to kiss you right now.”

“Two more weeks and then you can.” Jennel replies with a small smirk playing on her lips because what Demi doesn’t know is that Jennel is going to surprise her and be with her on the last week of her tour. “Stop looking at me like that Demi.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to rip this shirt off me and fuck me.” Jennel says, kinking her eyebrow and smirking at Demi.

“But that’s exactly what I want to do right now.”

“I swear you’re horny 24/7 Dem.”

“Can you blame me though? Have you seen my girlfriend, she’s fucking hot.”

They made their love stronger by loving each other unconditionally throughout the hard times when they were separated for months at a time. Demi always made sure that she had weeks off though so she could actually spend time with her girlfriend. And during those weeks Jennel constantly made sure that Demi was smiling because smiling Demi was Jennel’s favourite type of Demi, well maybe sexy Demi was her favourite type of Demi. Jennel made Demi feel as though life was beautiful.

Jennel wasn’t particularly a fan of fancy dates in posh restaurants while wearing expensive clothes and even more expensive heels, she’d rather be sat on the couch wearing her comfiest clothes with Demi’s body pressed against hers.

Demi lets out a bitter laugh at the memories of Jennel lay on her couch wearing loose t-shirts and sweat pants while being wrapped around her. She slides her phone out of her hoodie pocket and unlocks it, finding Jennel’s contact information and typing out a message to her. She knows that she shouldn’t be doing this; she knows that this will never end well, but she knows that she misses Jennel. She also knows that Jennel still loves her, she told her the morning after they slept together and Demi is certain that she’s without a doubt still in love with Jennel. So she sends the message.

[10:08pm] Demi: Come round? I want to see you.

It takes Jennel five minutes to reply and those five minutes for Demi are filled with anxiety, maybe she shouldn’t have text Jennel. When her phone lights up with a response off Jennel, Demi unlocks it embarrassingly fast.

[10:10pm] Jennel: We both know that’s not a good idea Demi.

[10:11pm] Demi: I just want to see you Jennel. I miss you, just come round.

[10:13pm] Jennel: Demi I’m not come round.

Demi pulls the hoodie over her head and takes a very suggestive selfie with just a lace bra on and a smirk plastered across her face, she attaches it to her message before sending it to Jennel.

[10:14pm] Demi: I’ll leave the door unlocked…

[10:17pm] Jennel: Fuck, Demi you can’t do that.

Demi just smiles proudly to herself because she knows for a fact that Jennel was staring at that picture for a full three minutes before she finally text back. So Demi slides backwards and leans against the back of her couch, she ruffles her hair so it looks ‘sexy’. She stares into her phone camera give it her best ‘sex eyes’ before snapping a picture and then sending it to Jennel.

[10:20pm] Demi: Why can’t I? I know that you secretly love it.

[10:22pm] Jennel: I’m on the way, the door better be fucking unlocked Demi.

Demi smirks, standing up and walking towards her front door, unlocking it and then kicking her sweats off her legs. She picks them up along with her hoodie off the couch and then carries them into her room. She throws them into her washing hamper on her way towards the bathroom, quickly applying subtle make up before brushing her teeth and fixing her hair. She walks back into her room and slides her boring everyday underwear down her legs before picking up a pair of dark red lace panties and matching bra out of her closet. She slides them both on before staring at her reflection in the full length mirror in her closet. She smirks because her boobs look amazing in this bra and she knows that Jennel is going to pounce on her the second she walks through the front door.

She hears the door open and then slam shut as she walks out of her bedroom and towards the stairs, taking a deep breath before walking down the stairs. Demi stands at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Jennel who is stood in front of the front door. Demi walks towards her, swaying her hips as Jennel watches her, licking her bottom lip slightly as Demi gets closer to her. Once Demi is stood in front of Jennel she’s pulling her closer and her lips are soon pressed against Jennel’s in a heated, sloppy kiss. Her hands are sliding Jennel’s jacket off her shoulders, letting it drop to the ground behind her.

“This is not going to end well Demi.” Jennel moans as Demi sinks her teeth into her neck, Jennel’s hands are on Demi’s hips as she walks them into the lounge. Jennel groans as Demi sucks on her neck, she picks Demi up because she knows that she’ll end up falling if she’s walking backwards. Demi’s legs wrap around Jennel’s waist as her hands slide into her hair and lips move against lips in slow movements.

“I don’t care if it’s going to end well or not, just make me feel safe again. Jennel make me feel loved again.” Demi whispers, pulling away from Jennel’s lips and pressing their foreheads together as she stares into Jennel’s eyes. Demi slowly closes her eyes and enjoys the feeling of Jennel’s hands on her body again. She opens her eyes and passionately kisses Jennel as if her life depends on it.

