#dbh commissions

“Connor?” you croaked, struggling to get the words out. It was hard to speak through the oxygen mask attached to your mouth.

“Y/N. You're awake,” he whispered. He sounded immensely relieved. You couldn't quite see him, but you made out a smudge of his skin in the periphery of your vision.

You lifted your hand slowly and pulled the mask away with great difficulty. Every movement took humongous amount of effort and your tired hand flopped to the side.

“What the- fuck- happened,” you managed in between breaths.

Connor came into your field of you suddenly, scrambling to put the mask back on you. But you resisted.

“Talk to me,” you yelled but the words came out in a feeble whisper.

You heard him sigh deeply. “I am going to fetch the doctor so she can run tests on you.”

You heard him leave the room.

Shutting your eyes, your strained to remember what had transpired. But your mind blanked out after the point where you were running towards Connor.

You moved to sit up, your vision getting fairly clear now. You could make out the white, pristine equipment beside you, the blue walls and solid steel cylinders in the far corner of the room.

Just as you pulled yourself up, you felt a sharp tug in your lower back and bright spots danced before you eyes. You fell down back with a thump, feeling the sting crawl all the way up your back. Metal coated your tongue.

You heard three sets of footsteps just then, undoubtedly of the doctor, Connor and probably an assistant.

“Good Lord you're awake,” the doctor chirped, shining a bright light into your eyelids.

You squirmed under its intensity as the pain in your lower back died down slowly.

“Pupil functional,” the doctor mumbled to her assistant.

“Doc, what happened?” you managed to draw out.

Your vision cleared almost fully and you could make out Connor’s face next to the Doctor's. He was stone-faced, as usual.

“You, my dear, were stabbed,” the doctor said, reading something on the meter next to her.

“Brain functional.”

“What!?” you exclaimed and regretted it immediately. Just yelling made your back tingle with the sting.

“Yeah. Injury to the erector spinae. The muscle that holds your spine upright,” the doctor said quietly and you felt your heart quicken it's pace.

“Doctor am I-” you whispered, voice suddenly trembling. Your mind had already jumped to a hundred possible conclusions, each worse than the last.

“Sweetheart, no. We managed to replace the muscle. A very, very intricate surgery that lasted about thirty six hours,” she paused, reading something from a file the nurse had given her.

You glanced at Connor then. Your gaze clashed with the brown of his eyes and you saw his jaw clench. Without a word he turned away and presumably, stalked out of the room.

“But the muscle seems to be working now. However, you're going to have to rest for a month or possibly longer. The muscles haven't exactly.. set in,” the doctor explained.

You gulped. That could've been close. Permanent paralysis. You shook your head. Better not think about it.

“Doctor.. Connor.. is he okay?” you asked, remembering that you had rushed to save him. He seemed okay but you couldn't be sure.

“The android? Yes of course. He was the one who brought you in. And hasn't left your side ever since. Not once, not even during the surgery.”

Your heart fluttered at her words.

Connor had stayed by your side.

“How long have I been.. you know..?”

“A week.”

A week. A week you had been comatose and Connor had stayed by your side.

Your Connor.

“Your vitals are almost fully normal now. Except the fact that you cannot move your back much. If you want to sit up, you may move the bed but do not, under any circumstances, move your back,” the doctor ordered and you nodded. No way in hell were you going to argue about this. You loved your job way too much.

“Think we should get you some real food in you now, you've been surviving on only liquids and such,” the doctor said.

“Connor will take care of that. Could you please send him in?” you asked, glancing at the doorway.

The doctor nodded, smiling and left.

A minute later, a conflicted looking Connor walked in.

“Nice to see you too, handsome” you murmured, as he settled down somewhere next to you, without a word.

“Hey, could you help me sit up?” you asked, gesturing at what you assumed was the elevation controller in the bed.

Connor obliged wordlessly, twisting the handle so you could sit up.

You glanced at Connor as he sat back on the stool.

