This is it! The last story of this year’s advent calendar. I wish a you a very Merry Christmas! x

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John Thornton Advent (01.- 08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09.- 16.12.)

17.12. * 18.12. * 19.12. * 20.12. * 21.12. * 22.12. * 23.12.

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24.12. (NC-17)

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The Christmas lights hanging in the trees are guiding you home. You almost feel their warmth as you wander through the quiet streets. The city is finally slowing down. Just one more hour and it will be Christmas Day. You look at the man walking beside you.

He finished work and he’s all Daniel now. He holds out his hand. You have asked him to dinner. A midnight dinner on Christmas Eve. And he has said yes.

John Thornton Advent (01.-08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09. -16.12.)

17.12. * 18.12. * 19.12. * 20.12. * 21.12. * 22.12.

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23.12. ***

The day before Christmas Eve. The night of the concert has arrived. The last few days had been crazy. Ever since you met Merry your life has been turned upside down. In a good way. She keeps asking you about him. And you can’t stop smiling when you talk about the times you have met. He has made it a point to be there at rehearsals now. It is probably because of his job but Merry keeps telling you that you are being blind to the obvious.

You can’t get her words out of her head. As much as you tell yourself that you won’t ever have a chance with him. Because he’s the freaking Bishop and you are…well… You.

You look at him. Standing at the altar. He looks so festive and important in his vestments. So different to the man you got to know in the last few days. He seems bigger than himself. He is standing differently. Walking differently.

But then he opens his book and starts to read and his smooth voice fills the whole cathedral and he smiles and you start to realise that this is all him. Really him. And that you like him. And that it’s okay.

You smile to yourself and listen to his words. His sermon. About the true Spirit of Christmas. That’s not flashy and bright. But most times just barely noticeable and fleeting. But it’s there to light up everyone’s lives. If people would open their eyes to see what is right in front of them. And that they just have to take the chance to be happy and to be with the people they love and do the things they love during these holy and special days. And if people would just do that, listen to their hearts and the Spirit of Christmas miracles might just happen…

He speaks the last word. “Amen.”  Then he looks at the choir. Your choir leader raises his hand and you open your mouth and sing from your heart. It is beating so quickly. Up in your throat. And you wish that you’ll get a chance to talk to him later. Because you have a question to ask him… It’s important. But you know you have to ask him. You have to take your chance. And even though you are nervous you think about the Spirit of Christmas and ask it to give you strength to ask him.

“Do you want to go to dinner with me?”

***

John Thornton Advent (01.-08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09.-16.12.)

17.12. * 18.12. * 19.12. * 20.12. * 21.12.

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22.12.

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She looks so happy. She claps loudly even though she looks so tired. Merry seems to fade away slowly but surely. Just when you have gotten to know her. The thought makes your heart achebut you smile at her and wave back at her.

You blush brightly when someone else waves back at you. You hadn’t even noticed him before now.

He is wearing a dark shirt and suit jacket. Black on black. Only the white glimpse on his collar gives him away.

He claps as well and steps next to Merry. You see the both of them talking, their heads close to each other. She smiles at him and lets him guide her to one of the chairs so that she can sit down.

She makes him laugh and you cherish hearing the wonderful sound. You miss your cue in the next song but you don’t even notice. The woman standing next to you nudges you sharply with her elbow and you remember to sing. Just barely.

Because you see him looking at you. And sing louder and more beautiful and try to keep yourself together the moment he winks at you…a wide smile on his face.

… Your heart is racing after the practice and you walk towards your neighbour. He is still standing there, next to her. You try not to blush as you walk up to the two of them. Thankfully he speaks before you have to. You are not sure that your voice would work properly now.

“You were wonderful again. It is inspiring to listen to you.” He says and smiles at you. He genuinely means it and it makes you incredibly happy. You give Merry a look and hope your face isn’t giving too much away of the crush you have on this man.

“Did you like it as well?” You ask her and she nods. “It was really wonderful. And it was wonderful to meet your young man. No wonder you couldn’t stop smiling yesterday.” She winks at you and you blush crimson.

