#dbf!matty

You get into the car, huffing out a sigh as you buckle up. “Thanks for coming to get me.” You said, turning your head to look at Matty. Your dad’s best friend and the man who invaded your deepest and dirtiest thoughts and your dreams at night. His greying curls were messy, a few falling into his eyes. You wanted to reach over and touch them. You hadn’t had anything to drink tonight, but you hadn’t even driven yourself. You were supposed to be the DD, but then your friends left you.

“Well, your friend ditched you and your parents said they were already in bed. I was just working at home anyways.” Matty replied as he put the car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway. “You know I’ll always come when you need me.” He adds, turning onto the main road and taking the route back to your house.

You nod. He did always come when you needed him in the now two years that he and your father have been best friends.

He was always around your house too. He wasn’t married and didn’t have any children so when he wasn’t working your father and him would hang out. Usually working on home projects or watching sports. You liked when Matty was around.

As Matty drove, you gazed at him watching as he focused on the road, glancing into the mirrors every so often. It was a Friday night and the roads were busy. There was a curl in his face and you couldn’t help yourself as you reached over and gently pushed it from his eyes.

He stole a quick look at you, a smile tugging on his lips. “Thank you, love.”

You grin at him, your cheeks turning pink at just the nickname. He always called you love and darling and both nicknames always had you blushing. You continued staring at him, your brain beginning to fill with thoughts that always seemed to make their way in.

The day you met Matty you thought he was one of the most attractive men you’d ever met. He had come over one Saturday to watch a football game with your dad. You hated watching sports, but after seeing the man sitting on the sofa you brought your laptop and homework from your political science class into the living room and made yourself comfortable on the chair opposite of where Matty was sitting, working, but also stealing glances at him.

It didn’t take long for you to develop quite the crush on Matty. You would always hang around him, asking him silly questions about things and using any moment you could to be near him. He never questioned it. And your father seemed to be oblivious.

You enjoyed innocently teasing Matty as well. Wearing your cutest dresses and outfits, frolicking around. Sometimes you’d catch him looking at you and you weren’t sure if your mind was playing tricks on you or if maybe he felt the same way you did. You wanted him so badly. You wished he’d just grab you, kiss you, touch you.

“y/n.” Matty saying your name had you snapping out of your thoughts. You hadn’t meant to zone out. “You seem a bit distracted.”

Matty reaches over, gently placing his hand on your thigh. Your eyes snap down to your lap. This was certainly new. You lift your eyes back up and you catch Matty’s eyes as he glances at you. “You okay?” He asks.

“Mhm.” You nod.

Matty raises a brow and you watch as a smirk appears on his face. “Wanna tell me what you’re thinking about, darlin’?” He asks, his voice dropping a bit. He focuses back on the road. “Come on, love, just tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

The air in the car was heavy now. Thick with what could only be described as lust, as least on your side. The way Matty spoke had you thinking it might not just be you.

“I’m just thinking…” You begin speaking. You weren’t sure how you wanted to play this. You could lie and say you weren’t thinking about him pulling over and taking you in the backseat. You could say you were just tired. Or you could be honest and risk getting rejected. not only make the rest of the drive awkward, but make things awkward the next time Matty is at your house too. Which would probably be in the next few days.

Fuck it.

Instead of speaking you reached over yourself, placing your hand on Matty’s leg, fingers lightly moving towards the top of his jeans. You lick your lips, tilting your head ever so slightly at him.

You heard his breath hitch and it brought a playful smile to your face. “What do you think you’re doing?” He questions, but not in a bad way. He didn’t grab your hand and he didn’t try to stop you.

“Can I blow you?” You ask simply, rubbing the front of Matty’s jeans, staring down at his lap when you feel him get hard. All you wanted was to get your mouth on him.

“Christ.” Matty mutters under his breath, his hands gripping the steering wheel tighter. He pulls into the driveway of your house and puts the car in park. “I just got you home.” He starts. “Wha-”

You shake your head, unbuckling your seatbelt. “My parents are asleep…it’s dark out. There’s no streetlights through here… no one will see me sucking your cock.” You pout. “Please let me.” With both hands now, you unbuckle Matty’s belt and then the button of his jeans. He still didn’t stop you.

When you look up he’s staring at you, his brown eyes darker now that he was turned on. “Yeah. God, yes.” He grabs your face in both of his hands, leaning in and kissing you deep and rough. The kiss doesn’t last long and once he lets your face go he sits back, letting you take over.

With your mind reeling from the kiss it takes you a few seconds to get back on task. You unzip Matty’s jeans and slide your hand under the denim and his boxers. You felt a bit of heat run through your body when you felt how thick and big he was.

Once you managed to get his cock free from the constraints, you wasted no time in getting your mouth on him. You lean over the center console of the car, your hand wrapping around his cock, leaning down and first licking a stripe up the length of him.

You wrap your lips around his tip, sliding your head down, taking more and more. You could hear the quiet intake of breath from Matty before you felt a hand in your hair. “Fuckin’ hell.” You heard him say.

You were still in control of the pace, Matty’s hand in your hair there just for him to hold onto. You slide your mouth back up, feeling the bits of precum and buildup of spit in your mouth. It was better than you had dreamed.

Taking it slow was fun. Sliding your mouth up and down, sucking gently. You hadn’t taken all of him yet, but as you slid your head back down you decided this time you’d do it. You keep taking more and more, relaxing more as the tip hits the back of your throat.

You only gag when Matty thrusts upwards, his hand gripping your hair a bit tighter.

“Fuck, sorry.” Matty mumbles, his voice thick and deep. “Christ, your mouth is perfect.” He rambles, loosening his grip on your hair when you begin to pull off.

You lift your head, eyes wide, cheeks pink and lips puffy. You look up at him and smile, getting your breath back. “You can fuck my mouth if you want to.” You say.

Matty gently wipes your lip with his thumb, smirking down at you. He wraps one hand around himself, jerking himself for a moment before wrapping his other hand back into your hair. “Open up, darling.” He instructs, guiding your back head down and slipping his cock back into your mouth.

He grips your hair tightly in his hand, guiding your head up and down, a grunt escaping his lips as he thrusts upwards, the tip hitting the back of your throat again. He holds your head still for a moment, his breathing a bit more quick. “Good girl,” He says. “You look so good down there.” He smirks.

You look up, staring into his deep brown eyes as he fucks up into your mouth again, a choked sound leaving your throat. Your eyes begin to water as he leads your head back down, holding you still when you had all of him. Being called a good girl had you squeezing your thighs together. You were positive you were soaking wet under the cotton of your panties.

“Want me to come down your throat, darling? Gonna be a good girl and swallow it all?” Matty asks, his voice deep and breathy as he fucks your mouth.

You only hummed as an answer. Of course you wanted him to come in your mouth. You wanted to be good for him.

You could tell he was close when his breathing quickened and he let out a soft groan, his fingers tangled in your hair, tugging on it. “That’s it,” He breathes. “You’re doing so good, darling. Look at me, love.” He gently uses his other hand to rub over your cheek, wiping the tears that were starting to leak from your eyes. “Fuck, are you ready?”

You stare up at him, his eyes fixed on yours. “Fuck, fuc-” Matty mutters through grunts as he shoves his cock down your throat again. He holds your head still, hand fisting your hair roughly and then you feel it.

He comes with a low moan, the hot liquid filling your mouth and dripping down your throat. You make a choked sound and Matty slowly guides your head back up, slowly letting you pull off of him. You swallow everything that was in your mouth, staring into his eyes as you did so. As you sit back up, Matty reaches over, wiping your mouth with his thumb. “Little bit more, love.” He hums as you open your mouth and take his thumb inside, licking what was left.

“Christ, darling, you’re a dirty girl aren’t you?” Matty teases, his eyes trained on yours as you let his thumb go

You blush at his words, a playful smile appearing on your face as he tucks himself back into his jeans. “Don’t know how I’m gonna keep my hands off you now that I know you’re okay with this.” He mumbles, looking at you with that dumb but hot slightly crooked smile that made you want to climb on his lap and let him take you right there.

“Only around my parents…but it shouldn’t be hard to sneak away.” You tilt your head at him.

Matty turns his head, glancing at the front door of your house through the window. “Your father would kill me if he found out about this.” He says, his gaze falling back on you, eyes moving down your body. He was checking you out. It made you squirm.

“Bet you’re soaking wet, aren’t you darling?” Matty smirks. He reaches over, placing his hand on your leg, letting his fingers slide up your inner thigh so lightly. It made you shiver. You spread your legs a bit more and Matty grins at you. “One day I’m gonna fuck you, but tonight I’m gonna finger you. That alright, darling?” He asks. “Gonna be a good girl again for me?”

Annoyed didn’t even begin to describe your current state of mind properly, while you threw your duffel-bag into the trunk and slammed the tailgate shut with a loud bang. The babyblue Ford Fiero its best days very long gone by now, seemed to groan under your rough handling, but you didn’t really care. Instead you made your way into your car with fast steps, letting yourself fall onto the driver’s seat not exactly way more carefully than how you handled your luggage before. Moaning in annoyance, you leaned your head back against the headrest.

This, this right here was the piece of dogshit upon the horseshit-sundae that your week had been this far. First, Charlotte, your mentor and best friend told you she was going to move at the end of the year and therefore at least quit being your mentor anymore, which you considered an absolutely outrageous insult by her, life and the universe in general. Your initial plan of reacting to this had been to put on your favourite jeans, the most sexy top you owned which didn’t leave much to the imagination of anybody seeing you in it, call up Jess and get wasted in your favourite bar. But ever since your older sister became a mum in the beginning of the year, things between you had changed quite a bit. She wasn’t readily available for everything you had planned anymore, all of her spontaneity seemed to have been sucked out of her by her baby Finn and as much as you loved your little godson, usually, today you had caught yourself cursing a small, innocent child for robbing you of the opportunity to get completely wasted with his mum.

And as if all of this wouldn’t have been bad enough already, the moment you decided to at least get comfy in your dorm room then, nestled up on your bed in your favourite onesie (a light blue one that looked like the monster “Stitch”), a sharp knock on your door pulled you out of it. It was the dorm’s director who informed you that there had been a burst pipe on the floor above you and the entire building had to be evacuated. When you were going to return? Nobody knew but at least they made perfectly sure to tell you that you had to be back to work by Monday. In an absolute haste you packed the very essentials in the duffel-bag and hurried to your car - calling your parents in pure panic.

Since nobody answered your call, you decided to take matters into your own hands and just show up at their doorstep. At 9.30 pm, looking like an absolute mess. Whoever told you that your twenties were going to be the best years of your life with the freedom of adulthood and the playfulness of your party-teen-years, had been an absolute liar, it dawned upon you once again. But despite all of your anger and frustration, what you actually wanted now was to get to your parents house, raid the fridge, throw yourself on your bed in your old bedroom which they still had left in the exact same condition as when you moved out and watch some old crappy movie on your TV that was even more old and more crappy. This and nothing else. The only compromise you were willing to take was to switch your bed for the enormous sofa and the even bigger TV downstairs, if your parents and you could settle for a movie. Little did you know that your plans were going to change in an instant.

You had just pulled up your car on the driveway to your parents house. It was a small, cute thing in the suburbs of London which they bought before housing became absolutely unaffordable to everybody. It wasn’t huge but it had a really spacious garden which had been Jess and your absolute favourite place to be as toddlers and teens alike. Everyone of you had their own bedroom, your mom had a separate room for her books and your dad one for his bass and his ridiculously extensive record-collection. You inherited his love for records, amongst a lot of other things. The two of you were super close up until this day and while your mum had always preferred to spend time with Jess a little bit more, you had been daddy’s favourite little girl from day one. Your dad and you still talked once a week on the phone and you did your best to visit your parents at least once a month, if your schedule at work and the workload of your studies allowed it, that was.

You were currently in the middle of your studies to become a nurse, having about a year to go until you finished your Bachelor’s Degree and combining a social life with the enormous educational programme, weekend-shifts at the hospital to get your practical experience and somewhat not loosing the contact to your family completely was a whole challenge in its own. Luckily, your parents were very understanding of your situation. And they for sure wouldn’t have anything against it if you explained your current distress to them and asked if it was possible for you to stay at their place for a little bit. It had to turn out this way. There had to be one good thing happening today, you thought by now the latest, you were very deserving of that. You took one deep breath, gathering the little strength you had left after all and got out of the car. You didn’t bother to smooth down your clothes (what use was there when all you wore was baby-tee and some sweat-hotpants anyway, all covered up by an oversized hoodie that frankly hid more of your thighs than your trousers did? Those were the first things you could grab out of your closet, really), pulled yourself out of the car, grabbed your bag and made your way up to the house. Of course you knew that there was a spare key lying under a fake rock that was standing to the left of the doormat. It had been there since you were 13, probably and it never moved ever since. So you picked it up from the floor, opened the door and entered the house you grew up in.

Coming home had always been connected to some comfort for you. Since your childhood memories were filled with so much joy, even years after moving out of this place and into your own home, returning still felt like coming home. No matter how shitty you felt, whether it was for work-reasons, a nasty breakup with your last boyfriend or just a general feeling of uneasiness, coming back here was always comforting. Even now, when you were tired and exhausted and just slowly starting to realise you were technically homeless at the moment, it was good to be back here. You dropped your bag on the floor, kicked off your shoes and listened into the silence. You had no idea where your parents were and for the moment you couldn’t be arsed to call them again. They would show up eventually and if they didn’t, that just meant you had an evening to yourself, just the way you planned it - except for now there was an even bigger TV for you to use which definitely wasn’t the worst thing to happen to you tonight, you thought, while making your way through the oh so familiar hallway. Just you, some junkfood, the TV and - you froze in your tracks.

You just reached the livingroom, mentally prepared to throw yourself onto the couch before you’d gather some energy to get an ice cold Dr. Pepper from the fridge (you actually didn’t even like those but your dad had the whole fridge stocked up with it, always and somehow, most of your visits home began with you drinking one of them) when you saw it. Him, more precisely. Matty. Sitting on the couch, the TV showing a football-game while his attention was entirely on his phone. Matty was your dad’s best friend, they had been pals for ages. Technically, Matty had been a part of your dad’s life longer than you were. You knew their story by heart, having heard it multiple times over the years. How they met in school, how they stayed best friends even when your dad had to change schools when they moved to another part of the country. How they never lost contact, always being super close to each other, with you accompanying your dad backstage to a lot of The-1975-gigs. There were times when Matty had basically lived at your places. Your dad was the one who picked him up from rehab way more than once and when Matty’s marriage to the influencermodelwhatevershewasgirly (her name was not to be spoken of in this house) failed at the beginning of last year, you knew he had crashed at this place for literal months until he somehow got back on track.

That was when you started to see him way more often, than you used to, meaning every time you visited your parents. That was when you two spent way more time together than you used to. And that was also when you started to develop a serious crush on the man that was a whole 17 years older than you. Because Matty wasn’t only exceptionally good looking with his cheekbones, his defined but slim figure, his puppy dark brown eyes and the freaking grey-streaked curls that would have made everybody weak. He was also funny, well-read, finally somebody you could nerd about literature with for hours. And you did, for hours, sitting in the garden, discussing Silvia Plath and Patti Smith and Fran Liebowitz. He always had been willing to listen to you complain about your non-existent love-life or gush about how much you loved your job and how exciting it was to learn and practice so many new things in such a short amount of time. Nobody could blame you for falling for him, really. But nobody could know about it, especially not him. It was forbidden. He was forbidden. And that made him even more desirable for you. You cleared your throat.

“Hey.”

He jumped a little and turned around immediately. The look on his face went from confused to delighted within seconds when he recoginsed it was you who disturbed his peace.

“Y/N! Hey, what a lovely surprise, I did absolutely not expect to see you. How are you?”

He got up from the sofa in an instant, coming over to you and pulling you into a hug. Your heart started racing in your chest the moment he threw his arms around you. Nevertheless, of course you reciprocated the gesture. Warm, strong arms holding you tight and the all so familiar scent of him slightly clouding your senses.

“I’m good, thanks, how are you?”

“Good. Good, really, I was actually…Luke and me, we had a date to watch the game”, he gestured to the TV, unnecessarily and you hated how he let go of you because of that, “but you know, your sister called and said she needed a hand so your parents drove off and I thought, you know, since the game already started, I might as well watch it before I go home so…”, he shrugged, “That’s why I’m here.”

