#dedfix

i interpret this time in his life as the only time he has ever felt “free,” as it was after iwakagure and before the akatsuki. especially considering his young age during this time period, and every traumatic and violent thing to happen since then, deidara does not recall it accurately. as we look at our childhood with a sense of fondness, but ignorance, so does deidara at his own. he doesn’t really understand how lucky he was to be scooped by the akatsuki and given a mentor to guide him. he thinks, yeah the akatsuki beats living on the run as a missing nin, but he doesn’t understand the harmful effects from that period. a young boy of great potential could have faced many incidents of manipulation and violence by employers, as well as practicing poor healthcare while on the run. yikes man!

these events have incredible influence on deidara, whether he ever acknowledges it or not. from the get go, deidara has been headstrong, dedicated, and quick thinking, with a love for art and everything that encompasses that – artistic expression, creativity, the forum space it creates, and most of all, the beauty in the short lived and what it feels like to express it… all he has ever wanted was a platform to be acknowledged as an artist and person, to show someone how he sees the world, and every time something has gone wrong. and each time, deidara has chosen to become someone capable of great evil in response. 

throughout his time with the akatsuki, he matures into a man of survival, with fickle definitions for the meanings of freedom and loyalty. his ‘duty’ is to whatever will allow him to practice his art. and he is, in every way, a criminal! he accepts the blood on his hands but is able to dismiss it without second thoughts. for every time the world has told him his art was trash – iwakagure, the akatsuki – deidara intensified his attachments to it and the ideas of temporality. this definitely doesn’t justify his actions, but it does provide additional insight on deidara.