You want to react but your mouth is suddenly very dry and your cheeks feel like they are on fire. She might as well could have pushed you into him for all her subtlety. He grins at Merry and turns to look at you. “Oh? You talked about me?”

You nod and shrug and somehow manage to shake your head at the same time.

“I hope you only said good things about me.” He winks again and you feel your heart stuttering excitedly.

“Yes, she did.” Merry nods eagerly.

“Thank you very much for that.” He chuckles. “That makes me very happy. I am definitely looking forward to seeing you again soon then.”

***

John Thornton Advent (01.-08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09.-16.12.)

17.12. * 18.12. * 19.12. * 20.12.

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21.12.

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“You look happy today.” Merry’s voice comes as a surprise as you climb the stairs to your flat. You whirl around and smile.

“I think I am.” You grin. She asks if you have had a good recital and you nod. But that isn’t it. That isn’t the reason you can’t stop smiling. It’s because of him.

Even though you know that it’s stupid to develop a crush on a man like him. There is basically no chance for you to ever be with him. But you can’t deny the way your heart is beating quicker just thinking about him and his warm smile and voice.

“I made too much dinner and was just on my way to you. Do you want to join me?” Merry asks. She seems even thinner today and even more tired.

“Are you feeling well?” You ask. It was close to the holidays now. Just a few more days. You hope that she won’t get ill. Not so close to Christmas.

Merry smiles at you. “I am just a bit tired. It has been a long day.” She says and makes you sit down. You feel like you should take care of her and not the other way around. You definitely have to thank her. She was the reason he talked to you today after all.

You smile brightly at Merry and tell her about the singing and how much it means to you. She listens and nods. “I love Christmas music. I could listen to it all year round.” She says and smiles happily when you thank her again for the delicious dinner she invited you to.

“You should come to the concert.” You say to her and she shakes her head. “No. I’m sorry. I won’t be able to afford that.”

“It would be a gift.” You say to her. “You would be there as my guest.” She shakes her head again. You wonder if she is one of those people who love to make gifts but can’t easily accept them from others.

“You should come to the practice then.” You tell her and urge her to come. “You can be our first critic.” You touch her hand gently. It feels dry and warm and you imagine your fingertips smell a little bit like pine trees and gingerbread when you pull them away again.

She grins happily. “I know that you will be wonderful. And maybe I will see the reason you are so happy today…” She teases you and you wonder if she can look right through you…

***

John Thornton Advent (01.-08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09.-16.12.)

17.12. * 18.12. * 19.12.

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20.12.

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“I’m sorry.” His voice sounds almost amused when he claps his hand on your back again. You cough and curse. Your eyes are watering and you are sure you look pathetic.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He says and you nod and wipe your eyes.

“It’s okay.” You croak and clear your throat again. “I’m fine.” You swallow hard to get the crumbs of biscuit out of your throat. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to…” You look at the bag of chocolate biscuit and cough again.

“It’s fine.” He smiles. “I’ll pretend that I didn’t see anything if I get to taste them. They look really good.”

“That’s blackmail, I think.” You say and groan inwardly. Why can’t you just stop talking?!

He chuckles. “No. I know it’s definitely a sign of charitable altruism if you offer one of your biscuits to a hungry man.”

You can’t help but grin at that. “Well, if that’s the case…it’s for a good cause then.” You say and hold out the bag to him.

He lets his fingers slide into it and takes a biscuit. His eyes slip close when he bites into it.

He hums quietly and you notice just how attractive he is. His long, elegant fingers. His soft lips. His kind face. His high cheekbones and happy smile.

You try to get the thoughts out of your mind. You shouldn’t think about him like that. He is the Bishop of London for Christ’s sake!

You clear your throat and he opens his eyes quickly again.

“Now I know why you couldn’t wait to taste them.” He says and winks at you. Your stomach flutters. His eyes are very blue and very beautiful.

“Yes. My…my neighbour made them.” You say lamely and blush.