You chuckled slightly, trying to hide a nervous laugh behind the sound. Goddamn it. You mostly knew when Matty was around, usually. That meant, you had time to prepare yourself, to gather your strength so that you could keep your cool around him. That was going to become a lot harder right now.

“Lucky me then, if that means I get to spent the evening with you.”

“Oh trust me, love, that feeling is absolutely mutual.”

The nickname wasn’t special. He called a lot of people “love”, back in the day, he even used to do it with fans. He used to call you “love” as long as you could remember. But ever since you discovered the effect he had on you, the nickname was absolutely everything. He still held your hand, casually, sort of, like he had just forgotten to let go of it, actually.

“So tell me, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

You gave him a short summary about the absolute shitshow of a day you just had, about how tired, sad, frustrated and exhausted you were and that everything you actuall wanted to do now was sit on the couch with an icecold Dr. Pepper in your hand and watch a crappy movie that would take your mind off everything that happened so far.

“Sounds like a perfect plan to me. Let me help you with that, alright? You sit down now, maybe take off your sweater, must be bloody hot in that thing and I’ll get you a snack and a coke, alright? You don’t lift a finger, baby. I’m going to make sure you feel good now.”

The way he rubbed soothing circles on the back of your hand basically set your whole skin on fire. That and the way he just used “I’m going to make sure you feel good” so casually. There was nothing else to do for you than to nodd. You couldn’t speak for the life of you.

“Good girl”, he said, smirking ironically and his words shot straight down to your core and made a pool of arousal gather in the lace. You were fucked. Absolutely fucked and you knew it.

Regarding that, you managed to keep your composure exceptionally well, at least you thought so yourself. You managed to give Matty a detailed run-down of everything that happened today and that made everything seem so unbearable at the moment. You told him about Lotti leaving and how much that fucked you up, you told him about how dissappointed you were that Jess let you down and then about the disaster in your dormatory. And he listened like he always did, understanding, compassionate, because that was who he was, gave you advice only after asking if you wanted to have it and supported you in your anger when you needed it. And then he said:

“Looks like there’s one thing you definitely need now.”

And before you could react in any way, he pulled you into a hug, made you rest your head on his chest and put a kiss to the top of your head. He did that sometimes, it was a ritual, started when you were just a little kid and those tiny displays of affection meant nothing in particular. But ever since you decided that you wanted him, needed him bad, those little things completely changed their meaning. Every casual touch made your heart beat faster, knowing that his lips just touched a part of you, and if it only was your hair, made your head spin, you wanted to grab his face, pull it down to you and smash your lips onto his immediately. And it was so hard to resist the urge to do just that. Oh so hard.

“It’s going to be ok, darling. Everything is going to be ok. You’re so strong, so talented, so good at what you do. I know everything is going to be alright. I just know it.”

He didn’t know shit, you thought, because nothing was even close to be ok if he held you like this, talked to you like this, kissed your head like this and you knew there was no chance it ever would be more than this. There was no chance it ever was allowed to be more than this. No matter how much you wished you could touch him now the way you wanted, no matter how convinced you were that him kissing you now would solve all of your problems in an instant.

And that was when it became too much. With everything that had been going on this fucked up day so far, this was too much. You could feel tears start to dwell in your eyes and nestled yourself out of his embrace in an instant.

“Sorry, I…err….I’ll…I need another drink. Can I get you one?”

You were desperate to get some space in between the two of you. Before you could do something stupid. Before he could make you do something stupid.

“Hey. Hey, Y/N…”, he said softly, taking your chin between his thumb and his index and made you look at him again. “What’s going on? What’s wrong? What’s on your mind?”

He. He was what was going on. He was what was wrong. He was what was on your mind 24/7. The first thing you thought about in the morning, the last thing you thought about before going to sleep. Images of what he could do to you were what was playing on your mind when you lay in your dorm bed at night with your hands between your thighs, searching for relief. His voice was in your ear, his silly laughter written in your brain. And here he was, aksing you what was going on.

“Nothing”, you said, as casually as possible, “Nothing. Just…I just need another drink.”

Describing what happened next as anything else than you storming off would have been a blatant lie.

You pressed your hands into the kitchen-counter and tried to collect yourself. Get your breathing back to normal. Desperately trying to ignore the burning ache between your thighs. It was too much. Everything was too much. The events of the day and now Matty being so close when you weren’t prepared for it. When everything you wanted was to sink into his arms and make him kiss all of your troubles away. Make him touch you in a way that could make you forget where you were and what made you so upset in the first place because you knew he could. Of course you knew. But he was your father’s best friend, still. And you had no business wanting him like this. No business wanting him at all, no matter how good it felt in your imagination. No matter what. You took a deep breath, turned to the fridge and took the next can of Dr. Pepper out. Instead of opening it though, you pressed it to your forehead, hoping the cold would calm you down somehow. But it didn’t. There were still way too many thoughts in your head, way too many feelings in your heart as for you to calm down. And the sheer knowledge of the fact that Matty was in such close proximity to you and by his own account not planning on leaving anytime soon made everything worse. Oh so much worse. And so much better. The cold started to numb your skin and did indeed clear your thoughts a little bit. Maybe things weren’t as bad. Maybe you could just excuse yourself, go up to your room and try to find some sleep. You were exhausted after all, it wouldn’t even have been a lie. And then, maybe, probably, you could call Jess in the morning and offer her to help her with Finn over the weekend so that your parents could return home and -

“Y/N?”

Matty’s voice broke through the wall of comfortable cold and silence you built around yourself. You jumped so hard the can slipped out of your hands and rolled all over the floor, luckily for you not bursting. But Matty noticed. Of course he did. He noticed your shaking hands, your laboured breathing, your overall distress. Because he knew you. He fucking knew you all too well. He was with you in an instant. Too close. Way too close. And not close enough. Never, ever, close enough. He put a hand under your chin and made you look up to him. The one stubborn curl was falling into his face from his forehead, twirled so fucking beautifully it definitely belonged in a painting. The look he shot you was so full of affection you didn’t know how to handle it, so you decided to get lost in his eyes. These most beautiful brown eyes that were so full of warmth and depth you could just stand there and look into them for hours. He was way too close. Still.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

His voice was soft. Warm. Reassuring. So much so that for a second you thought you might as well say it. You might tell him what it was that was going on indeed. He hadn’t moved an inch.

“Tell me how I can help you.”

And before you knew it, before you even thought about it twice, your lips were on his.

He didn’t push you back. He didn’t pull away. He responded to the kiss in the most passionate way possible, his teeth grazing your upper lip, his tongue dancing with yours in a perfect rhythm. You clawed one hand in his t-shirt while the other got lost in his hair. When he pulled away you opened your eyes again. His forehead rested against yours, his breathing was laboured, one of his hands was on your shoulder, the other one on your neck.

“Tell me to stop. Please, Y/N, tell me to stop.”

There was a begging in his voice. Something painfull.

“I don’t want you to stop”, you whispered, caressing his cheek with your right hand. “I want you, Matty. So bad. It’s all I wanted for a very long time.”

A pained groan left his lips and when he lifted his head, pulling it away from yours, you were afraid he would leave for a second. Just leave you standing here dumb and wanting him and stupid.

Instead, he lifted you up on the kitchen counter and before you knew it, his lips were back on you, kissing your neck with passion while his hands roamed under your hoodie. He tipped on your arm to signal you to lift them and you obeyed, letting Matty pull the peace of clothing off of you. When you only sat there now in your super tight baby tee that perfectly accentuated your titts and your shorts, he took half a step back.

“Fucking hell, look at you…”, he whispered in disbelief, his eyes roaming your body as if he would eat you alive if he could. “You’re a goddamned fever-dream, you know that?”

You nodded, your head emptied completely by the feeling of his hot breath fawning over your skin, the way it tickled in your ear, his lips almost brushing your earlobe as he spoke. His hands were on your stomach, slowly moving upwards, his fingertips only inches away from touching the hem of your tee. The throbbing between your thighs was almost uncomfortable by now.

“Gonna worship this titts now the way they deserve it, yeah? The way you deserve it”, he murmured. You didn’t wear a bra, you didn’t bother to this afternoon and it turned out to be a blessing just now.

“Yes…God yes”, you breathed while he kissed his way along your neck to your collarbone, “Matty I…I’ve been dreaming about this for so long.”

“‘S that right?”, he asked, writing the words on your skin with this lips, moving further down, caressing your nipples through the fabric of your top. Your initial response drowned in a moan.

“Yes. God, Matty, yes.”

You could feel his smirk on your skin while he carefully pushed your top up with his teeth.

“Tell me about it”, he hushed while kissing every inch of your right breast like it was holy ground. “Tell me what you dreamed about.”

He swirled his tongue over your right nipple and you grabbed a fistfull of his hair to ground yourself, somehow. Your whole body was buzzing, goosebumps spreading all over it.

“I…I imagined you’d fuck me. I imagined your hands on my body, turning me around and pressing me against the kitchen-counter in my flat. I imagined how I could feel your hands on my breasts while I was trapped between the counter and your body.”

Matty groaned, sucking on your nipple harshly. “Go on”, he comanded, his voice hoarse and the fingers of his right hand dancing just above the hem of your shorts. You moaned again.

“I imagined how you’d bent me over the counter. How you kicked my legs apart and how you’d fuck me like this. Rough and hard, I imagined how you’d feel inside of me. How you’d fill me up perfectly and how you’d enjoy how I feel too, I-”

You stopped immediately. Matty pulled away from you in an instant and for the first time ever since he put you up on the counter, he looked at you again. His pupils were blown out, none of the soft, friendly glimmer was visible in his eyes anymore. Everything about it was drowning in lust.

“Come down here. Turn around.”

His tone didn’t leave any room for negotiation and so you obeyed, basically jumping off the counter. He spun you around, one hand on your hip and pressed you against the kitchen counter so hard you gasped in pain. And then he positioned himself right behind you, so close that there was no space left between you anymore, pressing himself into you. And for the first time you could feel how fucking hard he was, the evidence of his arousal pressing into your backside. You moaned, again. Matty lowered his head and whispered in your ear.

“Is that what you wanted, baby? Is that what you imagined? Me fucking you like this?”

You nodded, words were lost on you, the throbbing between your thighs was too urgent, your whole body flooded with adrenaline and need. But when Matty didn’t react, didn’t move, obviously still too stunned by how this could be real, you took matters into your own hands. Literally. You grabbed his wrist with your hand and guided it beneath the waistband of your shorts and your underwear, down and down inch by inch until his fingers finally met your arousal. You moaned when he finally started to move them by himself. Skilled, expert movements.

“Fucking hell…”, he murmured, almost in disbelief, “You’re really desperate for me, aren’t you?”

You nodded, pushing your hips forward to force his fingers inside of you already. And he understood. Of course he did.

“Filthy little girl, getting off on the thought of being fucked by an old man. Disgusting.”

He pushed one finger inside of you, his thumb finding it’s way up to your clit.

“Don’t worry, baby. I got you.”

And with that he started moving his hand, his thumb circling your clit in tight, slow movements while his fingers slipped in and out of you. You didn’t even bother to suppress any sounds you made now. You just let it happen, moaning Matty’s name freely.

“Fuck, is that what you wanted, babygirl?”, he asked and you nodded in agreement. He rewarded you by moving his fingers faster. You could feel the heat climb up your spine and your whole body tension. Those were the moments when way too many men had disappointed you already, by changing the pace or the rhythm just now instead of keeping it that way and therefore ruining your orgasm.

“Fuck, Matty, I’m so close, don’t stop, please, I-”, you mumbled, definitely incoherently.

“Don’t worry. I got you”, he hushed, biting the soft skin of your neck. And he did indeed, kept his movements on your clit steady while increasing the pace in which his fingers fucked in an out of you.

“Come for me, darling.”

And that was all it took. The moment the words were out of his mouth, you fell apart on his fingers with a scream of his name, your whole body shaking. Matty didn’t stop, only slowing down his movements, fucking you through every last wave of your orgasm, cooing in your ear, whispering praises on your skin.

“You did so well for me, baby, fuck…”, he whispered, kissing your neck once again. You turned your head, searching for his lips as if you needed them to breathe and he understood, fixing you with the softest, most tender kiss you ever experienced. He held you when you melted into him, brushed a strand of hair back behind your ear with the hand that wasn’t resting on the inside of your thigh now.

“So?”, he asked, smirking, “Was it as good as you imagined?”

You nodded, still too out of breath to speak.

“Good. Because your dad is going to kill me if he finds out about this. And at least I want it to be worth it.”

And that was when you knew. What ever this was wouldn’t be easy. Whatever this was would always mean taking the hard way. But little did you know what this really meant.

Your family’s annual trip to the lake house was one of your favorite times of year. This year though, your dad had invited Matty. Which was both a good thing, but it also felt like torture because you couldn’t have any time alone with him. It was day two of the 4 day trip and you had never been more horny. As you lie on the dock with a towel under you, working on your tan, you couldn’t help but watch Matty swim around, hair in his face as he appears from under the water. He catches your eyes on him and a smirk appears. He swims over to the dock, climbing the ladder and appearing in front of you, cold lake water dripping off him and hitting your hot skin as he leans over you. You shivered as you looked up at him.

“Careful, honey.” He smirks down at you. He then sits on the dock next to you, a little too close for your brain to not short circuit as his hand brushes your shoulder, fingers tracing over the string on your bikini top. “Keep looking at me like that and I-”

Your mom’s voice catches you off guard. Matty jumps and moves away from you with a panicked inhale. “Y/n, your aunt just called and said that Pickle, her cat, just gave birth to a bunch of kittens and she needs help with them. Your father and I are going to deal with that. You can stay here…I know you’ve been looking forward to this trip all summer.” Your mom said as she appears at the dock. “Matty will be here too.” She smiles, looking between the two of you, oblivious to the tension you could feel between you and Matty.

Matty was first to speak. “Yeah, I’ll stay. I can even bring her home on Sunday.” He offers, tone causal and natural. You could see through it though. The thought of being alone here all weekend with just Matty was already making your head spin. “It will be fun.” He nudges you with a smile.

Your breath was in your throat. You nod, glancing at your mom who was already nodding, an appreciative smile on her face. “Alright then. See you two on Sunday.”

*

Matty stays outside while you see your parents off. And when they are gone you run upstairs, putting on an even tinier bikini. It barely covered anything, but it was perfect. Matty was in the kitchen when you come down the stairs. He holds up a bottle of whiskey when you walk in, smirk on his lips. In his other hand he held two joints. “We should celebrate, hm?” He offers, eyes moving over your body where your sheer coverup only does a little at hiding what’s underneath.

Back on the dock, Matty hands you the whiskey while he works on lighting the joint. The sun was already beginning to set and it made the lake look even more pretty. With his back turned to you, you pull your cover-up off with ease, settling on your towel with a quiet sigh. You open the bottle of whiskey and lift it to your lips. “You’re lucky my parents trust you as much as they do.” You tease.

Matty turns towards you, lit joint in his mouth. His eyes rake over you, the way your bikini leaves nothing to the imagination. He exhales a puff of smoke. “I’m a very lucky man.” He agrees as he moves closer to you, holding the joint out, placing it between your lips, watching as you breathe deeply. “Not being able to touch you has been torturous.” His voice was thicker now, jaw tensing a bit.

You tilt your head at him. “Well…” your voice drops to a softer even quieter tone, shifting until your hands were on his thighs, leaning forward, your faces mere inches apart. “You can touch me now if you’d like.”

Matty looks around as he puts the joint back in his mouth, almost waiting for someone to catch the two of you. You giggle at his slight nervousness. “Matty, no one is going to know,” you say, fingers brushing his thigh under where his swim trunks end. “None of the neighbors are outside or on their boats, and my parents are long gone, dealing with kittens- it’s just us,” You look up at him, a glint of something in your eye that he clocks immediately.

“Lay down.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. You lay back on your towel and Matty’s hands are on you. He puts out the joint before moving to sit between your legs, eyes darker now.

His fingers trail over your lower stomach and to the barely there waistband of your bikini bottoms. He smirks when he sees the wet patch right there in the middle of the front of the bottoms. “Already so wet for me?” He hums as he leans down, his lips softly touching your stomach, your hips and then he looks up at you as he hooks a finger around the fabric of your bikini bottoms, pulling it to the side just so. “Gonna absolutely ruin you this weekend, honey. Think you can take it?”

Amber eyes reflecting the light

Warm and oh so beautiful and deep

Yours to keep. Forever.

