#deeperthanloveff

“Kae bae! Wassup” he said hugging me.

I smiled “oh nothing just pregnant and getting fat, the usual.”

He laughed “you look pretty stop it, but let me get back before the guys think I went to rob a bank or something.”

He pulled in the door behind me and I couldn’t help but notice Robin being annoyed by our exchange. Understanding seeing as I’m marrying her dream guy I wouldn’t want my new one talking to her either.

“What do you wanna talk about?” She asked raising an eyebrow.

“Well it’s been four years and shit, this is long overdue. I think you have all these misconceptions about me. Most of them my fault because of how I treated you and most of them because of Chris and how shit played out. I just think as women we need to have an understanding” I said a smirk popping up on her face.

“I understand you fucked my husband and got pregnant and we divorced because your a whore. Is there something I’m missing?” She asked.

I held my barely there bump needing comfort because I could feel this getting ugly in a second “Robin that’s not even what happened. I didn’t plan this shit! You think I wanted to get pregnant when I did knowing that he was just gonna be my baby daddy? I never meant or wanted this for any of us, but here we are? You gonna hate me forever?”

Robin sighed “Karrueche please ok. You opened your legs point blank fucking period. While you’re both the cause for my pain nothing is excusing the fact you crossed a heavy ass line. Then what makes it worse is he just settled for you  instead of fighting for his family and life back.”

I shook my head “no he spent a year fighting for you back and you continued your relationship with Odell, just because you had to make him feel the way he made you feel. You think the sun rises and sets on your ass.”

“Regardless to what if you like me or not I’m not in here pleading for that. I can careless, I just need to know where you stand with him. I’m not stupid I know you want him back now. I see it in your eyes. You’re me 6 years ago when he told me he wanted you instead.”

She smiled and came closer bringing her face closer to mine. There was I time I’d back away, but I wasn’t scared of her “oh, you see that huh? That thing you notice is just the love he still has deep down. He knows you’re a weak excuse of a woman and you’d never leave no matter what he did so he’s marrying you. The easy choice, but baby girl he lived and breathes all that I am and you’ll never have him the way I did or do. What you got his kids so you think that’s what will make him stay? If I wanted him to be in my bed it’s really that easy. You haven’t won shit remember I left him, for all it’s worth if I put myself out there enough I could get him back.”

I scrunched my face pushing her back “you’re such a bitter bitch, you think you can just snap your fingers and get what you want!” I screamed.

Robin laughed “ohhhh she raises her voice, bitch puhhhhlease! You know what he told me the other night. He’s with you because he’s scared I’ll leave him again so he won’t leave. You really think you doing something?”

“You ever think he tells your insecure ass what you need to hear cause you beg him to come “home” so much?“ I asked raising my voice.

I didn’t come in here with the intent to yell or be petty but she’s taking me there. I just wanted us to agree we’d get along for the sake of the kids, but lord this woman can try your patience.

"Kaeeee!” I heard Chris calling me, but instead of answering Robin proceeded to taunt me.

“Oh, is someone worried that he’ll actually not come back? You know the night you called him crying he’d just finished getting the ride of his life from this little pussy right here? Bitch do yourself a huge favor and bounce!”

Chris walked past the door and heard us so he back tracked “What the hell is going on? Why are y'all yelling at each other? You’re pregnant baby come on now!” He asked pushing open the door.

I ignored him “Chris do you love her more than me? Are you settling is that true?”

He looked at her and I felt like I disappeared for a moment. He came in the guest room and closed the door. I was getting annoyed because he wasn’t saying anything and it was really bothering me. Chris loved to play and I wasn’t playing with his ass. “What’s going on? I can hear Robin yelling from upstairs and why are you yelling at my girl?” He asked flipping his hat backwards.

“Hell no, answer me motherfucker!” I snapped.

“Yeah it’s time we put the truth out there don’t you think? Tell her the truth. Tell her how you agreed to work shit out, tell you how you said you miss us, tell her how you got our children believe daddy is coming back home, tell her that you love me. I’m tired of the lies Chris!” She snapped looking at him.

He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face “look man I don’t think this is the time or place to discuss this. Y'all really wilding in here and Robin why you even arguing with her she’s pregnant she can’t be stressed out” he said looking at Robin with irritation in his eyes.

I chuckled “you love to talk in circles you know that. Chris I will walk out of here and never look back if you don’t admit the truth.”

He tried to grab my hand but I snatched it away. I was tired of this back and forth shit. If it killed me this motherfucker was going to make a final decision period. I’m not letting him slide on maybe anymore.

“Baby no, I just think this is pointless we’re getting married and it’s you I love. I don’t think there’s shit else to say” he said stroking my cheek softly.

Robin laughed “so you proposed and that means you love her more? Is that what you’re saying because if that’s what your saying then shit pork chops you got it!”