“Oh.” He seems almost disappointed. “You should be nice to her then. Maybe she’ll give you some more biscuits then.” He says and looks around and only seems to notice that you are alone in the huge hall.

“Are you a member of the choir?” He asks and you nod quickly. That’s a safe topic to talk about. “Yes. It’s my third year now.” And you keep talking. He seems genuinely interested and you don’t want him to leave. You feel comfortable in his company and really relaxed. Usually you only feel like this when you are singing…

***

John Thornton Advent (01.-08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09.-16.12.)

17.12

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18.12.

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The magic of the music is slowly fading as you make your way home.  The city is even crazier at this time of the year. A trip through London’s streets filled with stressed out people and a twenty minute ride in the tube manages to kill everyone’s good and peaceful mood.

You sigh and pull off your scarf, mittens and coat and just let everything fall to the floor. You feel tired. The couple upstairs is fighting again. The barrister and the prosecutor.  You roll your eyes and try to tune them out. Soon they will make up and you are pretty sure you would rather hear them fighting a while longer than hear them do … other things.

You pull a grimace and walk into the kitchen. You need some tea and maybe some chocolate. Lots of it. That’s the one thing that it is great about the holidays. There is chocolate and biscuits everywhere.

You smile as you grab your favourite mug and turn on the radio to listen to some music and to drown out the sounds coming from upstairs.

“Oh God, no!” You groan when you hear the knocking on your flat door. You are not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. You sigh and walk to the door anyway. Whoever this is probably saw you coming home and knows you are there now.

“Yes?” You pull open the door quickly and must sound and look as annoyed as you feel as the old woman on the other side quickly raises her hands.

“I am very sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. I just thought maybe you could help me out? I am baking. Christmas biscuits. And I need some more flour than I have in my flat…” She smiles and brushes a lock of her long, grey and curly hair behind her ear.

You are pretty sure that you haven’t seen this woman in your building before. You would have remembered her face. She looks old and a bit tired. Her face tells her life story. The wrinkles around her eyes and mouth speak of the sorrows she has experienced  but there are also signs of happiness. Her eyes are shining.

“Yes, sure. I have some. I will get it for you.”

“Thank you.” She smiles and waits for you to return. She cradles the package of flour in her hands as if it is something precious. There is something about her that makes you feel as if she can read your every thought.

“Why don’t you come with me? I rather enjoy having company while baking. It’s much more fun, don’t you think?” She asks and you find yourself nodding. Yes. It is much more fun. And you notice that you aren’t really in the mood to be alone right now.

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John Thornton Advent (01. - 08.12.)

Nick Savage Advent (09. - 16.12.)

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London, 2020

17.12.

The sound of the huge bells of St Paul’s Cathedral echoes through the large halls. The acoustic in this place is phenomenal and you can’t wait for the sign of the man standing in front of you. You long to sing in this beautiful church. You long to open your mouth and to sing out what you feel: every sorrow clouding your mind right now, every worry that doesn’t let you sleep at night. All the stress belonging that seemed to belong to the time before Christmas.

 Singing is your safe haven. It has always been. Especially during the last few weeks which were the most awful ones of your life. This break-up really had been a bad one. But you love singing and so it even doesn’t matter to spend your free time at the choir meetings every other day for the many concerts before Christmas.

But it is worth it. It is all worth it. For the chance to lose yourself in the music. The clear and beautiful sounds. The wonderful texts, full of hope and happiness.

This is what Christmas is all about for you. Or it used to be at least.

One too many disappointments made you bitter. At least that’s what your family is saying lately. You try not to bother them with your problems, your loneliness. But apparently they can see right through you anyway.

You take a deep breath and get right back into position when your choir leader raises his hands. The sound of the bells has stopped and the cathedral is ready to be filled by your many voices again.

You close your eyes and let yourself be carried away. You feel like you are soaring and sing louder, let your voice disappear in the many voices around you. Only a few more days till the concert. You can already feel your heart beating faster in anticipation…

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