I watch as they glide over words

drinking in sentences like cold water in the summer

Greedy. Needy. Drunk on beauty.

Yours to keep. Forever.

Raspberry lips.

Speaking truths, hushing promises, making the most profane things sound

like they bare the deepest meaning.

Yours to give. Forever.

I watch when you read. I listen when you speak. And I hope one day you’ll be mine. Forever.

Matty made a habit of writing you poems in no time. On Monday mornings to make the start to your week more easy. On Fridays to shorten the last hours until the weekend. And on Sundays and Saturdays as well if you had to work and the two of you couldn’t see each other. At first you only saved them to your phone, but only a few weeks passed before you deemed that not appropriate enough anymore. So you began to write them down in one of the notebooks you always kept in your flat, turning his beautiful words into little treasures you could keep because they were just that. Gifts from him to you. The two of you texted. Constantly. Ever since that night in your parents’ house. When you checked your phone during your lunch breaks nowadays, you could be sure to find several messages from Matty. Always. And sometimes, when you were on the early shift and got to leave the hospital by noon, you made a habit of stopping by at the place where he gave his lessons. You sneaked in, with his permission, of course and just listened to him teaching his pupils music theory and melodical structures and you enjoyed every second of it. Because being in his presence was pure heaven, now that you didn’t have to suppress your longing for him anymore. Although, to be fair, you weren’t quite sure yet if the same could be said about the feelings that slowly started to grow within you, you were totally aware of them.

You answered the message of his with a rose-emoji, a habit you two had developed quickly, put the phone down and focused on the task you had originally been onto: Getting ready. Your dad hosted a big party tonight for his birthday and had therefore rented a huge farm with enough space to accommodate all the guests. That, for one thing, would mean a lot of meetings with a lot of relatives you only saw every few years and who would make unwanted comments on your appearance if you didn’t look absolutely perfect. But for another it would also mean you’d get to spend an entire evening with Matty, in public and nobody would wonder if you talked for most of the evening, maybe casually, playfully, held hands at some point. Maybe that was the reason why you had spent way more time on your hair and make up than you usually would, making sure everything was capital p perfect. Your crimson red lips and the fitting nail polish. The rose that sat on top of the half updo your hair was put into. And the black high heels that would accentuate your legs perfectly. You had everything planned out, curious as to where it would lead you. A stupid smile started to form around the corners of your lips at the sheer thought of what the sight of you in that little dress might do to your dad’s best friend. After all, the first time, a pair of hotpants and a top has been enough to make him absolutely lose it. You took another look in the mirror while applying rouge. Jess always taught you that the best make up was the one that wasn’t seen and still managed to make the person wearing it more beautiful. She taught you herself in the endless hours you spent in your room together on the weekends after she moved out, giggling, listening to Paramore and Fall out Boy (yes, your sister was high-key responsible for your taste in music. She also smuggled you into concerts you were way too young for), drinking coke straight from the can and you listening to her complaining about her boring boyfriend.

And Jess would be really pleased if she’d see you later, you thought, your make-up was discreet but doing its job, your lips were perfectly painted and the rouge sat on your cheekbones just right. The only thing missing was jewelry. And that had turned into a full-blown drama over the course of this afternoon. One would think that finding fitting jewelry for a plain white dress (that didn’t even have any patterns on it) wouldn’t be a hard task exactly. But the necklaces you owned were all too long, reaching onto the fabric of your dress instead of accentuating your décolleté as you had planned. Not even the one with the turquoise in it although the necklace with your birthstone sitting in its middle was usually one of your all time favourites. But today it seemed too sparkly, too over the top, too much. So you gave up on jewelry, eventually, and opted for the rose that was now gracing your hair instead.

Applying the rouge marked the last step of your make-up-routine and you shot yourself a questioning look in the mirror. That should be good enough, usually. But what if it wasn’t? And what exactly did ‘good enough’ mean, to begin with? You were actually really close to asking your sister for advice who sat downstairs, feeding her baby. But if you did, she’d know something was up. And that was the one thing that mustn’t happen. Nobody was supposed to know about this, you put a lot of effort into it these past few weeks. You gave yourself the side-eye again, looking at your face from all sides. Maybe if you put on a little more-

Your phone buzzed. Again.

“Show me what you’re wearing.”

There was no emoji. No additional “please” or conjunctives. It was an order. You smirked and shook your head at the same time. He was impudent. Outrageous. Arrogant. And you stood here, smiling like an idiot. So you took a picture of you in the mirror and you were just about to send it to him, when a sudden thought crossed your mind. Just riling him up a little bit couldn’t hurt, right? Just being this tiny little bit bratty that might make him want you even more. So you cropped the photo so that only the hem of your skirt and the piece of flesh of your thighs were visible. You chuckled slightly and hit “send”. Then you put your phone away. You would only take his complaint about this in person. And you were sure it was going to come.

The farm was a little car drive away from your parents’ house, about 30 minutes which you found passing amazingly fast in the presence of Jess and her husband. The clear advantage of this was that in making the decision of driving with her it was absolutely clear that you could and would get absolutely wasted tonight. It was summer, after all, your holidays just started and you had a whole evening full of Matty ahead of you. What was not to love about that? When the car finally stopped in the parking lot in front of the venue, you curiously looked around. Maybe a part of you really was delusional enough to think Matty was waiting there for you somewhere (you texted him when exactly you were going to come after all). But of course he wasn’t, so you kept checking your phone while you politely waited until Jess’ husband managed to get the stroller out of the trunk, offering Jess to take care of her crying baby but she declined. When you finally got everything ready, Finn was still crying which led to his father carrying him while Jess pushed the empty stroller and you being too focused on trying to distract the baby in discomfort to really watch where you were going. Otherwise, you were sure of that, you wouldn’t have jumped so hard at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

“Well if that isn’t the star of the evening.”

You didn’t even know where Matty came from, really. But you knew that he dropped his cigarette to the floor and blew the remaining smoke out of his lungs in the opposite direction as to where he was walking, absolutely making sure none of it came close to Jess or her baby. But you knew his eyes were on you with every step he took and throughout every word he had just spoken. Matty wore a dress shirt and matching pants that fitted him so well you knew they were tailor-made like so many of his nicer clothes which were. Either that, designer or both in the worst case. The first three buttons of his shirt were open so that his most high-up tattoo peaked out from underneath and the sleeves were rolled up until the inside of his elbow. There was no gel in his hair and his curls bounced with every step he took. You were so mesmerised by his appearance for no particular reason at all, that you realised a few moments too late that Matty was coming in your direction indeed but he went straight past you and up to Jess instead, caressed her arm and asked if she was alright with him taking a closer look at Finn. You watched as he approached the baby, the tenderness in his gaze, how absolutely careful his movements were when he touched the little boy, how he was fully and entirely focused on the baby, trying to make him laugh and genuinely happy to see him. A natural with children, honestly. Like with so many other things.

Matty went on to greet Jess’ husband, engaging in a little bit of smalltalk before - finally, you thought! - turning over to you.

“And you decided to let your poor sister play the driver for you? Just so that you could get wasted tonight? That’s not really nice, is it?”, he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh I think she was ok with it”, you replied, nodding. Matty smirked before pulling you into a hug. His head rested on your shoulder for a tad longer than it should have while he whispered in your ear: “That dress is a hell of a lot shorter than what I thought it would be. You have any idea what you’re doing to me here tonight, love?”

“One idea…or two…three, maybe. Four, if you’re really up for it…”, you replied, desperately trying to ignore how his breath tickling in your ear set your whole body on fire. It was ridiculous, really, how you physically reacted to every little one of his touches.

“Darling ‘up for it’ is basically my middle name”, Matty hushed but before you got to make the bad joke about how you thought it was Timothy, he pulled away from you again - which was probably for the better, taking into account that you could feel Jess’ curious looks on you already.

“What are you doing out here anyway, Matty?”, Jess asked, “How is there supposed to be a party there if you’re not there?”

Matty sighed in faux regret. “Oh I know. Unfortunately, addiction got the best of me, again and I needed to go outside for a smoke.”

Jess frowned. “And you couldn’t do it in there, because..?”, she asked, to which Matty explained that there was a strict non-smoking-policy in the area.

“Besides, I thought I could get some calm to practice my speech once again.”

The speech. Matty had teased you about it for weeks at this point, declaring how it was going to be the greatest of birthday-speeches in the history of birthday-speeches, how he spent hours and hours on writing it so that it would be in equal parts funny, touching and honest. But he refused to let you see it, hear it, although you had offered him that you’d happily be his test audience.

“Well, then we better not distract you any longer”, Jess’ husband said and was half a step away already when your mind started racing. If they left now, this was probably one of the very few chances of some fleeting moments alone with Matty. So you had to take it. At all costs. You turned to Matty.

“I can stay with you for a bit, if you want. You know, show you some techniques to calm down.”

From somewhere behind you, you could hear Jess snort.

“And how would you do that?”, she asked.

You turned around in an exaggerated fury. “I’m a nurse, in case you forgot. I know what it takes for the body to lower the levels of adrenaline again.”

You knew damn well that this was nonsense because of the level of training you received this far. But nobody apart from you had to know about that, really. You didn’t even know what it was Jess said before the three of them left. Your eyes were on Matty, and Matty alone. Matty with his slightly unbuttoned shirt, his way too beautiful hair and the sunlight catching in the earring he wore.

The millisecond Jess and her family were out of your sight he pulled you into him and kissed you. Hard. Full of longing. The taste of nicotine still on his lips and a hunger within him the fag couldn’t satisfy. Obviously. You held onto his shoulders for support, but you didn’t give in, reciprocating the kiss with just as much fever as he did. Because there was no guarantee that you’d get a second chance to do exactly that today. When you pulled away from him after a while, you couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of him. Your crimson red lipstick was all over his mouth. When you tried to wipe it away with your thumb, he tenderly trapped your finger between his lips.

“Stop it”, you giggled, “or I’ll leave you like this.”

You pulled your thumb away from his mouth and he raised his eyebrows at you.

“Here for it.”

“Yeah, I know you are, just until someone asks you why there are lipstick stains on your mouth and then you are in trouble”, you replied, sighing a little.

“So…was the stage freight only an excuse or do you actually need help with your speech?”

He chuckled slightly.

“Oh don’t worry, darling…”, he said while pulling the strap of your dress that must have fallen down your shoulder during your make-out-session back up, “I know exactly what to say.”

And thus it came that some time later you stood in the spacious garden that was part of the farm. All around you people were buzzing and you had a few drinks already - the Rosé was just way too good to pass on it. But now your entire focus was on Matty who, as you could see from where you stood, was ready to take the stage to hold his speech. Since your dad had opted against a classical dinner and instead chosen a buffet for his party, Matty obviously decided that it basically didn’t matter anyway when exactly he was giving his speech so he might as well do it now. You watched him run his right hand through his hair several times and for a moment you wondered if you could just go over to him, this time to calm him down for real or if it would be too obvious. You took a look to your left where Jess was talking to your mum and to your right where your dad was caught up in conversation with one of your uncles. Maybe nobody would notice. Maybe you could just go up to him, tell him everything would be fine and hug him, casually. But before you could take a final decision on it, Matty got ahead of you and entered the stage.

“So I was asked to do this, to make that clear, I did not personally insist on it. Yeah, yeah, I know, still hard to imagine for some people but I would have clearly preferred it if I could just have causally mingled with the crowd all night long.”

The crowd in question started to cheer.

“But since this is a really special day for Luke, I thought, I can’t let the opportunity slip to embarrass him properly in front of everybody. I mean, what kind of a bad friend would I be if I did that? So, here I am, ready to tell you all about the man who I have known for the most part of my life now. And, more importantly, who knows me and still chooses to be friends with me. Luke, I know that this is not easy, trust me I do know and I’m even more grateful that you chose to stick up with me through it all - this far.”

A short round of applause followed.

“We’ve really been through a lot, we’ve been there for each other for all of our so called ‘big moments’, the good ones and the bad ones alike. I think I was the second person you called after Jess was born and the first after Y/N had graced us with her presence on this earth - and although I couldn’t make a word out of what this crying emotional mess of a man blabbed into my phone on both occasions, I really appreciate the gesture.”

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“So anyway. Luke, what I could say about you as a friend, as a human being, wouldn't fit into a silly little speech like this anyway. I could ramble for hours now how your determination and your kindness brought you where you are today and you absolutely deserve everything of it. How it would have been so easy for you to get lost in the party-life of it all, how so many men who aspire to go into event management tend to do. But you didn’t. You never touched drugs, you never went so off your face for days you didn’t know where you were anymore, you always knew the limits of yourself and those around you. And that’s a character-trade that’s absolutely admirable, trust me, dude, I know what I’m talking about.”

A little lump started to build in your throat and you wondered how many more people there were in general who did in fact know what Matty was talking about. You looked over to your dad and could see that his eyes became misty.

“But instead of getting lost, like so many men in these businesses do, you got your shit together and I think there’s not many people about whom this can be said in the same way as for you. The event-management-company you own is thriving despite all the crises of the past two decades. Your marriage with an absolutely amazing woman is still intact after what is close to be 25 years soon, which is remarkable in this day and age. And you have two absolutely perfect daughters of which one is well-read and beautiful and funny and the other is intelligent and kind to the extreme. Yeah, you two can choose for yourselves which one is which, I’m not going to tell you that”, he added and the look he shot you when he did made a heat rise within you that was oh so familiar by now.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: You have so many good things around you, Luke, and you deserve all of them. And I couldn’t be more proud to still call you my friend. I love you, mate. Here’s to you!”

And when he raised his glass, the crowd responded immediately. But you didn’t pay attention to that. At all. Your head was still fuzzy with everything Matty had just said right now. How he called you beautiful, well-read and funny and how hearing that made your heart race. You couldn’t quite tell why his praise meant so much to you. But you knew you wanted more of it. You needed more of it.

How exactly the two of you ended up in the little barn next to the farm house, nobody knew, really. It didn’t really matter to you anyway. What did matter was the slight look of suspicion on Matty’s face when you pulled him behind you through the door of the building by his hand. What did matter was how eagerly he responded to the kiss you gave him when you led him to the back part of the barn where the hay bales were. But when he tried to lift you up and have you sit down on one of them, in quite a similar way like he did back in your parents’ kitchen, you stopped him, shaking your head slightly.

“I want to say thank you…”, you whispered, eyes not leaving his while you slowly sank to your knees, “You’ve been so kind to me today, praising me in front of all of those people, complimenting my looks…please let me give something back. Please let me thank you.”

Matty chuckled darkly, his eyes still glued to the sight of you, right in front of him on your knees now, looking up to him through your eyelashes.

“Fuck, baby, that’s what you want? Really? Are you sure about that? Because you absolutely don’t have to.”

You slowly started to move your hands up his thighs. “I know. I’m perfectly aware of that. But I want to.”

To be fair, that feeling was completely new to you as well. Giving blowjobs this far had always been surrounded by pressure, put on you indirectly and directly alike by your partners or certain circumstances. But it coming from you was something new. Alas, it still felt like the absolute right thing to do now after he had been so kind to you in public.

“So will you let me suck you off? Please?”

The chuckling was back. Again. The chuckling and him running a hand through his hair.

“Babygirl, how am I supposed to say no when you ask so nicely?”

You smiled. You won, actually. And the both of you knew it.

You had just started to fumble with the buckle of his belt, your cheek playfully nuzzling his upper thigh when he stopped you by forcing your head up with his hand. You could already tell that you had an effect on him. His pupils were blown, he swallowed heavily and the fingers with which he held your chin were slightly shaking.

“I’m not stopping you, I promise.”

Just the timber of his voice alone shot straight down to your core.

“But I can’t have you ruin your knees. Or your cute white dress, can I? That would not be me taking good care of my good girl, would it?”

In any other situation you would have been embarrassed by the way he spoke to you - by the way anybody spoke to you like that if they did. But right here, right now, as so often when you were with him, it felt nothing but fitting. So you just shook your head and watched how he took his jacket off, folded it two times and gently bowed down to lay it on the floor in front of you. You took the opportunity to kiss him again, groaning into his mouth when he bit your lower lip, tugging on his hair a little. Then you carefully moved onto the jacket, your hands not leaving Matty’s thighs. It did indeed feel better on the soft fabric, compared to the cold, hard, concrete floor, but frankly, that might as well be because him caring about you that much made something move inside of you.

You unbuckled his belt swiftly, opening the button of his trousers and pulled them down, before taking the waistband of his underwear between your teeth and tugging it down with some help of your hands.

