#dash:venus

You have literally nothing to worry about, even theoretically. This is mainly for all of Auradon to read and hear, not just you, but the actual amount of times I’ve ever tried to or wanted to homewreck is none, scout’s honor! You don’t need to hide your dads, peeps; I think they’re hot but no one’s hot enough to do that.

Okay, okay! You can never be too careful -- I mean, there was that one girl at Merida and Elsa’s wedding last year doing body shots off of Noa’s dad, so I’ve seen firsthand that dads aren’t actually off-limits. I’m glad you’re not aiming to be my step-mum, though; just having regular normal fun with my dad means I can be there too without it being weird.

Awww, but wouldn’t that be a cute and weird Thanksgiving dinner? You know, aside from the part where you’d make your bro the uncle-in-law to his own girlfriend, but that’s kind of hilarious. My number one would have to be Shang. Just… Shang. Okay, FMK, Simba, Shang, and Naveen!

Emphasis on the weird part, V. We’re not gonna go down that road ‘cause I can imagine Kovu roaring about how mad he is at me already. Shang’s a pretty good number one to have. Gotta go with fuck Shang, marry Naveen, kill Simba. What about you? Same three, right back atcha.