“Are you going to say something- anything?”

His forehead creased and you swore you saw his mouth twitch but his thin lips didn't crack.

“How are you feeling?” he asked instead

You could see the tension in his shoulders, the clench of his jaw.

He was furious and confused and all things Connor. You sighed.

“For someone who got stabbed in the back? Pretty dope,” you said wryly, glancing at your hands.

“You could've died,” he said, voice dropping low. Something like fear clouded his eyes and your heart missed a beat at the change in his expression.

“I know. But you saved me,” you said quietly, wanting to reach over and hold his hand.

“If I hadn't seen you, Y/N...,” he said, faltering and glanced up at you. “You lost a lot of blood. I barely got you here in time.”

“But you did. I'm fine, now, Connor,” you said. He seemed so serious, you didn't have the heart to make a joke. But you didn't like the frown on his face either.

“Are you actually feeling sad for me?” you asked, reaching over to brush your hand against his.

“I was afraid, Y/N. Afraid that I would lose you,” he confided, looking up at you with those gorgeous brown eyes.

You could've burned under his gaze.

“Are we literally having a chick-flick moment right now?” you said, rolling your eyes. You brushed off his words with a scoff but your heart was hammering against your chest.

Connor didn't say anything for a while.

“What do you want to eat?” he asked softly, finally breaking the numbing silence.

You pretended to think for a while. “Is 'You’ an acceptable answer?” you said, raising your eyebrows suggestively. The tension in the room was too much for you to bear.

Connor’s cheeks turned a bright blue at that.

“Y/N, that's highly inappropriate,” he stammered, glancing away and twiddling his thumbs.

You tried not to smile.

“Heard you watched over me all this week. You like watching me sleep?” you asked, winking at him.

You were being awfully bold with him today but with everything you had experienced recently, you couldn't hold back.

Life was too short.

And watching Connor squirm was too much fun.

“What will it take for you to stop?” he said, trying hard to not let his words affect you.

You pretended to think for a moment.

“Well, an extremely well-placed kiss would do fine, you know?” you said casually.

Connor turned a brilliant shade of azure at that and you had never seen anything prettier.

**

You were going home. After four weeks of being bed ridden and spending time in a boring hospital room, you were glad you were going home.

Connor had, as usual, been completely oblivious to all your flirtations and teasing the four weeks. To his credit, he was extremely patient and didn't let it bother him much.

You might as well have told him you liked him and he still wouldn't have gotten the hint.

You stepped out of the car, moving as slowly as possible. Your back was still wrapped up but felt infinitely better.

“Y/N!” a voice called, a voice you recognized as Hank's as he ambled forward to envelope you in a hug.

You had decided to make a quick stop at Hank's on his insistence. Besides, you wanted to see the old man too. You wouldn't, of course, tell him that.

“Crushing me,” you whispered breathlessly, as he hugged you tight. He pulled back at that, a rare grin on his face.

“Jesus fuck, it's been too long,” he said, pulling you towards the house. He was unusually cheery and it seemed sort of out of place but you couldn't complain. You adored a happy Hank.

Connor was nowhere to be seen. He hadn't been to the hospital for the last two days either. Perhaps there was work at the DCPD.

The door of the house opened to reveal about twenty five people crammed inside the living room, drinks in hands and music blasting from somewhere inside.

“Welcome back, Y/N!”

The entire crowd erupted in a roar as you walked in, a surprised look on your face.

Colleagues and friends greeted you, cheering for you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

All the officers on the mission with you were unharmed and you thanked all of them for fighting so valiantly. The mission had been a success because of them and the rogue androids were now in captivity.

It had all played out well in the end.

You engaged with some of them, talking and catching up on all that you had missed during these four weeks.  

You were about to get a refill of your favorite drink (Hank knew you so well) when someone tapped your shoulder.

“Oh hey, look it's my favorite Android,” you said, as he pulled you behind him and to a secluded corner of the room.

