I recently watched Passion of the Nerd’s review for Angel the Series’s Are you now or have you ever been and I really liked how he touched on the element of forgiveness in his review.
Judy accuses Angel to save herself, and in doing so, Angel is hanged by an angry and paranoid mob. They all believe him to be dead, and Judy likewise believes she has killed him. Angel abandons the hotel and all the inhabitants for it, telling the demon to “Take them all”. Here, Angel decides they do not deserve forgiveness, and leaves.
Judy spends 50 years alone in the hotel, hiding in her room, paranoid, filled with self-loathing and regret. Angel finds her and gives her what she needs - forgiveness. Judy may not deserve forgiveness - but she needs it to be able to go on as a human being. She needs it to be able to rest her soul.
Passion of the Nerd notes a parallel theme from I only have eyes for you, where Buffy asserts that James doesn’t deserve forgiveness for killing Miss Newman, which he cannot achieve as Miss Newman’s host dies before the spirit can offer any forgiveness.
Giles then tells Buffy that forgiveness is an act of compassion, given not because the person deserves it, but because they need it.
I couldn’t help but think of another parallel - Buffy in dead things.
Buffy confesses to Tara she has been sleeping with Spike, and begs Tara to tell her that she is wrong, and to not forgive her. Buffy doesn’t want Tara to tell her it’s okay, because Buffy cannot forgive herself. And if forgiveness is an act of compassion, Buffy’s inability to forgive herself here is because Buffy is struggling with self-compassion, due to her depression.
Forgiveness is hard, and it’s even harder when you need to forgive yourself. The wronged party may grant you forgiveness, so that you can reconcile your relationship, so that you can go on, and not be frozen in an endless loop like Judy or James were. But only you can forgive yourself, to be able to move past who you were, and become who you can be. And for this act of compassion, you need self-compassion.
