#day two complete

Gone.  It was all gone.  Everything.  Destroyed, trampled like a vegetable garden.  Just...gone.

Grief.  That was what hit her first.  There was no other way to describe it.  Her heart fell into her stomach, leaving an empty feeling inside her chest.  She was hollow as a tree trunk.  She was frozen, drowning.  Unable to move, she could do nothing but express her disbelief.

"No."

"Xara, I’m so sorry.”  She was dimly aware of Jesse and the others close behind her.

"No.  No.  No.  No.”  Her feet began moving of their own accord.  One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. She didn’t realize where she had gone until she stood before a wall.  That wall.  Her wall.  And below it...nothing.  Her bed had vanished.  The purple sheets she once called hers were non-existent.  Destroyed.  Just like everything else.  Scanning the room, she took in the entire scene before her.

This room was once hers.  Just like the town.  Just like her people.  Just like Fred.  Just like Romeo.

Romeo.

The name stirred a completely new emotion inside her. Grief replaced by unyielding hatred. Burning hatred.

He did this.

He took this away from her.

Just like he took away Fred.

She felt a hand on her arm. “Xara, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t-”

“My bed.  Destroyed.”

Jesse’s grip tightened marginally.  “You have no idea how sorry-”

“Spare your pity.  I don’t need it.  She shrugged Jesse’s hand away and narrowed her eyes venomously.  Jesse wouldn’t understand.  He couldn’t understand.  Still...”I vowed I would return.  That I’d sleep in my own bed again. I said I wouldn’t stop until I could sleep one last time in my own bed. Now I can’t even do that.” She spat her last words and chuckled darkly.

“Romeo will pay for what he did to you.  What he did to all of us. Your bed will be avenged.” As Jesse moved closer, Xara turned to face him.

He looked tired.  His emerald green eyes still held the youthful light they did when she met him, but it had dimmed significantly.  He had bags under his eyes, revealing he hadn’t slept in days.  None of them had.  How could they?  His clothes were torn and covered in mesa dust.  His red suspenders were frayed.  His orange prison garb pants were singed in more than one place.  Yet, somehow, he still managed a smile.  After everything, he could still make jokes.  He could stay positive, even when things were impossible.  Like now.

“You’re right.  He won’t get away with this.  Not like he did with Fred.  Not anymore.” The small glimmer of hope and determination vanished as quickly as it had arrived, and Xara’s eyes hardened once more. “But it’s impossible now.  We’re trapped. There’s no way to the Over World.  No way to see the sun again.  No way...”

Without thinking, she turned and grabbed a fallen flower pot off the ground before throwing it at the far wall.  It shattered on impact, and she screamed.  Tears ran hotly down her face, and her fists were clenched.  Her nails dug into her palms, but she couldn’t feel anything.  She couldn’t feel herself biting her tongue to keep from screaming again.  Couldn’t feel Jesse grab her fisted hand and rub his fingers over her knuckles.

She wasn’t sure when, but she ended up back in the center square.  Alone.  She dimly heard Jesse and Petra talking.

“-far away from her throwing arm as possible.”

“Well, I’m going to talk to her.  See if I can help.”

“Be my guest.”

Jesse approached her from behind, and she fell to her knees, gazing up at the portal she built.  Their portal.  It wasn’t lit.  There was no blue glow.  The hum it used to produce that signaled home and safety was no longer there.  She felt the tears falling again, and she didn’t hold them back.  She cried.  The hand returned, this time gently caressing her back.

“Why are you over here again?” Jesse glanced up at the portal. “What is that?”

“It’s a portal.”  She sniffed as the tears slowly retreated.  But it’s broken like everything else.”  The emptiness returned, and she lowered herself to the ground, lying flat on her stomach. “Just leave me here.”

“Don’t lose hope ok?  We can still do this, but you need to help us." His hand rested on her arm again as he knelt down to her new level.

“I doubt that.”

“But we’re not trapped anymore.  There’s a portal.  Does it lead out of here?”

“It doesn’t lead anywhere.  It’s broken, remember?” Sighing, she relented.  “Fine.  We built these portals so we could visit each other.  An object in the frame would teleport you to the owner.  MY idea, by the way.  But Romeo took the credit for it.”  She rolled over onto her back, and Jesse dropped his hand.  A new memory hit her like a ton of bricks. “Fred wanted to add the birch.  He loved birch.” Her voice broke and she felt the tears welling up again.

“You could rebuild it, and get us up to the Admin.  All of us.  We’ll see the sun again.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“If you built it once, you can build it again!” He smiled warmly. “You’re the best builder in the Underneath!  I believe in you, Xara.”

“I’m probably the only inventor now.”

“Then you’ll be even better?” He offered weakly, knitting his eyebrows.

“I don’t get it.  How do you keep going?  I mean, look where you are.” She gestured weakly to their surroundings.  “Yet, you’re still fighting.  Why?”