Chris looked at her again and licked his lips. She flipped her straight hair to the side and raised an eyebrow. It’s like they had this silent conversation and once again I was gone from the room. “Nope hell no. She has a hold on you. You look at her like she’s the only girl that exists Christopher. I’m so tired of this” I said turning to sit on the bed in the room.

I was taking deep breaths trying to remain calm. I had to be careful. The doctor was still monitoring me during my pregnancy since I lost one baby. Stress wasn’t an option.

He stuffed in his hands in his pockets and looked between the two of us before opening his mouth again “you know what fuck it!”

“How long has it been since our divorce has been final?” He asked Robin directly.

“Four years, 2 months Chris.”

“Ok and before I signed the papers at the desk what did I say to you?”

She smiled and looked away “You said, ‘Melody I’m doing this because you want this, but I’ll never be ok with this. If you know you love me like I love you we don’t have to do this and we can try again. You’ll always be my fire and desire.”

“Alright, but what did you do?”

She sighed “I signed the papers.”

“So tell me Robin, what changed please. What be fits you in here yelling at my fiancé like she stole something from you that has always been yours, but you didn’t want?” He asked her and I was eager to hear.

He looked at me but kept his distance. His gaze the entire time reading that he was sorry. He knew better than to mess with me at the moment.

“Chris, I was weak. Shit, I couldn’t take half of what I could now. But fuck that lets flip it. If you know that you love me like I love you than we can try again” she said making him laugh.

I kept staring at the beautiful canary yellow diamond Chris put my on finger and all I kept thinking about was how 20 years from now I’d be fighting with this girl for his love. A love that he’ll never give me as selflessly as he does her. Tears started to roll down my face and I slid the ring off of my finger. I got up and walked toward him and he said nothing but he knew it was done.

I grabbed his hand and placed the ring in his hand before kissing his cheek “you love her more right?”

He sighed and nodded his head “always have.”

“Stop trying to do the right thing for everyone but yourself, you hurt people involved. Congratulations Robin you were right, he’s all yours” I said before walking out.

When I got outside the door the girls were out there and I knew they heard everything. We were all basically yelling. I didn’t feel like talking and I didn’t want to cry, so I grabbed my purse from off the table by the front door and left immediately. I just wanted to be with my family at the moment. I’d been doing this with Chris for to long now. I just need a breather I need to be alone. I got to let it go.

Chris

“Ughhhhhhh fuck!” I screamed looking at the ring.

I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore. It killed me every single time Robin asked me to be hers and I had to do right by Kae. I messed up so fucking bad before I just wanted to make the relationship work.

“Chris, I’m sorry” Robin said walking towards me.

“It’s cool, I couldn’t keep lying to everyone and my damn self anyway.”

She closed the door and then proceeded to stand in front of me rubbing my temples. Something she always used to do when I was having a sucky day. I looked at her and she smiled “so what does this mean?”

I shrugged “tell me what you want Robin. It’s not my call anymore.”

“All I want is you in every single way possible. Like all the shit before this moment I’m willing to let it go for us” She said taking my hands and placing them on the small of her back.

I was feeling conflicted, not about my feelings just about Karrueche. I don’t want her to think I wasn’t going to be waiting for her at the end of that aisle because I was. I was ready to move on with my life because going back and forth solved nothing.

“Chris?” Robin called out to me.

“Huh?!” I asked my mind drifting in and out.

“Did you hear me?” She asked moving her head to meet my eyes.

“I said all I want is you baby” she said standing on her tippy toes to kiss my nose.

“Robin "this” if it’s even a “this” has to be taken as slow as humanly possible. Like I gotta, I really can’t just jump ship from Kae to you like this. I know it’s no games when I say I love you deep, but this shit is deeper than that. We need counseling before we can even be half of what we were. Like understand what I’m saying here” I said looping my fingers in her belt loops on her shorts.

She nodded “ok we can get counseling. We can do whatever you need to do. Just tell me will be together?”

I couldn’t lie “I don’t know Mel, all I can do is try.”

Her eyes got glassy like she was going to cry and I put space between us immediately “nope you not doing this crying shit. You see this ring you got what you wanted which is me single don’t cry now!”

“Chris I’m sorry I didn’t mean for this shit to go down like this. Especially today. Karrueche came in here wanting to talk to me and it went left. I wasn’t in here for that” she said which made me get upset.

“You tell your nigga that y'all ain’t together cause I’m sure that’s who that’s who you were in here with. You know it kills me you so pressed about who I’m with when you still running and sitting on O dick every chance you can get. You really something else you know that?

All I ever wanted was for you, just you to be the leading lady in my life. Then I fucked up, I totally fuck up and you bounce. I decide I’m just gonna give it up move on make a life with my baby momma, but nah you ain’t having that shit. Robin must get her man back.