VI

Loving you had consequences:

There love had so many consequences, ones that they knew they’d have to tackle and ones that blew up in front of them with zero warning. There was the backlash that accrued when they came out about their relationship. Demi was accused of favouritism during her time as Jennel’s mentor on X Factor, even though they didn’t begin dating until the year after Jennel was a contestant. Demi had bad PR for a number of months due to the fact that ‘ex lovers’ found Demi’s coming out as an reason to sell their stories of the ‘tirades’ with Demi during her wild years as Jennel used to call them.

One of the worst consequences of their love and their relationship that they did not expect was Jennel’s parent’s reaction to their relationship. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t fun and it made Jennel wish that they’d just kept it a secret because then her own parents wouldn’t hate her.  

They’re sat on the couch in Jennel’s parent’s house, they’re sat close but not too close and Jennel is beyond nervous. She has no idea how her parents are going to react to their news. She feels like they already know something is going on because why else would Demi Lovato be sat on their couch next to their daughter so longer after her stint on X Factor. Demi lets her fingers softly graze against Jennel’s as a way of comforting her because she knows that she’s panicking right now.

“It’s going to be fine babe stop panicking.”

“I can’t help it Dem what if they hate me.” Jennel whispers, looking at Demi and nervously biting her bottom lip.

“They’re not going to hate you, they’re your parents. My family love you Jennel, they didn’t care.”

“Demi they didn’t care because you didn’t exactly hide the fact that you’re gay, my family have no idea that I’m gay.” Jennel glares at Demi slightly as her parents walk into the room and sit on the two arm chairs across from the couch that Demi and Jennel are situated on.

“So are you going to explain why Demi Lovato is in our house Jennel?” Tammy says with a small laugh trying to lighten the situation slightly.

“I will, I’m just panicking a little bit right now mom.” Jennel mutters as Demi glances at her, all she wants to do right now is wrap her arms around her girlfriend and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

“Jennel what’s going on?” Her dad asks while looking between the two girls sat in front of him.

“Demi and I are dating.” Jennel states, because there was no point trying to avoid the inevitable. Jennel places her hand in Demi’s and laces their fingers together smiling as Demi softly squeezes her hand. “I love you.” Jennel whispers as her parents stare at them with disapproving looks on their faces.

“No, my daughter is not gay. No I don’t believe it.” Jennel’s dad snaps, standing up and walking towards them. He stands in front of them and glares down at them as tears begin rolling down Jennel’s cheeks. He turns to Demi and stand in front of her. “You, you were a power figure to Jennel. You were meant to be her mentor, not get her into bed. You abused your level of power you had over my daughter to get her into bed.” He rants at Demi, yelling at her as Jennel untangles her fingers from Demi’s. She stands up and pushes him away from Demi.

“Dad.”

“Jennel shut up.”

“No you shut up, listen to me. I love her, she means everything to me and you don’t get to talk to her like that. We didn’t even begin talk as more than friends until months after X Factor. This is not her fault.” Jennel spat at her farther, standing in between him and Demi as her mother stays in her seat staring at them; she still hasn’t said a word yet.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Don’t talk to my fucking girlfriend the way you were dad. She’s done nothing wrong, you either accept our relationship or you don’t.”

“I don’t.” He interrupts.”

“And if you don’t then I guess it’s going to be awkward here until I move to L.A.”

“You’re not moving to L.A to be with her Jennel, I forbid it.”

“You forbid you? I’m not fucking twelve anymore dad, if I want to move across the country to be with my girlfriend then I will.”

“Then you’re no daughter of mine.” He screams back, storming out of the house and slamming the door behind him causing both Jennel and Demi to flinch slightly. Jennel sobs and Demi rushes towards her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her as she cries.

“It’s going to be okay baby, I promise.” Demi whispers into her hair before lightly pressing their lips together, forgetting that Jennel’s mom is still in the room.

“Do you love her?” Her mom finally asks, getting up and then standing in front of them while making eye contact with her daughter as she lifts her head away from the crook of Demi’s neck.

“Of course I do, she makes me happy.”

“Then that’s all that matters Jennel. If you’re happy then I’m happy. If she makes you happy and she loves you then I love her. Your dad will come round he’s just traditional and stubborn.” She replies, wrapping her arms around both Demi and Jennel.

“I love you mom.”

“I love you too sweetheart, but maybe for tonight you should stay at Demi’s hotel with her. I have a feeling your dad and I will be having a few arguments tonight.”

The public seemed to love their relationship far too much, in the first few months after they ‘came out’ they couldn’t even go out together without being followed or photographed. It was worse than anything that Demi had ever experienced before, she had to take Max everywhere with her not that she minded though because Max was fun and Jennel like him too.

Sometimes they loved each other too hard and too much. Their love was that strong that both of them didn’t know if they’d ever find another love like that again. Demi loved Jennel that much that the break up nearly broke her, at one point she even debated turning back to alcohol to cope with everything that she was feeling.