Jesse thought for a brief moment. “Because the Admin can’t win, Xara.  I won’t let him,” he stated gently but firmly. “Not after everything he’s done.  If Fred’s weapon can take him down, then we need to find it.”

Glancing at the portal again, she sat up.  Another faint hope kindled itself within her.  Maybe Jesse was right.  Maybe they could make it to the Over World and stop Romeo.  Maybe not everything was lost.  Still, to make it to the surface...”We need an object.  Something with a strong bond to Romeo that will take us right to him.  Any object crafted on the surface could do in a pinch.”

Jesse stood before turning and holding his hand out to her.  She glanced at it warily before grabbing it and was pulled to her feet. “Let me worry about finding the object.” He didn’t let go of her hand. “You just concentrate on rebuilding the portal.”

She nodded weakly and pointed to her left.  The set of mine cart rails was still miraculously intact. “Follow the tracks.  They’ll lead you to Fred’s keep.  Whatever weapon he found, he hid it at ‘home.’” Her eyes lowered.  That’s what he told me.”

They were interrupted by Petra drawing her sword and shouting, “Jesse! We’ve got company!  They found us!” Both Xara and Jesse turned to see an oncoming horde of zombies and creepers.

“Go.  I’ll see what I can do.”  Letting go of Jesse’s hand, Xara took off running.  Her feet were flying before she knew what she was saying.

“Are you sure?” Jesse called out to her.

jane came to visit cleveland today!!! we've been best friends since we were 16 and met when we were 6, and i feel like we've known each other for forever. it was so nice to see her again--to drive around cleveland and its winding narrow highways and frequent potholes with your best friend by your side and to just talk. we instantly sunk into that kind of honest, baring, open and deep conversation--the kind where you don't hold back your feelings or your fears, the kind where you know you won't be judged for what you're thinking. she asked me a bit about teach for america and i told her, frankly, that i was terrified, but also reallyreallyreally excited. 

this is why:

teach for america lines up with many of my life principles/values. it clickswith how i operate as a person.

i've learned a lot about myself over the years. here are some lessons i now know about the way Grace Wang operates:

1. i struggle with authority. i have many respect issues--and if you ask anyone who knows me well, you'll find out that i make it very obvious when i don't respect you. 2. self-discipline and organization are two of my greatest weaknesses.  3. i'm extremely proud.  4. i also have a very defined, very wide rebellious/defiant streak. like, if you tell me i can't do something, i'll probably do it just to prove you wrong.  5. i get bored easily. i have a limited attention span. 6. i'm stupidly idealistic. 

those are a few of the bad things i've learned about me. here are some good things i've learned about me:

1. i like people. i get along well with people. i connect well with people. i love people. i care a lot about people, and i care deeply. 2. i'm a person of passion. meaning, if you earn my love, if you earn my respect, or if i believe in a cause, or if i devote myself to something, i will love/respect/follow/believe/devote myself wholeheartedly. so basically, i don't bullshit. i either love you/respect you/will listen to you/believe in you or don't.  3. once i'm committed, i don't give up. 4. i'm capable and intelligent. this sounds horribly arrogant, but i'm being honest, and nothing in my life has yet to prove me otherwise. when i put my mind to something, i accomplish it.  5. i love challenges. 6. i'm stupidly idealistic. 

all of this combines into the perfect career for teaching with Teach for America. let's discuss why.  to address my flaws: it's a job where i have a lot of independence and not a lot of authority. yeah, i have a principal. but i run my own classroom with my own rules and assignments. i don't have a "boss" breathing down my neck day in and day out--and i don't have to be someone else's bitch.

the job is anything but boring. it involves people--children--and constantly engaging with them, growing with them, learning with them. it's a job that requires self-motivation and self-discipline--it requires organization. it will force me to grow. TFA is a really prestigious program (don't believe me? read this: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/WeekendWindow/story?id=7718221. it's harder to get into than Harvard). and people keep telling me i won't be able to handle it, and that i can't possibly make a difference, the problem is too enormous, what sort of naive fool do i think i am?  which is why imma have to prove them wrong.  to address my strengths: it's a challenge. i love challenges. here are the statistics on my school: it was one of the worst performing schools in the cleveland public school system. last year, the average standardized test scores in Ohio were about an 82% for literacy, and a 79% for math. my school scored 25% and 31%, respectively. 98% of the students attending are below poverty level. teaching allows me a chance to connect with kids deeply, fully, and passionately. i love easily; this will be a chance to love some children who really need it. i believe in the cause fully--not in teach for america necessarily, but in the need for educational equality, and actually, the right to educational equality. i believe that a good education and the chance to learn and know can change a person's way of thinking, their job opportunities, their self-perception, their happiness, and ultimately, their life. i believe that i've been opened doors and allowed opportunities because i've had this good education. and i think it's an outrage that other children have not had the same chances as i have had. now that i'm committed, i will not give up. i'm going to change things. i'm going to have an impact. i'm going to rise to the challenge. i'm going to make things better.