“Oh fucking hell, you want me dead, don’t you?”, Matty groaned and you couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on your lips.

“Maybe…”, you whispered, grabbing for his cock and searching to make eye-contact again. When you were absolutely sure you had his undivided attention you lowered your mouth without letting go of his gaze and started to take him in. Slowly. Deliberately slowly, inch by inch, swirling your tongue around his tip as you did. And always keeping eye-contact. Always. A string of half-breathed swearwords and praises alike fell from his lips when you slowly started to move your head up and down rhythmically, a mix of your saliva and his precum covering his entire length by now. It was wet. It was messy. The sounds made when you moved your head were nothing short of pornographic. But the sweetest of them all was Matty’s whimpering. He was completely at your mercy and both of you knew it. And god, did you love every second of it.

You started increasing the pace of your movements, swirling your tongue along his length experimentally. He inhaled sharply, and incoherent rambling of “Fuck”, “Babygirl”, “Just like that” and “Take it” falling from his lips. His hands were shaky when he treaded them through your long, brown curls to gather them into a makeshift ponytail. You smirked to yourself again, moaning slightly when he tugged at your hair, looking back up to him. Sweat made some curls stick to his forehead. His pupils were completely blown out. There was nothing affectionate in the way he looked at you now. Just pure, raw, unfiltered want. And it set your blood on fire.

“Here let me help you with that a little bit, baby. Easier to suck my cock when there’s nothing in the way, right?”, he murmured before tugging at your hair. The slight burn on your scalp was heavenly.

“Better innit? Now will you go back to sucking me off now? Make me feel good because that’s what my little dirty girl wants?”

You didn’t even nod before you took him back into your mouth. He was rock hard and you loved everything about it. So you kept going, one hand on his cock, stroking what you couldn’t fit into your mouth, the other slowly, torturingly cupping his balls. His legs started shaking the moment you started this. He was about to be done for, you just knew it. You increased the pace in which you moved your mouth along his length, ignoring the throbbing between your own thighs that got meaner by the minute.

“Fuck, baby, slow down, I can’t, I-”

The rest of his sentence drowned in a moan and faded out into incoherent mumblings of praises of you. You could feel him leaking on your tongue. He was close. Oh so close.

“Fucking shit, baby, you gotta let go of me. Let go”, he commanded in a broken whisper, trying to pull back, even, but you kept him in place with your hands on his hips. You didn’t make him go this far to give up last minute.

“Shit, baby, I’m so serious, I won’t last, I’m gonna cum down your throat…”

You hummed around his length in approval, doubling your efforts on him. A breathy chuckle left his lips while he tightened his grip on your hair, carefully paying attention to not push you down in any way though.

“Alright, take it then. Fucking take it, fuck-”

Warm. Salty. So new yet so familiar. You swallowed his cum, slowly sliding your mouth off his softening cock, kissing the tip and looking back up to Matty. The man was done for a panting, whimpering mess, barely standing straight. His trousers and his underwear were bunched around his ankles but when you tugged them up again he swatted your hands away.

“Later…”, he mumbled, still out of breath, grabbing you by the arms and pulling you up rather harshly, “Need you here. C’mon!”

He lost his balance when he pulled you up which resulted in him falling backwards and the two of you landing on the hay bale. He didn’t care, obviously, pulling you into him, kissing you with abandon.

“Holy shit, you’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

And you just giggled. “Not so sure I’d make jokes about that if I were you, old man.”

“Oi! Watch it!”, he warned you, but the softness in his voice took away every single ounce of a threat his words should have borne. So you kissed him again instead. Softer this time. Deeper. He moaned into your mouth.

“Can still taste me on your tongue, holy shit…”

“You said you were all in for taking a piece of me with you not that long ago. I thought I’d just switch it up a little.”

He put a kiss to your forehead. “Just you wait”, he murmured, his lips brushing over your skin, “Just you wait.”

“I will”, you giggled slightly.

“Good”, he murmured, putting another kiss in your hair. “OH!”, he exclaimed at once just as he pulled away from you again.

“Oh, I almost forgot…”

He sat up and started to fumble in the pockets of his trousers. You watched him curiously, completely at loss as to what exactly he was doing there. After a few moments, he pulled a tiny sack out of the pocket. It was white, with a black bow on it.

“I got you a little something. You know just…just like that.”

You giggled again. “But you’re aware that it’s my dad’s birthday, not mine, right?”

“And you are aware that I don’t need a stupid excuse like a birthday to give my most beautiful girl a present, right?”, he echoed and you couldn’t help but preen at the praise.

“Open it!”, he encouraged you and you carefully reached into the sack. You could feel cold metal between your fingers and when you pulled it out, a tiny golden necklace dangled in between them. It was solid gold with no stones, simple but unbelievably beautiful.

“Matty…”, you said speechless before looking up to him again, “That must have cost a fortune.”

He just shrugged. “I thought it would go perfectly with your eyes, darling. And I wanted to see that. May I?”

You nodded enthusiastically and Matty gestured you to turn around before he carefully took the necklace out of your hands. He placed it around your chin and you gasped slightly in excitement. It was ages ago that somebody who was not a relative gave you something so amazingly beautiful.

“See, and this right here is the main reason why I got it. I was selfish. Because the moment I close the clasp of this, you won’t get rid of it anymore. It’s way too tiny to be opened by the person wearing it. You’ll always have me with you. How does that sound to you, darling?”

It was impossible for you to tell whether it was the meaning of his words that made your hackles rise now or the way he whispered them directly in your ear.

“Perfect”, you whispered. Matty hummed in approval and the clasp clicked slightly when he finally closed it. He didn’t promise you too much. At all. It felt good. Amazingly good.

You decided to leave the barn separately, just in case somebody could see you, because there was no plausible excuse for what you two could have done in there. So you stood there, next to the bar that was included in the catering, sipping on your whine. You still felt like you could taste Matty on your tongue, although, realistically speaking, that was bullshit. You also still tried to process what exactly happened there. What about him made you go so absolutely feral you did something so absolutely stupid. You didn’t know. Yet. All you knew was that it felt good. Everything about it did.

“Here you are. Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Matty was back, touching your shoulder in the most casual way. For a moment you were perplexed by his approach but then it came back to you that you were literally standing in a crowd of people for whom you had to keep up appearances.

“Yeah, sorry. Just…needed to get away from the crowd for a little bit. Felt slightly…overwhelmed. And we don’t all have a smoking-habit to turn to if we do, you know.”

He chuckled but you could totally feel his gaze on you. Warm. Affectionate. It made your hackles rise in the best way.

“So this is a very bad timing for me to ask if you’d dance with me?”

For a moment your breath hitched in your throat. Dancing was dangerous. Dancing was something incredibly intimate. Dancing was something you definitely shouldn’t do with your dad’s best friend.

“It absolutely is…”, you replied and saw him lower his gaze. You kept him in suspense for a little bit. Then you said: “... but it’s also a party. And if I remember my dad correctly, there’s no party without Matty Healy dancing. So…let’s go.”

A bright smile of a sort you didn’t see on him all day appeared on Matty’s face, lighting up his features. Without saying another word he took you to the dancefloor.

The band your dad had engaged had just started playing Adele’s “When we were young” and the two of you started moving. Slowly. Carefully. You let him guide you because you know how great of a dancer he was. And that he needed it. You could tell from the way the hand on your waist gripped it a little too tightly. You could tell from the way he looked into your eyes and your eyes alone, avoiding any look over to the stage. You could tell from the way he swallowed. Hard. Several times.

“You miss it, don’t you? Giving that speech reminded you how it was being on stage.”

Matty shrugged. “What’s done is done.”

But his voice was full of grief, you heard it dripping from every word.

“Is it though?”, you asked softly, carefully. You didn’t want to push him, just to show him that he got a confidant in you.

“Yeah…”, he said, somewhat absentmindedly, “Yeah I guess. It was an episode of my life. One I loved. One that gave me everything. And one that cost me everything. Way more than once. And I can’t go back to that.”

His words made a lump built up in your throat, because you knew exactly what he was talking about. Of course you knew. Who would, if it wasn’t for you? You had just opened your mouth to say something when you saw him shook his head slightly.

“It’s ok, darling, don’t worry about me.”

You pursed your lips. “That’s hard sometimes, you know.”

He chuckled. “Oh I know. Trust me, I do. But let me tell you something.”

Matty leaned in so that his lips were close to your right ear.

“I don’t want to go back to that, ok? Because what I got from leaving, what I gained is so much more and so much better.”

And when he looked back into your eyes you knew he was absolutely serious about that. It made your knees weak in an instant and you had to hold onto him for dear life. He noticed and caught you before you would have dropped to the floor.

“I got you, baby. It’s alright. I got you. I’m here.”

Unfortunately, Matty and you moving across the dancefloor had lead to a few people remembering that the man was actually able to dance. Alas, he was occupied for the foreseeable future with seemingly every female person at the party demanding him to dance. But you didn’t really complain because a) you knew none of them had him like you did and b) it gave you the pleasure of watching Matty dance from a little more afar which always was a spectacle in itself.

"Enjoying the show?”

Jess showing up next to you seemingly out of nowhere made you jump.

“Oh yeah he’s…he’s a sensation to look at, really.”

Jess nodded slowly. “He sure is…”, she said, sipping on her Bloody Mary of which you could only hope it was a virgin one, because you definitely had too much to drink tonight to drive anybody home safely. A few moments of silence followed. Then Jess said, completely out of nowhere: “So how long have you two been fucking?”

With everybody else you would have gone into full on denial mode now. Maybe told her she was crazy. But this was Jess. Your older sister Jess you shared all of your secrets with ever since you could talk. There was no use in you lying now and the two of you knew about it.

“A few weeks. Two months, maybe.” (It was two and a half at this point but you didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that you counted every single one of those days because you enjoyed them so much).

Jess nodded slowly.

“You know this is wrong, right?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Jess, I’m not a minor, he’s not exploiting my naivety or anything, we’re two adults having fun, everything is consensual-”

“I don’t care about the age-gap in this. To each their own. But this is Matty Healy you’re hooking up with, Y/N. You have known him for your entire life, both of us have. You know his deal, darling. You know his fucked up twisted games as well as the next person. And you’re still sure you want to get caught in that?”

You downed your drink instead of answering, kept on watching Matty dance with one of your cousins. You didn’t have to reply. Jess knew anyway.

Matty knew watching you sleep is sort of creepy. He also knew he should actually wake you up because you were going to be catastrophically late otherwise and you told him in great detail how big you promised Luke you’d be on time. But how was he supposed to disturb you now when you lay there, legs drawn to your body and looking so amazingly beautiful and peaceful. Barely touching you, Matty softly caressed one of the stray curls that fell over your eyes out of your face. God, he loves your hair. The way it feels running through his fingers when he buries his hand in it, the way it tickles on his face when you kiss, the way it falls over your shoulder so fucking beautifully when it’s the only thing you’re still wearing on top because you got rid of all of your other clothes for him. When he touched your face, you sighed softly and Matty wondered if you dreamed of him, right in this moment. He was pretty sure you did sometimes because every now and then, he can hear you murmur his name in your sleep.

He wondered then what it is you dream about. A vivid, movie-like dream where the two of you actually make it, live happily ever after and end up with a house somewhere more on the outskirts of London and a dog? A replay of one of the many, many, many magical moments you shared, your walk along the beach for example? Or something more intimate, with you dreaming about how he makes you fall apart in the most delicate ways? He made a resolution to ask you once you wake up. His hand moved along your hair that spread all over the cushion. He’s convinced that if the soft light of the rising sun shines on it in the morning, it changes its color from the usual dark brown to a more amber tone. He never told you about it because he’s low-key scared you might think he’s exaggerating. But he isn’t. And actually, at his big age of fourty, he should know better than to be scared of somebody’s perception of him. He should be able to just be honest and stand for things he believes in. But it’s not that easy. It never is. 

Just like it wasn’t easy to admit his feelings for you to himself. He tried to dismiss them, at first. Tried to write them off as a symptom of this absolute shitshow these past few years had been. As the next phase after the alternation of mania and depression that followed his marriage blowing up. As just a common form of a midlife-crisis. A very weird form of it, he admitted, but nothing too serious. But after the little incident in Luke and Naomi's kitchen there was no denying it anymore: He knew he had fallen for you. Way too hard and way too easily. He caught himself waking up and you being the first thing that was on his mind, counting down the hours until he would get to see your face again. He wrote way too many poems to you, for you and thought way too long and way too hard about what songs to show you, hoping you’d be as impressed as possible by them. And it worked, it seemed. Because there was a glimmer of joy in your eyes so often when you read, listened to or saw what he had picked out for you. And he loved nothing more than to see you this happy. He would not have given that up for anything in the world. Your happiness was prerogative. To everything. It always would be. Come what may. 

Funny, how this had been one of the arguments his mind had once come up with to stop him from wanting you. Because god had he wanted you. For a longer period of time than anybody was allowed to know. He had fantasized about what it would be like to kiss you, how it would feel to let his hands gently run over your body, along this perfectly curved shape of yours, being so close to you he could actually hear your heartbeat. But he knew it was forbidden. So much so that he didn’t even allow himself as much as to indulge in those phantasies too much. Up until this one night. This one little incident in Luke and Naomi’s kitchen. He still remembered the very first kiss you shared. Vividly. The taste of your lips on his, the way how soft they felt, the way it became way too obvious way too quickly how long you had dreamed of exactly that. More often than not, the memory of it was what accompanied him to sleep, giving him a feeling of warmth, contentness, happiness and an awful lot of good dreams, something a lot of other things - and other people, to be quite frank - had never achieved. And he tried to pay you back as best as he could. With poems and presents and what he was convinced were some of the best orgasms you ever had. 

His phone that lay on the mattress buzzed in frequent intervals. He knew what this was: A timer he set himself for when he would have to wake you up. It was the third one of them already because he had a suspicion he might actually not be able to pull through with the first one. Matty sighed, turned off his phone and pulled himself together. It wasn’t even him not wanting to wake you up in itself, it was him knowing that with waking you up, your time together - which had been remarkably short this time around anyway - came to an end, once again. That waking up next to you or watching you sleep like he did now would soon become luxury, once again. And he hated everything about that as well, when all he wanted was to stay like this forever. Stay with you like this, forever. Just you and him and your secret little bubble of happiness. But this wasn’t how life worked, he knew that all too well. At least it wasn’t for him. Alas he sighed, leaned forward slightly and put a kiss to your forehead. 

“Hey, babygirl…I really hate to disturb you like this…but it’s time to wake up, I fear.”

He whispered the words to you, his lips not leaving your skin as he spoke. He knew that the opportunities for him to touch you will soon again be limited and he therefore feels obligated to use every single one of them. So he enjoyed the feeling of you slowly starting to move under his touches, watched how your eyelids moved but refused to open, yet.

“C’mon, pretty princess. I know you don’t like this and neither do I, trust me. But would you please at least open your most beautiful eyes for me?”

The hint of a smile that started to form around the corner of your lips nearly melted Matty’s heart. He loved to see you smile, loved to see how you react to his compliments, his praises, everything he did and said to worship you and he still hoped you knew about this. Still you lay there with your eyes closed. Matty leaned and started to place kisses all over your face. And that does the trick. With a small giggle you open your eyes. 

“What a wonderful way to wake me up”, you whispered, carefully putting a hand on his face and caressing his cheek. “Almost as beautiful as the one you chose two weeks ago when I fell asleep on the sofa.”

Of course he knew what you were talking about in an instant, the one time you had been dozing off on the couch in your dorm after you two watched a movie and he offered to do the dishes afterwards. When he came back you were seemingly asleep on the couch, so he lay down next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. Up until this day he couldn’t say how one thing had led to another but he ended up fucking you with your face pressed into the sofa-cushions, taking his time with you, passionately. 

“Oh, we can repeat that baby. Any time you like…”, Matty murmured, kissing you deep and long to underline his words. He knew he was lying, technically. He knew you didn’t have the time for anything even close to the slow sofa sex the two of you indulged in that day. But on the other hand that didn’t necessarily mean you didn’t have the time to do anything else. The way your hands found their way into his hair by now made him think he wasn’t entirely alone with this train of thought. 

“How about I like it to be repeated now?”, you whispered against his lips and the way you looked up to him while doing so, the same old mix of mischief and innocence in your gaze that had been his undoing from day one is what wiped any clear thought out of his mind. Matty lowered his head and started to put a countless amount of kisses to the crook of your neck. Feeling you stretch your neck in response, literally offering yourself to him, made him go crazy. 

