#deityrelationship

Hello beautiful souls ✨

You've done your research. You've approached respectfully. A deity has responded. Now what?

This is where most people falter—not in the approach, but in the sustaining. Deity work isn't a one-time encounter. It's not about collecting as many patron gods as possible. It's about building something real, deep, and transformative.

Today we're talking about the difference between genuine relationship and spiritual collecting. Because the gods can tell the difference—and so can you.

THE POKÉMON PROBLEM

You know what I'm talking about.

The altar crowded with statues of fifteen different deities from eight different pantheons. The witch who "works with" Hecate, Kali, Freyja, Brigid, Lilith, Bast, Persephone, and Loki—all at once, all the time.

Ask them about any specific relationship and you get vague generalities:

"Hecate guides my shadow work" (but when? how? what has she specifically taught you?)

"Freyja helps with love magic" (have you built relationship or just call on her when you want something?)

"Loki keeps things interesting" (translation: I like chaos and blame it on a god)

This is collecting, not relating.

Signs you're collecting:

You have statues/images of 5+ deities but can't describe your relationship with any of them in detail

You add a new deity every few months because the last one got "boring"

Your practice with each deity is identical (same offerings, same prayers, no personalization)

You call on whichever deity matches your current need, like flipping through a catalog

You can recite mythology but have no personal gnosis (direct experience) with any of them

You're more excited about having a relationship with [famous deity] than actually doing the work

Your deity relationships look like your Instagram feed—curated for aesthetic

Why this is a problem:

The gods aren't tools in your spiritual toolkit

Shallow relationships produce shallow results

You're spreading your energy too thin to go deep anywhere

You're treating sacred relationship like consumption

You're probably appropriating (surface engagement with multiple cultures = red flag)

WHAT GENUINE RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE

Real deity work is less like having a large social media following and more like having a best friend.

Characteristics of genuine relationship:

1. DEPTH OVER BREADTH

You know this deity intimately. Their mythology, yes, but also:

How they communicate with you specifically

What they ask of you repeatedly

What offerings they prefer (not from a book—from experience)

How their energy feels in your body

What happens when you ignore them

How they've changed you over time

2. CONSISTENCY

You show up regularly. Not just when you need something. Not just on their feast day.

Daily devotion. Weekly offerings. Monthly check-ins. Whatever rhythm you've established—you maintain it.

The relationship doesn't disappear when life gets busy or when you get what you wanted.

3. RECIPROCITY

You give as much as you receive. More, even.

Offerings that actually cost you something (time, money, effort)

Actions in the world that embody their values

Devotional practice that honors them

Sharing their stories/teachings with others (when appropriate)

Making sacrifices when they ask (within reason—see boundaries)

You're not just taking. You're in exchange.

4. TRANSFORMATION

The relationship has changed you. Tangibly.

Your behavior is different

Your values have shifted

You've grown in uncomfortable ways

You see the world through their lens sometimes

Other people notice the change

If working with a deity for years hasn't transformed you, you're not really working with them.

5. PERSONAL GNOSIS

You have direct experience—not just book knowledge.

Dreams or visions where they appeared

Synchronicities too specific to dismiss

Physical sensations during ritual

Direct knowing/communication

Results from spells done in their name

Lessons learned through hardship they guided you through

You can speak about them from experience, not just research.

6. BOUNDARIES & NEGOTIATION

Yes, even with gods. Healthy relationships have boundaries.

You've said "no" or "not now" at least once

You've renegotiated terms when life changed

You know what they will/won't ask of you

You're comfortable pushing back respectfully

The relationship feels mutual, not one-sided

If you're terrified to ever question or decline, that's not relationship—it's fear-based submission.

HOW MANY DEITIES SHOULD YOU WORK WITH?

The real answer: As many as you can maintain genuine relationship with.

For most people, that's 1-3 deities.

One primary deity (your main relationship, deepest work) 1-2 secondary deities (you honor them, call on them for specific work, maintain relationship but less intensely)

Some people work with only one deity their entire lives. Some work with a small pantheon. Very few can genuinely maintain deep relationship with 5+.

It's not about quantity. It's about depth.

Would you rather have ten acquaintances or three best friends? The gods feel the same way.

BUILDING DEPTH: PRACTICAL STEPS

STEP 1: COMMIT TO SHOWING UP

Choose a rhythm and keep it. Examples:

Daily:

Light a candle and say good morning

Pour a libation (water, coffee, wine)

Read a prayer or myth passage

Sit in meditation with their energy

Weekly:

Longer ritual or offering

Divination to check in

Acts of service in their name

Creative devotion (art, writing, music)

Monthly:

Major offerings

Deep meditation/journey work

Reevaluation of relationship

Feast day celebrations (if applicable)

The specific rhythm matters less than consistency. Pick what you can actually sustain.

STEP 2: PERSONALIZE YOUR PRACTICE

Stop copying what books say. Start listening to what this deity wants from you.

Ask through divination:

What offerings do you prefer?

How do you want me to honor you?

What's one thing I can do this week in your name?

Am I approaching you in a way that feels right to you?

Pay attention to results:

Which offerings seem to strengthen connection?

Which prayers feel alive vs. hollow?

What actions in the world seem to please them?

When do you feel closest to their energy?

Adapt based on feedback. Your practice should evolve as the relationship deepens.

STEP 3: LEARN THEIR LANGUAGE

Every deity communicates differently. Learn how this one speaks to you.

