#davidandrews

Sam cannot be placated with a normal woman. They require you to sign legal agreements to have any kind of bodily fluid contact with them. These agreements are sold in nightclubs by lawyers, including one played by Laurence Fishburne (no, seriously). Sam is a romantic, he doesn't want sex after a legal contract. He wants a sex bot, but not just any sex bot. He wants another Cherry 2000.

However, there is a problem. They aren't made anymore and haven't been since before the border wars, of which Sam it just so happens is a veteran pilot of a plane which looks like a crop duster (he flies one later). So onward Sam goes, not into the west but rather east with the help of a tracker named E. Johnson (Melanie Griffith). They meet near a hotel known as the Gloryhole Hotel, it's as you can imagine with that name a charming place.

On their journey into the forbidden Zone 7 where they combat all sorts of crazies and eat rattlesnake, Sam learns that real women are much more interesting than fake ones and also more interesting than his rather emotionally detached and possibly mentally ill ex-real-girlfriend who is living out in the wilderness with a man named Lester who has a Messiah complex and a whole lot of weapons, but strangely makes his followers do the Hokey Pokey.

In the end Sam makes the choice to ditch the new Cherry 2000 that he picked up and loaded the memory chip from the old one into and rescue Edith, E. Johnson. They fly off into the sunset together.

Things I learned while watching this film:

Sex robots are not as good as real women.

Real women drive supped up hi-tech Ford Mustangs (no really) that never run out of gas, shoot guns that never run out of bullets and get horny after having a minor head injury in a car accident.

You should listen to the woman with a cooler full of sandwiches when she says to you that going out into desert heat without eating is dangerous to your health. You will get shot. Stop and eat first. Die happier and fuller.

In 2017 we will all wear suits to do our recycling.

In 2017 people will still laugh at you if you're from Southern California and go into another part of the country dressing and behaving like you're from Southern California.

Sex in 2017 will involve people revolving around one another with vacuum hoses, but only after they have agreed to a legal contract on the exchange of bodily fluids first.