Now I’m here with my fiancé’s engagement ring in my hand cause believe me I lost her that’s it and you just fifteen minutes ago in here fucking Odell, now you begging me to be with you and I’m really here like a fool considering it. I swear you selfish but it don’t matter right cause I cheated and then decided to be with her because she unlike fucking you ain’t selfish!” I belted out to her just irritated.

Robin always made some shit about her. Like with her it was always I, I, and more fucking I. Don’t get me wrong I can consider her, but she fucking deadass wrong and I’m sick of her shit!

“That’s not fair, you were marrying her. Was I not supposed to try to move on to?”

I scoffed “Robin fuck out of here! Move on or lead on? My point is that you gotta change your ways. Own your shit and fix it like I can. You fucking frustrating as hell, but I love you so fucking much. I feen to be in your damn space so much I use my own kids as excuse to be where you are. Unbelievable how you saw that all this time and fought for it, but you played a huge role in why it’s not just you and them and you know that. When I needed you, you neglected me. I don’t care how wrong I was you were missing in action.

You were my damn wife and you just fell back on the title. So shit I stepped out period. Ain’t no excuse for fucking her and I ain’t making one up either, but don’t act like it’s all my fault and she’s the reason for our problems. We been drifting apart for damn near a year before I got her pregnant we just played it like it didn’t matter. Kae was just the perfect thing to come up for you to leave me cause you didn’t want to deal with the shit we had going on outside of her. You got everyone thinking I’m just this cheater and I had a mistress when you know that shit ain’t the truth.”

She said nothing for a minute and looked at me “alright Chris alright. You’re absolutely right. I used her as an out at the time. I guess after we got married I felt trapped. With Kevin it was like I had no way out. He beat me, he raped me, he sold me for a buck. I met you and never dealt with all that baggage from before, but you were my out and I took it. While my feelings were always genuine, after we got married I started to feel like I was stuck again so I pushed you away, and when that didn’t work I neglected you.

You telling me you got that girl pregnant was all I needed to leave. Once you let me go I realized I didn’t want to be without you, but it was to late you moved on so I fell back and I just got tired Chris. I turn on tv and she’s there, blogs, interviews you talked about her like she was this Goddess. I wanted you back, I wanted you to hold me at night like you did and tell me that I was the most beautiful girl you had ever met and you loved me to the moon and back. I own it, I’m fucking sorry!” She screamed crying her eyes out.

I enclosed the space between us and held her. I hated when she cried so much. I also hated that this was us. Like we ain’t have to be divided. I could’ve always been where I needed to be.

“Is that why you divorced me? You thought I was keeping you prisoner? Robin that’s crazy you know I’d never treat you the way he did, he was a poor excuse of a man. Look if you gonna be with me you gotta trust me because lack thereof is  what got us here?” I said shaking my head.

“Chris what about Karrueche?” She asked me and I ran my hands down my face.

“I don’t know. I mean this is fucked up. I was marrying her, I wanted to marry her, she’s pregnant again. I just need time. We need time. I can’t just be with you if that’s what you’re hoping for” I said looking at her seriously.

“I already told you that I-” she started but I cut her off.

“This ain’t about you and your hang ups. This is about a girl that I had an entire life with and all of a sudden it’s over. Like we live together and contrary to odd belief I’m in love with her like it ain’t no fake shit. I can’t lie to you no more. Yes Robin I love you, I love you more than any woman I’ve ever been with and I want nothing more than for us to work it out, but we can’t work it out if she and I still have dealings” I said hoping she’d understand.

“Ok I get it Chris. Go talk to her and figure it out. We can take it slow as slow as you need it to be.”

I looked at my watch and realized we’d been in here over an hour going back and forth. I’m sure by now everyone has probably found out and shit is about to get real. I reached in my pocket to pull out my phone, but Trey busted in the room like a bat out of hell.

“Nigga, we gotta go Kae got into a bad accident they rushing her to Cedars Sinai now!” He said and I just blanked.

I was the cause for this shit and now everything is a stake. Seems like everything I touch turns to shit and fast!

Robin

It’s been three days and Chris has literally come home to shower, change, and head back to the hospital. A drunk driver ran a light and nearly killed Karrueche. She’s been in critical condition ever since. On top of that she lost the baby in surgery and Chris is just a mess. He feels like this is his fault. Had he of went after her and not let her leave she wouldn’t be in here fighting for her life.

“Chris here, you’ve got to eat. It’s been three days and you’ve barely had an entire meal. Karrueche would want you to take care of yourself”'I said handing him a container of some house special fried rice.

He looked up at me from the chair he was sitting in annoyed “Karrueche wouldn’t want you here stop acting like you know her.”