“Anything my little princess wishes for. Always, you know that…”, he groaned against your flesh, kissing you constantly in between words. 

He turned the two of you around in one swift motion so that the position you lay in now was indeed similar to the one on the sofa. But he knew he couldn’t repeat the exact thing now, time was still of the essence and if he came inside of you or with his cock between your thighs, you two would lose precious time in cleaning up the mess. So he opted for the light-version, sneaking one hand making its way under the waistband of your underwear while the other pushed your t-shirt up (it was the Oasis-t-shirt because of course it was) and slowly started to cup your titts. God how much he loved the feeling of the soft skin beneath his fingers, the little sounds you made when he started to caress your nipple and how he could feel the bud harden under his touch. You were so responsive to his actions, always and it made him feel absolutely amazing. His touches got him the first little reward: You gasped quietly by how he caressed your breasts. Matty smiled to himself in satisfaction and continued his movements, rubbing the heel of his hand against your bud and heard you moan softly. 

“God Matty…”

He couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Such a high praise already, and I haven’t even started yet. You’re spoiling me, babygirl, you really are.”

He continued to let his other hand slide further down, fingers spread out so that he could touch as much of you at once as possible. When he reached the apex of your pussy he couldn’t help but moan himself slightly in satisfaction. God, he loved touching you, letting his hand slide over the hill between your thighs. He loved that he’s allowed to touch you. Still. He ran one finger through your folds slowly, deliberately, making you moan softly. You were soaking wet and he didn’t even touch you properly yet. Always so responsive. 

“Gosh baby, you’re insane, you know that. Guess you dreamed of me, judging from the state of how wet you are, huh?”

It was more teasing than really believing in it, if he was honest. Maybe that was why his breath got hitched in his throat now when you nodded and moaned something along the lines of “I did.”

Of course he was routined enough to not let said surprise show, instead he kept the movements of his fingers going, pushing his index and his middle finger inside of you slowly. He knew how you liked it by now. Slowly but all at once nonetheless. Meanwhile he bowed down and replaced his other hand with his lips, sucking on your peaked nipple. God how much he loved your titts. 

“Tell me about it”, he commanded, although he knew he was self-sabotaging with that. Because none of this does anything for his resolution to not come himself, his half-hard cock that slowly started to press against the fabric of his boxershorts is proof of that. He slowed down the movements of his fingers, giving you time and capacity to breathe a little better. The pout on your lips told him you were not exactly a fan of that. 

“We were in the mountains somewhere, it was winter, there was snow outside. We were in a Chalet or something, I’m not entirely sure. But there was a fireplace and…”, you interrupted yourself with a moan that made Matty’s smile grow even more, “and a huge plushy rug in front of it.”

“Oh I see…”, Matty replied, “And let me guess, princess, that rug had a very prominent role in that dream?”

“Yes”, you answered breathlessly, of which Matty guessed it was mostly because of him speeding up the movement of his fingers. 

“What did we do?”, he asked darkly, the sheer imagination of the situation making desire swim in his veins. You moaned again as a reaction to him slightly curling his fingers inside of you, hitting the exact spot, obviously. 

“You had me on all fours, on the rug, in front of the fireplace. You were…fuck…you were telling me I was a bad girl because I did something bad, so you spanked me. Three slaps on each of my…god Matty fuck…”

He knew the signs of you being close. The laboured breathing, the way you clenched around his fingers, but you couldn’t be finished, not yet, so he changed the pace to slow once again. You growled in frustration.

“Go on”, he commanded. 

“Three…three slaps on each of my asscheeks, before you just took me the way you like it. The way I like it most.”

That was enough, Matty figured, to reward you with some more movements of his fingers again. His right hand was fucking in and out of you, the heel of it rubbing against your clit while he kept on sucking at your right nipple. He could feel the goosebumps spread all over your body, that’s how close you two were and he enjoyed every second of it. He could feel you stumbling to the edge of the orgasmic bliss by how you clenched around him more often and how your once so sophisticated sentences became broken variants of his name, “faster” and “please” in different shades. And he obeyed, pushed his fingers faster in and out of you, biting and sucking on your breasts until you came with a scream, your whole body convulsing, spasming beneath him. He completely finished you and he loved everything about it. He loved how you lay there on his sheets, completely wasted, not even able to keep your eyes open, still moaning softly, your legs twitching around his hand. 

“Good girl. My best girl. Doing so well for me. Coming so well for me in such a short amount of time. So obedient. Such a good girl.”

He heard you giggle through a sigh and seconds later your fingers were in his hair, pulling him in close. 

“You fucking idiot”, you murmured and Matty opted to kiss you instead of giving you a proper reply. 

In the end the reasonable side in both of you won and you somehow made it out of bed. And now you sat in his car, driving along the way Matty knew so well because he had been driving it so often. Your hand that lay loosely over his and Matty would never have admitted it to anybody, but it were those little moments that were as precious to him as every time he made you cum, as every kiss and every satisfied moan he coaxed out of you. 

“I’m gonna miss you, you know? Those will be a very long ten days, I fear.”

The sigh you let out was not exaggerated and it broke Matty’s heart a little bit.

“Aw no. Don’t worry, darling, alright? I’ll be back in your arms before you know it, I promise.”

He would have loved to lean over and kiss you now but given the worsening lightning conditions that would probably have been a bad idea. 

“I shall hope so…”, he heard you sigh, which made him repeat the promise he just gave once again, right before he parked his car on the driveway to Luke and Naomi’s house. 

“It was a promise, baby and I’m inclined to keep it.”

He leaned over slightly to kiss you. Softly, tenderly, sending a physical promise right after the spoken one. 

“Good”, you murmured, one hand in his hair, once again, forehead leaned against his. 

“Off you go then”, Matty whispered but keeping one hand on the small of your neck as if he wanted to keep you there, “Luke is going to absolutely hate it if you’re late for your little trip to your grandma.”

He heard you sigh. “I know…trust me, I know but…I don’t want to leave. I don’t feel like leaving you today.”

The way you looked at him almost made his knees weak. So full of affection. So full of love. So much of it. He couldn’t help but kiss you again.

“Trust me, darling, that feeling is absolutely mutual. But you have to, alright? And I promise you, I’ll be right there when you come back and make it through the next work week.”

The next sigh of yours was so deep it made his heart ache.

“Oh baby c’mon. It’s not the end of the world, I promise. You’ll be back and we’ll see each other in no time. I know that.”

He kissed you again.

“I know…I know, Matty, I know it’s just…I don’t know. Sorry. I’m…somewhat emosh today.”

He lifted your hand instead of answering and pressed it to his lips, kissing each and every one of your knuckles. 

“One kiss for every two nights you’re gone, alright? Promise, it’s not that much. I promise we’ll see each other soon.”

The little smile that appeared on your face now was everything to him. 

“See? It already feels better, doesn’t it?”

“It does…”, you replied, looking at him affectionately, “But I still have to go, don’t I?”

Matty nodded slowly, halfway against his own will. Then an idea popped up in his head.

“I’ll come with you, ok? I’ll guide you home.”

He saw you shook your head. “You can’t do that, my parents will become suspicious.”

There was way too much truth in your words to just ignore them.

“Ok but…I can at least help you get your bag out of the car.”

And so he got out and went over to the trunk. It was good to have something to do now. Something to distract himself from the fact that in a few minutes he would have to watch you leave and he hated everything about it already. So he fetched your bag from the trunk and gave it to you which earned him the next kiss. 

“A gentleman through and through…”, you whispered, one hand on his hip and he hinted a bow with his head.

“Always, darling. Always. Off you go now. Please. Or I may have second thoughts about letting you go.”

He was only halfway joking. Because for a moment the idea of just taking you back into his car and drive off with you somewhere where you could just be together looked and sounded and felt very tempting. You sighed and then leaned in to kiss him. What started as a sweet kiss soon turned into a full on make-out-session. One hand in his hair, the other on his cheek. And he tried to savour every second of it as if he wanted to burn the feeling, the taste, the emotion of it into his heart forever. When you let go, he thought about telling you for a moment. About telling you how thankful he was for everything you brought back to him. But he didn’t. Some things better stayed unsaid. Plus a mere seconds later, you two were busy with something else anyway, when he noticed that somewhere along your passionate exchange of saliva, his hair got stuck in the necklace he gave you all those months ago.

“Fuck! Wait let me just…”, he said, starting to quite helplessly fumble with the piece of jewelery around your neck while you held your head down, giggling. 

“What’s even happening?”, you asked and he just told you to not worry about it instead of replying, still trying to free his hair out of the chainpieces of the necklace. When he realised that this wasn’t going to be successful, he made a decision he would later on call “straight up dumb”: He told you to be aware of your balance, took the affected strand of hair between his fingers and pulled away. In his logic, the hair would have ripped out and he would have been free. The first part happened exactly like that but he didn’t anticipate that you’d stumble to, pulling forward while doing so. With a horrible sound that seemed to ring in his ears, the necklace broke and fell to the floor before he could catch it. 

“What..?”, you asked in confusion, turned around and when you realised what happened looked on the necklace on the floor in shock.

“Oh my  good, did I do this? Oh gosh, Matty, I’m so sorry, I’m…”, you slapped your hands over your mouth.

“It’s alright, baby, don’t worry. Wasn’t your fault. At all. Was me being stupid. Entirely.” He bowed down and picked the broken necklace up from the floor. The way how sad you looked when you saw it made his stomach drop.

“I’ll get it fixed, ok?”, he said hastily, hiding the broken chain away in his pocket. “It’ll be as good as new the next time we meet, alright? And if it isn’t, I’ll by you a new one, yeah? Don’t worry about it, darling, please don’t!”

You kept on apologising so he pulled you in, kissed you softly and told you once again not to worry. You nodded somewhat powerless and caressed his cheek. 

“Stay until I’m in, will you?”, you asked and he just nodded.

“Of course, darling. Of course.”

And with one last, rather brief kiss to your lips, you picked up you bag, turned around and left. Matty watched you all the time. Watched how you made your way to the house until the darkness ate you up. He stayed where he was, like he could keep you there a little longer by the power of his gaze only. And as so often, a feeling of happiness set in. And a little bit of disbelief how somebody like him could deserve somebody like you. He fumbled for a lighter and the fagpack in the pocket of his jeans and found both. Slipped a cigarette between his lips and lit it. The smoke vanished in the darkness like a ghost would. And then, all of a sudden, there were movements in the dark. Movements coming from where he had just watched you disappear a few minutes ago. 

“Are you serious right now?”

For a moment, Matty couldn’t really put the tone in order in which Luke spoke. Disbelief? Anger? Hurt? Maybe a little bit of everything. And none of it made any sense. 

“Sorry, I didn’t quite get you”, he replied. Luke snorted with rage. He came close and closer with fast, determined steps. 

“I asked if you are serious, Matty! Kissing my daughter?! On my front porch? Literally on my front porch? Are you serious?!”

Matty didn’t even think of denying anything. What would have been the use of that, really. He had played the scenario through in his head often enough, if he was honest, knowing it would happen one day. Imagined every possible ending. That must be why he was so remarkably calm now. 

“I am”, he said calmly, “I really am, Luke. I’m sorry. But I love her.”

It felt good speaking the words into existence, giving them meaning by letting them roll over his tongue. His best friend stood in front of him now, short on breath, if because of anger or the pace he ran over to him now, Matty couldn’t tell. 

“You love her? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Matty shook his head. “I’m not. And I’m sorry. And I know this is hard for you to accept, Luke, trust me, I know and I really get that but-”

“Hard for me to accept?! Oh no, Matty, you are awfully wrong if you think this is something I can accept just like that.”

He wasn’t yelling. But his voice was stone cold.

Matty just shrugged, puffing his cigarette. “Then I’m really sorry for you, but I can do nothing but accept your decision of not accepting us. Meanwhile you will have to accept the fact that it doesn’t change shit. I love your daughter, Luke. And I know she loves me. It is what it is.”

“Matty, I’m not sure if you didn’t get what I just said or if you’re deliberately ignoring it but you’re awfully mistaken if you think I’d just sit back and watch this happen. I’m sorry. But no.”

From the corner of his eye, Matty could see how Luke ran a hand through his hair, scratching his head. He did the latter a lot when he was stressed, Matty knew about that all too well. Of course he did. 

Luke went on: “Usually I’d say she’s an adult and she alone gets to choose who she’s with. But not with you, mate. I’m sorry. But I can’t let this happen.”

Matty scoffed. “You talk like you had any say in this. She’s an adult, as you remarked correctly. She can make her own decisions. Her own choice. And she chose me.”

A laugh left Luke’s lips. A joyless, dry laugh completely stripped off of any emotion. 

“Yeah. And do you think she knows what she’s doing?”

Matty nodded. “Yeah, I think she does. Because she knows me, Luke. And I know her. And we both know that we love each other.”

Luke scoffed.

“Yeah. As if you knew what love meant, Matty. As if love wasn’t just another fix for you, it always has been. It was either the most toxic relationship the world has ever seen or you spiraling and on drugs. There’s no inbetween with you. And I can not put my daughter in danger like that.”

Matty balled his left hand into a fist and put it in the pocket of his trousers, but he didn’t reply. What was he supposed to say when Luke’s words had given the little monster inside his head ammunition. A little mean monster that was convinced his best friend was absolutely right. 

“I mean, what did you think, even?! That I just sit back and watch how you promise her the world, how you make her hopelessly fall for you, how you’ll tell her everything she wants to hear until she’s completely given in to you? Because we both know what happens then, Matty. You get scared. You get fucking scared that somebody might actually love you for who you are. And then you start to push them away in the most cruel, most brutal ways possible for you and for them. And you really thought I’d watch you do that to my daughter? Do you think I’m insane?!”

Now Luke was raising his voice after all. Matty stayed silent. 

“Dude, I watched you fuck up several relationships of which you claimed the women involved were the love of your life. I’ve seen you stumble into a marriage of which everybody with more than 1.5 working braincells knew she never gave one single fuck about you as a person and you just trauma-bonded with her because of everything that happened before. I’ve seen you spiraling while at it, I’ve seen you relapsing after, I’ve literally picked you up from this”, he gesticulated in the direction of his house, “very doorstep after because you thought you weren’t worth shit after that failed. And you think I’d just sit back now and watch how you’ll make my daughter go through all of this again with you? You really think that?!”

Matty lowered his head. He would have loved to contradict Luke now. To tell him how awfully wrong he was, that you meant more to him than almost everybody else ever did and for sure more than this stupid marriage ever did. That he would love you and protect you, even from himself in the worst case because he had never loved somebody like he loved you before. But he couldn’t. The words were lost on him. Because deep down in his brain sat the little monster whispering that Luke was of course right with everything he said. And it ate up every single part of Matty’s defense for himself. 

“And that is me already being generous, dude, because I didn’t even begin to mention how much of a burden it would be for her always having to keep up with your addiction problem and everything else that is going on in the fucked up life of yours. I love you, Matty, I really do. But, and I say this with all the love I have for you, there’s nobody I could imagine being a worse fit for my daughter. And if our friendship ever meant anything to you, you’ll see that too. Because I’m saying this as your friend and as the person who knows you. And if…”, he paused, obviously fighting hard to keep his composure, “if she ever meant anything to you, you’ll see that this is nothing you want to do to her. And you’ll leave her alone.”

Silence fell upon the two of them. There was nothing left to say anymore, Matty knew it all too well. Too heavy on truth were Luke’s words. So he puffed his cigarette one, two, three times, dropped it on the ground and slowly put it out with his shoe. 

“You’re right…”, he said, his voice sounding nothing like himself, “Of course you are, Luke. Thank you for reminding me.”

And then, without even waiting for a reply, he turned around and walked to his car. He got in. He drove away. There were no tears in his eyes. His hands weren’t shaking. Everything was just numb. Numb and silent. He drove off into the night. Fast. 

She makes me weak.

The hint of a smile.

A look, so short, not even worth the word.

The ghost of a touch, her fingers barely even gracing my skin.

And I melt.

I’m hers forever. Want to be hers forever. Want to melt into her and stay there forever.

Me, a part of her, forever.

Be, a part of her, forever.

I only want to live in those little moments when our lips meet - because they show me forever.

I only want to exist in those little moments when our hands touch - because they healed me.

I only want to be in those little moments when she says my name - because they give me meaning.

She makes me weak.