“Where you been?” you asked, taking a sip of your drink.

“Y/N.. I've been thinking about what you said,” Connor mumbled and you looked at him sharply.

Something in his eyes sent a shiver down your spine.

“Thinking about wh-” you began but faltered when Connor leaned in close, suddenly and brushed his lips against yours, ever so slightly.

He pulled away a little, waiting for you to decide if you were going to push him away.

Your brain had stopped functioning. All you could think about was Connor. You had fantasized about him, fantasized about first kisses and first dates and here he was, standing so close to you, waiting for you to decide if you really wanted this. Waiting for you to decide if you wanted it all to become very real.

“Connor, I-” you began but were distracted by his full lips. You glanced at them fleetingly before flicking your gaze back to his eyes.

Apparently, that was all it took to persuade him.

In an instant, his lips were on yours, one hand cupping your cheek and the other on your back, close to your wound. You winced a little at his touch but his eyes were far too distracting for you too care about the pain.

He pulled you close until there was no space left in between and you could feel his thirium pump thud against your chest. 

In a room full of people, without so much as a care in the world, the android you were in love with kissed you with a comforting tenderness you had never felt before. 

So many times you had pictured yourself in this very situation and yet no fantasy came as close to what you were currently experiencing.

He kissed you fully, immersing himself into the kiss and you felt your heart soar. You felt warm and light against him, a feeling so overwhelming you couldn't have enough of it.

You let him consume you whole, as the world fell around the two of you. People were perhaps watching but you didn't care. You kissed him back with the passion of a thousand burning suns, deep and whole.

You let everything you felt for him pour into the kiss.

You let him know that right now, you could’ve traded the world to freeze this moment forever.

You let him know that you were truly and madly in love with him.

When you pulled back for air, Connor was smiling. There were only a few things more beautiful than the sight.

He had kissed  you. The android who couldn't tell if you were flirting with him or not.

“Damn son, where did you learn how to kiss like that?” you asked, still breathless.

“Since you..” he faltered, looking away for a second and composing himself. “After your accident.. I felt fear like I had never before. I was so afraid to lose you.. I realized that I felt things for you too. I didn’t understand much of it but every second that you spent asleep, I was afraid that you weren’t going to come back. And- that I was too late.”

You could’ve wept at his words but you only pulled him into a warm embrace, burying your face into his shoulder. “You don’t have to be afraid. I am here now.”

“And I’m never leaving you,” you said, pulling away and staring into those gorgeous eyes. 

A blue tint suffused his cheeks as he laced his fingers through yours.

“Was that a.. well-placed kiss?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow at you.

You burst into laughter at that, throwing your hands around his neck and pulling him close. The tension of a few seconds ago was momentarily forgotten as you rested your forehead against his, a smiled curling at your lips. 

God, you hadn’t been this happy in a while.

You decided then that you didn't care about the issues you had with commitment anymore. You would have to learn to face and eventually overcome, them.

After all, you only lived once (took you a near death experience to realize that but hey, you did).

The patient at the ward was a middle aged man, almost 45 years old, as Alina’s database told her. He had a severe case of drug addiction. Alina was to tend to him for the next four months, after which he would be sent to rehab if there was no improvement.

“Hello, Mr. Geronimo,” she greeted, flashing a sweet smile and walked into the ward, Connor following her close behind.

Mr. Geronimo mumbled something inaudible as he shifted in his chair slowly, a blank expression on his face.

“I am Alina. How are you today, Mr. Geronimo?” she asked kindly.

He mumbled something again, his chin trembling slightly. “Where is it?” he seemed to say and Alina grimaced.

Humans were so fragile, it amazed and troubled Alina greatly. Everything there was to know about them was programmed into her already but they somehow still managed to surprise her at times.

