#david crowder

“Crushing Snakes” by Crowder ft. TAYA

Battling Anxiety: Day 454

"If you're troubled, heavy hearted, just come to Jesus and find your peace."

it’s true, when you actually start growing up, all this internet stuff becomes less & less important AND harder to keep up with.

you make genuine friends. you start going to things. you probably get a job. you maybe go to college. (if you’re like me, you try it out then become the oh-so glarmorous title of “college DROP OUT”) then, it starts happening. life. real, scary, loud, fast-paced, mind-numbing, unbelievable life. you’re not really expected to keep up because, who can? but it’s fun to try. so when you finally crash & burn, finally realizing you CAN’T (at least not by yourself), maybe these are some of the things you realize.

okay, okay, rewind.

hello, internet (more specifically, tumblr blogging world), i’m baaaaaaack!

i grew up. most simply, that’s how i can describe why i stopped blogging. (that and, i could only post SO many pictures of Machine Gun Kelly before I realized yes, i WAS the only person who cared about his career that much). life hits ya HARD sometimes. winter, january 2017 was my game changer & it’s been a wild ride ever since. my first thought is to tell you why i changed my blog title, but more on that in a minute. 

I just want to mention that it actually DOES all work out in the end. things will transpire in a way you never could’ve dreamed up. like, you don’t just conveniently go to a giant conference with thousands of other 18-25s just to go home & not have learned anything. i don’t believe that, at least. i also don’t believe in coincidences & this definitely wasn’t one. 

when you’ve been living most of your teenage life believing that you hold no value until the guy on the other end of the phone line needs you, that’s when you know it’s messed up. when his happiness and satisfaction are number 1, you truly will always, ALWAYS be number 2. no way around it. he isn’t magically going to remember one day that you’ve been the one willing to do anything for him all hours of the day & decide to respect you. he’s always going to use you. 

i fell, guys. i fell HARD and the only reason i was able to fall hard, is because i finally get that Someone else had already fallen hard for me. i don’t want you to get the wrong idea, you can’t fall for someone else until you love yourself...and you can’t love yourself until you know how deeply God loves you. sound cliché? eh, i don’t really care. (that’s the other great thing about having been in the work force instead of college for 4 years; you learn a lot sooner to be confident in who you are and Who made you) 

so, that’s it, there’s my story & i’m sticking to it! I learned to love the Creator of the universe, He helped me love myself & now...i’m learning to love him too.