I turned to walk off but he silently cursed and grabbed me “I’m sorry. Look, did you at least get me some duck sauce?”

I turned and nodded my head handing to him. He kissed my cheek and took “thank you really I am hungry Rob.”

I said nothing to him and turned picking up Kyia who was pulling at my pants to pick her up. She laid her head on my chest and sighed. “Mel I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap at you love alright. I’m on edge is all.”

We were currently at Cedar’s Sinai and I came to make sure he was ok. The last thing I wanted was to not be here for him to give him a reason to say I’m not around. I also feel terrible that she got hurt. I didn’t like her, but I don’t want her physically hurt.

“I get it your on edge, but watch yourself” I said not here for his bullshit.

He soft pulled me close and held me gently “I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you later.”

“It’s fine, just let’s see if she’s up yet. It’s been three days now something has got to give.” I said truly concerned that she hasn’t budged one bit yet.

We walked toward her room and once we got outside I of course didn’t enter. Chris looked at me and I nodded signaling for him to go on in. I stood at the threshold though in case I needed to call a nurse. I watched him stroke her cheek and talk to her. I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt my heart to see him love her like this. Like there was a time when you had to even beg Chris to look at her when she spoke to him. I guess I have myself to blame for it. I knew what was mine and I dropped the ball on it.

I guess whatever he was saying in her ear softly was working because she was squeezing his hand. Soon after that “Rue?!” I heard him saying excitement taking over his voice.

“Nurseeee! She’s up!” I screamed getting his attention.

A whole team rushed in the room and I walked in this time because I was curious as to if she’d be ok. The doctor removed the breathing tube from her throat and Chris held a cup of water for her to pull from the straw. She held his hand so tight and he kept telling her “it’s ok I’m here” trying to calm her down. She couldn’t speak I guess because her throat was swollen so the doctor gave her a pen and paper.

Chris took it and said “the baby, she-she wants to know if the baby is alright.”

Dr. Anderson who had been with her from the beginning took a moment but he finally proceeded to tell her the truth “Mrs. Brown” he said sending daggers through my chest. Chris glanced at me and I looked down. This was becoming a lot. I knew they weren’t married but he was letting people refer to her as his wife, this was a lot.

“The baby wasn’t able to withstand the surgery you had and unfortunately didn’t make it despite our efforts to try and save him. I’m sorry for your loss.” He said sincerely.

She began to cry and Chris held her “I know I’m sorry, this is my fault. I shouldn’t of let you leave.”

I couldn’t take watching this scene anymore so I quietly stepped out. I pulled out my phone to call Ashley and she answered immediately “what’s the verdict?”

“She just woke up, the baby was a boy. The son he wanted. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this shit Ash. I feel like she wins everything” I said frustration all over my tone.

“Girl you doing better than I expected because you’re still there, so you mean what you say when you say you’re staying with him. The fact that Chris finally admitted to still being in love with you that’s a start. It’s like with me and Michael we’re still not married girl because we have a lot to work towards as do you and Chris” she said calming me down.

“Yeah I just think I could’ve avoided this shit years ago. I should’ve forgave him. He was sorry, but then I got all caught up with Odell and the get back. I don’t know why I allowed myself to become this person, this isn’t me you know” I said defeated.

“Girl you were hurt, you might’ve went a little extreme but you were hurt. Then you thought you could fall in love with the perfect man Odell was and you tried, but he ain’t baby daddy” she said making me laugh.

I looked up and saw Chris walking towards me and Kyia who I set down in the chair next to me took off towards him “girl I gotta go he’s coming.”

“Ok and be nice to him” she said before hanging up.

“Hey, is she ok?” I asked him as he approached me.

He looked tired and stressed. His eyes bloodshot, his skin pale, and he was so sluggish from lack of rest. I planned on taking care of him tonight if he let me, but first I had to see where his head was at.

“Yeah she fell back to sleep. They’re going to keep her a few more days to make sure she’s ok, but she’ll recover doc says” he said clearing his throat as usual.

“Ok, we’ll do you want to stay with me and the kids tonight? Let me take care of you Chris” I said stroking his cheek.

He looked at me and I felt like he was denying me or something it was crazy, but I didn’t complain or try to. I knew he hated being alone so if he said no he wasn’t leaving this hospital.

“Robin, I’m not sure if I should you know? You can handle all this?” He asked grabbing my hand that was holding his cheek as he balanced Ky on his hip.

“Chris I’m here and I haven’t left have some faith in me. I’m trying here” I said never tearing my eyes from him.

“Want daddy to stay over?” He asked Kyia and she nodded yes hugging him tight.

“Alright, whatever my princess wants. Come on” he said walking in front of me.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her body back “what are you doing here huh?” She asked defeat in her voice.