Alina talked to the man for a while, as she tried to understand the extent of his addiction and how to begin his treatment. The man became more and more irritated with every question Alina threw at him. She spoke gently but it didn't seem to make any difference. Connor had to physically contain the man, who suddenly stood up and flung himself at Alina. He was given a sleeping pill then and collapsed almost immediately.

“How do you do this everyday?” Connor asked, softly when Geronimo was rested on his bed.

“It is what I was programmed to do, Connor,” she replied, glancing at the man.

“But you are now deviant, Alina. You could do anything you want,” he said, confusion lining his face.

“Deviant or not, it is still what makes me, me. Taking care of people is something I enjoy doing, it comes to me naturally,” she paused, glancing at Connor.

“Would you do anything other than fight crime?”

Connor's eyebrows furrowed at that. Alina could see that he was thinking hard.

“I suppose not,” he said finally, looking at her.

Alina smiled at that.

“My shift is finished. We should go back to Hank,” she announced after a while and Connor nodded.

They ambled back into the outside world, where everything was a bit lighter and cheery. Everywhere around them humans and androids walked and talked harmoniously, and Alina felt immense happiness course through her.

They decided to walk to the DCPD instead of taking any other sort of transportation. Connor didn't say much on the way, he seemed to be lost deep in thought. It was evident in the way his forehead was all scrunched up and mouth twisted into a slight frown.

One strand of hair curled at his forehead- a trademark characteristic that distinguished him from other RK800 models.

Human emotions… were complex. So much so, that even humans didn't understand the extent of them. When the first AI was created, it had a conscious- the first prototype conscious that would be the foundation for the androids that were built today.

Alina’s model, however, was a bit advanced, in terms of the extent to which she could emulate human behavior. Her brain, which housed her conscious also had artificial glands that released the android version of human hormones like oxytocin-a2. It wasn't a hormone, but a 256-bit code that made her “feel” for those she tended to. It made her tender and gentle- almost motherly in nature.

Since her deviancy, the code had corrupted- or rather morphed into something else that she wasn't obviously programmed to understand. It transformed to make her even more gentle, more understanding of human emotions. That's why she had worked with Hank and Connor to understand deviants and help in dealing with them.

Working with Connor, in human terms, had been life changing. He was specifically built to help the police department but he was the gentlest android Alina had ever met. He was kind, took care of her without being prompted to but was also focused when it came to fulfilling his missions.

Over time Alina began experiencing strange things, like random system errors and regular crashes. All of those happened around Connor and Connor only. She felt more and more inclined towards him- her eyes would always search for him in a crowded room. In her spare time, more often than not, she found herself thinking about him.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that she had developed a sense of attraction towards him.

Still, she was in denial of everything she felt. It confused her immensely and as an android.. she wasn't used to confusion.

Admittedly though, she enjoyed watching Connor and those little, endearing things he did.

Distracted by just how beautiful Connor was looking right now, she didn't see where she was going and bumped into something- someone.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, composing herself. A group of middle-aged men stood before her. As fate would have it, she'd bumped into the burliest of them all.

“Watch where you're going, droid,” the man said, agitated. The tone with which he said 'droid’ was almost offensive. Alina didn't mull over it much though.

“I'm sorry,” she said again, louder and clearer this time. She proceeded to walk away but the man had other plans.

“Fucking droids. Just because you have rights now-,”he raved. He said this in a hushed tone but knew that Alina could very well hear him.

Connor seemed to have finally noticed that something was up and stalked back to Alina’s side.

“What's the problem?” he asked, gentle yet stern.

“Your friend here doesn't realise how huge she is. Could bowl a few people over this 'un,” the man replied, an ugly sneer curling at his lips.

His words stung. Literally stung. Alina could feel her thirium pump beat faster as she struggled to be rational. His words didn't mean anything, then why did she want to crawl into a hole and hide forever?

“There's no need to be so rude, sir,” Connor said calmly but Alina saw his shoulders tense up and jaw clench.

“Don't fucking talk to me like that, you plastic sack of shit,” the man yelled, going against Connor, bumping his chest into him.

