Love Aināt Love If You Gotta Shrink Me to Receive It
Comedian KevOnStage recently went viral for stating that he leads with love when it comes to LGBTQ+ people. A lot of people clapped that up. Said it was kind. Said it was balanced. Said it was what the Church needs.
But Iām sitting with it differently.
Because as a Black Trans man, I know what that kind of āloveā feels like in real life. And Iām not confused about it.
If you believe my existence is rooted in sin, then what youāre offering me is not love. Itās tolerance dressed up nice. Itās distance with a smile. Itās āI care about you, but I donāt respect who you are.ā And thatās not something Iām interested in receiving.
You donāt get to love me and deny me at the same time.
Thatās not love. Thatās control.
Letās be real. A lot of this conversation is rooted in interpretations of the Bible that havenāt always been honest or complete. The word āhomosexualā didnāt even show up in the Bible until 1946. Thatās not ancient truth - thatās a modern insertion shaped by politics, power, and fear.
And when it comes to being Trans? The Bible doesnāt even speak to gender identity the way we understand it today. Not directly. What it does show us is a God who creates with diversity, not limitation.
We see eunuchs - people who lived outside traditional gender and reproductive roles - not being rejected, but included. Welcomed. Trusted.
We see a Christ who transcends gender expectations, who moves beyond rigid roles, who centers spirit over structure.
So letās not pretend the Bible is as narrow as people make it.
And letās definitely not pretend that people have always believed in these rigid binaries.
Before colonization, many African societies recognized that gender wasnāt just one thing. There were people who lived, moved, and existed outside of what we now call āmaleā and āfemale.ā And they werenāt pushed out - they were often respected.
The Chibados in Angola. The Mudoko Dako in Uganda. These werenāt mistakes. These were people with roles, purpose, and in many cases, spiritual significance.
That history is real. That history matters.
Because what weāre dealing with now - the rigidness, the shame, the policing of identity - that didnāt come from us. That was imposed. And some of us have been protecting it ever since like itās holy.
So when someone says they ālead with loveā but still believes my life is inherently wrong, Iām not moved. Iām not comforted. Iām not grateful.
I donāt need halfway love. I donāt need conditional care. I donāt need to be someoneās āstruggleā while they figure out how to treat me like a full human being.
I need honesty. I need respect. I need people who understand that my existence is not up for debate.
Love should not require me to shrink, explain, or defend my right to be here.
And if your version of love asks me to do that?