#db@d

Reflect

The air has no preference for your future, no allegiance with the past. Each breath of cold air we mist with intangible kindness, then inhale slow brooding hate.

Another breath of casual friendship, breath scorn, breath desire, breath sarcasm, you give as pointed as you can take.

Blink of an eye, who we are changes, from lovers, without a reason why, to strangers.

Am I hero or villain. Cast in sunlight or a creature born in shade.

Good intended or with malice in my veins?

Why does my answer sound the same.?

What is expected, anticipated, needed that I should be?

Every syllable uttered is reviled, hated, I am told the sight most abhored is, the warmth of my smile. The smile fades into a tight lipped endurance.

Words intended to wound, bruise, find their mark I am weakned as by some air borne disease.

I stand face into the gale of vitriol dredged from the nightmare of anothers hell. Inside I am weary, weakned. How tempting to fall surrendered on my knees.

But not yet. No.

Not yet.

How can this be? , There are so many versions of a person yet reconciled, each is very firmly me. The one of granite for newborn daughter, the next luxurious sensual muse, the mirror for my lover.

The answer lies behind the sight of those who see. Look at me gently and I will gift your life with laughter, however confront with eyes behind a veil of hate see within their world of hate, standing there...a very different me.

One who stands before an imaginary line, drawn in the sand, etched in the mind, worn in the grass.

Repeated, in a thousand ways, as father, friend, warrior, clown, all the same fragments of me. Curse all you want, I am all and more that you see.....

I have a soul so much stronger than you know, the ember of which will warm those clustered around me, although to some I embody the flames of hell. No matter, you and I can stand our songs of love and hate together, harmonised opposites, But I will not hide who I am and what I give. Sing to me of love and trust, together our notes have grown, Asong I know well.

Scream at me in hate and revulsion and to protect those strong, now weak, I will meet you face to face and you will hear my heartbeat and melody echo from a thousand wavelengths clearly.....

I won’t back down.

DB@D

Have you found it?

Death patiently waits.

I died on that mountainside at 23, lay down to accept an end in the hard, but so welcomed wind shaped ice, the clouds mourned for my demise, but the heart yet whispered, Not yet.

I was complete ready to leave, gasping a last breath beneath the marsh murk waters, rippled by my fall as by the breeze when my hand reached out and grabbed a rock, it was enough, was I deceased? Not yet.

Achingly alone, two ribbons of steel tied by a thunderous rattled knot, horn blared, I watched the steel gleam a smiled invitation to a single step. But an upward farewell glance caught the sun glaring at me fierce and sharp with life, scolded with the words. Not yet.

Now a slow of the clock wraps tendrils Ivy like, suffocating tight, around trunk, blocking out an evening light too beautiful, as all around me, family, colleague, friends urge a dutiful retreat to life indistinguishable from death.To act my age, be sensible, overwhelmed by the insanity of work bound days and nights, senior, mature And the years in me smile from experience gained.

No.

Not yet