Everything was numb. That day at the lake seemed so far away, but it was the only thing replaying in Andyâs head. Every time she closed her eyes, every time some old relative patted her on the shoulder with words like âItâll be okay,â and, âIt wasnât your fault,â that were supposed to bring comfort but only ever left her with vivid images of her twin sisterâs body being lifted from the lake, limp, pale and cold. Everything that Stella wasnât. She couldn't feel anything. It felt like everything sheâd ever known, everything sheâd ever been was no longer, there was no way to function without Stella. She couldnât, and so she didnât. She hid away in their room. She immersed herself in all that they were, everything they had together, hoping that maybe if she squeezed her eyes shut long enough that when she opened them Stella would walk through their bedroom door and tell her that it was all some elaborate scheme on her part. It didnât happen though, and with each passing day the anxiety she felt low in her stomach grew and grew as she realized that maybe Stella wasnât coming back.
She had tried to protest it, snuggling in bed, her face buried deep in Stellaâs pillow, the scent used to be so strong, but now it was faded, barely there, but still enough to bring her solace on especially dark nights. The day had come. She was very aware of time, and she knew that with each arrival of some old distant relative they were fast approaching the big goodbye, however when her mother dare enter their room holding a matronly black dress with a nervous smile on her face Andy took a page from Stellaâs book and threw the biggest tantrum of her life. All the built up emotions she had from trying to pretend came out, but fight with her mother she might, in the end it really didnât matter. Soon Andy had found herself being plucked, fluffed, and then accordingly stuffed into that god awful black dress. Her mother promised her that Stella would want her to be there, but Andy knew Stella and she knew better than anyone that Stella wouldnât have wanted her to do anything she didnât want to.
She cried the entire way to the church, she cried when they made her walk into the church, she cried even harder when she caught sight of the closed casket, flowers placed strategically on top, pictures of a smiling Stella surrounding the massive shrine, and she continued to cry when they sat her down in the front pew. Her heart beat rapidly against her chest as the pastor spoke in front of them, her mind too cloudy to even bother to listen. Looking down at her lap she tried to regulate her breathing, but something, she wasnât sure what told her to look up. Feeling nervous she followed the intuition a low whine leaving her lips when she caught sight of...her sister?  She shook her head, trying hard to clear the image but it wouldnât end, it was Stella. She was there. âStella!â she yelled, jumping up quickly from her seat, her sudden words startling the congregation, a low murmur erupting as the pastor halted in his sermon. âAndy...please,â she ehard, it wasnât clear if it was from her mother or her father,but really, she didnât care. âSheâs here. Sheâs there,â she pointed, urging her parents to look, but they shook their heads, her father taking the initiative to yank her back down, but she fought his grip,insistently pointing to her twin, so vividly standing to the side of the pews. âSay something. Tell them youâre here.â she said, trying to walk over to her sister, but her path was interrupted by her father yanking her up into his arms, her feet kicking as she tried to get down and over to her twin, her brows furrowing at the head shake she received from her sister. âI promise you I see her! Sheâs not dead, sheâs here dad!â she cried out, screeching and clawing at his arms as he  carried her out the church, her mother following them quickly as the church erupted into loud murmurs, distant family unsure what to make of the scene. âMom you have to believe me sheâs here, please!â she screamed at her mother, the woman shaking her head a stern look on her face as they finally made it out of the church, her cries only growing louder as they took her further and further away from a stoic Stella.