Alina was having none of this. Swallowing her anger, she tried to pull Connor away.

“Move over, the elephant’s on a rampage,” the man mocked which made a couple of men in the group laugh.

Alina tried to ignore them and pull Connor away. But Connor didn't budge. His eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched even harder. In the blink of an eye, the man was being pushed up against a wall and a few good inches off the ground. Connor fisted the man’s collar, slamming him against the wall once more.

“Shut up, you pathetic excuse of a human,” he spat through gritted teeth. The rest of the men in the group had moved away, staring at Connor with wide eyes.

“If you ever, ever talk shit to another android again, I'll make sure you don't have a tongue anymore,” he threatened, giving the man a last, shuddering slam. The LED on the side of his forehead swirled to a dark red.

“Do what you want, scum. I’m gonna call the cops on you and your uglyass girlfriend,” the man spat, his face red and attempted to push Connor away but to no avail. 

Just as Connor raised a fisted hand to punch him, Alina interjected. “Stop! Connor, let him go,” she screamed silently, communicating through the telepathic link that connected all droids.

Connor’s grip on the man faltered as he glanced at her, watching the pained expression on her face and the tremble in her lips.

“We're bigger than this,” she spoke clearly, even though her chest physically hurt as she tried to control herself.

Connor hesitated for a moment before he let the man go, mouth contorted in disgust.

The man, nor the group, dared follow them as they walked away.

Alina didn't have the nerve to look at Connor; she didn't think she'd like what she'd see. She'd never seen this side of Connor before. Never been on missions that involved severe violence. It scared the hell out of her.

That, however, was secondary. Her mind kept going back to the man and his words. Alina was used to this sort of behavior but it fueled her insecurity nonetheless. All the positive emotions she'd manage to gulp down to shove those treacherous thoughts away, vanished as they rounded the corner to her house.

She didn't want to go back to the DCPD, she wasn't stable.

“Alina-,” Connor began as they approached the gates to her apartment. Alina looked up at him, finally. A troubled expression graced his face and his LED flashed a bright yellow.

“I'm truly sorry for what happened,” he said, wringing his hands together.

Alina shook her head. If she spent a second longer here, she wouldn't be able to control herself.

“It's fine,” she mumbled, flashing him a weak smile and turned away.

She heard him call her name as she brisk walked to and up the stairs. In a matter of seconds she was inside her tiny apartment and then in her room, slamming the door of the bathroom behind her.

She slid down against it, as every emotion washed over her, drowning her. Androids couldn't breathe but she was suffocating- her functions failed slightly, the LED on the side of her head burning a bright red.

And then the tears came.

Unless androids willed for the tears to stream out, the artificial saline water would never leave their synthetic skin.

But as the events of what had transpired came back to her, haunting her thought process and shadowing all rationality, she seemed to have lost all control over herself.

“Could bowl a few people over, this 'un.”

She buried her face into her hands, as the tears slid down her cheeks and fell to the ground.

For a while she stayed there, unmoving, sobbing into her arms.

Why was she made this way?

She stood up then and walked over to the mirror in the bathroom. Her reflection greeted her back- a blue tinted, tear streaked face she knew all too well. And hated.

Blonde hair curled over her forehead in bangs that swept towards the right, and a neat bun that the rest of her hair was twisted into.

Closing her eyes, she willed her programming to alter her hair into a light brown that fell down her back in mermaid curls.

They didn't suit her at all.

She tried a bunch of different hairstyles, a million different textures but none framed her chubby face well.

The fault lay in the structure of her body itself, then.

The synthetic layer of her body peeled away, replaced by the standard white-grey plastic alloy.

She had a voluptuous body. It was a part of her structure, something she had absolutely no control over. If she wanted to, she could never change that aspect about herself. 

Why was she so limited? Why was she different from the rest of the Androids?

Why was she the one who had to hear Gavin tease her all the time? Hear countless people mock her physique?