“Got in the car and drove here” I said softly while shrugging.

She sucked her teeth and tried to walk off but I pulled her closer. Robin and I had no space between each other as leaned down to her ear level “talk to me.”

She closed her eyes and pulled my arms around her. She seemed like that was all she needed maybe even wanted “Chris you sure about this?”

I let go of her and she turned to look at me, she was so hurt. Like in all the years I’ve known her I never saw pain on her face like right now “sure about what?”

She stepped forward and placed her hand on my chest “what do you feel when I touch you? What do you feel when I look at you?”

“What?” I said confused.

“Stop reading to much into it, you keep fighting me. Go back to our real first kiss. Did you know then you wanted forever?” She asked.

“I, wait where are you going with this? You wanna reminisce and shit. You always do this when you trying to get me to see the light” I said seeing a sparkle in her eyes.

“Chris, just think about it. When did you know that I was it?” She asked again this time really making me think.

“Dubai, I didn’t tell you I was in love with you but I was” I said truthfully.

*Flashback*

I drove us back to our hotel. It was our last night here and I wanted it to be special. Robin was special to me and I wanted her to see that.

I pulled up making sure Robin got out of the car okay. I gave the keys to the valet and we headed inside. We got to our elevator and I inserted the key for the penthouse. I backed her against the gold elevator wall and kissed her neck.

“You don’t even know all the things I want to do to you right now” I said in her ear.

I could feel her pulse picking up and her body heat radiating. She wanted me just as much as I her. First I had something to say. The elevator dinged and we walked into the suite.

Red rode petals were everywhere as well as candles. The lights were dimmed and, champagne and strawberries were right on top the bar like I requested. I pulled her hand and sat her down on the over-sized couch in the living room. Then I poured us two glasses of champagne with strawberries in them. I gave her a glass and sat down beside her. I observed her beauty and decided now was the time to speak on some things.

“In the short time I’ve known you it’s almost like you’ve become a part of me. There isn’t a second your not around I don’t wonder what your doing or wish you were there. You’ve grown on me and I genuinely care about you. I guess what I’m saying is let’s build something. We have to start someplace and I need you on the same page.”

I watched her eyes water and I wiped them before a single tear could drop. I admired Robin because for the first time she was letting somebody, me care for her. I really did want to build with her. I was hoping she was willing. “I’m going to let you in and I’m going to build with you but please don’t make me regret this” she said reassuringly.

I kissed her forehead “I would never intentionally hurt you okay.” She nodded and I kissed her lips to seal the deal. It felt good to finally feel like this might go somewhere besides the end.

I kissed her for the first time with meaning. We engulfed in the most temperature rising kiss we’ve ever been in. It felt like heat was radiating through my body as I deepened the kiss. She opened her mouth welcoming our tongues to get to know each other.

*Flashback Over*

“When I was finally ready to tell you, you left without as much as a warning. I mean I get it now. You thought you were protecting your man, but I didn’t need to be protected. You did” I said taking a seat on the carpet in the living room. She sat in front of me and grabbed my hand “don’t think just answer. Do you still love me?”

“No thoughts needed, I do.” I said truthfully.

“You love her more?” She asked me.

I smiled because she never asked me that out loud but I knew she was silently wondering what was going on in my head. She always dropped hints that she wanted constant words of affirmation but I thought showing her was better than telling. I guess baby girl needed both.

“If I tell you I do or don’t what does that do for you?” I asked honestly. She shrugged “I need to know if I’m crazy for loving you still. I need to know if I should damn well let another man make me happy or not. I quite frankly don’t respect her and you know why hence why I have no problem taking what’s mine from time to time” she said as she led her hand up my thigh.

I grabbed her hand “stop. She is having my baby. I can’t desert her because I love you.”

“By all means take care of yours but you can do that and come home to me every night. You find it so easy to give her what I deserve I don’t get it. You ran out of here so quick when she called you crying. Especially when you promised to work it out naked in my bed. Look, just think about this shit before you do it. I crave you like I always did. Shit we the new and improved Ty and Ashley” she said making me laugh.

“Nah we way more dysfunctional than them, but Robin I’m not living for you. You think because you’re ready to let me love you, I’m gonna just be with it. Is that fair? You put everything on me” I said frustration taking over.

“Chris I’m sorry alright, but you make decisions for me cause you think you’re doing the right thing when I don’t need that. You buried yourself deep inside me and promised we’d fix it. Now all of a sudden fixing it turns into you being engaged to someone who ain’t me. WHAT THE FUCK!” She screamed at me.

“First off lower your voice before you wake my kids. Second, Robin not that it makes a difference or anything but it’s fact that you begged me to make love to you. Now I obliged cause shit I wanted it probably more than you. Walking around here looking like that, but us doing that didn’t mean I was just going to pick up at sun rise and move my entire garage full of clothes in here.”