Hecate might communicate through:

Crossroads appearing in your life (literal or metaphorical)

Keys showing up as symbols

Dogs behaving strangely

Dreams of liminal spaces

Sudden clarity at thresholds/transitions

Freyja might communicate through:

Cats crossing your path

Unexpected beauty appearing

Heightened sensuality or desire

Gold/amber catching your eye

Songs about love or war

Your job: Notice patterns. Keep a journal. Track when things happen and what precedes them.

Over time, you'll recognize their signature—the specific way they get your attention.

STEP 4: DO THE WORK THEY ASSIGN

Deities don't just want your prayers. They want your action.

If you work with a justice deity: You better be doing justice work in the world. Volunteering. Advocating. Speaking up. Donating.

If you work with a healing deity: You better be addressing your own wounds and helping others heal. Therapy. Somatic work. Holding space.

If you work with a deity of knowledge: You better be learning, teaching, preserving wisdom. Reading. Studying. Sharing.

The devotion isn't just at the altar. It's in how you live.

STEP 5: WEATHER THE HARD TIMES

Real relationship includes conflict, distance, and difficulty.

You'll have periods where:

The connection feels dead (dark night of the soul)

They ask something you don't want to give

You're angry at them for how things unfolded

Life gets so chaotic you can't maintain practice

You question if any of this is real

Don't abandon ship. These are the moments that deepen relationship.

Communicate: "I'm struggling right now"

Maintain minimum effort even when it's hard

Seek guidance from others who work with this deity

Trust that distance is sometimes part of the path

Return when you're ready—deities understand mortal limitations

The relationship that survives difficulty is the one that becomes unshakeable.

STEP 6: LET THEM CHANGE YOU

This is the scariest part and the most important.

Working with a deity means becoming more like them in some way. You take on aspects of their nature. You embody their values. You see through their eyes sometimes.

This will cost you:

Comfort zones will shatter

Relationships that don't serve will end

Old identities will die

Hard truths will be revealed

Growth will be painful

If you're not willing to be transformed, don't start deity work.

The gods aren't here to make you feel good. They're here to make you whole—and wholeness requires breaking what's false.

RED FLAGS: WHEN IT'S NOT REAL RELATIONSHIP

You only remember them when you need something. That's not relationship. That's using someone.

Your relationship hasn't deepened in a year+. If you've been "working with" a deity for years and can't describe how the relationship has evolved, you're not actually in relationship.

You're afraid to be honest with them. Real relationship includes honesty—even uncomfortable honesty. If you're performing piety instead of expressing truth, something's off.

They never ask anything difficult of you. If your deity only ever asks for easy offerings and comfortable growth, you're probably talking to yourself, not a god.

You switch deities frequently. Every 6 months you have a new "patron." This is spiritual hopping, not relationship building.

The relationship is all comfort, no challenge. Real relationships—mortal or divine—include friction. If there's never any tension, you're probably avoiding depth.

You can't distinguish their voice from your own thoughts. This takes time to develop, but eventually you should recognize the difference between "I think X" and "they're communicating X to me." If everything is always ambiguous, dig deeper.

WHAT ABOUT MULTIPLE DEITIES?

You can work with more than one. Here's how to do it without collecting:

ESTABLISH PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP FIRST

Spend 6 months to a year with one deity before considering others. Build foundation.

ADD OTHERS INTENTIONALLY

Ask your primary deity if it's appropriate to work with others. Some deities are fine with it. Some expect exclusivity (at least at first).

MAINTAIN DISTINCT RELATIONSHIPS

Each deity gets their own altar space, their own offerings, their own time. Don't homogenize.

RECOGNIZE DIFFERENT ROLES

Primary deity: Daily devotion, deepest work, life guidance

Secondary deity: Specific domain work (healing, divination, creativity)

Honored deity: Respect and occasional offerings, but not active working relationship

You might honor ten deities but only actively work with two.

CHECK YOUR CAPACITY

If maintaining multiple relationships means all of them become shallow, scale back.

Better to deeply know one deity than superficially know five.

THE COMMITMENT QUESTION

"Do I have to commit forever?"

No. But you should commit intentionally for a defined period, with the understanding that it might become permanent.

Examples of commitment:

"I commit to daily devotion for one year, then we'll reassess"

"I commit to honoring you through this life transition"

"I commit to working with you until this specific goal is achieved"

"I commit to you as my primary deity until told otherwise"

What matters: You're clear about what you're offering, and you honor that commitment.

Deity work isn't marriage (usually), but it's not casual dating either. It's serious partnership with explicit terms.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Genuine relationship with deities looks like genuine relationship with humans:

You show up consistently

You give as much as you take

You communicate honestly

You honor boundaries (yours and theirs)

You grow through conflict

You're changed by the connection

You can describe the relationship in specific, lived detail

Collecting deities looks like:

Surface-level engagement with many

Calling only when you need something

No personal gnosis or direct experience

Shallow practice that never deepens

Treating gods like spiritual accessories

More concerned with having the relationship than building it

The gods know the difference.

And deep down, so do you.

YOUR TURN

How many deities do you actively work with?

What does your daily/weekly practice look like with them?

How has your primary deity relationship changed you over time?

Or: Are you realizing you've been collecting instead of relating? What's one thing you can do this week to deepen rather than expand?

Let's talk. Real relationships—with gods or humans—are built through honest conversation.

Blessed be 🤝