#dc is weird

Me: I think they're planning to have a baby next year.

A rule of thumb-- spring in DC means visitors. And visitors mean activities. As someone who bores easily with lines, I've been on an endless quest to show off Washington without having to stand around with a bunch of white-shoed tourists, hoping to get into monument a or museum b.

So culling from a Washington-based focus group (aka a way to distract my friends when the conversation turns to basketball or the new iPad I, tragically, don't own), I've pieced together a DC-specific scavenger hunt. A nonpartisan activity, this game is suitable for all visitors over 21. Participants will get a true flavor for DC-- its sense of self-satisfaction, its love of booze, its obsession with politics. Enjoy! And take pictures!

CWW's DC Scavenger Hunt, version 2012:

Track down Speaker of the House John Boehner and ask him to cry. (Extra points if this happens in front of a tanning salon.)

Find a Prius with an Obama sticker parked in front of a Starbucks. (Hey, every game needs a low-bar item. And with a Starbucks and yuppie liberal on every corner, you should be golden.)

Use a print version of the President's fiscal year 2013 budget to prop open the door at Old Ebbitt Grill. Then announce to all the movers-and-shakers and tourists at DC's beloved restaurant: "This is the most action this document will see all year!" (Points docked if someone makes this bad joke before you. Hint: youwill probably get points docked.)

Identify 10 dudes in different colored polo shirts in Georgetown. Extra points if this takes longer than 5 minutes. (No cheating by going to hipster enclave Columbia Heights, either.)  

Get a liberal nonprofit worker to say "Who cares about Sudan?" in exchange for a PBR. (Bonus points if you get a "pedicures are the equivalent of malaria nets in a DC summer" statement from 'em, too.)

Have the WaPo's Ezra Klein and/or his Wonkblog team re-tweet a chart you've made plotting attractiveness of clothing against conservative/liberal tendencies. (Hint: Two minutes assessing outfits and eavesdropping on political conversations in the U.S. House of Representatives' Rayburn cafeteria will make the chart crafting pretty easy.)

Start talking to a local* and go ten minutes without asking what the person does or answering when they ask you about your job. If you can keep this DCer engaged for that long without knowing your political capital value, you will have set a new Washington record. 

Ask someone for their business card and when it's handed to you, use it to pick your teeth. Extra points if you can then get a second business card from that same person.

Ask a member of Congress to take your photo. Inevitably the Congressperson will misunderstand and assume you want a photo with him or her. If the Representative or Senator can get over the shock of not mugging before your camera and then actually take your picture, wow. This would be called a Washington miracle.

If you complete half of these activities, you can call yourself a local. And in a city that loves self-congratulations (e.g. "we did a great job not shutting down the government this month!" or "we really kicked ass at kickball tonight!"), you should reward yourself. Worry not-- there are more happy hours than Starbucks in DC. So buy yourself a cheap drink, give yourself a toast, and revel in your local status.