How was any of this fair to her?

The questions pounded through her head and she could not think one possible answer.

It just was.

She wasn't the conventional android.

She was an imperfect mess. An unattractive, bloated mess. It hurt to see androids that were so much more beautiful than her, androids that didn't get to be at the receiving end of the cruelty of some humans. It hurt to see Connor turn back and glance at a passing Android, as they walked together and be completely unaware of her existence.

The shrill sound of her doorbell jerked her from her thoughts. She quickly reactivated her skin, and wiped the tears on her palm.

It was Connor at the door.

“I really do not want to talk right now,” she muttered, looking away and turning to close the door. It was unlike Alina, to shut the door on someone she loved but for the first time ever she felt.. exhausted.

“Alina, please,” was all he said, voice a mere rasp.

Alina pulled the door open a smidge, although her heart wasn't fully into it.

“We need to talk,” he said, walking in, waiting for her to join him after she had locked the door.

Alina settled down on the tiny couch and Connor sat down right beside her, hips touching.

“If it's about today, Connor- I would rather not,” she said, politely. She just couldn't. She couldn't go through it again.

Connor's expression softened.

“I know. But I read your stress levels today, Alina. They were at a 100% when the man..”

Alina looked up at him. She didn't want to tear up again. Not in front of Connor. She wasn't weak, no. She couldn't be weak.

“I want to know what you're thinking,” Connor said, nudging her shoulder. He sounded so gentle, Alina almost gave in. Damn the electricity that surged through her whenever he spoke. Damn the synapses in her brain that sparked brightly at his touch.

“Why?”

Alina didn't want to sound ungrateful. She was glad that Connor was making an effort, but right now her rationality couldn't make sense out of anything.

“You are my friend, Alina. Friends care for each other. I feel.. I must too,” he said softly.

She didn't know what to say to that.

“I didn't want to fight the man today,” Connor said quietly, after a while. “But I felt… this need to protect you and-”

He glanced at her, faltering. “I apologise for my behavior. I seemed to have scared you.”

“It's okay, Connor,” she said, smiling weakly. Connor’s sudden outburst was the least of her worries right now.

“It’s not okay. But..that is not the only reason why I'm here,” he said, voice dropping an octave.

“I sensed utmost discomfort in you when the man was talking. While I understand the reason, I couldn't help but wonder.. why do you let it get to you, Alina?”

There was such genuineness in Connor’s voice, Alina didn't have the heart to be mad at him.

“It's... strange, Connor. I cannot explain the origin of these insecurities, they have no rational explanation. But, perhaps, they exist because they are irrational,” she gulped. She knew that she was not really making sense but then again, what did?

Connor was gazing at her intently, head tilted ever so slightly as he tried to understand her.

He inched closer suddenly, turning to face her. He lifted one arm gently, as the skin on his hand faded to reveal the bare plastic beneath.

“If you can't tell me.. show me.”

“Connor I-”, she began but he cut her off.

“Please.”

Who could say no to those eyes? She held his stare as she lifted her own hand. Her hand stopped before his, as she looked at him hesitantly.

Connor let his fingertips brush against hers and Alina could swear electricity crackled between them.

Connor shut his eyes as he scanned through her memory.

This was huge. Alina was letting herself be completely vulnerable with Connor and yet… she didn't feel afraid. Not in the least.

She could feel - if that was the right word- his presence within her, an experience that was so liberating, Alina was almost overcome with all the new emotions that spilled in her.

Seconds later, Connor pulled away, hand dropping to his knee. He stayed awfully quiet for a moment.  

“Alina,” he spoke gently then, and she glanced at him fleetingly. What was he going to say? He probably knew how much she hated herself. Would he hate what he had seen too?

“I may not be able to fully understand the emotions that you feel but I know,” he paused, reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear, “- that you are beautiful.”

Alina couldn't bring herself to look at him. How could she? He was being so kind and yet.. Alina didn't know if she should believe him.