The shattered parts of a sigh.

The taste of her on my tongue.

The way she holds onto me when we fuck.

And I am rebuilt.

Becoming something new because of her.

Becoming something new for her.

Rising from the ashes of my past.

Newborn through her touch.

To live only for her.

Waking up to this message from Matty this morning didn’t exactly make the longing for him any less cruel. On the contrary, in fact. It made you check the clock on the wall of the ward even more often, counting down the hours until your shift was finally, finally done and you were off for the weekend - or, to be more precise, off to seeing Matty. The man didn’t know it yet but as soon as you were clocked out, you planned on hopping into your car and drive all the way down to his place. It was a need at this point, really. You hadn’t seen each other for what was way too long for your liking due to your stupid work-schedule and some appointments on his side which made it difficult for him to come over as well.

On the drive to his house, you listened to the same playlist Matty and you put on when you embarked on your little trip. You remembered those days with pure joy in your heart, the calmness and the time you two had for once, all those precious little moments that were so intimate and had nothing to do with sex. How you felt like you two became somewhat even closer during your little trip. How, for the first time, really, you allowed yourself to enjoy the calmness Matty’s presence provided you with. A sense of being protected, accepted just the way you are. You didn’t have to pretend in his presence. Because he knew you your entire life. You could just be you. And for him it was good enough. You were good enough.

When you pulled your car up into the driveway of his house and manouevering it to the parking-lot behind the building like you always did, you could already see that at least your worst fear didn’t turn out to be true: Matty was home. There were several lights on on several floors and you knew that, despite all the chaos that surrounded him, he didn’t leave those on if he wasn’t home. So today was your lucky day, apparently. You stopped the car, already smirking widely at the pure imagination of the surprise on Matty’s face when he would see you in a few seconds when an idea crossed your mind. A dirty idea. A despicable idea, even. An idea you were absolutely sure Matty was going to love. You took a look around you, but no other cars nor bypassers were to be seen in your direct proximity. So you unfastened your seatbelt, took off your shoes first and the rest of your clothes soon after until you were sitting there, in your car, in nothing but your underwear. An absolutely sinful ensemble of pink lace with black bows in all the right places you bought just in the beginning of the week from money you should definitely have been spending more responsibly. But you just knew it was going to be worth every cent. You fumbled in the gloves-department for the bag of make-up-supplies you put in there earlier, after you applied the first round of foundation, mascara and lipstick before you drove here. But especially the latter needed a touch up as you saw when you looked into the mirror now and so you pulled the lipstick out of the bag. It was your alltime favourite: A bright pink one by YSL, matching the colour of your dessous perfectly. You applied it with quick, well known movements and looked at yourself in the mirror again, smiling happily. Yes, there was no way Matty wasn’t going to be absolutely thrilled when he saw you. You switched your sneakers for a pair of stilettos and grabbed for your coat on the backseat. It was a long, black one you usually liked to wear with your favourite babypink dress because the contrast was so nice. But it would do about the same to your underwear now, you figured, while you closed the buttons. Once you were finished, you took a last look up to Matty’s house. The lights were still on - and this was your time to shine.

It cost you a lot of self-control not to giggle to yourself to much at the sound your heels made while you walked over to Matty’s frontdoor. You kept on pulling the belt of your coat tighter around your waist, checking over and over again that nothing gave away the nothing that was underneath the coat. Finally, you stood in front of his door, rang the bell - and waited. One heartbeat. Two. Three. And then Matty opened the door, looking onto his phone instead of you, obviously checking something.

“Hey mate, you’re early, I didn’t-”

He froze the moment he looked up, his mouth fall agape and he let the hand with his phone sink very, very slowly. You couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the sight of him so completely shocked, so unbelievably cute.

“I’m more used to ‘baby’, ‘darling’, ‘fuckjustlikethatYN’...mate is new”, you teased him a little bit. Matty still stood there with his mouth slightly open, not reacting in the slightest, still obviously starstruck by the sight of you.

“But you know, I’ll take it. So hello, mate. Happy to see me?”, you grinned, taking one step forward so that you could kiss him and he’d finally close the door behind you.

And that was what brought life back into Matty. His right hand was in your hair before you knew it, his left pushing you into him by the small of your back.

“Absolutely thrilled”, he murmured against against your lips before diving back in to kiss you. And as so often, you got lost in it completely, so much so that it was the sound of the door falling shut that brought you back into reality. Same seemed to be true for Matty, obviously, because he took a step away from you now and scrutinised you, head to toe.

“But you know, darling, this is an exceptionally bad timing. I do actually have a date tonight.”

You pouted at him, exageratedly. “A date, Matthew? How can you have a date that doesn’t involve me?”

“Listen, baby, there’s nothing I love more than to have you here, you know that. But I didn’t think you would come until tomorrow night so I got myself a bit…busy today.”

“Busy?”, you asked, slightly confused.

“Yeah. Unfortunately, yes.”

“Oh, I see. So…you’re saying that there’s no chance you could cancel this ominous ‘date’ you have tonight?”

Your voice was deep. Seductive. Just like he did it with you so often.

“Y/N…”, Matty started. But you could feel his defense weaken already, you could tell from the look he shot you. And when you slowly started to unbutton your coat, you knew you were winning.

“I mean, I totally understand if you can’t…”, you said, slowly continuing to open your clothing. By now it should be clear that there was no blouse, sweater, shirt or t-shirt waiting underneath the coat. “...but if you should decide to change your mind…”, you unbuttoned the coat further and further until the two parts of it swung to the side and laid bare the pink lace you wore underneath, “I’m here.”

Matty looked at you dumbfounded for a heartbeat. Two. Three. Than he pulled you back into him. Not in a rush. Slowly, but with determination.

“So…let me get this straight…”, he murmured, his face only inches away from yours, “You drove all the way here straight from work, I guess, looking at what time it is”, he kissed your temple, “did your make-up so nicely with this insanely hot pink lipstick”, he kissed your cheek, “put on these hell of a shoes”, he kissed your jaw, “rang at my doorbell, wearing nothing but a coat and your underwear”, his teeth grazed your chin softly, “just to seduce me?”

The way he looked up at you now from slightly down below was enough to amke your stomach drop. You swallowed hard. Still you managed to say “Yes” rather clearly and determinedly.

“You’re insane…”, Matty all but groaned and crashed his lips onto yours again. He pulled you with him into the flat more, across the hallway until you reached the livingroom. Your whole body was covered in goosebumps from the urgency he was kissing you with, his fingers slowly gliding over the edges of the bra you wore so possesively he left red streaks on your skin, while his other hand was busy groping your asscheeks. You squeaked, pulling away from him for a second which Matty used to gain better access to your neck.

“Dirty girl coming here half naked…”, he mumbled inbetween kisses, “so ready for me you couldn’t even keep your clothes on, is that right?”

Your answer drowned in a moan as he sucked on your neck. If it didn’t, you would probably have told him that he was one to talk, at least judging from how his half-hard cock pressed against your thigh.

“Only for you”, you breathed once you got your composure back together at least as far as to do that, purposefully pressing your hips into his so that your thigh was brushing the bulge in his jeans.

“Is that so?”, he asked, his voice dark an deep, “Came here mostly naked because of me?”

He caught your lips softly with his instead of waiting for your answer.

“Wearing those insanely hot stilettos because of me?”

The next kiss, harder, this time. You whined into his mouth.

“Buying brand new dessous nobody saw yet except from me?”

He put his cheek on yours, brushing your ear with his lips as he spoke. You could do nothing but nodd, but noticed all too well how Matty’s breath got hitched in his throat.

“So tell me one thing then, darling”, he whispered darkly but didn’t continue right away. Instead he said, his voice much lower now than before, “will you also get on your knees for me?”

It was embarrassing, really, how fast you dropped to the floor right where you stood. But you didn’t have time to wonder about that while you fumbled with the button of his jeans, Matty’s hand caressing the top of your head softly. You pulled his trousers down along with his boxers, while you watched carefully how his tongue slid over his lower lip.

“How do you want me?”, you asked, an innocence in your voice that was blatantly inappropriate for the situation. “Looking you in the eyes while I blow you? Or head slightly tilted back while I jerk you off?”

Matty chuckled at both of your suggestions but got his composure back quite quickly.

“Hands. Let me see that beautiful piece of a bra while I ruin it, baby.”

You smirked and started doing as you were told, crawling back an inch so that he could see you even better, just before you spit in your hand roughly and grabbed for his cock again. Matty moaned.

“You came here on a mission today, didn’t you? And the mission was to drive me mad!”

You shook your head mysteriously. “Maybe I did…”, you answered while not stopping the movements of your hand. He was rock hard beneath you and for a moment you regretted letting him choose because god, sucking him off now would have been an absolute dream. However, you still continued to stroke him, slowly, deliberately, looking up to him while his gaze clung onto the hot pink lace as if it was stuck there.

“God, look at you. My perfect girl, on her knees for me, jerking me off in this fever dream of a set. So needy for me that she came here one day early. You’re unreal, you know that.”

You grinned broadly and slowly started to increas the pace of your movements. Matty’s hand reached down as if he wanted to touch something but fell back when he realised he couldn’t reach it. Instead, he moaned again softly.

“Fucking perfect. My fucking perfect girl fuck, fuck me, I can’t believe you’re…fuck.”

You surpressed a giggle. Watching Matty loosing it more and more because of something you did was something you enjoyed immensely over the past few months this little thing between you went on now. Matty’s eyes were wide, his gaze glassy, his breathing irregular and laboured. You had him exactly where you wanted him.

“Go faster”, he said, his voice raspy, “Faster, baby, please, need it, need you, need-”

His phone’s ringtone interrupted him and broke the holy melody of panting and the obscene sounds of you moving your hand up and down Matty’s cock. Matty took a look on his phone that lay next to him on the sofa. He frowned then he picked it up. For a moment you thought about stopping what you did. But the thought of him having to hide what was actually going on sort of turned you on. And since Matty shot you a look but didn’t ask you to stop either, you didn’t. So you kept on jerking him off while he answerd the call.

“Yeah?...Oh hey…yeah no, sure.” He sucked in a breath, biting his little finger while you moved even faster, enjoying seeing him struggle even more than you thought.

„Oh…ok…errr…how long do you think it’ll take you?”

You didn’t really listen to anything he said, too drunk on the feeling of power flooding your veins at the thought of how you could make him break every second and spill right over your hand or your titts while fighting for his life to not let the person calling know what was actually going on.

“Oh yeah no, no problem. That happens sometimes.”

You increased the movements of your hand further, determined to make him cum before the phonecall ended. Matty shot you a look that was halfway pleading, halfway warning.

“ I’ll…I’ll come down and help you, yeah? Right, see ya. Bye.”

The second he put the phone down was the second he came with a guttural moan, spilling all over your neck and titts. You smiled, quite satisfied with yourself and with the feeling of him all over you.

You were just about to make a cunty remark about how this had almost been a little bit too easy when he cut you off before you got to say anything.

“Get up. Hurry. We have a problem.”

You jumped to your feet but before you could utter so much as the question what exactly was going on, Matty had already pulled his pants back up and grabbed for your coat that had been discarded to the floor and thrown it in your direction. His eyes wandered around the room restlessly, his hand ran through his curls. He took one step forward and two steps back, spinning around, turning back abouz 180 degrees again. Then, without a warning sign or any form of explanation, he grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you behind him along the living-room until you reached the room next door, the one with his bed. You knew it by now, of course you did. You knew everything in here.

“Get in there. Keep the door shut. Don’t come out until I tell you. Under no circumstance, do you hear me?”

You never saw him like this before. Panicked, jumpy, completely stressed out. But the tone in his voice had been absolutely clear. This wasn’t the time to ask questions of any kind. So you just nodded. He pulled you into the room, threw your coat onto his bed and turned back around to you. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then opened them again.

“We got this, ok? No need to panic. You just stay here, you stay quiet and everything will be fine, ok? I promise you. I’ll get to you as soon as I can. Keep your phone close.”

You were so perplex you once again didn’t do anything but nod. But when Matty was halfway out the door again, you finally gained your voice back.

“Matty! What…what’s going on? Please tell me. Who called you? Who’s coming?”

He looked at you stone-faced for about two seconds. Then he replied in a voice completely stripped off any emotion: “Luke.”

What followed this scene were some of the strangest hours you had throughout your entire life. You sat on Matty’s bed, dressed in nothing but your underwear with his cum drying on your bra while from the livingroom, you could listen perfectly to how he and your dad talked. As it turned out the reason your dad called to announce his arrival had been due to him having trouble opening Matty’s garage so that he could park his car in there. Bad for him, good for you, you thought, not even wanting to imagine what would have happened if Matty didn’t realise your dad was coming until he stood right on his doorstep. The first two, two point five, three hours, you were naive enough to hope your dad would only be paying his best friend a short visit, so you lay on Matty’s bed and listened religiously to everything that was talked about. It wasn’t much though, just men chatting. Football, your dad gushing about Finn since he had just visited Jess again last weekend and the two men talk shopping about some of Matty’s recent works as a producer. About three hours in, when the breaks in between them talking got longer and everything you could hear for what felt like ages was some old-ass indie-music of course playing on vinyl, you started to get bored, laying on Matty’s bed, starring at the ceiling. Your coat still lay on the floor, you picked it up once to fumble your phone out of its pocket to have something to keep you entertained while you waited without knowing what for exactly. Matty didn’t really mention when your dad was set to leave and you had been worried in between that he might even stay overnight, no idea how you were supposed to keep this charade up for that long. So, all that was left for you to do was to lay here, in your underwear and wait. And that, you had to admit, became rather boring rather quickly.

So, you started texting Matty. Asking him what they were doing, what they were drinking, if there was any chance he could make up an excuse to get rid of your dad or, if this wasn’t possible under any circumstance, at least sneak away to kiss you one more time. He didn’t reply - and you noticed, to your own embarrassement, how much it affected you that you knew you weren’t having his undivided attention. That you started in the weirdest way possible, to become jealous of your dad, for he got to spent time with Matty while you didn’t. That he got to make Matty laugh while you couldn’t. That he probably got to sit next to Matty on his sofa, their knees casually touching, while you lay here, almost naked, the traces of him still on your underwear and yet feeling as far away from him as humanly possible. Maybe that was why you started to text him. Randomly. Anything. Trying how far you could push him until he would break.

“I’m in your bed. I’m bored. Come and entertain me.”

You hit send. A few seconds later, you heard the message-notification from the living-room. And another few seconds later, the little status beneath the message in your messenger-app went from “delivered” to “read”. You didn’t get a reply though. So you had to keep going. Giggling at yourself at the silliness of it all, you took a picture of your chest. Of your bra, to be more precise. Your cum-stained bra.

“You’re still with me somehow, you know…”, you wrote as a caption before you hit send. This time, the time-span between the notification sound and the moment the message’s status changed from “delivered” to “read” was longer than the last time. You rolled your eyes in annoyance. Fine. Time for the big guns then. You sneaked one finger under the waistband of your hot pink panties, lifting them slightly so that it looked like you were just about to dip your finger beneath it. This time you wrote:

“Fine, if you aren’t coming, I’ll have to do it myself.”

The notification sound came a few seconds after you sent the message. And you lay there, barely breathing, eagerly waiting for what was going to come next. Would Matty come up with the dumbest of all excuses to get rid of your dad right away, storm into your room and make out with you? Would he excuse himself for a smoke, hoping to buy the two of you enough time for a quickie before your dad became suspicious? And would you even be willing to do such a thing, knowing your own dad was sitting just some feet away in the next room? Would you-

“Who is texting you the entire evening, Matty?”

“Nobody.”

“Yeah, cut the bullshit. I hear an awful lot of notifications going off the entire time. So? Who’s texting?”

“George”, Matty answer, sounding everything but convinced.

“Oh. Ok. So the two of you are talking again? On a regular, I mean?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re…we’re good! We…errr…we talked things through we’re…we’re fine. Charli is still a bit difficult but she’ll come around.”

“Took her long enough…”, Luke murmured under his breath, to which Matty didn’t reply. After a few moments of silence, Luke said: “Well, the two of you must really be back to normal then if George already sends you pictures of half naked girls again.”

Matty cleared his throat. “That wasn’t him. Just some…chick I met on Raya.

Luke laughed out loudly. “Do I want to know what this is?”

“Just be happy that you don’t have to and shut up, how about that?”

