#dark feels

Trying to figure out if my soul is hopelessly in love with James Metcalfe Campbell Bower, Henry Creel, Peter Ballard, One… or Vecna. Spoiler: it probably is.

To allow herself to enjoy the happiness that she knows she deserves, but that she knows will still be out of reach while under the pressure. What happens when finding herself becomes so much more. When everything in her world was previously so serene that nothing makes sense anymore. The version of herself that is stored away in her memories is no longer the girl she can be, because things have changed and shes unsure of how to go back. Her laughter is non existent as there are things that are misplaced in her universe. Will the darkness ever fade from her world allowing the bright, happy sunshine to make her world full of the colours her soul has clearly missed? She has her good days, where nothing seems to matter but laughter and positivity; but her bad days... when she feels the most vulnerable. Those days when she feels most vulnerable, and just wants someone to talk to; those are the day that are the worst for her. She tries every day to keep a smile on her face because a smile can hide a thousand emotions. If you tried to understand her, you wouldn't. But if you knew every dark secret that she keeps barried in the depths of her soul, would you still love her? Would you allow your self to TRY to understand the chaos that runs thru her head constantly, sometimes driving her deeper into the chaos as she watches someone try to understand her. She can be the easiest person to read if you listen to how she speaks about the things that mean the most to her. If you're able to understand, her reality against her dreams; are 100% different. She wonders what happened to drugs and alcohol supposedly numbing emotions, it obviously doesnt help her. For a brief moment, yes; but when she is finally alone again the chaos continues. Remember this, shes good at faking happiness in her life when need be. Looking back on what she knows about her life, she is fully aware of all the great memories of certain time periods in her life; but the bad memories that she wishes didnt exist.. those are the times she had to fake being happy. With him, everything seemed easy. His presence became such a grace, that when his presence no longer made an appearance; she then became empty once again. ***