#delayed realization

Grenelant found his shit in one of the darker places, a few feet deep inside a cave. Arkady only half-listened to the boring stuff he was spouting about the number of petals the plant he was holding had, what kind of soil it needed to grow and its addictive properties. Leonida listened intently. Arkady kept twitching at every abnormal sound he heard. He felt like there were shadows within the darkness that surrounded them but he couldn't see them, and he could just feel that this place was bad news. He didn't even know why Leonida thought it was a good idea for him to be here, it wasn't like he had her super efficient memory and he still had the ship to fix after their encounter with a meteor shower during their latest trip. He needed to get out of here, out of this black, stinky cave and into a somewhat sunnier exterior.

"Fuck this," he suddenly said out loud and started leaving.

"Where do you think you're going?" Leonida asked him sternly. She wasn't often stern. Obviously she found this plant stuff super important to know.

"Going some place where I won't feel like I'm going vampire," he retorted as he continued walking.

"You're staying right here."

The order wasn't said in a loud voice but its finality rang like a bell and Arkady had no choice but to stop in his tracks. He sighed and turned around to face the two others. "Well can I at least stand next to the entrance? I swear, I feel like I'm going to choke in here."

Leo shrugged. "I don't care what you do, just listen."

"Okay, okay, I will," grumbled Arkady as he shuffled off. They were out of his view moments later but he could still hear their voices, and he leaned up against the wall, staring out at the greenery. It wasn't much brighter there but at least the surroundings looked alive. Grenelant continued droning on in the background and Arkady did try his hardest to concentrate on what he was saying, but it was really fucking boring. He ended up gazing up at the branches and searching for hidden birds, absent-mindedly wondering if they were anything like those on his and Leonida's home planet.

A long, weaselly dirty face suddenly appeared in front of him and he stumbled back in surprise, barely stifling a scream. The thing let out a series of clicks and hisses, its frame tensed in menace and agitated by weird tics. It was wearing a loincloth as dirty as its face and Arkady noticed its eyes were sunken and red-rimmed, constantly shifting around like it was watching out for anything that would jump it.

Arkady didn't want to alert it to the others' presence by calling for help so he decided to try and appease it, hoping his two teamates had heard the commotion. "Look man, I have no idea-"

The beast jolted like Arkady had assaulted it by simply speaking and it suddenly pushed him against the wall of what he instantly realized was probably a burrow rather than a cave. The hissing became louder and Arkady was assaulted by the disgusting odour of its mouth which he could now see was covered in sores and blisters, and then he felt a horrible stinging sensation in his chest and thigh. He opened his mouth to shout but the beast landed a heavy blow to his head and he hit the ground hard, stunned.

"Arkady!"

He blinked, head ringing, and saw Leonida tackle the beast to the ground. Grenelant crouched next to him to help him up and Arkady snarled through his confusion as soon as he felt hands on him. "Get off me!"

Grenelant retrieved his webbed hands looking genuinely confused, and Arkady resisted the urge to yell at him. What was so difficult to understand about not needing help? It wasn't the first time Arkady refused to be held up and he thought he'd made it pretty obvious that he hated when people thought he needed their pity. Leonida grunted on the side and Arkady looked over there as sharp, needling pain suffused the spots on his body where he'd been stung.

"Shit," he said, and he jumped back to his feet to help her. His fingers quickly found his gun and he drew it out, aiming it steadily at the beast's head. "Stop moving or I'll shoot!"

"Just shoot it!" yelled Leonida as she narrowly avoided wickedly sharp claws. They hadn't looked like that when the beast had first approached Arkady. He didn't need to be told twice and his bullet instantly found its mark. The beast slumped, blood splattering beneath its skull. Arkady lowered his gun.

"Darn," muttered Grenelant. He didn't sound happy that they'd killed the stupid thing.

Leonida was standing up in an instant and she marched up to Arkady. "Where did he get you?"

"What?" said Arkady in confusion as he put away his gun.

"Where did he get you? Did he sting you?"

Arkady nodded and started gesturing to his thigh as he let go of his holster. "Yeah, he got me-"

Leonida moved in a blur and Arkady found himself pantsless in a second. He felt his face heat up and yelled: "What the f-"

"Shut up," ordered Leonida as her fingers pressed into red divots where the beast's claws had stung him. "Did it get you elsewhere?"

"What, are you gonna strip me naked if I say yes?"

She narrowed her eyes at him as she kept that same pressure into the sting wounds. "Arkady."

"No, okay!" lied Arkady. Had he been stung anywhere other than the chest, maybe he wouldn't have minded. It wasn't the case. "What's gonna happen anyway? I don't feel weird, it just hurts."