“You know what? I am, really. In fact, the older I get, the happier I am that I got all of this figured out already. Remember back in the days when all of you went out partying and I stayed home with Nay and Jess and I envied you so much? Now I actually think: This was so worth it.”

Matty chuckled.

“I wouldn’t argue with that, dude, I really won’t. Over twenty years in and you still have a wonderful marriage, a gorgeous wife and two absolutely perfect children.”

“Nothing’s really perfect, you know. I mean, I’m really happy Jess found and married the love of her life and gets to have the family-life she always wanted. And don’t get me wrong, I’m amazingly proud of Y/N as well, but…”, he sighed, “I don’t know. I worry about her quite a lot sometimes, you know. She always seems to be working, especially in the past few months. So much so that she barely found time to come and visit us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining and I’m not expecting anything from her I’m just…worried. I know that Charlotte leaving is going to be absolutely devastating for her when the time comes and I just wonder…you know…if she has the right people around her to catch her then.”

Matty cleared his throat.

“Well…”, he said slowly, “She has you. And Jess. And Nay. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“You really think so?”

“I do, actually. Because she’s an absolutely amazing human being. She’s smart, she’s strong, she’s resilient. She’s a gorgeous woman, you know? She’ll be fine. She’ll manage this well.”

Luke exhaled audibly. “I hope you’re right, Matty. I hope you’re right.”

It was way past midnight when Matty finally complimented your dad outside. Matty had indeed offered him to stay and your dad declined, arguing that one of the reasons why his marriage was still intact after all those years was that he didn't spend his nights away from home if he didn’t absolutely have to. The moment the door fell shut, you felt like you could breathe again for the first time in what seemed ages. You made it. As unbelievably as it sounded, Matty and you did indeed manage to not get caught. Your dirty little secret would stay exactly that - yours, most importantly. You were so over the moon, you didn’t know what to do with yourself, really. So you stayed where you were, waiting for Matty’s next move. And only a few seconds later, the door to the bedroom was opened and Matty stood in its frame. His pupils were blown out, his whole body tense and his voice shaking with anger.

“Are you proud of yourself?”

“Matty, I-”

“Sexting me while your dad is just inches away, are you fucking insane?!”

“Matty, please, I-”

“What did you think you were doing, huh? What?! Did you think I’d call you over and let you fuck me while he watches? Was that what you were going for?”

The sheer thought of it made you sick.

“No. No, Matty, I swear, I didn’t, I-”

He hissed at you and made a gesture that made it unequivocally that he wouldn’t have any excuses now.

“Get up”, he said instead, his voice hard, unforgiving, clear. You stumbled out of bed. You didn’t even think to ask about what was going to come. You knew you would find out soon enough.

He made you follow him into the kitchen, not looking back, not even once. You walked behind him, head lowered, trying to ignore the racing of your heart - and that it did so not because of fear but because of excitement. You knew if he really was angry with you, really wanted to get rid of you, he would just have told you to leave. But he didn’t. You followed him further, your whole body buzzing in anticipation. When you stood with your back to the counter, Matty smirked dangerously. Then he crashed his lips onto yours. There was nothing gentle in his kiss. Nothing loving. Just a pure, unfiltered want. He kissed you so hard it took your breath away, yanked your head back by your hair and took your lower lip between his teeth before pulling away, biting it so hard you felt a sting - and the metallic taste of blood on your tongue a few seconds later. Before you could do anything but gasp, Matty had spun you around and pressed you against the kitchen counter exactly like he did back in your parents’ house all those months ago. He held down your upper body with his own, spreading your arms out on the counter in front of him. He caged you between his body and the wooden surface, his hands holding yours down, fingers of his left hand intertwined with yours.

“Did it turn you on?”

His hot breath was fanning over your ear while his free hand slowly traveled down your body from your shoulder over your ribs.

“Huh? Did it make you wet thinking he could find out about us?”

You shook your head. Matty chuckled darkly.

“Oh don’t lie to me, princess. Did you lie there, in my bed, fucking yourself on your fingers, thinking about how your daddy might hear you moan? Huh? How he might get to know about us? How he might find out?”

His cock was pressing into your backside so hard you were sure it must be painfull for him at this point. It wasn’t for you though. All you could think about was what would be your biggest chance to get him out of these jeans and to fuck you.

“Did you lie there, phantasizing about how he might get to know that his precious little girl likes to be fucked by an older man? Huh?”

He grabbed a fistfull of your hair with the hand that had been holding yours and yanked it back. You winced, half in pain, half turned on. But you didn’t answer. You knew you didn’t have to.

“Did you imagine how he would walk in on us, while I fuck you? Huh? How we were standing there like this, me buried to the halt in this sweet little pussy, fucking you relentlessly until the only thing you knew how to do was moaning my name and he saw? Huh? Is that what you imagined?”

“Matty-”

But before you got to say anything, he ripped your panties off of you. Literally. A moan left your mouth when you heared the sound of tearing fabric.

“Shut up!”, Matty groaned, “Enjoying me destroying your underwear. Getting off on the though about her daddy knowing about us. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic” he spit.

“I didn’t say I was-”

But the rest of the sentence drowned in a moan when Matty dragged his index and his middlefinger through your soaking wet folds. Of course you were turned on to the max by the way he handled you, by the way he didn’t even seem to care about how you felt during all of this. He rubbed the two fingers up to your clit from behind with enourmous pressure, your wetness making it remarkably easy, over and over and over again, sending wave after wave of pleasure through your body. Your breathing became laboured already, your whole body tensed and you could feel yourself trembling towards the blissful edge of an orgasm. You tried to mutter Matty’s name but you couldn’t form a coherent sentence. And when your whole body started to convulse, anticipating the highest point of pleasure, Matty withdrew his fingers from you. You gasped, half in shock, half in anger but still too worked up to speak.

“Do you think I’d make it so easy for you? Huh?” The sound of his zipper being pulled down rang through the room unrealistically loud. “Do you think I’d let you work me up like that and then reward you for itt? Huh? Reward you for your dirty little phantasy of me fucking you while your dad watches? It’s disgusting, baby. Absolutely disgusting.”

From the wet sounds filling the room now, you assumed he was covering his cock in your slick from his fingers. Only seconds later, you could feel him press against your entrance. And then he entered you. Not slowly. Not carefully. Not giving you time to adjust, but in one swift motion. A high pitched moan left you lips as he did.

“Is that what you wanted? Huh?”, Matty groaned, his voice dark and low on your ear, his upper body pressing yours against the counter again. “Me, buried in your guts and your dad knowing about it? Huh?” He pulled out of you almost completely only to slam back inside of you seconds after in a brutal pace. It was rough. It was painfull. It was heaven, really.

“That he knows that his little, perfect girl is my filthy slut, doing whatever I want just as long as she gets my cock?”

He was right. Painfully right, actually. This right here was everything you wanted. Not the part about your dad but everything else. Matty pressing you against the counter. Matty taking you without any consideration of your own preferences and needs because he wanted you so much. Matty fucking you like his life depended on it. He picked up the pace, hard, deep thrusts that had your legs shaking in no time. He didn’t hold back, didn’t pay any attention to your moaning and screaming, his hands holding yours down. He took you just the way he wanted to. And that was what it took for you. You fell apart remarkably fast, half screaming, half moaning Matty’s name as you did, going slack against the counter. He didn’t care, kept on fucking into you like it didn’t even matter.

“Yeah, that’s it, sweet girl. Let me hear you. Let me hear who you belong to. Let me-”

He came with a grunt, spilling inside of you for the second time today, collapsing on top of you right after.

Both of your bodies were covered in sweat at this point. While you tried to catch your breath again, Matty put kisses on the crook of your neck, your shoulders, your back, basically everything he could reach from his position.

“Are you ok?”

It was the first thing he said and it came immediately after he had caught his breath enough so that he could speak.

“Yeah, I’m good”, you said, your voice so weak it was barely audible. Matty put a kiss to your cheek.

“Ok. I’ll pull out of you now, alright? I’ll do it carefully but please tell me if something’s wrong. Immediately. Copy?”

You nodded, too exhausted to speak. Matty did as announced, kissing you immediately when you hissed at the feeling of him leaving you.

“I know, babygirl, I know. I’m so sorry. I’m here. I’m still here”, he reassured you, wrapping both of his arms around you immediately. He pulled you into him and your whole body went slack in his arms. Too exhausted to stand.

“It’s ok, baby. Everything is fine. It’s ok. I promise you, everything is going to be ok.”

You would remember this moment a lot, later on. How much you believed him in this moment. How much you believed his words. How convinced you were that everything was indeed going to be ok. And how wrong you were. Oh how blatantly wrong.

On most days, you usually loved your job. You loved being busy, you loved that no day was like the other, you loved helping people. Seeing a thankful smile on somebody's face after you put a new IV on them that would make them feel better was the best feeling in the world and one of the main reasons why you opted for the job in the first place. Despite the shifts that could last up to 12 hours, working on weekends and both of this making  keeping up friendships incredibly hard - let alone romantic relationships. Your most recent ex, you two had been a couple ever since high school and there were enough times where you were convinced you were going to marry him, had given up at some point when you had to cancel date-nights and even long planned holiday-trips due to a rather spontaneous change in your schedule. 

And it wasn’t just the outside conditions of your work it was the toll it took on you, physically and emotionally which led to you being completely exhausted when you got home, more often than not. You felt guilty when the absolute exhaustion of a double-shift hit you and you knew Matty was waiting in your dorm room for you when you came home and although he reassured you way more than once he was absolutely fine with making you dinner and then watching you sleep in his lap where you had passed out on while you were originally planning on watching a movie, you always felt guilty. Because it wasn’t what you wanted. Since he already took the effort of coming here in the first place, you wanted to make it worth it for him, wanted to take him out for a drink in one of the bars in the city,at least. Of course he told you you were insane for feeling guilty about that and for him, all that mattered was being in your presence anyway. Nonetheless, you had opted for phone calls twice a day, rather than him coming over more recently. So you did, talked for hours on the phone about the newest essays by Fran Liebowitz, the rumours about the next Wes-Anderson-movie and you listened to Matty rant about how most of his students these days didn’t seem to be wanting to learn to play guitar anymore to create something of their own, but only to cover snippets of songs that were somewhat popular on Tiktok. When you argued that 90% of your standard playlist these days consisted of songs you had originally heard about on tiktok, he suggested that the next time you’d meet, instead of making out, he’d show you his personal pop classic top 100 of the past 50 days. You told him you were looking forward to it and you didn’t lie. 

But alas, before any of that could happen, there were exhaustingly long shifts and the heat of the summer making sleeping throughout the day somewhat difficult. Hence, on Sunday evening at 9.30 p.m.you were exhausted to a level that the matron seriously considered sending you home half an hour early. You managed to talk her out of it though, since you would have felt way too guilty about one of your colleagues having to start their night-shift earlier just because you were a weak piece of inconvenience. Thus it came that you took off your scrubs at exactly 10 p.m., changed into a pair of sweatpants (you had a deal with yourself which allowed you to only wear sweatpants on weeks that required more than five consecutive days of work), a t-shirt, a hoodie and some sneakers and had just made your way over to your dorm again. God, what you would have given to fall into Matty’s arms now, exhausted as you were and wait for him to turn your brain off in the most enjoyable way possible, before you would just fall asleep wherever you were then. But your situationship had already explained to you yesterday that unfortunately he wouldn't be available in person today, since he had to babysit for a friend. A shame, really, you thought, because you knew all too well already that your original plan of calling him, at least, would be sabotaged by your exhaustion, which would make you fall into your bed and completely pass out the moment you set foot over the door to your home.A shame, really, robbing you off the opportunity to hear Matty whisper- 

“Hey beautiful…”

You didn’t even stop, at first, that’s how convinced you were that you had just been hallucinating, making up what Matty would say to you, maybe later if you should, against your current assessment of the situation, find the last leftovers of strength and call him. 

It wasn’t until you felt a hand on your shoulder, heard your name being said, thar you did indeed stop, quite harshly, actually. Stopped, spun around - and looked into the most beautiful brown eyes you knew. 

Matty stood there, his whole face lighting up immediately when he saw you, smiling, and you had to confess: For about 0.5 seconds, you weren’t even sure if you weren’t hallucinating, or, you know, did just fall asleep in the locker-room. But when Matty put a hand on your cheek and brushed one of the curls away that had made its way out of the ponytail you tried to tame your hair in, you knew you weren’t. When he repeated his greeting from before, you knew you weren’t. When he kissed you, softly, tenderly, you knew you weren’t. 

“I know this is the worst conversation-starter in history, but you look like absolute shit, darling. Beautiful as always but absolutely exhausted.” 

You didn’t even have it within you now to contradict him so you just sighed. 

“I am. I really am, I’m sorry. Can we just…just go over to my place and watch a movie? I promise I’m back in form tomorrow and we can do whatever what you have planned, but-” 

“I’m afraid that’s not quite possible, darling”, he replied, the sassiest of smirks on his face. You looked at him frowning, too tired to be as excited about this as you would have usually been just from the way he smiled at you now. 

“We’re not exactly going back to your dorm now, unless you need to change. But from what I can tell, you look perfectly dressed for the occasion to me.”

“What occasion?”, you asked confused, your way too tired brain still catching up with what had just been said to you. 

“A two hour drive in my car. Your clothes look absolutely comfy enough for that.”

You just stared at him speechless. A part of you wanted to hug him immediately, jump into his arms and make him carry you to the car - and another one, the way bigger one, was just about to tell him that as cute as the idea of him just taking you away - literally - was, now just wasn’t the right time for it in your opinion. 

“Matty…”, you started, not having thought about how to voice the concerns of said second part properly, when he took your hands in his. 

“Don’t worry, love, alright? You don’t have to do a damn thing now, I promise. I got your bag here, packed with everything I’d thought you need for our little trip” - he pointed over his shoulder where indeed, as you could see now, a duffel-bag hang, “All you have to do is sit down in the passenger-seat and let me drive, alright? I found a nice little cottage by the sea for the upcoming days. Just you, me and maybe some seagulls every now and then.” 

He took a step closer, putting a soft kiss to your forehead, “How does that sound to you?”

What am I supposed to say to that, you thought, except: “Way too god to be true.”

Matty smirked, kissing you again, on the lips, this time. 

“Let me try to  make it happen, then…”

Since he had more carried you to the car than letting you walk there yourself, at least that part worked quite well. Indeed, you did nothing but sit down there, while Matty buzzed around, packing your things in the car, humming to himself every now and then. You jumped a little when the car’s door on the driver’s site was opened and the man himself poked his head in. Or, to be more precise, it was his head and both of his hands, giving you several items he obviously got from your dorm room. 

“Here you go…”, he said smirking, handing you the neck pillow, your sleeping mask and a plushy blanket. “Put those next to you, alright? I’m gonna let you have them in a minute but I think you need to eat something first, yeah? I know you don’t eat enough during those brutal shifts and you really should do that.”

And with that he handed you a brown paper bag which, as you would soon come to learn, contained a bacon-cheese-burger, french fries and your absolute favourite milkshake - strawberry with oreo-pieces in it. You couldn’t help but moan slightly at the sight. 

“God, you’re a dream come true, you know that? Situationship of the year”, you stated, unwrapping the burger with a sudden burst of energy you didn’t know where it came from. It was the most standard-burger you could imagine and it tasted like heaven right at that moment. 

Meanwhile, Matty had started the car and slowly began to drive it out of the clinic's area.

“Wanna tell me about your last day, love? Or just enjoy your burger and indulge in blissful oblivion?”

“The latter”, you said between two bites, “But you could tell me what made you think us getting away was so urgent that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow at any cost.”

From the corner of your eye you saw him shrug.

“Had a feeling you might need a little pick up right now and not just tomorrow. Besides, I thought, if we arrive tonight, that’s one more night without your way too thin dorm-walls or my apartment where way too many people have a habit of stopping by unannounced.”

“Clever man”, you responded, your mouth still full of burger-bites. This crappy piece of fast food seemed like the art of high dining when you had barely eaten more than crackers, ramen and boxed mac and cheese for a week due to exhaustion and a tight schedule. Matty responded with a polite “thank you” and let you lift his hand from the  joystick so that you could guide it up to your lips and put a kiss on it. You ate the rest of your burger and opted  to feed Matty some of the fries you were too full for which led to him exaggeratedly enjoying the task of eating it, mostly because he could pick them right out of your hands. 

