Oct 27, 2025
“The person who matters most won't magically know you're upset. Tell them directly. Do the boring work of explaining yourself. Love isn't telepathy.”
-deig
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“The person who matters most won't magically know you're upset. Tell them directly. Do the boring work of explaining yourself. Love isn't telepathy.”
-deig
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I read and re-read because I want to continue to remember, not that I had forgotten; no, I remember quite clearly. However, I read and re-read your work so that I can feel the emotion again. The driving force that is what gave me the conclusion I came to, the thought that set this ablaze, and it is a thought that is, despite the fairy tales and movies, one of pain and hurt. But it is true. And that truth, I carry. I carry deep in my heart. I no longer carry it in the same way. I don't carry it as a penance, a stake piercing my heart to make me bleed so that I remember, but I carry it now because I continue to grow, and I remember because I want to do better.
-penance, Dreams-Encapsulated-In-Glamour, 10/12/2025, 19.48.00
Learning what to do with life is terrifying
What if i fail
What if I lose it all?
I just gotta trust ill figure it out ig
Am I enough for you
Now
Am I going to be enough for you
Ever?
Am I going to make you happy for the rest of your days?
Will I make you content?
Or will I muck it up
Like I’ve always done
And make you look for something better?
Even though I don’t pray much these days
I do look to the stars and hope they listen
That the darkness inside of me quiets enough
That you can see the shred of good I hope is left
And love it as much as I love you
I have for the first time found what I can truly love—I have found you. You are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel. I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.
-charlotte brontë, jane eyre
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Something I have finally processed after a conversation with my partner.
“I’m going to be honest, there have been times I’ve boxed before in my dorm and I was not doing it with the right mindset
The couple times I did it over the summer I was usually fine, expect for the time I had punched the wall while on call.
I kind of hit this brain fog and I “woke up” from it and I realised I had been punching the stud of the wall to feel something, for about 30~ seconds.
This is not something I have done since then and I don’t intend to do again.
It’s not a reflection of my character now. It wasn’t then. I am not an angry person. It was not anger that caused that mindset but depression.
I want to actually apply the skills I have from the training of my past into actually making boxing a good, healthy source of dopamine, motivation, exercise, and to burn off stress and sadness.
I can do this with the right physical tools, which I have. It’s now the right mental tools that are falling into place. I can utilise it for good.
It. Will. Get. Better.”
-deig
Deep emotions
Swallowing whole
Oceanic pressure
Irregular rhythm
The heart is hurting
I need it to stop
My brain fails me
I need it to stop
I want to be free
I need it to stop
No more dopamine
I need it to stop
I want to be asleep
I need it to stop
I want to be free
I want to be free
Some day, the world will spin on after I am gone
That day? The only thing I care about?
Is that the one person, they remember me.
Because if the roles were reversed?
I’d burn down the whole fucking town in their name if it meant honouring them.
-08/12/2025, Dreams_Encapsulated_In_Glamour