i work in academia because i struggle with academia. i really do. all kinds of not good or just flat out bad feelings.
i struggle with its western european roots, which relied on the stealing of mideastern and east + south asian and african intellectual practice and thought, i struggle with the White-European Hearing Straight Abled Wealthy Christian Gaze implicit in most everything that it does, i struggle with it because of its covert and overt implications that White Male Thought/ White Male Word is superior and everybody else's gets shuttled towards the end of term- a special time to talk about 'diversity' or 'multiculturalism' or 'different perspectives' and usually gets cancelled-, i struggle with it because it forces depersonalization and decontextualization, of removing yourself from your personal and collective histories to prove a "point" or "points," i struggle with it because it prefers racially/gendered coded forms of behavior and discourse- WhiteMale codes of debate, proving your point, making sure you come out on top, (and i struggle with how i have internalized this Code myself,) i struggle with it because of its inaccessible language, resources, opportunities, i struggle with it because to reap its rewards you have to step on the backs of others and care about your own personal and professional gains, i struggle with it because it's caused the premature deaths of many brilliant Black and Brown minds that were consistently devalued by the very institutions that seemed to pine after them, only to abandon them, i struggle with it because of its systematic actions of barring deaf/deafblind/deafdisabled/hh/signing people from student and professional opportunities, i struggle with academia because my hearing, male, white, abled students will be able to overpower me with just one word, one sentence in the classroom, i struggle with academia because my white hearing female professor once told me that emotions have no role in the classroom so i suck everything down and store it down low and collapse afterwards, i struggle with academia because of its many macro/microaggressions that threaten to slowly kill me and all of us.
maybe i'm a little masochistic, but i chose to be in this field because of all this shit is fucked up, and i know it, and i want to point it out, constantly. but i'm not functioning within academia to 'make change from within'- i'm in it to make sure there are clear positions of dissent that will not comply.
#decolonizingacademia