Meanwhile, the two of you discussed music options but since your taste was actually quite similar, it wasn’t that hard to find a premade indie-pop-nostalgia-mix you both liked. And after some time, you put on your neck-pillow and put the sleeping-mask on the top of your head, just about to pull it down.

“I will just close my eyes for five minutes”, you promised and Matty chuckled. 

“Baby, please. We still have way more than an hour to go until we’re there and you’re exhausted as fuck. Please get some sleep. I promise I’ll get us there safe and sound, ok?”

You swallowed. “And you’re not mad at me for wasting our precious time together?”

He scoffed.”How could I if it grants me the chance of watching my most beautiful girl sleep right next to me? Didn’t have that too often, did I?”

And as so often with him, there was no arguing that and the both of you were way too aware. You drifted off into sleep in no time. He held your hand until you were. 

The house Matty had chosen wasn’t located directly by the sea but on a dune a little way up the beach. The good thing about that was that it granted you privacy even for the little winter garden that consisted only of glass. The equipment was high-key with a fully equipped kitchen, a bath-tub and a sauna which led to you jokingly asking Matty if his old heart was even still in shape to use it (his growled “watch it” would have made you take him right here and now if you hadn’t been so exhausted). The man, however, still seemed determined to make this as relaxing for you as possible, refusing to let you do as much as to even carry your bag into the apartment. 

“Yeah, how about we don’t do that and you go straight to bed instead, huh?”, he asked, taking the bag from you and kissing you on the cheek. You pursed your lips to a little pout. 

“What use is there if you’re not coming with me?”, you retorted and Matty chuckled softly. 

“I promise I’ll be there before you know it, ok?”, he answered, fixing you with a kiss to underline said promise and that left you with absolutely no reason not to believe him. So you obeyed, made your way over to the bedroom and the kingsize bed and let yourself fall onto the mattress, stretching your arms and legs out. The mattress was way more soft than the one in your dorm, the pillows more plushy and the soft sounds of the wind whispering over the dunes were just another extra at this point. But the most important thing of them all stayed the man who you could hear buzzing around between the car and the house, unpacking things and casually singing to himself. You let your gaze wander around the room and noticed that there was no TV hung up on the wall and no mini-bar or any of the other things that were standard for hotels either. No distraction. Just you, nature and him for the next few days. Everything was just perfect. Little did you know that this was just the beginning, though.

You didn’t think much of it that some time later, you were laying in bed with only your underwear on. The warmth in the room was so comfortable and you honestly just wanted to get rid of the clothes that were still associated with work somehow. You didn’t think much of it, until - 

“Holy fucking shit, you want me dead, don’t you?”

Matty stood there in the frame of the door, his mouth slightly open and drinking in your body with his gaze shamelessly. You hid a smirk behind a cough.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”, you said, a faux innocence in your voice. Matty still stood there, raising his eyebrows.

“You don’t?”

You shook your head exaggeratedly. 

“Well…”, Matty said, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you, “How about I show you then? Hm? How about I show you what I’ve been talking about?”

He came closer and closer, his gaze still roaming your body as if he was admiring a renaissance painting, the fact alone made your heart stop.

“Please”, you whispered, all the exhaustion gone in an instant, driven out of you by adrenaline. Matty stood right in front of you now.

“So polite, darling. Saying ‘please’ if you want something from me.”

“I am”, you said, your voice way more insecure than you could want it to be.

“Oh I know…”, Matty said, deliberately slowly putting both of his hands on each of your legs, pulling you up to the edge of the bed as if he had all the time in the world.

“Now, baby, will you stay like this for me?”, he asked while he dropped to his knees, “all open…”, he pulled your panties down, brushing his fingers against your core, “...and wet…”,he pulled the fabric down your knees, “and ready for me?”

The sheer sight of him between your thighs made your breath hitch in your throat so your whispered “Yes” came out rather hoarse. Matty started to slowly kiss his way up your thighs, starting on your right knee. When he made his way up to your cunt, he looked back up to you his dark eyes glimmering with lust. 

“Good girl.”

And with that he dove in, licking one broad strip all up your slit that had your whole body shiver and you moan his name softly. He circled your clit in slow, deliberate movements while his fingers dug into the flesh of your thighs. And as much as you would have loved to keep eye contact with him, seeing the pure hunger in them while he was eating you out, you couldn’t help but sink back into the cushion, eyes closing instantly in absolut pleasure. 

“Fuck Matty…”, you whimpered, as if he didn’t eat you out before, as if you weren’t way too aware of the things the man could do with his tongue and his fingers. You were almost sure you could feel him smirk against you while he slowly moved to sliding his tongue further down, sucking at your clit. You gasped, an incomprehensible string of moans falling from your lips. 

“Here you go, baby…”, he murmured, letting go of you for a second, “just relax. I got you.”

And then he went back to work, drawing tight circles on your clit with his index while his tongue started to fuck in and out of you in a steady rhythm. He knew exactly what he was doing. There was no need for you to tell him, he listened to your body’s signals as if they were a language he knew by heart, noted all of your desperate whimpers, fucking you faster on his tongue experimentally. You wanted to warn him you were close already but words were lost on you while Matty doubled his efforts on you, sucking your clit into his mouth harshly and curling his tongue slightly, hitting that one spot inside of you your fingers could never find. You literally screamed his name.

“Fuck just…just like that, please just…just keep…please…”

And he kept it up. Sucking on your clit harder. Fucking his tonguefaster in and out of you. The heat taking hold of your body was almost unbearable now, the wave building up within you reaching its peak. You wanted to warn him, you really did, but you couldn’t, it all happened too fast. You fell apart with a low, guttural moan of his name, your whole body shaking, clamping his head between your thighs. Matty fucked you through it like he always did, only letting go of you when the waves of the aftershock started to die down slowly and your body slowly let go again. You lay on the bed completely wasted, your heart racing in your chest, your limbs slack against the mattress. And for the first time in what felt ages, you could enjoy the heavenly feeling of an empty head. No thoughts about work, about how long you still had to function, somehow. How long you had to make it. You didn’t. There was only Matty and you and post-orgasmic bliss. 

The man in question meanwhile slowly started to kiss his way back up to your face, his lips caressing the soft skin of your belly, your breasts and your neck until his lips found yours again, smearing your slick all over you in the process. You didn't care because it was him who put it there. When he was back up with you again, on eye-level, you put both of your hands on his face, pulling him into you.

“Thank you…”, you whispered, your lips only inches away from his, “I wasn’t even aware of how much I needed this.”

His smirk was as self-satisfied as it was full of affection. “That’s alright, baby. I was. You had such a rough few weeks, honestly, I’m not sure if I would have made it. But you did. Because you’re my strong, smart, beautiful baby, out there saving lives."

You chuckled. “I’m not, mostly. I’m mainly making sure the life-saving of others doesn’t go to waste, actually.”

Matty shrugged and kissed you. 

“That’s good enough for me. Way more than good enough. And as for the ‘what I needed’: That’s what we’re here for, darling. No hiding, no having to keep our hands off each other unless we want to.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. “No but why would I want that?”

In the hours and days to follow, Matty made absolutely sure to live up to that promise. He brought you breakfast so that you could enjoy it in bed together, made sure nothing, including himself, disturbed your naps and that you didn’t have to lift a finger if you didn’t want to, took you out for dinner every night. Of course you still did a lot of things, went swimming almost every day and enjoyed long walks on the beach together. Just like now when the sun was just setting and the heat wasn’t as torching as it used to be anymore, and you walked along the beach, barefoot, the cold sand next to the water softly hugging your toes, one of Matty’s hands holding yours, the other keeping a cigarette close.

“I always loved the beach, you know? It always had something…romantic for me. You know the waves, the infinity of the sea, the unfamiliar taste of salt and freedom in the air…”

Matty chuckled, puffing his cig. 

“My little princess. Still dreaming about the knight in shining armour on his white horse coming along on the beach?”

You vividly remembered how he always used to make fun of you when he came to visit and caught you and Jess watching Disney-movies (which you absolutely loved to do). How he always said that girls who dwelled on stuff like that for too long would end up becoming very unhappy women. The use of the words “my little princess” made you shiver in enjoyment. 

“Well yes”, you said, almost a little stubborn. “But to pass time, maybe the curly-haired-ex-musician with a smoking-habit is good enough?”

He chuckled darkly. 

“I shall hope so, love. I really shall hope so…”

You kept on walking for some time in silence, doing nothing more than enjoying each others company, holding hands, sharing glances of affection. 

“So…how long did you want to make a move on me? Before the fateful night in your parent’s kitchen, I mean?”

You snorted. “You make it sound like I was the one coming after you when you, if I remember correctly, were the one who told me to stop him from basically tear my panties off in said kitchen."

“Revisionist history…”, he murmured while puffing his cigarette again. “C’mon, baby, tell me about it.”

You bit your lip. There was no way you were going to tell him that you started to jerk off to the thought of him when you still were a teenager. He would only consider you crazy and he would be absolutely right about it.

“Some time”, you said, which was at least not blatantly lied. “But…you know…not in a ‘oh my god this will happen some day and I’m so excited’ kind of way. More of like…the opposite.”

Matty chuckled again. “Shame, honestly. And on the other hand: I wish I knew, really.”

You stopped in your tracks abruptly. You never really talked about the subject this far and until now, you only ever suspected that he got carried away by the magic of the moment back in the kitchen, not that there was anything more involved, from his part, at least, that was. 

“Please elaborate”, you said, hating the way your voice was almost shaking from anticipation. 

Matty puffed his cigarette again instead of answering right away. After a few moments of silence, he said: “I think…you know, I always thought there isn’t one particular moment when you fall in love with someone. There’s only a moment when you know you’ve been doing that for some time by now. And with you…I don’t even know, to be honest. Might have been one of those afternoons when you sat there in the living-room with us, head buried in your books and looking so damn cute when you were studying. Or one of the occasions you came to watch football with Luke and me and you were legitimately upset when Newcastle lost. Or that one evening when we had the barbecue and you spontaneously gave the speech about the duality of Hamlet and how on earth people still think this is not a play about mental health in the year of our lord twenty whatever it was back then was absolutely beyond you.”

You were left speechless. 

“Overall, I think”, Matty continued, “there wasn’t the one moment I realised there really is a lot to like about you and that you look fucking hot on top of it all. I think it was a thousand little moments. And now that I know that this wasn’t completely in vain, I thank god or buddha or whatever higher power there is for all of them, honestly.” 

His hand was on your cheek before you knew it.

“Same”, you hushed, mesmerised by the way the sinking sun put a golden shimmer in his eyes  and his words alike. 

“I’m serious, Y/N. Honestly. This is the best thing to ever happen to me. You are. I’m absolutely sure of that.”

And then he kissed you. So tenderly and deeply, it made you feel like you were floating somewhere out of your body. You clawed one hand in his t-shirt, the other getting lost in his hair. You would never let go of him again. No matter how many obstacles there were, no matter what fate would throw in your way. He belonged to you. For now and forever. You were absolutely sure of that. 

Maybe it wasn’t even that surprising that you ended up really having sex with each other for the first time that night. You would never be quite sure if Matty really planned it that way or if it just sort of happened but when you came back to your little holiday home, you already had a feeling as if you weren’t really going to let go of each other anymore. So you didn’t, undressed each other hastily while you sank down on the bed, pulling him into the mattress with you. The look he gave you was different from the one you knew from the other times when you had gotten each other off on his couch or the damned, way too small bed of your dormroom. The pure affection it consisted of made it feel like a touch at every given point, every kiss you exchanged was an unspoken promise laid down on each others lips. You melted into him, practically, so much lost in the moment that you didn’t really get it, at first, when he said: “Sit up. Come here. I need you close, baby, please, I need you.”

You never heard him speak so vulnerably. You knew he could be, of course you knew, it was something you always found appealing about him. But this was new. And it made you feel things. 

“You need me?”, you whispered, carefully wrapping your hand around his cock and slowly starting to jerk him off. He moaned deeply. 

“Like this, you mean?”, you asked, raising your eyebrows.

“Closer”, he denied, his voice nothing more but a hoarse, broken whisper, his breathing becoming laboured when you continued to move your hand along his length. This was new. And you liked it. 

“Baby…please…I need…need all of you. Need to be inside of you, please. Need to be as close to you as possible.”

And that was what got you. The sheer thought of it making your head swim with want. You waited for this moment for months at this point, the two of you always making excuses for why now wasn’t the right time, it either being the thought of getting caught, a time limit or the fact that you just started to take the pill again about six weeks ago being in your way. But now, with everything that happened so far, with everything that happened today, especially, it just felt right. 

“Ok”, you responded, sitting up on your knees so that you could pull your underwear off. The lace was soaked from all the making out before. Matty knew all too well by now what he needed to do to get you all wanting and wet and ready for him and of course he did. So you climbed upon his lap and sank down on him. Slowly, enjoying every second of it, wanting to take the feeling of him inside of you in completely. A hushed moan left your lips when you did, the feeling of him filling you up as satisfying as nothing you experienced before. Matty sat there, lips slightly parted and looking at you like you were the single most beautiful thing on this earth. 

“Fuck me…yes…god yes…”, he groaned once you sat on his lap copleteply, burying his face in the crook of your neck and starting to shower you with kisses. His right hand found your breast, cupping your nipple softly and you gasped while you got accustomed to the feeling of him inside of you enough to slowly start moving. It was delicious, really, arousal making your blood boil and at the same time, the sheer knowledge of you being so close to him almost made you dizzy, your heart overflowing with emotion. You had wanted him for so long and knowing now that this had been mutual, taht you did in fact not imagine all those little moments, was something else entirely. 

“You’re so perfect,baby, taking me se well, fuck, can you feel that?”, Matty whispered, “feel how deeply I am inside of you? How perfect we are for each other? Do you feel that, baby? Just how it’s supposed to be, fuck…”

Matty’s voice was still so much more raw than what you knew. So vulnerable. So open for you and just for you. 

“I do. I do feel it, Matty, god…can I…can I go faster? Please? Is that alright?”

He nodded, mumbeling incoherent snippets of agreement and so you started to move. His hands were on your body all of the time, holding you close while your breasts rubbed against his chest, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room, occasionally broken by strangled sounds of pleasure coming from either of your lips. 

“Matty…fuck….I can’t…I need…”

You couldn’t even voice it anymore. You needed him even closer, you needed more of him, all of him and you needed it now.

“it’s ok, baby, don’t worry. It’s alright. I got you, yeah? I got you…”, he hushed in your ear, holding you down on him, close to him while his right hand found its way between your bodies and to your clit.You moaned in pleasure when he finally touched you there, the sensation so wonderful it flooded your whole body.

“Is that it, princess? Is that what you needed? Me rubbing you off a little bit?”

You couldn’t do anything but nod, totally aware that you were clenching around him, making it even harder for him to last.

“Fuck, darling, don’t do this to me, I-”, Matty moaned, the rest of his sentence drowning in the sound but he didn’t let go of your clit while you doubled the speed in which you were moving. His name was the only thing falling from your lips, the only thought in your head. His name and the feeling of him inside of you and how he had been right. How absolutely perfect you were for each other. He was everything. You went faster and he followed suit with his thumb on your clit, moving your orgasm to become something close you could almost taste it. 

„Gonna fill you up now alright? Gonna fill my good girl up with my cum so that she’s mine. Do you like that?”, he all but groaned and you couldn’t help but whimper. This was it. He was going to mark you his. You had dreamed about this for so long. 

He came right before you did and feeling him spill inside of you was what pushed you over the edge, his free arm holding you while you crashed into him, loosing yourself completely in the high and the knowledge of him being inside of you, still. 

“Matty…”, you whispered, your head falling forward onto his shoulder, your breathing and heartbeat unregular and the feeling of your high colliding with something else. You could never let go of him again. You could never loose him again. You wouldn’t survive if you did. 

“It’s ok, baby.” 

He kissed your temple. 

“It’s alright.”

He kissed your ear.

“ I’m here.”

He kissed your jaw.

“I got you.”

He kissed your neck. 

 “I’m not leaving.”

He kissed your lips.

“I’m here.”

And he was. Only leaving you some time later to get a towel to clean the two of you up, knowing exactly that you didn’t like him being gone now that much so he kept the aftercare brief and efficient. You were back in his arms in no time, him pulling you close, caressing your belly softly, kissing yoyur naked shoulder and whispering promises in your ear. About how he was here. How he was not leaving, never leaving. How he’d always be there if you needed him. How this was for keeps. How he was here to stay. And you would have loved to believe him. Oh you would have loved it so much.