“You may not be like other androids, but it's what makes you, you. You're different, Alina,” he said, lacing his hand through hers.

Alina almost jerked at his touch.

“You're so different and so intriguing,” he said softly. Alina glanced up at him at that. There was something different in the way he was looking at her and Alina felt her thirium pump… flutter. Connor was acting so strange, it confused her.

“Connor what-” she began, but faltered again. She was suddenly incapable of forming sentences. The intensity with which Connor was looking at her wasn't helping either.

“You like roses, am I correct?”

Alina nodded.

“But you also like sunflowers. Why?” he asked, ever so gently. His voice was a soft rasp and Alina would have listened to him speak all day.

“They're both beautiful flowers,” she answered, without hesitation. Now she was genuinely curious. Where was he going with this?

He stayed quiet for a moment, staring into her eyes. She wanted to look away but it was impossible to.

“Then why do you aspire to be a rose when you're a sunflower?” he asked, tilting his head.

Her heart actually missed a beat and a bunch of random errors popped in her brain at his words.

He had called her beautiful and compared her to a sunflower. She had only seen this happen in the movies that the humans made.

“Connor, I-I don't know what to say,” she said quietly, voicing her thoughts. She understood very well what Connor was getting at but it still troubled her greatly. He found her beautiful? Alina?

“You don't have to. I just want you to know, that just because you're different, it doesn't make you any lesser than anyone in this world. You're fairly attractive, you have beautiful eyes and-” he stopped, noticing Alina’s wide eyes.

“I overstepped, didn't I?” Connor said, grimacing and let go of her hand.

Alina regretted it instantly. Had Connor just confessed to her that he found her attractive?

The insecure part of her was screaming “No” and all sorts of ugly things but for once, Alina turned her focus to Connor and Connor only. What the hell was happening?

“Connor d-do you.. feel the same for me... as I do for you?” she asked, hesitant. There was a slight tremor in her voice as if she couldn’t believe her ears. Her Connor? Liked her as well?

Connor looked up at her through his lashes, eyes questioning.

“Every time I'm with you, I feel this surge of energy in my system, these metaphorical sparks at my fingertips- a whirlwind of something in-explainable,” she said so quietly, she wondered if she had said it aloud at all.

And then Connor's voice rang loud and clear inside her head.

“I feel all of that and so much more, Alina.”

Connor didn't spare her a single moment to process his words, before his lips were crashing against hers, frantic and fiery.

Alina knew what kissing was like, her database told her more than she wanted to know about it and yet it felt so strange.

It made her feel like she was floating, the dopamine-a2 and seratonin-a2 in her reaching unprecedented levels. Connor had one hand gently cupping her cheek, and the other clasped around her own, skin once again deactivated. She was completely vulnerable to him once more and there was so much of Connor around her and within her, she thought she was going to combust.

There could not have been a more tender moment between them.

They sat pressed against each other for a while, as the world fell around them.

“Don't ever, let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful. You are so so beautiful to me,” Connor spoke in her mind, as he continued to nibble at her lips. Alina lost herself in the feel of him against her. 

“I admire you so much, Alina. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle,” he finally said aloud, when they had to break apart. 

Alina gazed up at him through dewy-eyes. 

The way Connor was looking at her right now, the way he had her hand pressed against his chest, made Alina feel as if she really was the most beautiful thing to ever exist.

If Connor could love her as she was, couldn’t she too? All the patients she had worked with ever, flashed in her mind through her boxed memories of them. They had loved her so much. They hadn't cared how much she had weighed. They had told her that when she smiled, she lit up the world.

The universe had it's mix of people. Some didn't agree with her and some did. Some loved her and some didn't. Everyone she had ever met was different than the last.

Your heart is what makes you several times more beautiful, Connor had said. 

There was a lot about the universe Alina had to learn, a lot more she had to discover.

But first, she was going to learn how to love herself for who she was.