Leonida pressed her lips together and nodded, then pulled his pants back up and took a step back. "We'll probably be fine if we start going back to the ship right now, that way we'll have the pod at our disposal if something goes wrong."

Grenelant had moved towards the beast and was kneeling next to it, pressing precise spots on its paws. He shook his head and muttered: "Shame."

"It was going to kill us," Leo stated. "You can't guilt-trip me. Now get up and let's go."

"Fine," grumbled the opiel, but he didn't follow them immediately. Arkady didn't care what he was up to, he was kind of spooked that Leo had been so quick to check the sting wounds and that she thought there was a possibility for something to go wrong. Even if his thigh already hurt less, he wanted to get back to the ship like she'd said they should. Just to be safe.

"What was up with that thing, anyway?" asked Arkady as he made his way across the forest with her.

"It was under the influence of that plant Gren picked up. We were probably in its home and I wouldn't be surprised if it got aggressive over defending its stash. He said that stuff's very addictive."

"Well shit. I thought its behavior was kinda familiar."

Leo smiled at him. "Bad experiences?"

"Yeah," answered Arkady. He didn't say anything else. The pain was fading completely now, both in his thigh and his chest.

Grenelant joined up with them soon after and Arkady distractedly listened as he struck up the conversation with Leonida once more. His skin felt kind of numb where he'd been stung but he didn't feel weird otherwise. Hopefully the beast hadn't stung him deep enough for his venom... or poison... or whatever it was to have an effect, however it worked. Arkady was a soldier and a technician, not a biologist. He knew how to fight and defend, he knew how to fix delicate technology, but he didn't have much knowledge that wouldn't serve him in either of those ways.

It was several minutes later that he started feeling hot. Everything was louder, he felt jumpy, his heart was beating in his ears. He was all sweaty. Arkady blinked the salt out of his eyes and looked up at the sky, but there was no sky, only high branches arching over his head. He felt closed in. He didn't like it.

"Arkady?"

He looked back down and saw Leo staring at him. Grenelant too, shortly after.

Arkady said: "I hate this place."

Leonida looked half-amused, half-impatient. "I can tell. If you walk faster we'll be out sooner."

Arkady nodded and they all resumed their progress.

Grenelant and Leonida started talking about plants again.

Arkady stopped feeling hot and started feeling cold instead, but only for a short moment. The heat returned full force seconds later in a scorching wave that burned his heart and he felt it skip a beat, and the world spun around him, and he had to catch himself against a nearby tree. The bark hurt his fingers. He blinked wildly and looked up at the sky again, but it was still obscured by the dark canopy of leaves. He couldn't see the sky and the forest was going to crush him. Arkady looked back ahead and noticed the others were going out of focus.

"Uh, Leo... I think something's..."

His voice wasn't as loud as it normally was. He  thought he saw them turn around but he wasn't sure. Arkady's stomach hurt, his chest was caught in a vice, his heart skipped another beat and then sped up to compensate. The shapes hadn't turned around. Maybe they hadn't noticed he'd stopped, maybe he'd been too quiet to get their attention.

"Something's..."

One of them looked over their shoulder. He knew it was Leo because of the blonde hair, but the rest of her features were completely blurry now. He felt out of breath, his heart was going too fast and it hurt.

"Leo," he said.

The wild thing in his chest tripped and Arkady felt his legs give out beneath him. He heard a shout ahead of him. His hand felt like it was ripping up where it dragged across the bark in his fall and his body hit the ground with a dull thud that resounded through his head in a disorienting echo. The twigs were spikes against his skin, even the cool dirt pressed up against his face felt like gravel.

"Arkady!" Hands gripped his clothes and rolled him over, and as he laid with his back against the ground he realized he really couldn't breathe very well. Leonida was above him, her brown eyes the only feature he could focus on. They looked worried but mostly determined, and she turned away from him to talk to the tall shape by her side. "He's going into cardiac arrest, you said the poison wouldn't act this fast!"

"He might've gotten stung elsewhere."

Leonida's gaze returned to his face. "Arkady, you moron, where else did you get stung?"

Arkady realized what she was asking of him and shook his head. He felt faint, he couldn't stop gasping. His heart was giving up on him. For some reason he was more scared of what she was going to do than of dying- and he knew he was dying. He could feel it.

"Fine, be that way," she sharply said.

Arkady's eyes widened when he felt his clothes be ripped apart and he desperately tried to stop her, choking out: "No!" His hand shot up to curl around her wrist, but his grip was weak and he couldn't hold his arm up longer than a few seconds before it ended up falling back to the ground. It was too late, anyway. He knew she'd seen it from the surprised look on her face when she lifted the flaps of his half-torn shirt.