She grabbed my shirt roughly and brought her face close to mine “do you love her more than me damn you?” She asked again.

I looked away from her “I-I shit I don’t know anymore alright.” Lying through my teeth. I knew I’ve known for a long time.

Amusement covered her face “you’re lying. But you know what Chris fuck it. I’m just gonna let you get on with your shit. You so in love with this girl but you here. So marry her. Go kiss your kids goodnight and get out.”

“So because I won’t tell you I love you more I gotta go?”

“Well I mean you got a fiancé ain’t like you can spend the fucking night” she snipped at me.

I sighed and shook my head “I give up yo. Let’s face it at the end of the day this is a competition for you. You just wanna win. You don’t want me. You want to be able to tell Kae that at the end of the day I’m yours” 

I laid back on the shaggy carpet and looked up at the ceiling. I could feel Robin straddling my waist but this wasn’t about to be that. I wasn’t not about to fuck her senseless then tell her what she wanted to hear. 

“Chris I do win, you wanna know why? You love me, I gave you your family, I wobble on this dick better than any bitch you had, and you over there playing saint cause she’s pregnant but you know where you wanna be. When I called you that night I opened a door for you and you walked right into it because I gave you what you’ve been wanting for damn near 7 years. I gave up my heart on a silver platter for you. So when you leave here tonight think and think real fucking hard. Are you gonna stop playing the fiddle and juggling two or are you going to man up and live by the words you always told me. It’s always going to be me” she said looking me in the eyes.

She stroked my cheek and then intertwined our hands. I tapped her side silently telling her to get up and she did. I said nothing as I got up and headed upstairs to kiss my kids goodnight. I don’t even know why I came here I got in the car with the intentions to go to the studio.

I wasn’t about to let Robin come in and change up anything because I made my decision. My phone vibrated and I answered knowing it was Kae “wassup wifey?”

“Come back to me, I need you” she said making me smile.

“Oh yeah? What you need?” I asked her playing along.

“I need you to hold me and give me some loving” I chuckled at how cute she sounded when she was begging.

“Alright I’m literally in Christian’s room tucking him in, I’m gonna kiss Kyia and I’ll come back to my baby. That ok?” I asked knowing she was smiling real big.

“Yeah, hurry lil daddeh” she said before hanging up.

I shook my head and placed my phone in my pocket again. Kae ass was up to something I could feel it. Christian was falling asleep but as soon as he saw me he got hype “aye big boy. Ready for bed now?”

He nodded “yes, but I thought I was going home with you today.”

“No, mommy wants you and Ky to stay so I said ok. You’ll just stay longer when I get you after school Friday aight?”

He nodded “ok, Kyia was crying for you earlier.”

“Ok I’m going to go see her now, get some sleep lil one” I said turning off his light and heading out.

I left his door cracked just in case he had an accident. He’s six and at the wet the bed stage. So every so often he’ll wake us up crying like if he was in trouble. I just left the door cracked so Robin could hear his cries if something went wrong.

I crept into Kyia’s room and she was of course sleeping but I could tell she was restless from the way she was turning.

“Wake me up before you go, ooh I need a little more Just a little more, a little more of your love Wake me up before you go, ooh I need a little more Just a little more, a little more of your love ‘Cause your love, your love, your love Wake me up with some more of your love” I sang softly enough to sooth her sleep.

Once she stopped tossing I kissed her forehead and thought about how she was the splitting image of her mother. She was so pretty, I knew I was going have to keep her chained in the house when she got older. I tucked her in and crept out her room sure not to wake her. When I got back downstairs I could hear Robin sobbing softly on the couch.

It tugged and my heart strings so bad I couldn’t just leave. I lifted her up and held her in my arms just letting her cry in my chest as we sat there. I said nothing because nothing needed to be said. I wiped her tears and she tried to push my hands away, but I refused not to comfort her. “Robin I love you ok. I love you I do, but I’m scared of you. I’m scared of you leaving me so I’m not leaving her. And I also don’t feel like we work anymore. That’s the truth” I softly lifting her head so she could look me in the eyes.

She nodded at me signaling she knew that already, as she held me until I got up to leave “Christopher if you go through with this I’m moving on for good and I mean it. And you know we work you know we work so damn good.!Scared or not you need to remember I’m not waiting around for you forever it’s getting real old real fast.”

“Look it’s not as easy as 123 anymore. It’s so much wrapped up in this shit. You know what you asking me to do?” I asked.

“Yeah I’m asking you to live by your words. Fucking honor me!” She yelled.

“You love me, prove it. Nothing has ever stopped you before so it shouldn’t now” she said softly rubbing my hand.

