#deargina9

Dear Gina,

There’s a new boy in your class. He has the same color skin as you! Finally, you’re not alone! Oh wait. You know those looks. The teachers and kids at school are waiting for you guys to be best friends or something. Like a damn science experiment to see if they can get the two monkeys to play. You think he’s feeling the same way. Why else would he be treating you so poorly?! Since you’re used to this bullying thing by now it’s easier to “bite back”, isn’t it? Especially since he is being WAY WORSE than the other guys ever were. But he opened up that pandoras box and now it’s open season on you. My darling girl... you shut out another important lesson at this time in your life. Put my glasses on and I’ll show you. See?? See his family laying enormous pressure on him to succeed? See those same people pitting you two against each other also laughing and teasing the both of you? He was hurting too sweet girl. But because you let the darkness cover your eyes you couldn’t see it. Sweet girl, I don’t blame you for your very human action. We make mistakes and have our blinders on all the time. It’ll take some life experience for you to learn to pull that dark veil off quicker. Just remember you did the best you could under the circumstances to survive and protect yourself against even more pain. 

Your sensual curiosity for boys is developing more. There’s a boy in class you’re crazy about! He still teases you but for some reason you don’t think he means it. Maybe because we were taught as girls that if a boy teases you that means he likes you. He’s cute but he is not very nice to you. Best of a bad situation I suppose. Let me give you some motherly advice....CUT THE CORD! You are a beautiful soul who doesn’t deserve a “love” like that. A man is supposed to lift you up in a relationship. Encourage and motivate you to achieve your highest good. What he gave you is NOT love. This is so important! Don’t forget this wonderful lesson. Forgive yourself for allowing dysfunctional ideas of love cloud your judgment.  

Alex has been such a great best friend. This rock music is almost overwhelmingly therapeutic. Why isn’t everyone listening to this amazing genre of music? It’s the rawest expression of emotion you’ve ever felt. Dang it. We have to hide it from mom. She would be really upset if she found out. Gospel and classical music are the only things that cut it in this house. Guess what though? Mom was doing the best she could with what she was dealing with.  Mom was dealing with “losing” her first born going to college on the other side of the country and all the stress that could go into that. Also, this is where her marriage slowly stated to fall a part. Dad was going out and buying new things without even consulting her or taking her feelings into account. In a way, dearest Gina, Mom was getting bullied too. Forgive her for not noticing you. It wasn’t because she didn’t love or didn’t want to get to know you. She was just fighting her own battles. 

Your favorite get away was piano lessons with Mrs. E. She was the nicest person and everyone loved her. Especially you! She gave us confidence that we could do anything we put our mind to! It was great to be allowed to get so creative vs my other world which was so controlling. Wait, WHAT?!  I thought when you love someone enough to marry them, they don’t cheat. Mr. W was such a nice man who was always smiling and cared deeply and loved his family. How could Mrs. W do that!? She was with WHO!? MR. E?! My piano teacher’s husband!? The school’s and church’s moral fall a part. They didn’t deserve that did they? It hurt you more than anything to see your piano teacher so deeply hurt. Your lesson here, dear one, is that everyone has flaws. No one is perfect and that’s okay! When you make “mistakes” you’re creating a new prospective and learning lessons that will help you or someone else down the line. 

Dear Gina,

Something weird happened didn’t it? The blonde girl WAS your very best friend for so long. You think, “Why does it feel like I’m losing her?” You swear you haven’t changed. You’ve been the same sweet, energetic, and friendly person you’ve always been to her. Why does she want to hang out with that other girl so much all of a sudden? What does she have that you don’t? That long, black, and silky hair. She’s skinnier than you. She’s taking your friend... your one true friend. So you thought, right? Guess what hunny? All of this is for a reason. You and ‘blonde girl’ were getting too close and that friendship would have taken you down a very dark path. Not to say she was a bad person. Your Spirit Guides intervened and stopped that before it took you off the deep end. This was your first death in the truest sense of the word. Your friendship died to make room for Alex. Believe it or not, Alex is going to go from not liking you to being your best friend for about 17 years! Blonde girl? We still keep in touch here and there. How great is that! After all these years and after this fall out, we still manage to stay in contact. 

The twins are gaining momentum in their popularity while you’re losing it. You feel so lost losing friends, getting a bad teacher, liking boys and none of them liking you back. This is all you’re thinking about, love, and it has to stop! You’re so blinded about what you’re losing you’ve lost sight of what you’re GETTING! You have Alex! You’ve gotten a new friend, KK, who is only 4 days a part from you! To this day we call her our “4-day-twin”. Even deeper than that, what was done to you was done to her too. You are not alone little one. You never were. We still aren’t! 

You’re starting to serve unhealthy revenge. RM sings incredibly well, gets straight A’s, and all the teachers adore her. You have none of those things going for you (or so you thought at the time). You teased and made fun of her. Made her feel bad and insecure about herself. You did to her what they did to you. Worst part? Didn’t even feel good, did it? You even did the same thing to another girl. Dearest Gina, you will never be happy stepping on, teasing, and judging people. You are physically not able to feel happiness this way because you were born to help people in any way you can. I understand where your hurt came from. You no longer need this pain as it no longer serves a purpose for you. Take these lessons you’ve learned all through your life. Forgive yourself! You were doing the best you could at this moment in your life. You’re still such a great kid. You are SO loved!!