#dc funny

Dick: I HATE EVERYTHING

Bruce: what happened this time

Dick: I entered a nightwing lookalike contest

Bruce: why ?

Dick: Roy bet me fifty dollars I would loose

Dick: and I did loos

Bruce:

Dick: TO JASON

dick calls them his brothers,

tim calls them his team,

damian calls them his sidekicks,

Because over the course of years, all of them keep slipping up. Like imagine you’re helping Tim with a case and he’s just like:

“i am tracing it back to central city maybe Wally can do a quick sweep and report back” and you’re like:

“why would Wally—oh. OH. So… that makes Barry Allen the Flash? Damn.”

By year three of dating Jason you’re just accidentally the most well-informed civilian in the entire hero community—like you didn’t mean to know everything, you’re not even nosy! They’re just so bad at keeping secrets when they trust you.

Then it snowballs.

Like you’re hanging out at the manor and someone mentions “Arthur”—and you’re like “Aquaman?”

Jason: “Wait how the hell do you know that?”

You: “Because Garth was talking about Atlantis politics over dinner last week. Who else would he be talking about??”

At one point you’re on a rooftop and you see a guy with a red scarf and a bow, and you go:

“That’s Roy Harper, right?”

Jason, blinking: “Have I ever told you that?”

You: “…No.”

Jason, completely deadpan:

“You’re not allowed to be kidnapped. Ever.”

Eventually it gets to the point where someone like Clark Kent flies in and is like “Hey I’m looking for—”

And you just go:

“Bruce is not here, Mr. Kent.”

He looks startled.

You: “C’mon. The glasses don’t do that much.”

And then one day one of the actual heroes is like,

“How do you know all this? Did you like, hack Watchtower records or something??”

And you’re like:

“No?? You all just talk too much.”

Jason, proud and amused in the background:

“She’s observant. That’s my baby.”

(Then turns around and threatens to maim anyone who tries to erase your memory “for safety reasons.”)

You’re basically the unofficial HR rep of the superhero world at this point. You’ve seen Wally’s baby pictures, you’ve fed Titus under the table, you know that Oliver Queen leaves his arrows everywhere, and one time Zatanna asked if you could help her pick out birthday gifts.

You just know everything. You’re in.

You didn’t even mean to be.

Dick: honestly, I'm more embarrassed about being related to Tim

*Tim walks in covered in glitter and offers no explanation*

Damian and Tim have been doing better recently, less fighting, but Damian is still hurt and hung up on being on Tim's "hit-list" of potential heroes to go bad.

After working with tim he notices how unhinged Tim (and his team) can be he demands to know why he is on the list but tim is not.

Tim half asleep and on way to much coffee. Pats his head and tells him that that list is for heros who are still on the good side but have the potential to be a big problem if they ever turned.

The potential.

Tim as far as he is concerned has already had his villan ark and is on the same list as jason of heros who snapped but came back to the good side. (I will die on the hill of tim having the highest kill count in the fam due to the red Robin run)

Damian (and the rest of the fam) are very confused and concerned because when the fuck?? Did tim have a villan ark?