She stopped pulling on his clothes. Her brown gaze flew up to his face and she studied him closely, calmly ordering: "Grenelant, turn around."

Out of the corner of his eye, Arkady saw the tall shape shift.

Leonida then offered Arkady an understanding smile as she lowered her hand to his chest, and he jerked beneath her touch. He hated this. He hated that touch, he hated the sympathy in her eyes, hated that she suddenly knew what was only supposed to be his.

"It's okay, Arkady. I'm the only one who saw."

"It's not... okay," he whispered through gritted teeth.

"It will be," she said with certainty. Her face was so honest that Arkady wanted to claw it off.

"Shut up, shut your damn mouth!"

Leonida pressed her lips together and Arkady saw her other hand appear above his head. It hovered over his face and came closer and closer until the cool fingers gently brushed against his forehead, softly enough that it didn't hurt.

"Then if you want it to be, it can all be a bad dream."

Arkady wanted to answer, but his voice didn't come when he opened his mouth. His agitation had worked his throbbing heart into an uncontrollable frenzy and it was tumbling in its erratic race against his ribcage. His throat was empty, and his chest was a frantic hollow, and his heart hiccuped again and again beneath Leonida's solid palm. Then all of a sudden, Arkady's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he didn't want anything anymore.

Something rested against his face, heavy and uncomfortable. Someone spoke next to him but Arkady was falling back into a black void.

A single thought drifted through his mind. He noticed that he was very tired. He didn't want to ever move again.

Arkady floated back to consciousness. There was beeping. It was loud in his ears. He floated away once more.

Someone was speaking again but Arkady couldn't understand any of it. He was annoyed. He wanted to sleep. The person shut up and so he fell asleep.

Arkady opened his eyes in his room. He was very confused when his brain told him this wasn't where he was supposed to be, and it took him a moment to remember why his brain was telling him that. Hadn't he been in the forest?

"Hey, sleepyhead."

Arkady looked over to the side in surprise and saw that Leonida was sitting next to his bed. He frowned and croaked: "... Leo?"

"That's me," she happily said.

Arkady pushed himself up. "What the fuck happened? Why are you here?"

Leonida's expression suddenly turned serious. "You got attacked in the forest where we accompanied Grenelant. Remember? You almost died."

Arkady's brow creased even deeper in concentration. He remembered killing the beast. Leonida checking on him. The forest tightening its hold around his chest, falling to the ground, being unable to move. Arkady slowly nodded. "It's a bit hazy after I fell."

"Do you often lie to your superiors, Arkady?"

Arkady sharply looked up to his captain. She'd said it calmly, she was almost always calm. In the months he'd spent together with her carefree personality and her informal ways, it had been easy to forget that she could pull rank on him. He quickly sat upright and straightened his spine.

"No, Captain."

"You lied to me."

"Yes, Captain. I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"It's one thing to be dishonest with me. It's completely idiotic doing what you did when your life was in danger, and if we weren't so far from home you'd already be going back as we speak for not telling me you'd been stung in the chest too. I don't waste my time on soldiers with a death wish."

"Yes, Captain."

"Do you have a death wish?"

"No, Captain."

She continued staring at him and he kept the same rigid posture. Leonida then said: "You know what I am, Arkady. You know me inside out and you've never had a problem with that. What made you think I'd have a problem with you?"

Arkady felt a rush of dread when more of his memories returned to him and he was struck with the abrupt reminder that Leonida... had seen. He was rocked by a surge of anxious nausea but refused to look away from her intense brown eyes. "It wasn't you in particular. I didn't want anyone to know."

"Some people must have known."

A distant memory flashed in Arkady's mind but he distracted himself from it and asked: "Does Grenelant know?"

Leonida smiled brightly and petted Arkady's thigh. "Why would he know about a bad dream?" Then she reached out and pushed him back down, and he couldn't go against her strength. He was unable to resist the way his tired muscles relaxed against the mattress. "Now close your eyes and count to ten. You can only open them again once you've reached that number."

Arkady frowned at her. "Wh-"

"An order, Arkady," she chidingly said, all traces of her earlier stern demeanor entirely gone. "It's an order."

But as light-hearted as she suddenly sounded, Arkady had been reminded of his position beneath hers and he immediately complied. While he counted to ten he heard her stand up, walk up to the door, and leave. In the last seconds he spent counting up to the last number, all that surrounded him was darkness and silence. And then Arkady opened his eyes in an empty room. His gaze landed on the empty chair and then drifted up to the closed door, and it was like Leonida had never been here at all; like he'd just had one very long nightmare.