She shouldn’t do it, but she really wants to. She’s stood in her kitchen staring at the bottle of whiskey in front of her, the cap still sealed. Tears are rolling down her cheeks as images of Jennel flow through her head, god she fucking misses her. Demi picks the bottle up and just holds it in her hands, staring at the lettering on the label, reading and rereading the name on the bottle. She slams the bottle down on the kitchen counter before sliding her phone out of her pocket and dialling the number of the only person she wants to see right now.

“I was starting to think you’d died.”

“I need you here.” Demi sobs into the phone as the bottle of whiskey tempts her even more, god she really wants to open it right now. “Marissa please.”

“Dem are you okay?”

“No I’m not fucking okay, the love of my life broke my heart two months ago and right now I really want to be drunk so please come here and take this fucking bottle of whiskey off me.” Demi screams into her phone before ending the call and sinking to the kitchen floor, the bottle of whiskey still in her hand. She feels weak but that could be something to do with the fact that she hasn’t eaten an actual meal in three weeks because you don’t feel hungry when you feel nothing at all.

The front door to Demi’s house bursts open and Marissa runs into the house, slamming the door shut and rushing into the kitchen she crouches in front of Demi. She peels the bottle out of Demi’s grip before moving it as far away from them as possible. She wraps her arms around her best friend and holds her on her kitchen floor as she sobs.

“Why did she leave me?”

“You know why she left Demi. You know what happened and you know that it can still be fixed but you’re both too stubborn.” Marissa says, cradling Demi as she softly kisses the top of her head. “Now let’s get you out of these clothes because you smell a bit.”

“Fuck off.”

“Demi when was the last time you left the house?”

“About two weeks ago.” Demi mutters, standing up when Marissa pulls her up, she stumbles slightly and Marissa catches her.

“Dem.”

“I’m not drunk, just feel dizzy.” Demi defends because the look Marissa is giving her is very accusing, and she’s telling the truth, she’s not drunk. She just needs to actually eat something because now she’s starting to feel weak and sick.

“When was the last time you ate something real?”

“I don’t know.” Demi whispers while avoiding eye contact with her best friend as they walk out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.

“You’re going in the shower and then we’re getting food because this isn’t good Demi. You need to snap out of this. I know you’re heartbroken and right now you hate everything and everyone but you need to snap out of this. It isn’t good for you and you know I’m right so don’t even fucking glare at me.” Marissa rants as they walk into Demi’s bathroom, Marissa strips Demi and she just lets her. She gets pushed into the shower and Marissa sits on the floor across the room while Demi showers.

One of the worst consequences of Demi loving Jennel was that she was almost dependent on Jennel, without Jennel in her life there was no reason to live. At least that’s what Demi thought, Jennel gave her a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and she gave Demi a reason to smile every day.

For Jennel loving Demi meant that she lost focus on what she actually wanted in life. She no longer cared about her career as much because loving Demi was more important to her. Jennel would miss important meeting with record labels and then later with potential artists that wanted her to produce their albums. She’d miss appearances on TV shows or radio stations so she could spend more time with Demi. Jennel wouldn’t go to meetings with her manager because Demi was ill or because Demi looked far too cute in bed when they woke up. Jennel would always reschedule her meetings though, that was until her manager called her out on her shit.

When they broke up Jennel realised that she couldn’t live without Demi, she didn’t know how to survive in L.A without Demi by her side. She couldn’t function without Demi with her and it broke her heart even more.

Jennel is lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling, its 4am and she can’t sleep because Demi isn’t beside her. She misses her, she misses her so fucking much and she’s starting to regret leaving her now. Her whole life revolved around Demi, all of her friends are Demi’s friends, and all of her favourite places in L.A are also Demi’s favourite spots. Jennel knows that she’s forgotten how to be herself; she’s forgotten how to be an individual. Jennel doesn’t know how to be a single person and she hates it.

She hates how much she depended on Demi when they were together. In the first two weeks after they broke up Jennel left the TV in the lounge on when she went to bed. She did it because when Demi used to stay at her she’d always go to bed after Jennel so she’d turn the TV off before she went to bed. In the three years that Jennel has lived in this apartment she had never turned the TV off before she went to bed.

Jennel forgets to buy milk because it’s something that Demi always used to buy whenever either of them was running low. It took Jennel a week to realise that the empty milk carton in the fridge wasn’t going to magically replace itself. Jennel also turned her favourite shirt pink because she didn’t separate her colours when washing her clothes, Demi always used to do it for her because she didn’t trust Jennel to do it.

They were in love and when they were happy it was glorious and beautiful, but when they were arguing it was scary and unpredictable because neither of them knew what the other would say. Sometimes they would say horrible things to each other; they would tear each other down while they were arguing. During the last few months of their relationship they argued most days, it became draining and they both knew it. Demi didn’t blame Jennel for leaving because there wasn’t any love in their relationship anymore, there was no spark. Yes they loved each other but they didn’t show it anymore and it was breaking both of them.