#daughtersphone

AIO? After our cat died, I removed this app on my daughter’s phone

Not long ago we lost our cat. She was 12, had kidney issues for a long time. Vet visits, meds, ups and downs. Toward the end she was just tired. We knew it was coming, but knowing doesn’t really make it easier.

Our daughter basically grew up with her, we got the cat when she was very little, so for her this wasn’t just a pet, she was always there: sleeping on her bed, waiting at the door, following her around the house, even when she wasn’t feeling well anymore.

A few days ago I noticed a notification on my daughter’s phone from an app I didn’t recognize, since she’s still young, we occasionally check her phone, so I opened it.

Its this app that creates pictures of your pet and sends little notifications, as if they’re still around, doing normal things.

I didn’t know how to feel. At first it seemed sweet, but the more I looked at it, the more it felt wrong, like it might make it harder for her to accept that the cat is really gone.

So I uninstalled it.

When I told my wife, she didn’t get angry, but she didn’t fully agree either. She said that grief doesn’t look the same for everyone, especially for kids, that maybe this was just her way of holding on, and that taking it away might hurt more than help.

Our daughter didn’t make a big scene, she just nodded and said “okay”. But later that night, she asked if we could look at some old photos of the cat together.

Now I keep thinking about it.

Grief is complicated. Being a parent is complicated too. You want to protect your kids, but sometimes you’re not sure if you’re protecting them or just protecting yourself.

I’m honestly not sure if I overreacted or if this was the right call as a parent.

View on Reddit

Reddit consensus: OVERREACTING (YOR) (96% confidence)

Top comment: “If this is how you react to her looking at pictures of her dead pet I cannot IMAGINE how you are in the rest of her life. You sound MAJORLY controlling. MAJORLY overreacting. She will get over her cat in a few weeks. She knows her cat is gone that's why she installed the app. Jesus Christ man, I hope this is a fake post for engagement.”

Notable explanation: “YOR. That was really controlling and pretty rude to do, especially without even a conversation about it with her first. It doesn’t seem like there were really any signs that it was harming her. It seems like a pretty healthy way to deal with grief for most people. Losing a pet is hard, and it is also hard to feel like your parents don’t love and protect you. I’m worried that she now won’t feel comfortable sharing...”