#dearlovelife

...I want to say “I’m sorry” but that would mean that I did not dig deep to discover that I was being who I was at the time. I have had to accept who I was….a difficult step but one that has expanded my way of looking at myself, life, and you. Am I sorry that I hurt you or caused you to be upset? Of course, I am. I would do anything to erase those feelings in your heart but then I would not have reached the point where I am right now. 

We learn by our mistakes, dammit. I have yet to learn, and doubt that I am alone, by someone telling me I am wrong. These realizations must come from within ourselves, that awareness I mentioned earlier. 

I feel I have changed. I believe I have taken steps to put me more in alignment with you and the deepest part of myself. The first step was hard but seeing the changes in myself have been a wondrous experience. I like me a lot! 

Learning and growing with you is what I want. I do not want to walk this path without you. I believe in me and my abilities to expand. I certainly believe in you! Together, we have a chance to believe in us. 

With much love and gratitude,

...I am practicing being vulnerable, as this letter indicates. Your compassionate nature, your kindness and caring ways and the lens that you see the world through have made a great impact on me. I feel I am not only a better person but one who can look honestly at himself and make changes that allow me to communicate on a deeper level. While that is a bit scary, it is also freeing! 

Motivation for me is that I want to be the man that you so deserve but change is never comfortable until the brain lights up with the benefits one will receive. We are human and humans like to be in control of their lives even while realizing that is never going to happen. The only thing we can be in control of is how we view what is happening to us and the world out there. If you believe in miracles, miracles will find you. If you believe the world is an unkind and “out to get you” place, then those experiences will be what you see. How easy that is to understand and how difficult it is to put into practice when you have not been led to open your eyes and take a leap of faith!

You may believe that we rushed things. People normally take their time and make calculated moves, but that wasn’t us. Did we jump in blindly? Maybe, but that what makes this special, a real leap of faith. Where we decided to take a chance on love. Many obstacles stood in our way, distance, COVID, the passing of a love one, and yet we did our best to stand strong. I guess we weren't strong enough. 

(Names have been changed to protect identities)

Change knelt down beside me in the wilderness, and in the gentlest voice I’ve ever heard, she said "I love being the reason for all of your beginnings". Then she kissed the tears from my eyes, stood up, and reached for my hand.

Sweet Purple, 

I never thought I would be writing a letter like this one and as I sit here wondering what the right words to string together are, I feel inadequate. I ask that you forgive me in advance.

There are so many things I wish to say. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. That we are both teachers and students and if we look at life and others that way, we can actually become wiser and more compassionate towards one another. 

You came into my life and the changes began. Vulnerability and the fear of it raised its ugly head. What a barrier to a healthy relationship that one is. In men, and I am not offering an excuse, and it almost always comes with the territory. We are protectors and providers. In the “old” days, that was necessary when out hunting for food. Being vulnerable in the face of danger, vulnerability just didn’t work well. 

Eons passed and here we are...