I flipped my hat backwards and kissed the very corner of her mouth before getting up and leaving. The fact that Robin had been waiting on me all this time never became so clear until now. She always made it seem like it didn’t matter because she had another nigga in the winds waiting. So for the first time I was truly wondering, was I making a mistake?

India 

I combed my hair in the mirror and smiled as I rubbed my belly. The baby would be here in 25 days and today was my baby shower. My feet were swollen beyond measure and my fingers looked like sausages but it didn’t matter I was happy. Along with the baby shower we were also having the sex reveal. Trey and I were betting on what it’d be. I want a boy and of course he wanted a girl. I was just excited to share this with my family and friends. I even took the initiative to invite Robin and Ashley.

I was so tired of the bullshit so if this meant peace then so be it. We didn’t have to be best friends but I know it’s annoyed the guys worrying about keeping us all apart.

“Innnnnnn?” I heard Kae call out from my bedroom.

“Bathroom babes!” I said as I applied some bronzer.

“Ready to see my handy work?” She asked as she came in smiling.

“I know you got me everything I wanted, but tell me how you liking being engaged?” I asked gushing at the massive rock Chris put on her finger.

She blushed and looked away “I still can’t believe it, but I wish I didn’t get him like this.”

“I always feel like the cause for many problems in his life. I tend to think maybe he’d be better off you know? I’m sure and I’ve always been that this is what I wanted for me, for us. Marriage, kids, Mrs. Brown. I just wonder if Chris is doing this cause it’s the right thing and not what he wants to do thing” she said using air quotes.

I sighed “baby you aren’t a bad person. I know you think you’re this home wrecker because you had Kyia and he was still married, but that was never your intentions. Listen to me, don’t go into this marriage feeling like that and don’t go into it without talking to him. Chris is a lot of things but I know he’d walk away from this if it’s making you feel trapped.”

“I love him so much you know. Shit I’m having another child with him, but Chris still loves her and I can’t marry him without knowing that she doesn’t have a say in anything that refers to him anymore. I will walk with my dignity in tact before I sit around playing sista wife with her ass believe me” I said making her laugh.

“You’re a savage, but I agree. You know they’re going to be here today?” I asked making sure to remind her.

“Yeah I know, I can handle it don’t worry” she said running my little belly as I stood up.

I was carrying weirdly very small, but I think it’s because I worked out so much before and during my pregnancy I didn’t gain much weight. 

“Baby come on! Everyone is outside you always late” Trey complained walking into the bathroom.

“Trey shut up, I’m pregnant and swollen I’m allowed to be late” I said rolling my eyes.

“You been talking real crazy lately, but it’s cool that baby ain’t gonna be inside you for long then imma set your ass straight. You done forgot” he said walking up on me.

Trey had this sexy no shave scruff thing going on and I couldn’t take it. He keep it up we’ll be having another baby in no time after this one is born.

“Whatever let’s go get on my damn nerves” I said making him smile.

“Mmmm keep talking” he said slapping my ass as I walked past him.

I kissed my teeth as Kae laughed making jokes with him “you know Rue you ain’t half bad. My son really got him a good thing.”

She giggled “tell him that.”

“I have, hopefully he listening. But come on. Everyone is waiting for y'all pregnant asses!”

We laughed “listen I’m only four months along you can’t even tell I’m with child don’t start!”

They were arguing back and forth and I was focusing on not falling down the stairs. Trey was then most accepting of Kae. He never wanted her to feel like the outcast especially how we were best friends. As we walked down the stairs Chris of course was standing there waiting on Kae.

“Hey, what you took y'all so long?” He asked.

She rolled her eyes and willingly went into his embrace “India is 8 months pregnant can she get a courtesy?”

He shrugged “I guess so, but how’s my little one doing in there?”

I couldn’t help but watch they were freaking cute “fine, but we want some chicken.”

He laughed “aight, but you gotta kiss me and tell me you love me first.”

She giggled and hid her face in his neck “I love you baby” she said before kissing his nose, his cheeks, and finally his lips.

He told her loved her more and proceeded to kiss her all while Robin and Ashley walked in on the cute scene. I noticed he held her closer to him and whispered something in her ear making her bust out laughing before walking off. Robin watched and just because we weren’t friends didn’t mean I couldn’t see the pain in her face from wanting that to be her. She took it with a grain of salt though and greeted me.

“Hi, thanks for inviting me. I know we haven’t been at our best in four years but I come bearing gifts” she said smiling as she handed a stroller full of wrapped gifts to Trey.

He kissed her cheek “thanks for coming, you too Ashley” I said hugging them both before they did the same to Trey.

“Where’s the kids?” I asked.

“Mama J insisted she needed quality time with her grand-babies so she stole our kids. Her, Passion, and April they’re on the way though” Ashley said shaking her head.

