Personal Reading - Deity Communication
Using the following spread by @ressu-rection
The Full Spread:
Context as to why I'm doing this reading despite being a relatively soft-polytheistic/duotheistic pagan: As of late i've felt the form of My Lady shift, and as such it feels like my path is about to undergo a deep change. It wouldn't be the first time I've felt a big change in regards to how My Goddess manifests, and my path changing with that.
The deck in use is Tarot of the Old Path by Sylvia Gainsford and Howard Rodway, it's very much inspired by Traditional Wicca and many of the cards and their meanings in the booklet were guided by Margot Adler, Lois Bourne, Patricia Crowther, Janet and Stewart Farrar, Aislinn Lester, Pauline Newberry, and Kim Tracy. I would like to pick up an actual copy of the companion book for this deck at some point.
Card 1 - The Deity - Four of Rods Reversed
Base Level associations with the number four and the elemental pairing of wands/rods (fire) is that of foundations and stability in regards to action, and movement. Some simply keywords usually associated with 4 of Wands in upright are harmony and a happy home. In reverse, according to the little white book, it signals finances needing to be guarded as well as instability. I'm not entirely sure how this card relates to WHO Goddess is manifesting as in my life right now, but I theorize that rather than representing home life, it represents that this change in deity-form has shaken my path, leading to a feeling of instability, which absolutely plays heavy into my fear of change.
Card 2 - Personality Traits of the Deity - 9 of Swords
SIGHS. Yeah it's Nine of Swords, the nightmare card. 9 of swords is all about anxieties and worries. I know it often refers to self-made fears, worries, and doubts, and as it's the nightmare card, it shows that you can escape them, and wake up just fine. The Booklet associates this specific card with trials and tribulations, which hearkens back to the theme of overcoming. So I guess perhaps Goddess here is one who can help people overcome their trials and tribulations, while also maybe being the one who gives challenges? I'm trying to not be Biased as I've felt called to Arianrhod for a while and that's something heavily linked with her.
Card 3 - Sphere of Influence - The Guide Reversed (Temperance)
The first of the Majors to pop up here. Once again we speak to shaken foundations and disharmony, as Temperance is usually in regards to balance and harmony, whereas it's reversal signals the opposite. In the booklet what stands out to me for this card aside from disharmony is Emotional unbalance.
Card 4 - Current Relationship - Ace of Cauldrons reversed
Keywords for this one are NOT making me feel particularly great: Unhappiness, Emotional Upset, Instability, and Sterility. I mean, I guess I kind of get it because I'm holding onto any and all essences of my relationship with Diana as I can, because she's been such a powerhouse of a guide in my practice, and I think the thought of my path shifting away from her honestly scares me.
Card 5 - Previous Manifestations in my Life - Knight of Cauldrons Reversed
She's been there during my most out of touch moments it seems? I don't think she herself has manifested as the type of character or energies associated with the reversed Knight of Cauldrons, but she's certainly been there when I've embodied that energy is my best guess? Or perhaps I'm reaching at straws here desperately trying to avoid any hinting that a deity could cause pain in my life, but that feels out of character for my goddess? She does give challenges in all her forms, but she's never really thrown me to the wolves so to speak? The card in this position also speaks of indulging in vices so maybe this form of her has a hedonistic nature of sorts so to speak? Which I do have my own vices that I struggle with, so maybe this is speaking that she can help me overcome those?
Card 6 - Current Influence - 7 of Cauldrons Reversed
This card is all about self-induced delusions, which yeah. Maybe I'm just so scared of Diana leaving, that I've convinced myself she won't? And as such, I'm not connecting as best as I can to how Mother is manifesting in my life currently?
Card 7 - Why I Should Work with Them - The Star
Finally a card that actually makes me feel good. The Star calls out to the essence of hope, acceptance, and so forth. She also speaks of rebirth and renewal, so perhaps this represents that working with her will lead to a new chapter in my life and I'll finally stop feeling at a standstill in my path?
Card 8 - What They Desire From Me - Queen of Pentacles Reversed
I think she honestly just wants me to get my shit together? I struggle a lot with bad spending habits, especially when under stress. There's been times where I've bought things I didn't need simply so I could have some rush of serotonin, knowing damn well i didn't need said items.
At least, that's the surface level interpretation. But it goes deeper: this card also represents someone who is cruel or suspicious, who puts material gain over the well being of others. I think this may be calling out to my relationship with my grandfather. He was a frankly terrible person, and my lust for revenge against him lead me to doing a multitude of baneful workings, but in my heart those were done with a desire to obtain his money and wealth, as he stole and swindled and did shady things to my grandmother that screwed both her and I over monetarily, so I wanted to, in a spiritual sense, steal it back. Screw over his prosperity and reclaim ours. Can't say I don't feel as if it wasn't justified, because I do at some level feel my workings were just, and that my grandmother and i DO deserve what he took from us, and the law failed at bringing actual justice. But i also know I can't keep dwelling on it, I can't keep waiting on him to drop of old age and leave me something, I know I can't keep waiting for him to miraculously have a change of heart, or whatever he could do to get my grandmother what he took from us. Because he won't. He's cruel, vindictive, and would rather my grandmother, the woman HE CHEATED ON, suffer as much as possible before doing anything to make amends with the people hurt by him. This card tells me I need to let go of it all, but I just can't seem to do so, and that's my biggest struggle. My biggest vice, of all things, is vengeance. My sense of justice is in turn, my Achilles' heel.
Card 9 - How I can Best Honor Them - King of Swords Reversed
This ties back into my previous pull, the King of Swords, when reversed, calls heavily to cruelty and vengeance. She needs me to understand that I can let go of my lust for revenge, I can let go of my anger, and to do so would be to honor her.
Card 10 - How Can I Improve My Relationship With Them - The Wise One (The Hermit)
This card speaks to the search of truth, of wisdom, and so forth. The Hermit, or Wise One in this instance, undergoes a deep and profound journey of the self. No matter how alone I may seem or feel, she's with me regardless, and she'll be there, in the land, in the sky, in the sea, in the very essence of life itself, to guide me on my spiritual journey.
Card 11 - What I Need To Know About Working With Them - Mastery (The Chariot)
Mastery, or The Chariot, represents the overcoming of obstacles, and the reigning in of Victory and Success. True it also represents travel and change, and the constant unyielding movement of time, but it shows that greatness is achieved when working in tandem with nature and the universe, not against it, but also acknowledging that your life is in your hands, you take it where you please.
Overall Conclusion:
I don't know if this really solidly identified who This Goddess is in my path? It very well could be Arianrhod, it could be someone else. But this gave a good glimpse into what I need, and what will come from working with Her, whoever she may be. (Im posting this because I'm admittedly curious to hear other inputs as to what this reading may entail. I find it more challenging to read for myself, than it is to read for others LOL)
