#dear alan

I miss it

The hugs

The eskimo kisses

The soft kisses

The oh my god do that again kisses

The cuddles

Your dog loving me

The holding hands

The “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow”

The way you carried me everywhere

The way you let me teach you new things

Walking next to you

Our selfies

Your little details

Our conversations late at night

But I don’t miss you

I hate missingg you

I don’t want to miss you

Because you changed me way too quickly

But I miss it.

I miss all the affection.

I crave that affection that I know no one is going to give me unless we are something else.

And I’m done being something else.

I’m done failing at relationships.

I hate having so much affection to give and no one to give it to.

I hate not having someone I can call mine.

I hate feeling alone when I’m surrounded with people.

I hate this.