I’m not against it though, I got to be with Ty alone. If I wasn’t already six months I would’ve said I might be pregnant after our weekend" she said as we laughed.

I consciously looked back for Kae, but she excused herself from being there and I felt bad instantly. “My feet are killing me, lets go outside so I can sit and stop everyone from waiting.”

Something was off and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I felt like today something was going to change. I just hoped whatever it was, was positive.

Robin

After walking in and seeing the way Chris held Kae and kissed her my heart dropped. I know he saw me that’s why he said whatever he said to her in her ear. She silently excused herself which I liked. 

She was all around not a selfish girl so the fact that she kept distance I appreciated. After talking with India some more I headed to the bathroom. I of course bumped into Chris and he broke my fall.

“Hey” I said above a whisper.

He smiled at me “Hi Melody.”

My heart dropped and I started to touch him but fought to keep my hands to myself. Then I wanted to kiss him and my mouth got so dry. All this because of the way he said my middle name. 

He teased me “what you want me to do to you first? I can see your thoughts all over your face.”

I turned red and he laughed “fuck, go away.”

“Ok, but no hug? Or we can’t do that yet?”

I rolled my eyes and hugged him his scent invading my nostrils making my hormones go haywire “you feel so good” I said out loud by mistake.

He chuckled “you look beautiful” he said to me before walking off.

I finally made it to the bathroom and shut the door locking it. I sank to the ground and put my face in my hands. I was tingly all over. Every time I look at Chris it’s like the first time all over again. I feel like a high school girl pining over her crush. He knew me so well so he just used that to his advantage. Just checking to see if I hated him yet. I still had a flicker of hope deep down, but I was going to live my life. It was what is was.

I gathered myself and used the bathroom then headed outside. I was relieved to see Odell there. I didn’t know he was invited but I knew he would keep my mind off of Chris and that’s exactly what I needed. We could’ve just came together had he told me that he was coming when we were together two days ago. I assume he figured I wouldn’t be here though.

“Oh, you’re here?” He asked walking up to me.

I nodded “yeah I was invited and I’m trying to change so I came.”

He smiled and pulled me closer from my belt buckle “where you going with these small ass shorts?”

I smiled at him “I’m grown lil man.”

“Lil man huh? I wasn’t lil man when I had your legs in the air at my place the other night huh? It was more like “oh papi tan jodidamente grande” wasn’t it?“ He said making me smile.

"Odell shut up ok!” He laughed.

“I just need to remind you that ain’t nothing lil over here, but wassup. Can I still use my key tonight?” He asked closing space between us.

“Oh you kept that? I guess you can try to see if it still works, but if it doesn’t then I don’t know” I said making him smirk.

He bent down to my ear level “just be naked and wet for me. I’ll get inside.” “Robin come sit up at the main table, you too Ashley” India said interrupting our heated moment.

I turned to walk off but he gently grabbed my arm “not before I get my kiss.” Odell and I weren’t back together we went out to eat and just agreed to enjoy each other. I didn’t need I a relationship and he understood the need for me to be alone. His company was comforting and I was accepting of him just wanting to be there. 

I of course kissed him but on the cheek and tried to run but he wouldn’t let up “nah, you ain’t slick. What you scared homeboy gonna get mad?”

I rolled my eyes “I can careless if he got upset or not he’s engaged. You gotta earn these lips.”

He looked real amused and he waited for me to let my guard down and proceeded to steal a kiss. I dug my nails in neck and he bit my lip in response. 

“You don’t want none don’t start!”

“Whatever!” I said walking off to sit by Ashley.

As I sat I was greeted with stares “what?!!!”

“So Odell? Is that like a get back together or?” India asked.

“No, we’re just being each other’s company and I’m liking it” I said earning ohhhsss.

“Look enough about me, were here for India.”

“Where are the guys?” Ash asked.

“Inside chilling in the man cave, Trey insists baby showers are for women. He’s also agitated because he knows he won’t be getting any for 6 weeks after the baby comes. I think he’s losing his mind” India said making us all laugh.

My phone vibrated in my hand and I saw it was a text. I opened it and smiled “hey guys I gotta make a quick call to the store. I’ll be right back.”

Ashley was side eyeing me but I ignored it. I took my time heading inside so it wouldn’t look like I was rushing for anything. Once I opened the door to close it I was grabbed. I smiled when I looked down to see it was Odell’s arm.

“I want a sample of what you gonna give me tonight” he said unbuttoning his jeans. 

I giggled “oh is that so?”

“yeah deff” he said turning me around and holding my arms above my head against the door.

Just as he undid my belt the door knocked “Robin?” I heard a soft voice say.

Odell let me go and situated himself as I needed confirmation “Karrueche?”

“Yeah, can we talk?” She asked from the other side of the door.

I looked at O and he shrugged “um yeah give me a second.”