#dealingwithego

Reflecting on these nine questions consistently keeps me grounded and aware of the patterns I’m working on. Each answer shows a bit of my journey toward breaking down the ego and building up self-awareness.

1. What drives my current desire or action? Is it coming from a place of genuine interest or from a need for validation or recognition?

• I’m working on my self-discipline, especially without leaning on Tika. The routines I’ve built are giving me structure—stopping me from wasting time on things like porn. Sometimes, I go out of order with the routine, but I’m showing up, and that’s what matters.

• I’ve also noticed I can’t really feel anything without thinking of Tika. Even during that orgy experience, I stayed focused on her. The love I have for her keeps me centered.

2. Am I focusing more on my external achievements or on my internal growth? How balanced is my focus?

• I used to say I “don’t crave” sex, which was a lie. After meeting with Tika again, we both saw our different desires—mine for sex, hers for connection and exploration. Lying to myself about what I wanted just made things more difficult.

• Making love with her isn’t just about quantity; it’s about quality and timing. Scheduling intimacy feels more meaningful than just going for it whenever.

3. How do I handle constructive criticism? Do I feel defensive or receptive to it?

• I do like validation; I’m aware of that. But listening is something I’m getting better at, especially around the BJJ crew. Sometimes, I don’t even know when to add my own thoughts, so I’m practicing just staying quiet and taking it in. Being patient is key here.

4. When I look at my goals, are they aligned with my true self, or are they influenced by what I think will gain approval or status?

• Recently, I told Tika I was moody because I got drenched in the rain, and no one seemed to notice. I realized I was making my discomfort everyone else’s problem. Being present with her taught me to drop that victim mindset and stay in the moment.

5. Do I compare myself to others, and if so, what does that reveal about my insecurities?

• I treated my staff to McDonald’s when I needed personal time. It was a way of getting them to chill out so I could handle things on my end. Guess there are times when I lean on distraction tactics to get what I need.

6. How am I currently dealing with setbacks? Do I see them as learning opportunities, or do I feel diminished by them?

• Yeah, there are still ego moments, like when I snapped at Pak Dek over a McDonald’s order. High-stress moments make it hard to stay calm. I did apologize, but there’s a lesson here to stop myself before reacting.

7. When I succeed, do I feel the need to broadcast my success, or can I quietly acknowledge it without needing others to validate it?

• Sometimes I feel a pull to boast, especially with family, but I know now it’s more about my need to impress them. Trying to tone that down and remember to be grateful instead of showy. Acknowledging the people who helped me also keeps my ego in check.

8. How am I handling relationships? Am I focused on mutual growth, or am I seeking to prove myself within them?

• I’ve been upgrading my approach with Tika, communicating more intentionally and learning to match her energy. Focusing on being fit—not just for validation but because I want to provide and be strong for her.

9. Am I holding on to past achievements or identities? How does that affect my ability to grow and embrace change?

• I do look back on past achievements to remind myself of my strengths in guest experience, but I don’t let them define me. It’s more about seeing where I came from and choosing to evolve. It’s like I’m a more conscious version of myself now.

Reflection on My Growth: Pros and Cons

These questions are a way for me to keep things real. Every answer highlights areas where I’m growing and areas where I’m still working to put my ego in check. Here’s my breakdown:

1. Achievement & Intuition: It’s good to feel that discipline without leaning on Tika. I’m finding intrinsic motivation, but I need to watch for moments where I might be leaning toward seeking validation. If I can stay focused on why I’m doing this for me, it’ll mean more.

2. Recognizing & Aligning Desires: I’m no longer lying to myself about desire—owning up to it feels right. Timing still matters, though; sometimes, the right answer is knowing when to say no to myself.

3. Need for Validation & Patience: Validation still tempts me, but I’m learning to let the need to speak simmer, especially in big conversations. I’ll add my voice when it matters, and that’s all I need.

4. Shifting from Victimhood to Presence: I don’t need to make everyone’s energy match mine. Accepting things as they are instead of forcing them to fit my mood is a huge shift, and I’m practicing this every time I see Tika.

5. Providing for Personal Space: Balancing my own needs with my staff’s by keeping it simple and open works. Distraction isn’t always the answer; sometimes, a straight ask for time is more respected.

6. Handling Heat of the Moment: There are moments where I let the heat take over, but I’m learning to notice these. Slowing down is key; every time I breathe before reacting, it’s a win.

7. Validation from Parents & Self-Acknowledgment: My successes don’t need to be shared every time. Quiet wins are still wins, and the people who helped me get there deserve a shout-out too.

8. Upgrading with Tika & Managing Ego: Improving myself for her feels good, but I have to remember: it’s not just to prove a point. It’s about aligning my actions with the life I want, not just the validation I seek.

9. Past Achievements & Staying Grounded: I’m keeping my past close enough to learn from but not letting it define my worth. Knowing I’m a product of where I’ve been while pushing forward with new awareness feels right.