Jun 20, 2023
Me and my aroace friend who only reads gen fic leaving the theatre both fully shipping Miles with an evil version of himself from a parallel universe.
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Me and my aroace friend who only reads gen fic leaving the theatre both fully shipping Miles with an evil version of himself from a parallel universe.
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i want to like myself for once in my life holy fucking shit what is wrong with me
I'd like to preface this with this announcement. If you are a close friend of mine, please don't worry. It's just been a bad weekend. I'm fine. If you're the type to worry, please stop reading now.
_________________
Within the last 1 and a half to 2 years this sequence of events has happened at least 3 times already.
1. Feel awful emotionally for an extended period of time
2. Start searching symptoms of depression
3. Take an online quiz that says something along the lines of "Mild Depression, consider talking to a trusted friend or loved one."
4. Blow it off thinking "Ha, what trusted friend or loved one? I don't trust anyone like that, I don't wanna bother anyone. It's just an online quiz, who really trusts those anyway? Not me."
5. Continue feeling awful until there's a peak in happiness and proceed to say "Ha, see? I'm happy, no depression here!"
Is it a sign just that I even took the tests that many times? It's only ever said mild. I haven't been affected in any way besides a drop in school grades during the tough patches. It's nothing, right? I'm just looking for attention or something, right? It's not even like all the symptoms match up, it's only about 60% of the symptoms.
It's just the regular ups and downs of life, right?
I also searched for therapists in my area. Most are too expensive. Barely any have Christian or LGBTQ+ backgrounds, let alone both. Not to mention you need parental consent and I'm not telling them jack shit. I'll be 18 in 2 months so then I won't need their consent but I still won't have the money. Even if I do have the money, I still don't think I should be wasting a therapist's time like that when they could be helping patients who actually need it.
I'm probably blowing it out of proportion but part of me is worrying that I'm doing the opposite. I've been relatively happy for awhile. So what if there's a miniscule amount of dread in my heart constantly, every day, for months? It's usually not very big. It only gets suffocating every once in awhile, typically when something bad happens. It's fine. I'm okay.
Feeling like a package deal.